Why I Moved from the Countryside to the City

— Solo Parenting, Domestic Outsourcing, and the Reality Behind the Decision

Good morning. It’s finally starting to get warmer.

This is a practical story — not an idealistic one — about why I chose to leave a rural area and move back to a city.

Even With a Husband, It Was Still Solo Parenting

Whether a couple gets along or not, many people in Japan experience what is often called “one-operation parenting” (wan-ope) — a situation where one parent, usually the mother, handles almost all childcare and housework alone, even if a partner is present.

In Japan, data consistently shows that even when:

• men reduce overtime, or
• women become the primary earners,

the division of houseork and childcare often does not change significantly.

I experienced this firsthand.

• I had to ask permission to work weekends or even go to the hair salon: “Can you watch our child?”
• My husband would schedule his own plans without consulting me.

This imbalance continued.

In my case, discussion wasn’t really possible. The response I got was closer to: “Then just get a divorce.” “If you don’t like it, leave.”

Not everyone’s situation is this extreme — but many recognize a milder version of the same imbalance.

Feeling frustrated alone doesn’t change anything.

What Becomes the “Hostage”: Money or Childcare

Even for women who are career-oriented, one constraint tends to dominate:

Childcare.

As work demands increase — overtime, weekend shifts, professional exams — you inevitably face situations where you must leave your child with someone.

(In Japan, major certification exams are often infrequent, long, and held in centralized locations such as Tokyo, making childcare arrangements unavoidable.)

So the question becomes simple:

Who takes care of your child?

In my case, when I asked my husband, I increasingly heard responses like:

“If you keep saying that, I won’t take care of the child that day.”

Childcare became leverage.

Different people use different “hostages,” but the structure is similar: control through dependency.

When You Have No One to Rely On, Geography Becomes Destiny

My family home is in a large city. Before changing jobs, I lived in a rural area.

And one thing became very clear:

The gap in childcare resources between rural and urban Japan is extreme.

In rural areas:

• Work culture often assumes extended family support
• Childcare systems may exist, but function through tight local networks
• Outsiders may find it difficult to access those networks

For example:

• Public childcare support services may exist in name, but are informally pre-arranged within communities
• Private babysitting services are often unavailable due to labor shortages

(Unlike in some Western countries, Japan does not have a widely normalized culture of hiring babysitters on demand, especially outside major cities.)

Even basic options like:

• private after-school care,
• daycare with transportation services,

may simply not exist.

In cities, however:

If you have financial resources, you can access alternatives.

Why Income and Location Matter More Than People Admit

From my experience, inequality in parenting environments comes down largely to:

1. Income
2. Location

Income is not always easy to change quickly. But location, in some cases, is.

I once knew a woman who lost her husband early but still managed to send her child to university.

Her advantage was simple:

She lived in Tokyo.

Because:

• her child could attend university from home,
• she avoided the cost of relocation and living expenses.

(In many rural areas of Japan, attending university almost always requires moving away, significantly increasing the financial burden.)

This is one reason why:

• academic ability may be high in rural regions,
• but university enrollment rates are lower.

It’s not just about merit. It’s about structure.

What Happens If You Get Injured?

The Japanese government has recently expanded subsidies for babysitting services.

However, many people still hesitate to use them.

(There is a cultural tendency in Japan to be cautious about letting strangers into one’s home, especially for childcare.)

But here’s the practical question:

What happens if you physically cannot function?

I once experienced an injury that made it difficult to walk.

At that time, I was:

• parenting alone
• caring for a young child
• without immediate support

In other words:

Daily life becomes unsustainable very quickly.

What mattered in that moment was:

• being able to arrange domestic help immediately
• accessing medical care without delay
• having transportation options like taxis

I remember not even being able to bring laundry back inside.

The only reason I managed was simple:

I had access to same-day support services.

Building the Right Environment Is Part of Building Stability

I still manage most responsibilities alone.

But living in a city has made things significantly more manageable.

Not because I became less busy — but because:

• I can outsource when necessary
• I have access to services
• I have options

Supportive communities do exist, and they can be valuable.

But fundamentally, this is also a structural issue.

A system that assumes family support does not work for everyone.

Changing that may take time.

Until then:

Choosing an environment with more available options is a rational strategy.