Tiny-Taco-Man Trump Still Has the Bombs

Two and a half pots of coffee can’t make this shit look normal

image made using real intelligence

Two and a half pots of strong black coffee, and I’m still stuck in the Trump shithole world. Tiny-Taco-Man Trump bombed Iran again, killed the ceasefire, and started bragging about it before the smoke could clear.

Iran fired back, and Trump promised worse. None of the blood will ever reach his shoes. He’ll stand behind a microphone, flap his big mouth, and congratulate himself while families bury the people he ordered killed.

He carried his ignorance and supersized ego into the NATO summit in Ankara. Trump threatened Spain, attacked American allies, and pulled Greenland into the conversation again because Denmark still refuses to hand it to the needy old man.

Hours later, he praised the love and unity at the summit. He kicked our allies in the teeth, demanded obedience, and called it friendship. What a load of bullshit.

NATO leaders smiled, flattered him, and tried to keep him happy. The most powerful military alliance on Earth now handles the American president like an unstable old madman standing beside the weapons cabinet.

While Trump was threatening countries overseas, his American ass-kissers were busy stamping his name on public property. Palm Beach International Airport became President Donald J. Trump International Airport. His family company jet flew in. Nothing screams humble public servant like flying your own branded plane into an airport just renamed after you.

Tennessee joined the bend-the-knee performance by naming an Interstate 40 bridge after him. An airport in Florida, a bridge in Tennessee, and probably a public toilet by Labor Day. The personality cult has moved past embarrassing and gone straight into North Korean gift-shop territory.

Trump also stuck his greasy thumbs into the World Cup after American striker Folarin Balogun received a red card. He called his buddy Gianni Infantino, FIFA delayed the suspension, and Balogun was cleared to play against Belgium.

The United States lost 4–1 anyway. Belgium didn’t need a favor from FIFA. It needed four goals. Bada bing, bada boom, Tiny-Taco-Man still got his ass handed to him.

Belgium’s players celebrated by mocking Trump’s goofy stiff YMCA dance. They beat the United States on the field, then turned its president into locker room entertainment. Well done!

More than 1,200 former Justice Department employees urged the Senate to reject Todd Blanche as attorney general. Blanche went from defending Trump in criminal court to seeking control of the department responsible for enforcing federal law.

Trump chose him because Blanche had already proven exactly whose ass he would protect. Experience counts, especially when the job is cleaning up con man Trump’s legal shitshow.

Mitch McConnell hasn’t appeared publicly since entering the hospital on June 14. His staff says he’s working, but Kentucky still hasn’t seen a recent photograph, video, or direct statement from him. Maybe he’s kicked the bucket?

Republicans keep asking everyone to trust whatever his staff types and releases. They aren’t worried about McConnell. They’re worried about losing his Senate seat. That’s the only pulse they care about.

Trump bombs Iran, threatens American allies, and calls FIFA when a referee hurts his feelings. Foreign leaders flatter him to his face while Belgian soccer players mock him behind his back.

That might be funny if he were only another loud, old, dangerous dimwit pounding a table. But this one has the fucking bombs.

And now, my fellow countrymen, this is America now. Happy fucking birthday.

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