Friends

I don’t think friends should see you only when you’re in pain.

I’ve seen a lot of people who feel invisible in their own friend group. Watching a girl walking behind her friends or asking them something about what happened, and neither are telling her about it, feels like someone stabbed me a hundred times. It reminds me of my own “friends”, and the pain they gave me, and the pain I survived for 12 years, before breaking up with them, this year, and it genuinely felt like i had broken free from a prison. Honestly, just breaking up with the people you grew up with is incredibly tough, because most people really just stay thinking that their friends will be less. “Oh, whom will I talk to?” while knowing very well, that even when they were friends with those people, they still weren’t talking to you. The fear of missing out on great friendships is real, and I have exeperienced it as well. 2 years ago, I broke up with my ex best-friend because she was talking trash about me behind my back to look “cool” in front of the popular kids. And back then, I had my friend group supporting me. And that takes me to the line i used in the start “friends should not see you only when you’re in pain.” It’s like these people thrive on pain of others, they feel wanted whenever someone else breaks up with their friends — or partner. Their mindset is possibly “One less person, and if everyone slowly leaves them, we’ll be the only people left for them, and they’ll grow dependent on us.” It’s better to stay away from such people. We’re young, we should not have to go through a pain of losing a friendship. I’m grateful for the time they were friends with me, but i knew the ending was inevitable, i just pushed it forward. If you’re friends with someone, don’t take them granted for just simple being there. I know I would always be there for them, then why did they only see me when I would cry? These people make you cry so much while being in the friendship, that when your friendship falls apart, there’re no more tears left to cry. And no — i don’t believe in karma, and no — I’m not as much as a saint you took me to be. I am not going to wish well to you, when you broke me into thousands of pieces, and still managed to break me further.

have you ever felt suffocated in a friendship full of thorns you took to be roses?

was I toxic for leaving, or you, for leaving me out?