How Five Little Girls I Never Met Haunted Me for Forty Years🕯️

Rev. Seyi Olumide

Sometime in 1983, I recall flipping through the now-defunct Weekend Concord newspaper and stumbling upon a gripping three-page story headlined:

“How the Five Olumide Girls Perished in London Fire.”

I read the story meticulously, line by line.

Rev. Seyi Olumide was a Nigerian Anglican chaplain based in the United Kingdom who was married to an English woman. Together, they had five daughters. A gas leak reportedly triggered a fire at their suburban London home, and all five girls perished in the tragedy. 💔

I wept over the photographs of these beautiful mixed-race children whom I had never met.

The report carried pictures from the funeral, and what struck me most, if my memory serves me correctly, was that their father personally drove their caskets to the church.

Year after year, I often found myself thinking about Rev. Seyi Olumide and Jill, his wife, wondering how any parent could survive such a devastating loss. Although I had never met them, their tragedy affected me profoundly, as though they were members of my own extended family.

Last year, I remembered Rev. Olumide and his wife again and began to wonder whether they were still alive and what had become of them. While searching for information about them online, I came across an article Rev. Olumide himself had written about the tragedy, titled “The Unexpected Death of Children Through Disaster: A Personal View.”

Reflecting on the devastating loss of his five children, the reverend gentleman shared lessons from his long journey through grief. 📖

What follows are some of the insights that touched me most.

1. Every Grief Experience Is Unique 🌧️

Rev. Olumide argued that no two losses are identical. Grief arising from disaster cannot be neatly compared with other forms of bereavement. Each person experiences pain differently.

Lesson: Avoid telling bereaved people, “I know exactly how you feel.”

2. There Is No “Correct” Way to Grieve 😢

People cry differently, react differently, and heal differently. Some cry openly; others cannot. Neither response is wrong.

Lesson: Grief should not be measured against formulas or stereotypes.

3. Sudden Deaths Are Particularly Traumatic ⚡

Unlike prolonged illnesses that allow families to prepare emotionally, unexpected deaths shatter one’s sense of order and meaning.

Lesson: Sudden tragedy often produces shock, anger, confusion, and feelings of unreality.

4. Bereaved People Should Not Be Overmanaged 🤝

The author criticised those who impose explanations, religious interpretations, or psychological theories on grieving families.

Lesson: Presence is often more helpful than explanations.

5. Well-Meaning People Can Unintentionally Hurt 🥀

Some people told him that his children’s deaths were God’s will, divine judgment, or a special spiritual favour. Such comments only deepened his pain.

Lesson: Avoid simplistic explanations for suffering.

6. Support Is Essential, but Control Is Harmful ❤️

Bereaved people need companionship, practical assistance, and love, but they should retain the freedom to make their own decisions.

Lesson: Helpers should become a safety net, not take over the lives of mourners.

7. Authenticity Matters More Than Expertise 🌿

Rev. Olumide believed that humanity, empathy, and humility are often more valuable than professional formulas.

Lesson: Compassion is more important than clever words.

8. Grief Changes People 🌅

Those who suffer profound loss often emerge with a deeper understanding of life, relationships, and human vulnerability.

Lesson: Though grief never completely disappears, people can grow through suffering.

What Can We Learn from Grief?

💔 Grief is the price of love. Deep sorrow exists because deep affection once existed.

🕊️ Healing is not forgetting. Recovery does not mean erasing memories but learning to live with them.

👂 People need listeners more than lecturers. Silence, presence, and empathy are often the greatest gifts.

🌱 Human beings are more resilient than they imagine. Even after devastating losses, life can continue. Rev. Olumide and his wife later adopted two children, demonstrating that hope can coexist with sorrow.

🤍 Suffering should make us kinder. Those who have known pain often become more compassionate toward others.

One sentence captures the spirit of the entire essay:

“The bereaved need people who will walk beside them, not people who will explain away their pain.”

Perhaps the most profound lesson from Rev. Olumide’s article is this:

Grief is not a disease to be cured but a wound to be carried, gradually and humanely, with the help of others who are willing to remain present.

Some newspaper stories are forgotten within days.

This one stayed with me for more than forty years. 🕯️