‘He used to adore me’

✧･ﾟ:today’s soundtrack:“lover, you should’ve come over ” by jeff buckley*:✧

Some relationships begin like a movie trailer.

Good morning texts every day. Random paragraphs about how much he likes you. Calling you beautiful even when you just woke up looking like a sleep-deprived raccoon wrapped in a blanket burrito. He wants to know if you got home safely, if you ate, if you slept enough. For a while, it feels like someone placed your heart inside bubble wrap.

And then something shifts.

The replies get shorter. The attention becomes inconsistent. The effort slowly evaporates like cheap perfume in summer heat.

A lot of women experience this exact pattern: a man starts off incredibly sweet and caring, then suddenly feels distant or emotionally unavailable. It can feel confusing, personal, even humiliating. But psychology suggests there are actually several reasons why this happens.

One reason is simple biology. In the beginning of a relationship, the brain is basically running on fireworks. Dopamine levels rise, attraction feels intense, and people naturally become more focused on the other person. Researchers often compare early romantic attraction to an addictive state because the brain reacts so strongly to novelty and emotional reward. In other words, during the “honeymoon phase,” people are literally more emotionally energized.

But the honeymoon phase is temporary. Nobody can realistically maintain that level of intensity forever.

Sometimes what changes is not love itself, but urgency. At the start, many men are trying to win someone over. There is excitement in the uncertainty. Once the relationship feels secure, some people unconsciously stop putting in the same effort because they no longer feel they have to “earn” the connection every day.

There is also a difference between attraction and emotional maturity. Someone can genuinely like you while still lacking the emotional skills required for a long-term relationship. A man may know how to chase, flirt, and create excitement, but not know how to consistently communicate, reassure, or handle emotional intimacy once things become real.

Social conditioning plays a role too. Many men grow up learning how to pursue women, but not how to maintain emotional vulnerability. In the beginning, being affectionate feels exciting and rewarding. Later, when the relationship becomes emotionally deeper and more routine, some retreat because they were never taught how to comfortably exist in emotional closeness long term.

And honestly, sometimes people present idealized versions of themselves early on. Not always intentionally. When we really like someone, we naturally exaggerate our best qualities. We become more attentive, more patient, more romantic. Over time, people relax into who they actually are. That can feel like “he changed,” when in reality the polished version simply faded.

Of course, this does not mean every relationship is doomed to become emotionally dry and lifeless like a forgotten houseplant in the corner of a café. Healthy relationships usually replace intense excitement with stability, trust, comfort, and consistency. The problem is not when butterflies disappear. The problem is when respect and effort disappear with them.

Real love is not just who someone is during the first three months when everything feels cinematic. It is who they become once the novelty wears off and ordinary life begins.

P.S. Writing this while currently experiencing it myself made everything hit harder. I mixed research with my own thoughts because honestly, this kind of change is really painful to go through. Maybe men are just emotionally confused little creatures with Wi-Fi and gym memberships. Who knows.