The Strong Father I Want To Be

FATHER’S DAY TRIBUTE

The Strong Father I Want To Be

I miss you every day, pops, and want to be a strong father like yourself to my daughter on the way

Celebrating pops birthday at his favorite steakhouse! Photo by author

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Losing you at 76, I thought we had another five or even ten more years with you. But that’s the thing, nothing in life is ever guaranteed. Waking up the next day is a blessing.

I just really miss having you around. As I got older, you became my mentor, psychiatrist, and best friend all in one.

I always felt like I could come to you with any problem I was having, especially as I got older. When you were younger, you went through everything I went through. Talking things over with you always made me feel better!

You never judged me or made me feel bad for anything. I could hear the disappointment in your voice when I was younger, but that went away as I got older.

I’m still pretty raw emotionally from all of this, but I know you are doing well up there.

When I’m struggling, I can hear you tell me, “I’m sorry to put you through this, but I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, John.”

All my little brain can come up with is that you are up in heaven, carrying around your guitar, playing all you want, and enjoying life with family and friends.

Music and sports were your life! But music was your first love. I admired your legendary storytelling! It could be a simple band practice when you were 15, a couple of blocks from your house, but I felt like I was there because of your amazing details.

You always made playing guitar look effortless. I always thought you would have made a great teacher.

You did teach guitar at one point in your life, and even a school teacher. Dad, you were always patient when you taught me how to do something, or taught me any new information. I could tell you really enjoyed sharing your knowledge with us kids.

Coming down on weekends to your house was great, and difficult. There were some weekends I didn’t want to go back home to Mom’s, and some that I didn’t want to come over to Fullerton.

I was young when the divorce happened. I didn’t know how to tell you or anyone that I was struggling with it.

Why did I spend time at two houses every week? Why did my parents marry other people and have more kids?

Of course, now that I’m older, I’m very happy with both families and happy I have everyone in my life.

Some of the best and worst times were the long drives to your house on Friday, and then back to Mom’s on Sunday night. I learned so much about you, sports, and the world.

We listened to countless Dodgers games over that time. You always said Vin Scully was like listening to your best friend. Just you, me, and Vinny!

We also listened to a lot of Chick Hearn and the Lakers. After you listened to the traffic report, we were clear for any game going on at the time.

You were just so attentive with all of us, and genuinely cared about what was going on in our lives.

I really want to pass down what I learned from you to your granddaughter. I’m extremely sad she won’t meet you, but at least you did know of her.

If you were sad or struggling with something, I never knew until quite a while after. Later on in life, I learned we almost lost the house, or other struggles. But you never showed it.

I know I also saw less because I was only around on the weekends, but you were extremely strong!

Settling insurance claims was no easy task. Some weekends, you had to take your work home to finish. I know you would have rather tried to make it big with a band. But thank you for giving up your dreams to give us a great life.

I’m extremely happy you did get to live out your band dreams later in life. Time Flyz, and Shades of Rock added the best guitarist. Going to your shows and seeing how happy you were brought me so much joy.

Thank you, Pops, for everything!

My daughter deserves the best of everything and the best version of me. That is my vow to her. It’s going to be tough, but I want to get her into sports. Not as much as I am, but at least show her how sports bring people together and help you forget about your problems for a brief time.

I’m outnumbered now because her mom does not like sports, but she understands how important they are to me.

If you don’t like sports, princess, then that's alright. I only ask to at least give it a try.

I don’t want my daughter to have any burdens at all while she is young. I just want her to concentrate on school and discovering herself as a person with all the good things life has to offer.

Financially, I am very worried. And you have told me you had those same worries, and everything worked out. As hard as it is for me, I believe it for myself in due time.

Dad, we couldn’t fix anything if our life depended on it, but we gave it our best shot — or we find someone who can. As long as we can get things done, then that is all that matters.

Each day that has passed has gotten better, but not easier. I still get a few tears when you are mentioned or see a photo of you.

I’m just glad I have time to grieve until my daughter is born, but I think I always get a little sad at times. It is absolutely crazy that her due date is December 28, and your birthday is December 29. Although I don’t think she will last that long in Mom’s stomach.

This ode to you is a long time coming because I really miss our weekly phone calls and countless texts throughout the week, too. Besides my wife, you are the first person I want to tell things to. That’s what I really miss most.

Our family has gotten even stronger and closer. I’m thankful for that. And the new addition coming brings so much joy to all of us. Sorry you had to wait so long, but we were trying — a lot!

Because of you, I know I will be a great father. Thanks for everything, Papa, and we’ll see each other again one day!

Thank you for reading!