Why Do (Some) Men Think They Are So F*ing Entitled?

Look, I didn’t plan to become a dating author. But this is too hard not to write about.

Picture by Brooke Cagle / Unsplash.

I don’t date. At least, that’s what I thought.

Until the Spanish streets proved to be better than Bumble. At least, that’s what I thought.

I didn’t plan to date, but I met two guys recently. One was my neighbour in Valencia, the other was queuing in front of me at a pizza place in the city.

I shortly talked to both of them. Then, one asked me to go for a run (neighbour), and the other asked me to go for a coffee (let’s call him P).

Alrighty.

The run went downhill

When the neighbour and I went for a run, I learned that he was an entrepreneur. A successful one (at least by Instagram metrics).

After that, the run turned into a podcast. A one-man monologue about everything he does.

While his talk was clearly egocentric, it was still interesting. When I wanted to share something, I had to interrupt — which I did often, and he let me. Not the way I like to have conversations. But hey. It was still interesting.

After that, he asked me if we should have Pasta together at his terrace, which is next to mine.

Trying too hard

When I sat at the table, it started getting awkward. He wanted to come closer. I pulled away. Several times. C’mon, it’s a first date, and you don’t know anything about me. I didn’t feel it.

I left the situation politely after finishing the Pasta and told him I wanted to go to my apartment. He opened the terrace door for me… and tried to kiss me? Seriously?

After I was pulling away the whole time?

I confronted him. He said he just wanted to have a nice goodbye. As if when there was no chance, he would at least have to try for a kiss.

“If you don’t catch what you chase, chase even harder.”

This hints at a belief system that I have also seen in other guys I dated.

One told me he ‘liked beautiful women’ on the second date. As if we were just nice objects to possess. When I told him afterwards that I wanted to cut off contact, he insisted my decision was BS and that I should rethink it.

He was 35. He had a girlfriend three weeks after I cut the contact.

Another one is constantly texting me on Instagram and approaching me at my tennis club. Meanwhile, my communication with him is bare minimum friendliness in person (and bare minumum number of words on Instagram, which is 0). He still keeps going.

He also tries this with different women from the tennis club.

I keep wondering…

How common is the belief system that men should turn women’s opinions around? Just try hard enough, and her ‘no’ will fall?

How common is the belief system that chasing harder helps men get what they want in dating?

Which role do ego and ‘winning’ play in that game?

What would happen if I were to chase a man? Would they run away, simply because being chased feels wrong — even if they would like me?

Note: I certainly don’t want to rage-bait men here. I would appreciate some open insights into these questions, as this keeps me wondering — or if maybe I just keep meeting ‘the wrong’ men.

P. and a bitter-sweet coffee

The date with P. went differently. He is a nice guy. Now it was I who was clearly performing. I’ve seen that chasing behaviour a bit too often, and something within my brain had changed.

Also, I recently read the book ‘Why Men Marry Bitches’. The author said the chase was men’s default, and they needed it. I consider the book to be an opinion piece, a very bad one. But that’s a different story.

However, it somewhat got into my head.

Normally, if I enjoy a first date, I am vibrant. I share a lot (and sometimes overshare). I would insist on paying 50/50, and show sincere interest.

If I like person, person will know.

Dead simple? Yes. Authentic? Yes.

But all that fuzz — the guys and the book — unfortunately made me learn that I had to play along with some weird rules to keep myself in the dating game.

I started censoring myself.

What I will change if I see P. again

So I let P. pay for coffee and snacks, because he wanted to.

I let him say that he would like to see me again, and kept my answer a bit more reactive and nonchalant.

I let him send the text after the date and waited a bit to reply, as this is maybe how it’s supposed to be.

I played everything a bit low so as not to make anyone feel uncomfortable. At least that’s what I thought. Or maybe, just one person felt uncomfortable then.

Yup, myself.

Screw old-school dating ‘rules’

I will re-learn that I don’t have to comply with any ‘should’-be-like-that’s in dating.

I want to be me — and not a censored version with lower energy. Just to suit some invented gender-based standards.

If it’s true that most men feel they need to chase, even against resistance, fine. They can chase someone else.

If some men don’t want a person who’s maybe better at sports or earning more, fine. They can date someone else.

Final note: A pep talk to stay true to me

It’s 2026.

I will not change because some men may still think in a 1980 fashion.

I will not change because some men feel that they are entitled to women. I will not change to facilitate any chase. Or to comply with some weird rules. I will not change to make men feel comfortable.

Maybe I will chase someone.

And if they say no, I’ll fully accept.

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