Before I Knew What to Call It: My Journey to Reclaiming Divine Femininity

How becoming a mother to a daughter awakened my womb wisdom and led me to my life’s purpose

Photo by Poppie Pack on Unsplash

A few years ago, I became pregnant with my daughter. At the time, I was already the mom of a sweet boy and in a marriage with a man who despised — and devoured — the feminine. I had known a lifetime of hatred and disrespect for femininity, and I had reclaimed some of it on my own journey, but in my relationship with this man… I lost touch with myself as a woman.

I thought, “I’m such a boy mom.” “I can take care of everything.” “I’m a better man than most men are!” It was even a frequent topic my husband would bring up — how good of a man I would be.

When I found out I was having a girl, I was actually thrilled. But I had no idea it would throw me onto one of the most profound journeys of my life thus far:

The reclamation of divine femininity.

The Book That Rocked My World

A few months into my pregnancy, an audiobook came into my view one day on Spotify called, Womb Awakening: Initiatory Wisdom from the Creatrix of All Life. This book rocked my world.

I listened to it every chance I could, mostly late into the night while everyone was sleeping — the only real hours I had of quiet and undivided attention to truly listen. I learned of many things I had never encountered before. Much of it was so strange and foreign to me that I was fairly taken aback, at times even inclined to laugh at it a bit.

But I have this weird desire to go further into anything that renders me totally confused, shocked, or bewildered. If something makes me go, “What the…?!”, I’m probably thinking, “I need to find out more about that!” right after.

So, this book led me into the realms of mysticism, of story, history, spirituality, mythology, and divinity. I didn’t know this book would be something I couldn’t stop listening to. It was like a whole new world was introduced, but it wasn’t just the language of it — it was the way it made me listen from inside my body. As if something ancient had been waiting for my attention. A pulsing, visceral knowing that rose from somewhere deeper than thought.

This was my initiation book.

The Descent: When the Underworld Calls

Fast forward a few months. I’m giving birth to my daughter, and the universe decided this would be my initiation by fire.

The stomach flu hit me hours before labor began. I birthed her at home anyway — shaking with dehydration, my system collapsing even as it opened to bring forth life. Hours after she emerged, my toddler and husband began throwing up too. It was just the three of us, and I had to rise even then. With a gaping wound in my body, breasts engorged and screaming, I picked myself up to care for my children. This is what women do. We birth worlds with the blood and tissue of our bodies, and then immediately hold them together, no matter the reality of what surrounds us.

We were living in poverty. Immersed in circumstances that would break most people. Devastating circumstances with family had left us all but destroyed and certainly heartbroken. My husband and I both battered and burned out yet still loving each other in the only ways we knew how. Our marriage, our life, our dreams crumbling in real time, even as new life pulsed in my body and arms.

All I could think was, “How did we get here?!” We lost everything, and it had all happened so fast.

My body became unrecognizable. Fifty pounds in six months. My face — once radiant — now reflected back a hollow stranger. Every mirror was like a slap of shock. Every reflection a death of who I thought I was.

The gaslighting, abuse, betrayal, sickness, abandonment. Layer upon layer of trauma, each one stripping away another version of myself until I didn’t know what was left.

But here’s what I know now:

This was the descent I had to face before I could rise. Like Inanna, I faced the underworld — with all its stripping away, its ego death, its complete dismantling. That’s where we meet our real power. That’s where we meet the parts of ourselves we’ve been too afraid to claim.

As the intensity raged on, I found myself face to face with death itself. It became clear to me that my body was very close to burning out. The closer to death I felt, the more my identity began to deconstruct. Every story I had about who I was supposed to be began to surface and transform.

And in those dark nights of the soul, mentors appeared. Teachers. Guides. People who had gone before me and who catalyzed something in me: the truth that this was never about going back to who I was, but about becoming who I’d always been meant to be.

I found my way to books like Maiden, Mother, Crone and Women Who Run With the Wolves.

The path revealed itself to me through my womb.

Not the organ itself per se, but what it represents: a source of deep intelligence and wisdom and creation. Where lineages are remembered and power is hidden away, coiled and waiting for the moment we become ready to claim it. Where life itself pulses with ancient, unshakeable knowing.

This was my initiation into embodiment after dissociation, into integration after fragmentation, into reclamation after a lifetime of trauma.

What I Found Buried Within

I began to find something in myself that had long been buried. And it was this powerful feminine force. This vast strength, creation, beauty and mystery. This magnetism, life force, sensuality, expression, and breadth. This force that I had carried and hidden so deeply because it had been so shamed, made to be so dangerous, and so robbed from my life.

I saw my daughter and her beauty, her spark, her intensity, her spitfire spirit and her powerful voice. I realized… she’s divine. She’s perfect. There’s nothing weak or wrong or too much.

This “too much-ness” and simultaneous “not-enough-ness” we as women have always felt is nonsense when you look at the face of a beautiful baby girl and see her for what she really is. We are profoundly powerful. We are mirrors of transformation for those brave enough to look and respond. We are creators of whole worlds. Universes.

Our softness is not weakness. Our strength is not masculine. We are expressions of divinity that pulse and throb with a very specific purpose.

Coming Home to My Body

As I’ve gone on this journey, much has happened. And almost all of it has led me to a deeper and deeper relationship with, and presence within, my body. Coming home. Awakening to sensation. Learning to slow down.

Learning to accept and embrace pleasure, sensuality, goodness. Learning to listen to my body, my deep truth and the voice that is behind the doors of the mind. Learning to listen to each organ, each cell, each part of me that wants to speak. To integrate, embody, and feel everything that comes.

This has been my true healing journey. It’s all mattered because it all led me here. And damn have I longed to get to this point.

I’ve also been able to now begin embarking on learning the masculine counterparts to this whole hero’s journey — the sacred balance, the divine dance between feminine and masculine energies.

Womb of Truth Was Born

This is where — and how — Womb of Truth was born. Meant to express the unearthed, unedited, uncontaminated truth that comes from the deepest chambers within our bodies.

I knew this was becoming my purpose.

I want to teach this to other women. Create real, messy, and humble spaces of initiation for young women entering menstruation, for mothers entering birth, for women entering menopause and going through those gates. It doesn’t have to be made perfect for the elite, but accessible for the real women who find themselves here.

I want to birth new realities with the ancient knowledge of the mystics and the realms of womb wisdom into the modern world.

I want to birth the truth my body knows — the truth your body knows — into fruition.

Womb of Truth is about remembering what we’ve always carried. It’s about reclaiming the feminine power that pulses through our blood, our bones, our breath. It’s about coming home to the wisdom of our bodies and the divinity of our cyclical nature.

This is just the beginning. And I’m so grateful you’re here.

Follow Womb of Truth for more on feminine embodiment, womb wisdom, and the journey of reclaiming your divine feminine power.