People Pleasing: 4 Helpful Ways To Stop

“Hey, how about we go to that play? — Ya sure”

“Hey, are you available for a party on Sunday? Indeed, I am.

Hey, I understand that you have a lot on your plate, but would you mind lending me a hand with this project? Sure, no worries.

Do you relate to this?

If you don’t, you probably aren’t a people-pleaser, but those who are will understand exactly what we mean.

Every one of us has at some point given in to peer pressure and said yes to something we didn’t want to, yet since we are social creatures, it is occasionally acceptable to do so. We need that validation and a sense of belonging. Do we know where to draw the line? That is the question we must ask ourselves. Where should we stop? It’s something to think about, but before obsessing over it, it’s important to understand what it means to be a people-pleaser.

People Pleasing: What Is It?

Simply said, being overly pleasant or helpful to other people is what it means to be a people-pleaser. There is a lot of rose-tinted spectacles in this point of view. A people-pleaser is someone who goes above and beyond to ensure that others have everything they need and more, often at the expense of their own needs and desires, in addition to being nice and helpful to others when they need it. Saying no to people is really difficult, but for someone who is a people-pleaser, it is even more difficult. The fear of losing others, not being liked, and not being accepted for who they are are typically the root causes of people-pleasing. They put so much effort into trying to please everyone that they end up losing themselves in the process.

One may wonder how much a person’s life is impacted by pleasing others. In addition to ignoring their desires, people-pleasers have a tendency to poison relationships over time. As previously said, a people-pleaser has their own set of worries and insecurities in addition to caring about what everyone wants.

Many people take use of them for their own gain and well-being. They feel more confident and valued when they are relied upon for anything.

The issue is that these efforts are rarely returned, and it’s not usually because the other person is poisonous or taking advantage of them. There are boundaries that should not be crossed, and everyone deserves their space. People-pleasers believe they have the right to a large portion of another person’s time and space just because they are assisting them.

They find it quite difficult to think about their desires and wants and to work alone.

4 Helpful Ways To Stop People Pleasing

1. Put yourself first.

We can’t emphasise this enough, but when it’s not convenient for you, stop answering “yes.” Saying no when you’re busy is a good place to start. Eventually, you will get better at saying no, not only when you have work but when you want to spend your time doing the things that make you happy.

2. Stop Avoiding Fights

Stand up for yourself , not saying how you feel to avoid a fight with a loved one does not show how much you value that relationship. Not having clear communication is one of the biggest red flags in a relationship and is creating nothing but harm to the connection.

3. Try New Hobbies

Learn something you have wanted to do for a long time or rediscover your passion for anything you loved doing. The only way to know what you like and what you do not is by trying new hobbies.

4. Express Yourself

Start by talking to yourself about things you want- you can journal it, look in the mirror and talk to yourself, record voice notes, or anything that makes you feel comfortable. The first step to confidence is acceptance. Only when you believe in yourself, only when you make yourself feel important would you be able to see how much others value you. Only then would you be able to keep expectations and know what you deserve?

The GoodLives App supports you with mindfulness exercises, self-reflection tools, and guided meditations that help build boundaries and self-worth — so you can show up for yourself, too.