Formalizing the Wahhabi ‘Aqidah to keep it relevant

Let’s go to the GCE website and signup for “‘Aqidah test”

Have you ever been with a woman (not girlfriend necessarily) who borderline says a lot of things? She says a lot but says nothing? I mean it just as an archetype — that person could be some tyrannical client, relative, anybody.

You have to unravel their giftboxes to find the jabs stored within — and you know there are jabs but you still have to unravel them before you pin those jabs in the corner — like wham!!!

{Sidenote; ignore if not offended: I only used the archetype of a particular type of woman, not all women — of course not all women are like that.}

I’m sure many of you can relate. Wahhabi borderline takfiring and ‘“Aqeedah testing” is just like that! If you want an in-depth discussion of what I mean, please read this article.

So just like that big giant who has to corner those gift-wrapped jabs, my suggestion is very much along those lines — okay… you want to borderline takfir like that girlfriend archetype, han? I’ll double down then, eh! Let’s go forward — all the way! Don’t stand at a distance flailing your huge sword like a dance — come on mayn — lunge all the way in! Don’t be shy standing over there at the porch. Step in and lunge mate!

I am assuming you (the reader) know what ‘Aqidah testing is. Just as a refresher, it is a control device — a tool to place yourself on an interrogative position, to takfir, ally, or silently takfir a particular target. And most of the the times the takfir is a borderline silent takfir — one that can be justified by ibn Taymiyyah’s famous fatwa.

So what I propose is — don’t borderline it or don’t be silent about it. I’m steelmanning your stance. In fact, I’m tungstenmanning — or diamondmanning it. I am proposing that you should formalize the notion of “‘Aqidah test” and make it available to the public — instead of keeping it in the shady meadows.

And why shouldn’t you? If it is something soooooooo important, that every Muslim’s salvation depends on it — then shouldn’t every single Muslim have access to this litmus test? I get it — there are laymen — there are people who can’t read/write — and you guys are sophisticated in those citadels n all — there’s a gap, I get it. But still anybody can take a test, right?

And why wouldn’t we? Don’t we all wanna know if we are on the right path? And it is not about holding our hands this or that way in the prayer. It’s about whether we are Muslims or not! Every single one of us, right?! Wouldn’t we want a solid stamp on that? Not for showing off in public, but genuinely for ourselves, wouldn’t we want that?

And if you have that gem for every Muslim, if you have really figured it out, why wouldn’t you put it out there? I want to go to a portal like the GCE website, or a physical office — where I can sign up for this “‘Aqeedah test”. I sit in a 90 minute session, answer some questions and find out whether I am a Muslim or not. If I’m not a Muslim according to that test, I would correct myself and become a Muslim. Isn’t that good for everyone? Isn’t that what you want?! :) Or, if I’m already a Muslim, I don’t have to ask those so-called “stupid questions” worrying about if I’m stepping out of the fold of Islam — as you claim — as you claim that since we don’t have the “correct ‘Aqidah knowledge”, we are stupid enough to wander in those questions — and perhaps you silently takfir us.

So isn’t that the utopia? Just find out about it — if we’re good, no worries, maynn… we got so much else to worry about — you’re relieving a Muslim brother from a heavy burden, innit? We are now as chill as you, cuz we got the ‘Aqidah right — right?! Why wouldn’t you want that? Oh I see why you wouldn’t want that. I see why you wouldn’t want that!

Apparently, you don’t want us to be free of that burden. Apparently, you don’t want us to correct ourselves. From what’s apparent (since we judge by what’s apparent), you want to hold that position of interrogation, that position of pinning whomever you want, and collectively strike them down whenever you want. You are not concerned about if such person is a Muslim or a Kafir, right? You are just using that as a weapon, innit?

I have seen you use that weapon when someone hurt your ego — when someone didn’t kiss your hand like godfather — when someone refused to bend the knee to you. I have seen you stick to people — like calling a hit on them. I’ve seen you lots submerged in character assassinations, borderline takfiring, doing ad hominem; and hurting people and their reputations — only because someone stepped on your toe.

And maybe the other reason you are not putting it out like a GCE subject is because it will get exposed to the general public — and will now face scrutiny. And perhaps you are not sure it will withstand scrutiny. To be honest, I don’t blame you for that — but perhaps that’s why you won’t put it out there like that. Yes, you would release “introductory courses” and “introductory books”, but never let people get a full coverage of the magnanimously advertised ‘Aqeedah — the knowledge of which lies in the chamber of secrets — behind the basilisk with the secretive Shuyookh in the sub-sub-sub-hidden lair — whom you have to reach after bending your knee twenty times.

So my suggestion is — put it out there mayn. You want to ‘Aqidah test someone? I say ‘Aqidah test EVERYBODY! If that’s what you really believe in! Cuz that’s the whole point of that giant cornering the mouse.

It’s akin to the intra-Muslim Mubahala. I say, if you wanna go at it, go for it, all in — or not at all. Lunge all the way in, or drop your sword, and go home! You’re trespassing on my porch.