Gooning! The Internet’s Latest Sex Trend That Sounds Like a Cartoon Villain’s Lair

Normal service is resumed, pleasure, sex, and fun. Today’s topic? Gooning. What the fuck IS it and should you try it?

First Things First. A Massive Thank You

Let me start with a huge shout-out to my friend and sometime friend-with-extras, Liz. We spent a wonderful couple of days building what is technically called a “goon cave.”

Yes. A goon cave.

I HATE this name. I hate it so much. It sounds like where a Batman villain goes to brood, or possibly where middle-aged men gather to watch football and fart. It sounds like something you’d find in a fantasy RPG: “The adventurers entered the Goon Cave, their torches flickering ominously”

But no. It’s actually a dedicated space for extended masturbation sessions. Which, let’s be honest, is simultaneously more and less dramatic than battling orcs.

Liz and I brainstormed multiple alternative names, because obviously we would:

• The Pleasure Palace (too bougie)
• The Bliss Den (sounds like a yoga studio run by someone named Crystal)
• The Joy Room (sounds like we’re starting a cult)
• Masturbatorium (technically accurate but somehow worse)

Much wine was consumed and the names started to get, well silly.

• The Clitadel
• Clit Palace
• The Bliss Abyss
• The Coochie Cavern
• The Velvet Vault

We were in hysterics, but I put a stop to the brainstorming when Liz shouted out The Gash Grotto! We settled on just calling it “the setup” because we’re not monsters.

So What the HELL is Gooning?

Right. Let me explain this like you’re a very confused adult who just stumbled onto a Reddit thread and is questioning everything.

Gooning is basically edging’s unhinged older sibling who dropped out of university to “find themselves.” You know edging, getting close to orgasm and then backing off to make it more intense? Cute. Controlled. Edging is a sensible practice for people with their shit together.

Gooning takes that concept, gives it a fuck-ton of energy drinks, locks it in a room with seventeen monitors playing porn, and says “see you in four hours, babe.”

It’s about achieving a trance-like state of prolonged arousal. Not even necessarily cumming. Just, sort of existing in this hypnotic, mindless, drooling state of horniness. People describe it as “meditative.” As “transcendent.” As “blank-mind bliss.”

I describe it as “what happens when mindfulness meets masturbation and they both do ketamine.”

The Science-ish Bit (Don’t Worry, I’ll Keep It Sexy)

Apparently this trend has exploded. Like, 151% sales increase in related porn since 2023. People are Googling this nearly a million times a month. It went from a niche thing in certain gay male communities to everyone and their mother (okay, hopefully not their actual mother) giving it a go.

Why? Because modern porn is accessible as fuck, people are stressed, and sometimes you just want to turn your brain completely off while your genitals do the thinking. It’s like ASMR but hornier and with significantly more lube involved.

The idea is you edge for HOURS. You build this absolutely unhinged level of arousal. Your eyes glaze over. Time becomes meaningless. You’re in what practitioners call “the goon state” basically horniness nirvana where nothing matters except the next stroke, the next tease, the next gasp.

Some people compare it to tantric sex practices. Others compare it to addiction. Both can be true! Isn’t the human experience beautifully messy?

Building “The Setup” with Liz

Liz arrived at my place with an overnight bag and the kind of mischievous grin that promised either a fantastic time or a trip to A&E. Possibly both.

“So,” she said, dumping her stuff on my kitchen floor, “are we really doing this?”

Reader, we really did it.

Phase One: Research and Shopping (The Fun Part)

We started by watching some tutorial videos which was an experience. There are people on the internet who take gooning very, VERY seriously. Like, PowerPoint presentation seriously. One guy had a seventeen-minute explainer with bullet points. About wanking. For hours.

Our shopping list included

• Good lube (we went with three different types because we’re not quitters)
• Comfortable seating (ergonomics matter when you’re in for the long haul)
• Lighting options (mood is everything, darling)
• Hydration stations (water bottles strategically placed because dehydration is NOT sexy)
• A frankly ridiculous number of towels
• Snacks for breaks (post-session cheese and crackers hit different)
• Toys. So many toys.
• Soft, comfortable lounge wear (a must, trust me girls)

Phase Two: The Actual Setup (Getting Silly With It)

We cleared out my spare room. Dimmed the lights. Set up my laptop, tablet, and phone at different angles, not for multi-screen porn like the hardcore folks (we’re not ready for that level of commitment) but for different audio/visual options.

Liz insisted on testing the seating arrangements like Goldilocks. “This chair is too hard. This cushion is too soft. This beanbag is, actually perfect for hip angles.”

I will never look at that beanbag the same way again. (In fact if anyone wants it I am happy to give it away!)

We created “zones” because apparently we’re treating prolonged masturbation like it’s a fucking corporate team-building exercise:

• The main event area (self-explanatory)
• The hydration station (fancy water, fancy towels)
• The cooldown corner (soft pillows, cozy blanket for after)
• The toy buffet (organised by intensity because we’re sophisticated like that)

Phase Three: Technique Testing (Where It Gets Real)

We started separately, obviously. Same room, but in our own worlds, which honestly felt weirdly intimate and also completely insane. Like parallel play but make it horny.

The Classic Edge-and-Hold: This is your basic technique. Build arousal, stop right before the point of no return, breathe, repeat. After about thirty minutes, I genuinely understood the appeal. My brain started getting fuzzy in the best way. Stress? Gone. To-do list? What’s a to-do list? Nothing existed except sensation.

Liz reported similar findings, though she discovered she could alternate between clitoral and vaginal stimulation to extend the plateau basically indefinitely. “I feel like I’ve unlocked a cheat code.”

The Ruined Orgasm Technique: This is for the adventurous. You let yourself START to orgasm, then completely stop stimulation. You get the contractions without the full release, which keeps you in an aroused state. It’s frustrating and exquisite and makes you feel slightly unhinged.

I tried this exactly once and actually shouted “WHAT THE FUCK” so loud that Liz burst out laughing from across the room.

“You good over there?”

“I’M EXPERIENCING EMOTIONS.”

The Sensory Overload Method: Liz’s personal favourite. This involved her rabbit vibrator, nipple clamps, and plug, and some very specific porn audio. The goal is to distribute arousal across your entire body rather than focusing on one area.

She described it as “every nerve ending having its own little party.” I tried a modified version with a wand massager and nipple play. We’d agreed on one-hour maximum sessions for our first attempt. I looked at my phone after what felt like twenty minutes.

It had been fifty-seven minutes.

The Hands-Free Approach: This was my surprising winner. Using a clit suction toy on the lowest setting, I just existed. No active stroking, no effort, just constant, gentle stimulation while I focused on breathing and the sensations.

It felt meditative. Actually meditative, not “meditative” the way hot yoga instructors describe their classes. My thoughts just, drifted away. Bliss settled in. I understood why people chase this state.

The Honest Bit (Because We’re All Adults Here)

Here’s the thing about gooning that nobody wants to say out loud, it can absolutely become A Thing™.

Not necessarily a bad thing, but a thing, thing. Like, this practice walks a very fine line between “lovely extended self-pleasure session” and “concerning dissociative behaviour that might indicate I’m avoiding real life.”

The warning signs that you might want to pump the brakes:

• You’re canceling plans to goon
• You feel compulsive about it rather than excited
• It’s interfering with work, relationships, or basic hygiene
• You’re chasing longer and longer sessions to feel the same high
• Your genitals are actually sore but you keep going anyway
• You feel guilty or shameful afterward (different from normal post-orgasm clarity)

Liz and I debriefed extensively about this. We’re both in good places mentally, have healthy sex lives outside this experiment, and treated it like the fun exploration it was meant to be. But we also acknowledged that for someone struggling with porn addiction, intimacy issues, or escapist tendencies, this could be genuinely problematic.

It’s like the difference between enjoying a glass of wine and needing a bottle every night. Context matters. Self-awareness matters.

The Afterglow (And the Aftermath)

After our sessions, Liz and I reconvened for what might have been the weirdest debrief conversation of my life.

“So,” I said, wrapped in my coziest robe, eating cheese. “Thoughts?”

“My vulva feels like it ran a marathon,” Liz said. “But like, a really enjoyable marathon where everyone’s cheering for you and you get medals.”

We both agreed, the mental state was the real revelation. That floaty, peaceful, utterly blank-minded bliss. The world could have been ending outside and we wouldn’t have noticed or cared. For people who live in their heads (hi, it’s me, anxiety personified), that’s fucking powerful.

The physical pleasure? Obviously incredible. But the mental break? That’s what we’d chase again.

We also agreed on safety rules for future sessions:

1. Set strict time limits and STICK TO THEM
2. Stay hydrated and nourished before/after
3. Use plenty of lube (like, more than you think you need)
4. Take breaks every 30–45 minutes
5. Don’t do this when you’re in a bad mental space, it’s not therapy
6. Keep it as an occasional treat, not a daily habit
7. If it ever feels compulsive or shameful, time to talk to someone

I also think being with someone you trust is important. Liz stayed over we slept, nothing happened and we woke up the next morning giggling.

So Should YOU Try Gooning?

Fuck if I know! I’m not your mother. (Wait, scratch that, I’m your Kinky Fairy Godmother, and my whole job is waving my magic wand around giving unsolicited sex advice. So here we go.)

If you’re curious, mentally healthy, capable of setting boundaries, and genuinely want to explore extended pleasure for its own sake? Absolutely give it a go, my darling. Start small, like an hour max. Not the four-hour testosterone-poisoned marathon sessions Reddit bros brag about like they’ve summited Everest with their dick.

If you’re already struggling with porn use, intimacy issues, or lean toward addictive behaviours? Babe, chat with a therapist first. This practice can be genuinely transcendent or genuinely harmful depending on where you’re at mentally, and your Kinky Fairy Godmother wants you thriving, not dissociating.

Also, please for the love of god:

• Don’t do this when you should be doing literally anything else (work, driving, parenting, brain surgery)
• Don’t involve anyone without their explicit consent
• Clean your toys
• Seriously, so much lube
• Consider it masturbation meditation, not a personality trait

Final Thoughts from the Goon Cave (I Still Hate That Name)

Liz left the next morning with a spring in her step and dinner plans. We hugged goodbye like we’d just returned from a spa weekend, which honestly isn’t far off energetically.

Would we do it again? Absolutely. Will I be telling my mother about this particular hobby? Absolutely fucking not.

The internet is wild, friends. Sometimes it gives us cryptocurrency scams and political rage. And sometimes it gives us permission to spend three hours in a carefully curated environment, exploring pleasure states humans have probably been chasing since we figured out masturbation was a thing.

Gooning might have a stupid name. It might sound ridiculous. But it’s also a weirdly profound reminder that our bodies are capable of extraordinary sensations when we give them time, attention, and really excellent lube.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to order more towels.

And a new beanbag.

The Career Ms 💋

Disclaimer: I’m not a sex therapist, just a person with opinions and a willingness to try weird shit. If you have concerns about your sexual health or behaviours, talk to an actual professional. Stay safe, stay consensual, and may your orgasms be ever in your favour.