The Case For Rebounding

And Going Against Conventional Wisdom

Introduction

We are advised against rebounding onto the next person when we suffer a break-up. There are a couple of reasons given for this.

The first is that if the person we rebound onto also dumps us, our trauma supposedly doubles.

Second, this is supposed to be disrespectful to the person we rebound onto as they are merely a replacement for another person instead of appealing to us in their own right.

Double Trauma

Let’s explore whether there’s any truth to our mental trauma doubling if the person we rebound onto also leaves us.

This isn’t the case. When we rebound onto somebody, we replace the previous love with them. So, the previous trauma is erased.

Therein lies the appeal of rebounding. It’s the easiest and fastest way to overcome a break-up.

If the rebound also breaks up with us, we will be back in the trauma of dealing with a breakup, which is where we were before rebounding.

So, our situation hasn’t worsened. It’s the same as before, and we can keep rebounding.

Disrespect

When we rebound onto someone, do we disrespect that person? This is true only if we rebound onto someone we wouldn’t have chosen if we weren’t rebounding.

My Experience

Instead of making this only theoretical, let us see if my experience agrees with what I have just said.

I had a beautiful girlfriend when I was in seventh grade. She moved to a distant school, and we lost contact. We knew this would happen beforehand.

So, I spent two months of the summer break crying every day. When eighth grade started, I participated in all the extra-curricular activities to forget my pain.

One such activity was a play, ‘The Rowland Ruby’, in which I was the antagonist. I did well, and the bad boy role might have helped because this was how I managed to grab the attention of the hottest girl in high school.

She introduced herself to me and complimented my performance. The girlfriend was promptly forgotten, and I rebounded onto this girl, and the next two years revolved around her.

However, my pocket money was too little to date her. So, our interactions fell short of dating.

She was older than me, and she got a job when I was in tenth grade. I tried to rebound again but didn’t find anybody mature enough to be interested in me.

They either acted like little girls or didn’t interest me. I forced myself to like a girl in my class but realised it wasn’t working, friend-zoned her, and didn’t rebound this time.

In eleventh grade, considered college-level under my state syllabus, Dad hiked my pocket money because the college was far away, and I needed more money.

But I didn’t need all the money and could afford to date. I asked the girl from high school out, but she had moved on.

I rebounded onto a girl in class and moved too fast with her. It freaked her out and she broke up with me.

For the next two years, I didn’t rebound. Such phases were the worst when I was lonely and considered suicide, though not seriously.

When I was in engineering college, I met a girl, and we liked each other, but she was a gold digger who moved on to a rich guy, and I again didn’t rebound.

In my first job, I met a girl who was too crazy. She dumped me for no apparent reason, and I’m one of those rare guys who can understand women.

So, it wasn’t a case of me not understanding a woman’s valid reasons for dumping me; there were no valid reasons.

I managed to win her back but realised it would only be temporary. She might revert to her crazy ways. So, I had to let her go and didn’t rebound again.

In my second job, I met someone who had a boyfriend. I still courted her. She got engaged, but things turned sour, and she wanted to break off her engagement. However, she wanted to date me first.

I wanted her to break off the engagement before I dated her. She got tired of the deadlock, patched things up with her fiance, and they got married.

I then rebounded onto my wife. Even though our married life isn’t perfect, it’s probably better than being alone. At least now, I have a wife and two kids.

I have felt every girl I have rebounded onto was good enough for me. I would have chosen them even if not rebounding. So, I didn’t disrespect any of them.

Conclusion

My experience shows that the reasons for not rebounding are not valid. The four occasions when I didn’t rebound were the only tough times.

When I did rebound three times, it was smooth sailing. The rule of thumb is that once is an incident, twice is a coincidence, and thrice is a pattern.

We have enough data to see that not rebounding makes things difficult, and rebounding makes things easy. This validates what I have argued above.

I also didn’t disrespect anybody I rebounded onto as they were all worthy of me, and I didn’t carry any emotional baggage into new relationships.

I always started afresh with everyone I rebounded onto. So, none of them got a raw deal.

Still, I would not recommend this approach to others. What if things don’t work out for you like they did for me?

I leave it up to you to decide whether it makes sense for you to rebound, like me, or stick to conventional wisdom.

Originally published at https://abhilashchandrashekar.substack.com.