Why do i feel so unsatisfied with my life

This is just a quick rant — I don’t really know who I can talk to about this in real life because I’m ashamed, afraid of being judged, and I don’t want my friends to pity me for feeling this way.

I am almost 30 years old and I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything. Every day feels like it’s passing by, and I’m just stuck in this never-ending cycle. I’m extremely grateful for what I have and where I am, but sometimes I wonder: if it’s going to be like this forever, is it really all worth it? I’m not depressed, but I often feel numb and unsatisfied. I constantly find myself daydreaming about unrealistic scenarios, and nothing in real life compares to what I imagine.

I know I sound lame and ungrateful — I wish it were easier to enjoy life without feeling so anxious and paranoid all the time.

And, not surprisingly, I hate my job and feel like everyone here hates me too. I’ve applied for countless other jobs, but all I get are rejections or ghosting. At this point, I don’t even know if there’s a job that I could remotely enjoy.

I’ve tried every “how to be better” tip: I eat healthy, I exercise a lot, I do yoga in the morning, I’ve even tried manifesting — but it all just feels like “meh.” Perhaps the biggest problem is this lousy, poor city I live in. When I was in Italy, I loved going on walks — and I still enjoy getting my steps in — but here the streets are overrun with stray dogs. I literally carry dog and cat food with me everywhere I go. I’ve rescued some of them; I now have six dogs and three cats. I wish I could save them all. I hate this city because so few people care about the stray animals and the homeless. I wish I could do more.

I always dream about winning the lottery and donating most of the money to the few shelters here.

I feel so ungrateful because I know there are people out there with real struggles, and I’m truly sorry — I pray that everyone can live the life they desire. “Pray” is an interesting word… Do I believe in God? I think so; I want to believe in God because it gives me hope, and during my loneliest and most desperate times, I always find myself asking God for help. I just don’t understand why He makes the world so unfair — why there are evil people who seem to have it all and “good” people who get nothing. But maybe I’ll write about that in another article, because again, do genuinely “good” people even exist? I feel like I could go on forever about this.

In conclusion, this was just a very short and confusing rant — I’ve spilled all my thoughts here, and I’ll probably take some of these ideas and write a better article later.