Can we really “empathise” without “experiencing” it? — my POV.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

I post weekly on Instagram and TikTok talking about finance, financial investments, and real estate. In one of my posts, I discussed how influence is a trait of successful leaders and makes people willingly do what you want.

In 2008, while filling out my transfer form to the senior secondary school, I chose a school based on influence. I was in JSS3, the only class in the school alongside the SSS3 students. We were being transferred to another school because the missionary school was about to be closed down.

Igbo Owu Senior Secondary School is the school I filled out on the form as my first and only choice. I really loved the school uniform for the senior students. The senior students' uniform consisted of a white shirt, ash trousers, an ash waistcoat, and an ash tie.

"Wow, this uniform feels and looks premium; everyone would assume I attend an expensive private school." These were the thoughts in my head when I was filling out the form.

Wow, this uniform feels and looks premium; everyone would assume I attend an expensive private school

If you stay in a country like Nigeria, you already know that it takes time to have things like this (transfers) processed. My junior secondary school results were to be sent to my new school, a list was to be posted, and the school should have a space for me.

My counterparts already resumed in September 2008, while I was still at home, attending tutorials and preparing for the new challenge (joining the science department)

What is happening?

What is happening? It is already November 2008. I had to repeatedly visit my old school to confirm my transfer to a new school. I went more than five times and collected my statement of results, LASGEM number, testimonial certificate, and yearbook at different times.

After about six visits, my fine art teacher, who was responsible for the posting, delivered the unfortunate news: you have been posted to ILUSEC.

What the hell is that? I haven’t even heard of a school named that before. ILU what? I was so disappointed.

I went home to tell my family, and my elder brother, who was then already in the university, was tasked with the responsibility of following me to the new school to commence registration.

We started asking for direction and got to realise that we have ILUSEC, ILUGRAM, and ILUCO. Three different schools with the same first three letters.

What manner of confusion is this? Are we now treating isotopes in chemistry?

What mannerism of confusion is this? Are we now treating isotopes in chemistry?

I got all my documents ready, and we journeyed. We got to the school and met with the VP of academics; he asked a few questions and directed us to meet Mrs. Akinyemi (my to-be class teacher).

He likely arranged for me to join her class because we (my to-be class teacher and I) share the same last name. We had two science classes.

hehehe!

I completed the registration process and was directed to my new class. My elder brother left and went back to the university.

Photo by Dike Darion on Unsplash

I then had to take on multiple responsibilities. I did the dishes and ensured we wouldn't run out of water. Prior to that, my elder brother was tasked with the latter. My younger sister was less than 10 and was enjoying being the last born.

I met wonderful people and influenced some of them to see reasons to start attending tutorials after school. Being a government-owned school, we had to put in extra effort.

As the years passed, we (my two remaining siblings and I) matured and assumed greater responsibilities. At some point, we share the chores. I ensure water is available; my elder sister ensures we eat, while my younger sister does the dishes.

What really is empathy

Professionally, one of the things I do is UX design, and for someone who likes to take a deep dive into things, I have engaged in a lot of bootcamps and read many articles.

I got into design when every human on earth took their lives seriously and wanted to learn at least a digital skill (during the COVID lockdown). During this formative period, I also had the opportunity to meet some of my closest friends.

In UX design, we are advised to always empathise with our users, and we preach the “you are not the user” gospel.

As I dived deeper, I encountered some radical and amazing designers who don’t believe in empathy. Some say we can’t empathise as we can’t put ourselves in people’s shoes. Some say empathy is vague, but we can understand people better and get useful data by observing them.

What then is empathy? Some people even call themselves Empath.

What then is empathy?

As seen on Google

Years back, I did the Forward program by McKinsey, and while learning about communication, we were taught that empathy is one of the most important components of communication.

Empathy, according to the English dictionary, is "identification with or understanding of the thoughts, feelings, or emotional state of another person."

This definition resembles the concept of emotional intelligence.

But can we really put ourself in others’ shoes?

But can we really put ourself in others’ shoes?

A tweet on x

Yes, some experiences are best lived. They say, “experience is the best teacher”, I say, “experience is the best and worst teacher."

My POV

What birthed this writing?

What birthed this writing?

A few weeks ago, my younger sister fell ill, and I had to take care of the dishes. The first time I did it was on a Sunday. It took me a little over an hour to finish.

I had to wash the bowls, then the plates, after separating and disposing of the dirt.

While separating the dirt from the plates, I realised that there is a lot of dirt that could have been disposed of immediately in the bin instead of having it in the basin where we keep dirty plates. It will aid the washing process and also not frustrate the person doing the dishes.

I reached this conclusion after contemplating why it took me so long to finish.

No worries, as an introvert, I tend to pay attention to even the tiniest details. We (introverts) are also very receptive.

I had an epiphany.

As seen on Google

I love the word "epiphany" so much.

I love the word "epiphany" so much

Waste from eating fruits, nylon wraps of swallow, nylon of biscuits and bread, nylon of beverages, unfinished food, etc. are some of the dirt/waste that I am referring to. They could have been disposed of immediately.

After that experience, I now know better and should do better.

This is one of my favourite quotes.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” — Dr. Maya Angelou.

Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

Losing someone dear to us feels the same way. People come from near and far to commiserate with us. Some have also lost someone dear to them and can, to an extent, tell how the bereaved feels.

Yes, we grieved differently, but one’s perspective about life changes when they lose a loved one.

It has now been over a week, and I sometimes still do the dishes. She is fully recovered. All thanks to God.

SSAS.

Glossary.

1. SSS: Senior Secondary School.
2. LASGEM: Lagos State Government Education Management.
3. ILUSEC: Ilupeju Secondary.
4. ILUGRAM: Ilupeju Grammar.
5. ILUCO: Ilupeju College.
6. VP: Vice President.
7. hehehe: a soft, giggling, or mischievous laugh, often used in text to show amusement, embarrassment, or lighthearted teasing.
8. UX: User Experience.
9. COVID: Corona Virus Disease.
10. POV: Point of View.
11. SSAS: Stay safe and sane.