Jesus’ Call To Balanced Self

We have a peculiar expression of politeness in Turkey. When you need to speak positively about someone else in the presence of another person, you start by saying, “May he/she not be better than you!”

It was about twenty years ago. A friend, whose name I keep to myself, once told me a story. Since the day I heard that story, I have silently but firmly objected to this compliment:

“The doorbell rang. A friend I hadn’t seen in a long time was standing before me. We greeted and hugged each other. We moved to the living room for a long chat over tea.

After three long hours, which we didn’t realize had passed, my guest said, ‘It’s late, I should be going,’ and stood up. I accompanied him. When we reached the door, he said, ‘Now it’s time to part. I’m leaving, so that someone better than me comes,’ and extended his hand. As we hugged, out of habit, I said ‘amen’ to my friend’s prayer.

While returning home, his farewell words lingered in my mind. I thought about them, and the more I thought, the more I shuddered. It was a prayer. A powerful prayer that I had heard for the first time. I involuntarily repeated it a few times. I was filled with warm feelings. I was surrounded by something. Something beautiful that filled my entire being.

The next day, the first thing I did was call my friend. I asked, “Where did you hear this prayer?” I was very touched by this thoughtful wish, and my friend understood that. He explained: ‘Jesus (peace be upon him) foretold the coming of Muhammad (peace be upon him) with these words.’ What a beautiful prayer! I said, ‘I like this prayer.’ He laughed and said, never let it go: “I’m leaving, so that someone better than me comes.”

John 16:7: “Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.”

In honor of Jesus (peace be upon him) and the Beloved One Mohammad (pbuh) he foretold, I have made this prayer a life philosophy and responsibility. This prayer first broke my ego. It silenced my ego, which constantly says, “Me, always me!” Just the contrary: “You don’t have to be the subject of every good deed.” “If there is going to be beauty, let it happen without you; allow and pray for it. If there is going to be goodness, let it be better than what you can do; be happy and content!”

I pray like this throughout the day: “May someone better than me sit in the chair I rise from. May someone better than me begin to speak when I fall silent. May the rooms I leave be filled with those better than me. May those better than me reach the positions I cannot reach….”

For the sake of my friends who say, “May he not be better than you!” and for the sake of the selfless goodness Jesus taught us, I do not say “amen.” I usually warn them: “No, no; of course, let there be someone better than me!” I gently warn my friends without offending them. With a smile, I say, “You’re cursing me, I guess!” “If there are no better people than me, how can I find the right path in this world? Who will warn me when I stray? Who will comfort me when I fall into sorrow?”

Then I remember the trials the prophets went through with their people. There was no one better than the prophets in those communities! But what pains did they suffer1 What unbearable hardships did they endure! “May there be better ones than me, of course. I don’t have the wisdom and patient to endure the loneliness of a prophet!” Being the best in a community brings great pains and much suffering. It is a huge responsibility.

Jesus’ saying paves the way for us to establish an ecological connection with those who are different from us. This approach makes each of us meaningful and important within our own niche amid so many ethnic, cultural, religious, and sectarian differences. In a way, we are transitioning from a malignant growth governed by the ego to an ecological life ruled by ecology and brotherhood.

And there’s also this: “If I am the best, and everyone else is less good than me, the quality of that community sharply declines… Honestly, I would want to be the worst in that community. Let everyone else be more compassionate, more understanding, wiser, more responsible, and kinder than me… Isn’t that like living in paradise?

Furthermore, paradise is a place where you are happy and content with the fact that others are better than you. If you continue to be envious of those better than you, you will turn that paradise into hell in an instant. You will burn every moment as if you are in hell!

As a conclusion: Jesus’ saying paves the way for us to establish an ecological connection with those who are different from us. As is known, cancer cells become fatal because they proliferate faster and more autonomously, essentially saying, “there is no one better than us.” This approach makes each of us meaningful and important within our own niche amid so many ethnic, cultural, religious, and sectarian differences. In a way, we are transitioning from a malignant growth governed by the ego to an ecological life ruled by ecology and brotherhood.