A Month In

What I’ve discovered so far

I’ve never seen the water glow with the colors of the rainbow before

I’ve survived my first month here. Sometimes, I’m not quite sure how I pulled it off. It can be a challenge to go from modern to nearly primitive, which is why (I’m sure) my well-traveled, retired Army lieutenant colonel brother is convinced that I won’t last six months. He forgets that I’m a retired Air Force staff sergeant and we were in Korea together before Korea was a bona fide fully developed country. Anyway, I’d like to share some of my adventures so far.

First, my house. I’ve discovered that Panamanians don’t cut down tiles to fit the stairs; they build the stairs to fit the tiles — and they use twelve inch tiles. I’ve learned to high step to go up and to move slowly coming down. I’ve discovered that several of the receptacles make a disturbing popping sound when I plug anything in. I’ve discovered that dressers and closets aren’t a thing near the beach. I’m not sure what they do with their clothes. A plastic bin maybe? I’ll have to figure out storage. I’ve also learned that the home owner (who sometimes uses the house on the back of the property) is noisy when she drinks. As are the assistant with her and her friend; they scared me coming up the side of the house because they were a little wound up. (But just a little). I heard the guy first; otherwise, I would have been fine.

I’ve discovered that the faucets here give the illusion of choice. There is only cold water, no matter what you turn. I’ve discovered that it’s possible to wash long hair without having cold water run down your back, sucking the air from your lungs. I’ve discovered that your body adjusts to the cold water if you give it time. I’ve discovered that everyone here is on a septic system, so we throw away used toilet paper unless it’s “soiled”. That’s a major adjustment and sometimes, I still forget. Some habits die hard…

I’ve discovered that I’m really spoiled by my towels, so I have to buy some that wrap around me, not just my butt. And while it’s possible to wash dishes in cold water, I’m going to be boiling water for that. I’ve discovered that most of the beach houses for rent here are rented like they are back home: by the weekend, week, or month. Long term leases are not usually a thing, but the owners are happier to get a long term renter than to keep doing short term leases. There’s less of a hassle and more guaranteed income. Long term renters are also more likely to make upgrades to improve their lives. Owners are loath to sell; they live in the city, but they live for the beach. I feel that.

I’ve discovered that it’s possible for “professional” truck drivers to drive even worse than they do in the States. I’ve also discovered that there’s apparently a world-wide shortage of blinker fluid because no one here uses their turn signals either. I’ve discovered that taxis go first, laws be damned. I’ve discovered that a pedestrian crosswalk and having the right-of-way is no guarantee that drivers will stop instead of turning you into a speed bump. I’ve also discovered that US speed bumps aren’t as bad as we think; here, they’re small hills. I’ve also discovered that it’s as possible to lose a car in the potholes here as it is in the States, but the local municipality won’t foot the bill. Another reason not to have a car here…

I’ve discovered that birds make weird noises here at night. I have no idea what’s making some of the noises. I can identify a few insects and a couple of birds as being what they are, but there are other things I’m clueless about. Is it a bird, a bug, a lizard, a frog, or something I can’t even classify? It will take time to learn. I learned that some people will take advantage of your ignorance of the language. I ordered a glass of pineapple juice (piña) ; I received a piña colada. I don’t mind much. I like piña coladas, but it doubled the price of my drink. This was only an issue because I had limited cash on hand — and everything requires cash here en la playa. Folks aren’t using debit cards or scanners here unless they’re from the city or foreigners. Cash is still king in the more remote areas. I’m okay with that. I discovered that gas ranges that require a match or lighter are no worse than any other gas range (you just have to light the match or lighter before you turn on the gas) and using ovens isn’t huge here. I discovered I can catch snapper and other fish across the street at low tide. I also discovered all you need to fish here is a rod, a reel, and bait. Maybe not even a rod; my friend told that there’s a woman here who fishes from the rocks. She uses a soda can as her rod and reel. No one pays to fish; the water and the fish belong to everyone.

I’ve discovered that weekends and holidays are made for people to leave the city and head to the beach. Sounds just like home, except it’s always summer here, so people are always here. I visited another house I almost rented. It’s in the middle of all of the action — and people jockeying for parking spaces (to include taking the space of the people who live there). I’ve discovered that no one gets to listen to an uninterrupted song on the radio. The DJ breaks in to identify himself (it’s always a him) and then the station identification follows. This occurs roughly every twenty to twenty-five seconds. The screaming children, the various forms of music blasting, the people taking over is a lot. It’s a bit inconvenient being on the unpaved part of the street, or having really high steps in the house, or sharing the property with others, but it’s SO much quieter. It’s worth the hassles. There were at least four groups of people playing dueling speakers at one time right across the street from Eric, my realtor. I’m sure that had a lot to do with his kids waking up from their naps early. Nope; I’m good. I’ll trudge through the mud in the rainy season. Peace is good.

I think my next post will be about the wildlife I’ve encountered so far. It’ll be fun to share the stories of what crept under the door. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading!