Build your ridiculous Mets headline

Given the lack of actual baseball, let’s have some fun at the Mets’ expense

Credit: Dan Brink

There’s a certain kind of misery that accompanies life as a New York Mets fan. Anytime a push notification with “Mets” in it pops up during baseball season, a sense of existential dread hits my core. And when I refer to Mets-related misery, I don’t just mean what happens between the foul lines either.

The real comedy comes when a Met is anywhere but the field. The headlines we’re treated to are a mad-libs of professional athlete stupidity and misfortune. Maybe building two separate stadiums on a sinking swamp has the team resigned to this dreaded fate as a punchline.

Met headlines range from depressing — like Duaner Sanchez having his career cut short from a taxi accident — to preposterous, like Ike Davis contracting Valley Fever. But, as Mets fans, we’ve managed to own our team’s incompetence and bad luck. At the very least, we make fun of our team enough to dull the pain that comes with it.

So, let’s get down to business.

Hypothetical Headline: Noah Syndergaard and Yoenis Cespedes seen drinking before a game at the Flushing Chop Shops during the playoff chase and threatening a reporter who saw them. ($15 exactly)

Picture it now, in a hypothetical world in which major league baseball actually exists, the Mets are also competitive. Syndergaard’s recovered from elbow surgery, Cespedes is a contributor now that the MLB has a designated hitter.

Of course, guys like Cespedes and Syndergaard are well known for blowing off some steam in, well, interesting ways.

[embed](Yes, I can’t believe this happened either and I was at the Garden)

Of course, when Cespedes was riding high as a folk hero who helped carry the Mets to the World Series back in 2015, he could get away with a bit more.

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Here we have video evidence that Syndergaard and Cespedes feed into each other’s personalities.

Let’s say the two aren’t expected to play in a 7pm Saturday night game. They both figure they can saunter into Citi field at a snail’s pace and get held up on the Tom Seaver Way side of the stadium. There, passersby offer Syndergaard and Cespedes cold adult beverages on a hot summer night.

Who are the professional athletes to say no to friendly fans trying to be nice? Of course, in today’s social media-fueled age, Twitter icon Rich Coutinho is walking by and sees the entire interaction.

Now, Coutinho — who means well — goes and tells them to be careful. In reply, Syndergaard tells Coutinho to “be careful yourself.”

From there, things spiral out of control. Coutinho takes to twitter accusing the two of being belligerently inebriated, playing with power tools and threatening to find out if he actually got a Covid-19 test back in early April.

The possibilities are endless! Given a $15 allowance, what’s the most ridiculous Mets headline you can make? Share it on Twitter and tag @GothamSN in your post.