Reverse Existential Dread: what if heaven isn’t enough?

Throughout the years I’ve identified many deep routed fears and doubts that previously went unarticulated within me. As I peel back the layers around my soul I always find some new underlying impulse limiting and directing my behavior.

These layers range from everything from existential dread to unarticulated resentments to pure undiluted pride, but underneath all of that I finally find a layer that doesn’t seem to vanish once articulated the way the others do. At the end of a long road of self reflection I find one simple question:

What if heaven isn’t enough?

I can prove to myself the following:

God exists: I know I exist (I think therefore I am) and I know that I am capable of thought. Therefore I am either an eternal god capable of thought or I was created by one. Through the process of elimination I arrive at the later conclusion.

God desires my free will: An eternal and all powerful God (as one would have to be in order to create something from nothing and time from eternal nothingness) is certainly capable of controlling me if he wanted to. I take his continued unwillingness to do so as proof that he desires my freedom of choice above all else.

God desires my happiness: This one is more subjective and thus harder to articulate but through a variety of personal experiences I have come to the conclusion that God desires for me to be happy (but not at the expense of my freedom).

From these inferences I conclude that a place like heaven must exist, must be eternal and must be attainable by me. All of this is well and good, but that still leaves one nagging doubt: what exactly am I supposed to do for eternity? Dante does a good job in The Inferno of describing a place where I would very much not like to spend eternity, but in the Paradiso he falls short of describing a place where I could be eternally happy. It almost seems better to dwell on the shores of Mt. Purgatory amidst the late repentant: sitting in the sun while being protected by angels and kept company by future saints; all the time knowing that something better awaits you and those around you; than to be shouting (or merely standing) amidst the choirs of saints above who seem to have nothing to do for eternity except sing and dance in the most solemn and boring manner. If I had to pick a way to while away eternity in Dantes spiritual world I’d ask to be able to go to the circles of hell where people are chased by hellhounds, Cerberus, or demons and then be sent back to Purgatory to heal and rest after they inevitably catch me. Anything else described by Dante seems torturously boring.

The book of Revelation does a better job than Dante of describing a place I’d want to live, but there’s nothing that would make me excited to spend eternity there besides God himself.

All of this line of thinking has me at an impasse. I honestly can’t think of anything that would satisfy me for eternity and considering how many brilliant theological minds have tried it seems like no one else on this earth can either. Sure, it’ll be great to see old family and friends again, but I get sick of my family after a two week vacation and we’re talking about eternity here.