Oceans and Engines 2

I sometimes hate myself for being too considerate and thoughtful.

People say it’s a losing game. ‘’You shouldn’t have been with him. You should’ve walked away from the start.’’

I’m sorry, but I can’t regret something that felt so real.

‘’just because things ended, doesn’t mean that whatever happened was a waste.’’

It wasn’t a waste. Because through it, I discovered who I am when I’m in love. I learned what love feels like, what it means to be loved, and what it means to love in return. I learned what joy looks like, and yes, what hurt feels like too.

Even though things ended, I still have good times, I still laughed, I still had fun. I still felt love at some point in time. I still love the other person at some point in time.

So, how could it be a waste of time, when now I know what I want and what I don’t want in someone? How could it be a waste, when I discovered that I am capable of being so happy, so alive, with another person?

It may sound crazy, but all of that was only possible because I gave myself the chance to. And even though it didn’t last, it gave me something priceless.

Things could be better, and they could also be worse. I find myself caught in so many ‘what ifs’. I’m feeling so weak and sad, but I know I’ll be okay soon.

Because in the end, everything has settled where it belongs. Everything has fallen into place.

Love, D

ps: maaf ya ges kalo tulisan aku lebay wkwk pasti banyak sih yang lebih sedih, lebih rumit, lebih sakit, lebih lama relationship nya, lebih gatau harus gimana.. dan masalah aku emang gaada apaapa nya. tapi dengan nulis ini bikin aku lumayan lega. makasih yaa semua udah baca.