Tears of Hell

And suddenly, the Hell started to cry and soaked this little city.

This week was actually a good one after a series of exams and bustling here and there. Though those final projects started to show its existence one by one, I still can laze around a little. April was quite a journey and for people like me—who needs to hibernate frequently—this is terrifying. Almost no time left to recharge myself. And I think this is one of the reasons why I feel so unmotivated lately. Even in life.

Or maybe, the blame is on my personality.

Frankly speaking, if I were another people, I would 100% hate her. She is just so annoying and irritating. Anti social. Can’t do anything but silent. Buy coffee because she thinks it would help her to study when in reality her cup is already empty before she can gather her thoughts to study. Spent most of her time on scrolling endlessly—yeah, her brain is rotting. And she’s asking why does nobody remember her? What an idiot. Sometimes you need to look into yourself in the mirror to realize the problem is you.

Or maybe, she is just hating life.

And today, a reason to feel unmotivated and to hate life was added into the list. The event that happened was very very very stupid and bungle that even myself—well, the sanity of my brain—don’t understand why did such a thing can happen.

If I was this birdbrained, why do I even exist? I think God has the ability to create a person with better features so at least its existence wouldn’t be that useless. In this era of massive global boiling, the world doesn’t need those empty-headed. 8 billions of people seems too much, isn’t it? The less, the better.

I think it would be better if I don’t exist at all. I think it would be better if I were a cat instead of human. Or a plant. Or a rock. Well honestly, rock is a good option. At least it is useful—to constructs several layers of the earth, or to be a nice scapegoat that will be thrown into the lake when someone’s upset—a stress-relieving property, maybe?

Oh God, it’s so draining.

I wish I can undo my existance. I wish I have a better personality. I wish I have an enhanced brain. I wish I wasn’t this cursed. I wish my wishes could come true.

While the reality is I can do nothing but wishing everlastingly.

And suddenly, the Hell started to cry and soaked this little city.

Photo by C. G. on Unsplash