When Does a Girl Become a Woman?

The Answer Changes Through the Ages

Photo by Alicia Razuri on Unsplash

In light of the ongoing prosecution of men who’ve had sex with post-pubescent minors, I contemplate the age-old question of when a girl legally becomes a woman. Is it at the age of 18, an arbitrary benchmark set by our current society? Should it be the day she menstruates as it was hundreds of years ago in the frontier and Revolutionary War days? Or maybe the moment she loses her virginity — be it at age 15, 30, or even 45?

History buffs understand that our Founding Father, Thomas Jefferson, bedded his very own slave when she was age 15 or 16 after Sally was dispatched to France as his daughter’s nanny while Jefferson was negotiating an alliance vital to our country’s very birth! He was 46 at the time. Under today’s laws, he might have been prosecuted and imprisoned — and we might very well be a part of the British empire!

Dewey Lynn, just out of military service and in his 20’s, seduced a 13 year-old Loretta, who went on to become one of country music’s biggest stars. Their marriage lasted till his death decades later. Dewey was instrumental in supporting Loretta’s dream. Without him, we might never have enjoyed Loretta’s brand of rural American culture.

Years ago when I sold adult advertising for the Village Voice — and then when I was incarcerated at MCC in 2019 part in parcel of my job — I saw what happened to escort service owners and street pimps when they were arrested for promoting prostitution. Owners whose sex workers were past the age of 17 were sentenced to probation or a year in state custody. But men who “employed” just one girl who hadn’t reached her 18th birthday were generally looking at a decade behind bars — in federal prison.

Of course, I’m not suggesting that men who have sex with underage women, or especially — those who profit from them selling sex — should walk away scot-free. But the line of delineation troubles me given its arbitrary nature and history. It occurs to me that the circumstances should be taken into consideration.

Take Father Ritter, from Covenant House back in the 80’s. This guy was prolific! It wasn’t just one troubled underage teen he seduced. It was dozens. That’s a pattern — a pathology.

While in prison, I knew two inmates who diddled postpubescent teenage girls. One (Jeffrey Epstein) was clearly a repeat offender who victimized scores of teenage girls. Had he not killed himself, Jeffrey was probably looking at the rest of his life behind bars. Given his history, I’d say if he were set free, he’d do it all over again.

But another sex offender, a guy named Weber, went onto an adult site (craigslist personals) looking for love and sex, and found a police officer posting an ad that read “younger girl looking for older man.”

The officer pretended to be underage and rather than run away, Weber responded that he would treat her like a queen and make her maiden voyage a cherished moment she would remember fondly for the rest of her life.

When he met the cop in a park with condoms and lubrication in tow, his life changed dramatically. Weber was thrilled when sentenced to only 10 years after the psych department at MCC gave him a sterling recommendation for his devoted service on suicide watch.

All in all, Weber’s sentence seemed harsh in my eyes. He wasn’t seeking an underage girl. He simply found a cop trolling.

In the case of Jeffrey Weber, if it were revealed that there were others before his victim, I would feel differently about his decade-long sentence. But nothing I read on the internet or anything in his psychological makeup led me to believe he was truly a pedophile. He was simply a lonely man who got seduced by a cop scouring the internet for suckers. Not that he should go unpunished. I just feel the authorities might view his history and act accordingly before sentencing.

Men commit adultery routinely. Look at the history of our country’s very own presidents. The fact that his paramour was under the age of 18 (though biologically a woman) banishes him to a singular dung heap of humanity simple adulterers don’t suffer. I’m not sure that’s just. But I don’t have a daughter. And this is 2024 — and not 1779. I understand why some would disagree.