The Strength Behind the Silence: What PMS Really Feels Like

This too shall pass

Photo by M. on Unsplash

Imagine you’re in a room. You’re the only person in that room. The walls are white and there is a mirror that is about your height. You stand in front of the mirror and your reflection is talking to you. It’s telling you that whatever you have achieved so far doesn’t matter. That the people who love you will leave you. That whatever you put your heart into, you give it up because you lack discipline. And even though in your heart you know that none of this is true, it doesn’t matter. You succumb to every word spoken by your reflection.

That is what PMS or Premenstrual Syndrome (a combination of physical and emotional symptoms that occur one to two weeks before a menstrual period) feels like for me. And after I turned 30, the intensity of the symptoms (bloating, fatigue, breast tenderness, headaches, mood swings, irritability, anxiety and sadness) has increased times 100.

I know myself. I really do. How can I not when I journal and write about how I feel every week. No one knows themselves better once they love their own company and have the courage to sit with their thoughts. Therefore, whatever my mind keeps bombarding me during PMS, ideally it shouldn’t affect me.

And yet, every month it gets to me. Thankfully, I talk to my friends about it and they get me out of my head. Sometimes, I just read a book or eat dark chocolate or just cry. Because they all sort of help. And the day before I get my period, you will find me getting teary eyed if I forgot even one item on my to-do list or if I see an emotional scene on TV.

Today as I finally got my period, I have found the emotional capacity to write. And it’s something I felt that I should write about because I am sure countless women battle through this every single month. And yet during this phase, we find ourselves completely composed during meetings, keep our cool in illogical arguments, hold back our tears in front of our loved ones because we don’t want to face their 20 questions.

That’s the kind of strength women hold within their minds and bodies. And that is something all women should be extremely proud of.

But what kept me going through the past week was the constant nudge from my friends that this is just a phase. That no matter what I feel, they are still proud of me. I have been blessed with friends. But if you’re a woman and you feel like you’re all alone and are going through this, please let me tell you that I may not know you personally, but I am proud of you. No matter what your mind is telling you right now, please remember that you are an amazing human and you have achieved far more in life which you should be extremely proud of. This too shall pass. Hang in there.

And dear men, you have no idea how women are extremely good at hiding their emotions. And we wouldn’t dare let our guard down in front of you at a setting where we have fought extremely hard to make a place for ourselves. Therefore, before just casually putting it out there that ‘oh, she must be PMSing so let go of her snappy behaviour’, for once, do consider the emotional turmoil she is going through within. And a kind soul will always apologise for any reckless behaviour once the dark phase is over.

Call it a rant or call it an expression of emotions, I always write what I feel. Because someone out there is going through the exact feeling and is looking for a safe space to acknowledge their emotions. And with this write up, I am hoping, that if a woman out there is sinking deep into her dark hole of emotions, may these words be the light she needs to get herself out of her head.

Its time to get lost into the magic of this beautiful and heartfelt poem written by Suma Narayan.

[embed]My Poems Are Not Poems They are the breathings of my heartmedium.com

Another beautiful and heartfelt poem written by Sarah Scorze touched my heart. Do give it a read.

[embed]Not As She Seemed, and Exactly as She Appeared The many contradictory memories of my mother.medium.com

Thank you so much for your time!