A Toadie’s Life for Me

Secretary of the Interior, Doug Burgum, former businessman and once Governor of North Dakota (and the person whose job it is to serve as steward for much of this country’s public lands), recently appeared before the House Natural Resources Committee. When the questioning turned to proposed solar projects in Nevada, he posited that “…when the sun goes down, they produce zero electricity.”

To which Jared Huffman, Democratic Representative from California, responded, “Mr. Chairman, I request unanimous consent to enter in the record this amazing new technology that apparently the secretary is unaware of.” Holding up a common energy storage device, he continued, “It’s a battery.”

The point of the sarcasm was clearly lost on Burgum. Later in the same congressional hearing he doubled down, telling another lawmaker, “When the wind doesn’t blow and the sun doesn’t shine, [solar and wind] produce nothing.”

This is, of course, not the first time members of the administration have repeated Trump’s many unsubstantiated talking points and dubious, if not flat-out false, claims. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent routinely appears on the morning shows to reassure the American public that prices are falling, even as inflation numbers are rising, because his boss continues to spout this in direct opposition to the government’s own statistics.

The new Attorney General, Todd Blanche, has the Department of Justice again beating the dead horse that is the “stolen” 2020 election, a Trump favorite, despite more than sixty court cases that were thrown out due to a lack of any evidence that might suggest such a thing. Likewise, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, White House Spokesperson Karoline Leavitt and others cheerfully regurgitate whatever clownish comment or mystifying notion the president might utter, while also spreading information that is verifiably untrue in an attempt to convince us that what we see for ourselves is not the way things really are.

Does this mean they’re lying? Beyond a doubt. But as George Costanza said about those who deal in falsehoods, it’s not a lie, if they believe it. Which begs the question, do they really believe what they’re saying? That seems unlikely, as these are grown-ass, sentient and supposedly educated people. So why, then do they have no problem debasing themselves on the regular?

Those who study authoritarians would tell you it’s a loyalty test. No one can work for Trump and have an opposing point of view. If you want the job, you have to check your education, intellect, pride, independence and common sense at the door. And your reward is to become a ‘yes-man’ to one of the most ignorant, dim-witted, self-centered people to ever walk this earth. You must also have the ability to compartmentalize things like shame and humiliation, to better push them aside as you knowingly espouse things you would otherwise laugh at.

Which is the reason they work so hard not to get pinned down to specifics — one need look no further than the various appointees refusing to acknowledge that Trump lost the 2020 election while not actually admitting to it. The non-denial denial. The ‘I’m not sure’ shuffle. The ‘play dumb’ deflection. In the case of Burgum, an alum of Stanford’s School of Business, it’s difficult to imagine that the curriculum there is so deficient as to turn out graduates who are unable to grasp the concept of a battery.

So ‘yes-man’ is probably too kind. I prefer the term ‘toadie’ — a loathsome but essential cog in any strongarm hierarchy. Whether it’s helping to beat up a kid on the playground or parroting absurd reasons for invading a sovereign nation, they fill a pivotal role. Mainly because all bullies are cowards at heart, and as such require minions to do their dirty work. And more importantly, the bully’s ass isn’t going to kiss itself. Toadies are power-hungry wannabes forever relegated to second-banana status. And the sad truth is, no matter how much buttocks bussing they perform, they soon realize that “loyalty” only travels in one direction.

Just ask Pam Bondi and Kristi Noem.