Lauren Bonvini on Quieting Overthinking Before a High-Pressure Moment

How speakers, performers, and creatives can shift from mental spiraling to grounded confidence

Lauren Bonvini on quieting overthinking before a high-pressure moment by returning to the message, supporting the body, and beginning one sentence at a time.

Lauren Bonvini is a Seattle-based stage fright coach who helps performers, speakers, and creatives work through performance anxiety and build confidence, presence, and self-trust.

Overthinking before speaking or performing can feel like preparation. The mind keeps reviewing, rehearsing, predicting, and correcting. It tries to protect you from embarrassment, mistakes, silence, judgment, or uncertainty.

At first, that can seem useful. You may think, “If I just think through every possible outcome, I will feel more ready.”

But overthinking rarely creates real confidence. More often, it creates more pressure.

Instead of helping you feel prepared, it can make the upcoming moment feel larger, riskier, and harder to manage. A short presentation begins to feel like a test of your entire personality. A performance begins to feel like a judgment of your worth. A simple introduction begins to feel like something you must get exactly right.

That is where stage fright often begins.

Not in the room. Not on the stage. Not at the microphone.

It often begins earlier, when the mind starts building a story about everything that could go wrong.

Overthinking Is Often an Attempt to Feel Safe

Most people do not overthink because they are weak or unprepared. They overthink because the mind is trying to create safety.

Before a high-pressure moment, the brain may search for control:

What should I say? What if I forget something? What if I sound nervous? What if people notice? What if I pause too long? What if I disappoint myself?

These questions can become a loop. The more you answer one fear, the more another one appears.

That loop can feel productive, but it usually keeps the nervous system activated. The body starts responding as if the uncomfortable moment is already happening. The breath tightens. The shoulders rise. The voice may feel harder to access. Focus becomes scattered.

The goal is not to shame yourself for overthinking. The goal is to notice when thinking has stopped helping.

Helpful preparation gives you clarity. Overthinking gives you more fear to manage.

Return to the Message

One of the most useful ways to interrupt overthinking is to return to the message.

When performance anxiety rises, attention often turns inward. You may start monitoring how you look, how you sound, whether your voice is steady, whether others approve, or whether your nervousness is visible.

That inward focus can make speaking feel even more intense.

A stronger question is:

What do I want to communicate?

This question moves attention back to purpose.

Your job is not to perfectly manage every impression. Your job is to communicate something. That may be an idea, a story, a point of view, a feeling, a lesson, or a message that matters.

Before speaking, try writing one sentence:

“The main thing I want people to understand is…”

Keep it simple. Keep it clear. Let that sentence become your anchor.

When the mind starts spiraling, return to that message.

Prepare the First Step

Overthinking often gets worse when you try to mentally control the entire experience. You may try to rehearse every sentence, predict every response, and prepare for every possible mistake.

That can make the moment feel more fragile.

Instead, prepare the first step.

For a speaker, that may be the opening line. For a performer, it may be the first breath or first movement. For a creative, it may be the first sentence, first note, or first introduction.

The beginning matters because starting is often the hardest part. Once you begin, momentum can develop. But if the first moment feels unclear, anxiety may rush in.

A simple opening line can help:

“Today I want to share one practical idea.”

“I want to begin with the main point.”

“The reason this matters is simple.”

“Thank you for being here. I’ll start with what I hope you take away.”

The opening does not need to be brilliant. It needs to be familiar.

Practice it out loud. Practice saying it slowly. Practice pausing after it. Let your body feel what beginning is like before the real moment arrives.

Stop Asking for Perfect Calm

A common mistake is believing that confidence means feeling completely calm.

That belief can make anxiety worse.

If the goal is perfect calm, then any sign of nerves feels like failure. A fast heartbeat becomes proof that something is wrong. A shaky breath becomes proof that you are not ready. A nervous thought becomes proof that you cannot handle the moment.

But confidence does not require perfect calm.

A person can feel nervous and still speak clearly. A performer can feel activated and still stay connected. A creative can feel exposed and still express something meaningful.

The goal is not to remove every nerve. The goal is to build enough steadiness to continue.

A more helpful reminder is:

“I can feel nervous and still begin.”

That sentence gives you room to be human.

Give the Body a Cue of Safety

Overthinking is not only mental. It often has a physical component.

When the body feels activated, the mind may search for reasons to explain the discomfort. That can create more anxious thoughts, which then create more physical tension.

This cycle can be interrupted by supporting the body.

Try a simple reset before speaking or performing:

Feel both feet on the ground. Relax your shoulders. Unclench your jaw. Take a slow breath out. Let your hands soften. Pause before beginning.

These actions may seem small, but they help send a different signal to the nervous system.

You are not trying to force calm. You are giving your body a cue that the moment can be handled.

Use a Reset Phrase

A reset phrase is a short sentence that helps redirect the mind when overthinking starts to take over.

The best reset phrase is believable, simple, and easy to remember.

For example:

“I can take this one sentence at a time.”

“My job is to communicate, not be perfect.”

“I know where to begin.”

“I can pause and keep going.”

“I can return to the message.”

A reset phrase does not erase anxiety. It gives you something steadier to return to.

Before your next speaking or performance moment, choose one phrase. Write it down. Say it out loud. Use it when your mind starts creating pressure.

Create a Stopping Point

Overthinking often continues because there is no clear stopping point. You keep editing, rehearsing, adjusting, worrying, reviewing, and rethinking until the last possible second.

That can make the moment feel more chaotic.

At some point, preparation needs to end and presence needs to begin.

Try creating a stopping point:

Review the main message. Review the first line. Take one grounding breath. Repeat the reset phrase. Stop editing. Begin.

This transition matters. It tells the mind, “We are no longer solving. We are entering the moment.”

That shift can help reduce the feeling that you must keep thinking in order to stay safe.

Reflect Without Turning Practice Into Self-Criticism

Overthinking does not only happen before a speech or performance. It can also happen afterward.

Many people finish and immediately replay everything they wish had gone differently. They focus on the awkward pause, the sentence that came out strangely, the moment they felt nervous, or the reaction they think someone had.

Reflection can help. Replaying can hurt.

A healthier reflection is balanced:

What improved? What felt difficult? What is one thing to practice next time?

This helps you learn without turning the experience into punishment.

Confidence needs evidence. If you only notice what went wrong, you miss the moments that show growth.

A Simple Practice for the Next Time You Overthink

Before your next high-pressure moment, try this:

Write your main message in one sentence. Practice your opening line out loud. Choose one reset phrase. Take one slow exhale. Remind yourself that you do not need to be perfect to be effective. Begin with the first sentence.

That is enough.

Overthinking usually asks for more complexity. Confidence often grows from something simpler: a clear message, a grounded body, and one next step.

Why This Work Matters

Overthinking before speaking or performing does not mean you are not capable. It means your mind is trying to manage uncertainty, visibility, and pressure.

But you do not have to follow every fear. You can return to the message. You can support the body. You can prepare the first step. You can release the need to control every outcome. You can build confidence through practice, reflection, and self-trust.

Lauren Bonvini is a Seattle-based stage fright coach who helps performers, speakers, and creatives work through performance anxiety and build confidence, presence, and self-trust. To explore more of her work, visit Lauren Bonvini’s main site and her SlideShare profile.