Self Help

I Became “Becoming”

Finding the Person Behind the Mask

Always becoming. What will someone else tell me to become next? But when does it end? At what point will I be good enough?

As someone with autism, this absolutely hits home. I spent years trying to become someone else, only to realize it was hurting me. I took on responsibilities, ideas, and behaviors that didn’t fit who I was, just to fit in with friends and family. Eventually, I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror.

It’s called masking in autism, but what is it called when “normal” people do it? When someone’s whole facade is clearly copied and pasted from the latest celebrity or guru. I call it the erasure of self in either case. When the outside world reassures us that we are not good enough as we are. Instead of supporting us as we are, we are told that we have to become this or that, but never ourselves.

We’ve seen the “everyone must be skinny, curvy, optimistic, a realist, the leader, the loner…” Our imaginations go to work, envisioning our lives and our futures, taking on yet another perspective on what we think of as perfect. It feeds the ego without asking if it is sustainable. But at what point do we stop outsourcing our authority to someone else?

I’ve seen the tears behind the smiles, the frustration behind the addict, and the cry for peace behind the chaos. Everyone is busy trying to become something new, instead of remembering who they are and what they truly want.

For me, the only kind of becoming that brings me peace is becoming a better version of myself. That means knowing my limits, understanding what drains me and what excites me, and not trying to meet anyone else’s standards. I want to be the person I was meant to be, not who someone else expects me to be. That way, I can feel good about the person I see in the mirror — clear and honest. Free from the hype, free from old habits, and free from outside opinions, because the only opinion that actually matters is my own.

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