Where am I from

Photo by Jason W on Unsplash

I have received this question several times. I have never found an apt for this, and even today I don’t know how to explain to people over what am I, and where I am from. So here it goes —

To help people understand what I am, I am a human first. I’m laughing on this statement. Because honestly, you don’t enter the earth with a tagline right that you are a “Brahmin, Kshatriya, Vaishya..” or “Hindu, Muslim, Christian..” I live like every human being, and I prefer staying that way. Or probably in a specific way. But, beyond this human stuff of mine, lies the most confusing fact that nobody ever understood, and only my parents did, which is that I’m a Tamil from Kerala. But what is a Tamil person doing in Kerala? Long story, short, my ancestors landed in Keralam, and we settled there. I have no relatives in Tamil Nadu, but a few in Keralam. And the Tamil that I speak is different from the traditional Tamil that is spoken. Honestly, I don’t understand either, so I like being a confused person and try remaining one. When the school form would be given, and there would be this area where native place was asked, I would be puzzled. Like what is native place? Is it a fruit? Is it something that probably my parents skipped out on telling me? Obviously, I gave the form to my mother and then she filled it out. While reading it, I noticed she wrote “Keralam” in the native place section. All this while I thought I was from Tamil Nadu! Where did Keralam come from?

Photo by Ajin K S on Unsplash

It all started with an album of my maternal grandfather, that made me delve into discovering myself further. When my mother’s brother passed away, some things that was with him were given to my mother. That included a horse toy made out of stone, my mother’s family album, a photo of a devi that was known to be a stronger one, and two old cupboards that belonged to my maternal grandparents. While exploring my grandfather’s picture book, it showed cutouts of memories created. The procession of the Gods, the picture where my great-grandmother is present with my great grand aunts, elephants, these were all clicked in Keralam. That’s because my entire maternal side was from that place, and often I would hear stories from my mother over how they would yearn for vacation days, and would rejoice over going to the lake and swimming with the cousins. When the families would come together, they would get into helping each other over cooking, or let alone be any other kind of work. That determination over striking a balance upon what they really loved, and what was needed to be done for the family, was something that drew me over wanting to know my mother’s side of the family much better. Through those photos, I also found out how my great grandmother (my maternal grandfather’s mother) looked like, and what her family is like. But alas, she passed away early on. All that is known about her side of the family is that the people related to her, are holding big positions in some companies, which I have no clue about.

Coming across stories of my roots simply makes me emotional, and question — “What could have prompted them to have chosen a land that was so different to them? “Did they have to learn Malayalam, just like me learning Dutch in the Netherlands, just so they could blend in with the crowd?” “Can I know more about my ancestors?” So many questions arise in my head while writing this blog. But I know for sure that my ancestors may not have had certain things easy.

Photo by mohit suthar on Unsplash

A shift from Palakkad to Mumbai, a city that has a different vibe of its’ own, may have felt very alien for my great grandparents and grandparents, but they never let their roots wither away. They kept it alive, believed in the years to come that “If you’re in Rome, do like the Romans”, and I’ve carried that piece of value in a far away land.

So, the next time anyone asks me — “Naatil evideya?” (Where are you from?), at least now I know what to say!