Sheath of Distractions

By Michael Erlewine

The Ven. Khenchen Thrangu Rinpoche:

“Delusion is foggy by nature. Though it might be foggy and dull, the nature of mind itself is always clear. It is always knowing; it can always understand something.

“When we experience delusion, we do not see this quality, but actually the clarity of the mind never ceases. The mind is always clear and knowing; it never turns into something like a stone. Clear self-awareness is continually present and knowing.

If we look into our natural face — if we look at the essence of the delusion itself, it is wide awake, which means that it is clear. It’s as if there is a little gap. This nature is called the dharmadhatu wisdom. When you look at the essential nature of mind, you see that it is clear and knowing as well as being empty.”

End of quote.

I saw clearly when I had a major stroke. There I was in the hospital, surrounded by doctors and nurses on every side.

And yet I was clear as a bell, more clear that I have any memory of, yet I could not find my way back into what we call the Self. The Self had been shattered by the stroke and was unreachable, nowhere to be found, try as I might. You know I tried.

And yet there was this crystal clarity, something devoutly to be wished from dharma practice, yet just nowhere to hide or retreat to from the clarity. I could not turn it off.

It was like my eyelids were propped open by toothpicks. And I was unable to express and put into words my state of mind. At first, mute, but later very articulate while still with no access to my historical self. I had nowhere to hide or rest for the clarity.

And so, my own experience supports what Thrangu Rinpoche is saying above. The clarity of the mind itself is beyond description yet ever present. The coat or cover of my Self was for quite some time unreachable. I lost the hooks to it and was left naked in the eye-forward pain of no distraction whatsoever. That was the bright white light that the bardo texts speak of — no distractions.

Usually, we are wrapped up in complete distraction and entertainment, and for that to suddenly be lost, turned off, is a shock to the system. We are not used to being undistracted and just perfectly clear.

So, what is called the ‘white light’ is not an actual light, but rather the shock of being suddenly undistracted, which we find too painful to withstand. It’s too much all at once. We try to turn away, every which way but loose, as they say, but there is no room in the inn, so to speak. That is excruciatingly painful, as I well know. And it can go on for a long, long time, hours, days, weeks, and more to varying degrees.

Trying to get back into our cocoon-like sheath of Samsaric comfort, when it is impossible to achieve that, leaves us feeling stark naked like in the white-hot heat of a desert.

And so, despite the endless books, essays, and articles about finding our Self, the real terror comes when we loose out Self and cannot find it or reanimate it once it is shattered.

Since the Self is a construct, once shattered the Self has to be reconstructed, piece by piece. This takes actual construction. When we eventually pass on, our Self will be left as we enter the bardo, so we will be stripped of our Self, all our attachments, and entertainments. We will be, as I experienced in my major stroke, clear as bell and have no place to hide, suddenly.

Against that eventuality, it behooves us to take note and do whatever we can to prepare for that event.

[Midjourney graphic prompted by me.]

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As Bodhicitta is so precious,

May those without it now create it,

May those who have it not destroy it,

And may it ever grow and flourish.