cruel

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However, funny how it just ended.

I guess it didn’t last longer because there were no things happening after all those cute shenanigans. I don’t blame anything, or anyone. Maybe it was always supposed to go that way, even before we were likely to be two souls just to experience one of the most platonic events ever — at least for me. I was like, “it is that one embarrassing month all over again”. And I certainly do not want to replay that song, no matter how infuriating it is, for I desperately want to clearly see the line.

And as I’m recalling the whole show while staring at them, those frightening questions weighing on my mind about what I should do to them after this.

Will I stop watering them once it all has surely faded away?

Will I stop treating them like treasure once I completely move on?

Will I stop giving them the care they need?

Will I stop babying them like my own child?

What a horrible turn of events.

Such an exaggerating way to describe this situation but hadn’t we all have enough destroyed this planet though? I am somehow glad I am not those shitty old men, or else I am going to bear the heaviest sin for slowly and subtly committing mass murders to human beings and maybe all the living creatures. The civilization on this planet is not a joke, people. Any little step would help us to sustain the entire generations.

(I have such unpredictable mind, I know)

What I want to say is that my act shall not determine what I should do to them. Restoring the global disaster shouldn’t be determined merely by my feelings — which can change all the time. Even though my contribution is not helping until next year — let alone the entire generations — I think it’s just terrible treating those babies just based on my mood.

But that’s what is happening right now. I’ve lost my enthusiasm waiting for them to grow. I lost to them. Glad that I’m still trying to check on them sometimes, only when I really want to. And I’m trying so hard planning on further steps after this. Still have no plan but at least I’m trying.

Maybe I should’ve never started this, deciding something impulsively.

Maybe I should’ve done this normally, acted unpretentiously, treated them undistinguished.

Maybe I should’ve let myself out sometimes, so that I won’t crave for an attachment merely because of little intercourse here and there. Hell, how many times have I done this, and apparently never learned shit.