God, What On Earth Are You Thinking?

Have you ever been at a place in your life where you wonder if God is playing with your life like a maniacal puppeteer?

Photo by iam_os on Unsplash — The Quiet Corner —

To be perfectly honest, I found myself a bit afraid to write about these feelings due to the fact that some Christians would consider me to be sacrilegious, as it reveals the very weak, very human side of me. The more immature side of me. The side of me that doubts God and His goodness. The side of me that wants to look up and shriek at the top of my lungs, “What the hell are You thinking??”

My brain says, “I know God is faithful, and He will never let me down,” alongside the faith that believes “He will guide me and love me and has the power to change anything He decides to change.”

Then my brain follows this path and asks the question, “Why won’t He change this or make life a bit easier? He has the power to arrange events in my life, so why won’t He? Does He enjoy seeing me suffer and struggle? Or is He actually bringing me to this place where I am at my wits’ end in order for me to let go and trust Him on a deeper level?

Sometimes I feel like having a strong faith in Him and His power actually puts me in a worse position. The position of seeing that if His word is true, then where is He right now that I need Him? He could change things if He wanted to. So why doesn’t He change things in my life to make it easier for me?

His word says we need to have faith in Him, like a child has faith in a parent. I think I have failed that part this weekend. My humanness is very, very real. My imperfections are clearly evident. My faith is a one out of ten. I have had enough of doing life my way and I have decided to put my will away. Maybe that’s what He was trying to achieve the entire time.

Now that I have confessed, I realize that His peace comes not from us being perfect, but as a result of us being honest. Honest with ourselves and honest with Him about our feelings.

After all, He knows we are human, He knows we are often frail in spirit if not in body, and He accepts us as we are. I just have to remember that.

God bless you all,

Laney

laneyswords.substack.com

Thanks for reading.

If you enjoyed this, please **follow the publication to see more stories in your feed. Don’t miss our best articles, subscribe to our [Quiet Letter](https://medium.com/the-quiet-corner/newsletters/the-quiet-letter)** to get our weekly roundup delivered straight to your inbox.

Publication Editors:

**Henry James, [Shantanu Sharma](https://medium.com/@shantanu-sharma)**