The family thing, coming back again

The family thing, coming back again

Something at work happened. my new manager had a chat with my recent hire without my knowledge. it was an emotional rollercoaster.

As i was talking to my Therapist today, I found out that what is really bothering me was not so much the work stuff as much as it was the same theme from our last session, the pressure and guilt from my parent. The catastrophising of family implying pressure of me being near them back home home which is not what I want. On the other side, the guilt associated of not being with them if something happened, if one of them deceased. The guilt i will be living with which i don’t know where it comes from and i have the sense of taking part responsibility in

The overall family overwhelming pressure outweighs the work and the loneliness stuff.

A question that came as an outcome from my session today

1. WHERE DO I REALLY WANT BE RIGHT NOW? NOT WHERE SHOULD I BE?

On dealing with catastrophising things (personally or at work), I can deal with that by

• Challenging it by imagining the worst case scenario and asking myself, so what? (memories from childhood are coming back to me cause I used to do that(
• Another way is by mindfully catching it, labeling it, parking it on the side and noticing its frequency. With time, the dissociation works.

When my day starts, I have to clarify my intentions. What works for me is

1. Ask myself, WHAT IS IT THAT I DON’T WANT MY DAY TO LOOK LIKE
2. SO HOW DO I WANT IT TO BE
3. WHAT ACTION SHOULD I TAKE i.e. I don’t want to be laying down in bed, or on the couch wasting my day. I want to be outside doing a run and being active, so what I will do today is go out for a run

Few suggestion from my therapist on observations of what worked for me in our call

• nurture my plants (touch and feel them)
• run and be active. if i want, do something fun from childhood like climbing a tree) =)
• hands down on my legs (to ground myself)

Observation from my therapist

• Am I catastrophising things at work (to manifest them) and hence not work, get fired and end up going back home to spend time with family — back to the codependent place where I feel safe and secure. where possibly I may also may confront my parents eventually

• Maybe I am yearning to resolve family issues? → possibly that’s what’s bugging me the most. Since these family issues have been open since I discovered them 7 months ago and what is happening right now is that I am unable to come to closure on them as yet (unlike other issues in my life which can’t be parked on the side for too long)