The Invisible Woman

A distorted reflection of beauty

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Have you heard of “Invisible Women Syndrome?”

Invisible Women Syndrome is a social phenomenon that, like many theories, spreads like wildfire through the power of social networks. It most likely began as a valid complaint from women being overlooked for promotions or equal opportunities in the workplace.

Perhaps, HR gave it a name and a bonafide category in which to file such accusations and gather data so that the right action would occur. But, as we are all too aware, it only takes one spark to ignite a fire, and before we knew what was happening, it had grown into a red-hot, blazing belief.

Inequities? Yes.

Invisible? Let’s discuss that.

In a culture that caters to and celebrates going to extremes to try and defeat mother nature and gravity, trying to remain young-looking by whatever means necessary, we have choices.

I choose to color my hair (I know you’re shocked that I’m not a natural blonde!) Some of my friends said goodbye to Ms. L’Oréal, embraced the gray and are absolutely fabulous!

We have choices.

I choose to not wear ridiculously uncomfortable shoes but some of the most amazing women I’ve seen are in their 80’s wearing the heels, all the colors, have millions of Instagram followers and are considered fashion icons.

I love that for them!

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I like blue jeans and flip-flops. Either way, it’s our choice!

However, as long as you’re living, you cannot choose to stop aging and keep living. So, what do you choose to do with that fact?

I’m certainly not the first to talk about entering and living this part of life. In fact, and hallelujah can I get an amen, there are more positive discussions than ever about women in the second and third acts of life and the opportunities for embarking on new adventures both personally and professionally.

We have choices!

It can feel like we, women over 50, begin to fade away and become irrelevant, overshadowed by the vibrant energy of the younger women if we buy into the lie. Why? Because the ‘beauty’ (previously labeled ‘anti-aging’) industry and the advertising agencies are paid millions to perpetuate a narrative they want us to buy into it.

We have been programmed to be afraid of aging, and fear is the greatest motivator of human behavior.

Here’s what one website says about Invisible Women Syndrome:

“If a woman is not seen as being either attractive or a filling the role of a mother, there is an underlying belief that they no longer have any supposed influence and are then often ignored or deemed ‘invisible.”**

Invisible? Invisible to who? Ignored by who? Of no influence to who?

Who are we not getting recognition from that makes us feel invisible? By whose standards are we measuring attractiveness? Who are we choosing to believe we must be seen by that will validate our worth?

If you are starting to feel invisible maybe you should stop looking through a warped mirror that distorts your reflection.

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The first time someone says you look great followed by the words… ‘for your age’ can make you want to chew up nails and spit out a barbed wire fence!

Now you’re presented with a choice…how do you respond? In less than a split second you might feel both complimented and insulted and that clash of emotions can send you spiraling down into a serious self-pity party.

You can wallow in that shock for days on end or you can enthusiastically reply with “Thank you…so do you!” Trust me — it’s the perfect, leave ’em speechless response as I was privy to witness that one performed in real-time by a beautiful, sassy 75-year-old woman.

Maybe, as the much older folks like to say, you were quite the firecracker in your youth, able to light up the sky with your sparkle and boom. But those fuses are short and burn out quickly. Once the flash is over, do you let yourself to fade away like the night sky after the 4th of July fireworks extravaganza?

As Henry David Thoreau said, “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” You have a choice…look only on the outside or choose to look at the woman you are beneath those well-earned wrinkles.

Do you have laugh lines? How fantastic! That means you have joy in your life and something to laugh about.

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Sunspots? Lucky you! You were able to get outside and feel the warmth of the sun.

Wear the make-up or go au natural. Try the latest trends, or let them just go right on by. Stay stuck in your old beliefs, or be open to change. Blame the left or the right for the supposed demise of humanity, or use your voice, wisdom and life experience to contribute wherever you are through compassion and empathy. Every day, you make these choices either consciously or out of a habitual, unconscious mindset.

The question is… how do you choose to be seen?

They say you can run but you cannot hide but that’s not true either. You absolutely can hide. If you believe you’re invisible then you’ll find reasons to make sure you’re not seen. And truthfully, that’s your choice too.

If you’ve been in the spotlight most of your life, in spaces of influence and you suddenly, or even slowly, find yourself being overlooked it can be incredibly painful. But, perhaps you’re exhausted from playing by someone else’s rules and can finally breathe a sigh of relief… like going home and putting on your comfy pants after the all-you-can-eat buffet.

Admit it, you’ve done it, too!

You may think you’re invisible but daughters and granddaughters, your own and those you don’t even know by name, are watching you, looking to you for what they will be one day.

They see you.

Can you see the beautiful you behind the mask you’ve felt pressured to wear too long? What lights you up inside?

Celebrating birthdays lights me up! Cake with so many candles that some cornball relative says “Call the fire department” lights me up.

Laughing so hard I almost split my britches lights me up!

A pair of britches I don’t have to force myself to squeeze into lights me up!

Being loved just for being myself lights me up! Trying something new, being bold enough to share this story and believing that the best is yet to come lights me up!

Being surrounded by women of all ages who lift each other up lights me up!

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Here’s to becoming a little less visible and a little more seen.

Have you joined the Hope, Healing and Humor community? Liberty Forrest has created a space where we can encourage and inspire each other!

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Tagging a few supportive friends!

Nancy Oglesby Noriko Yanyan Pooja Vishwanathan 🦋 Robin MS Scott Nuce Michael John Scott Katy Lin Holly Emery Izzibella Beau Harry Hogg Miriam Connolly Karen Schwartz Anna Soldenhoff OBA.T.K Jessica Morgan Nancy S Rust Lynn L. Alexander Julia A. Keirns Adrienne Beaumont Rananda | The Ink Rat Karen Hoffman Voice Lessons (Aimee) Carole Olsen Brenda Arledge Paula Shablo Amy Wolf Neera Handa Dr Jennifer Morrison