Diving for Light

Alchemy of a Healing Crisis

Last month, I received an alarming diagnosis: pre-cancerous cells in my uterine wall.

The prescribed treatment? A full hysterectomy.

Needless to say, it hit me hard — like a shockwave that rippled through every part of my life. It was one of the loudest wake-up calls I’ve ever received, demanding the question: “Will you choose life, or continue to live in a death script?” And in that moment, diving for light became my saving grace, a call to persist, to reclaim, and to be reborn. There are layers of shedding that only become available when we are willing (or forced) by higher self to dive into our worst fears, to reveal our true essence.

It was a reminder that all our lives–and all of its conditions–rely on the inner condition of the “one” living it. And this is a lot — to take accountability this in a culture that has been imprinted with placing power, the will, knowing outside of itself. The following is a story of this and how it landed in my particular life context. But we all have our own unique context created by our individual lenses — so read the following words through this understanding.

If you’re reading this you have crossed the threshold of the womb, for it is the threshold between life and death — a bridge linking the spiritual and physical realms. In ancient traditions, this threshold was embodied by Asherha, a goddess some believed to be Yahweh creator, and later his wife. She appears in the Hebrew Bible roughly forty times as the Queen of Heaven, the Lady of the Sea, and as a sacred grove of trees. Across cultures she has taken many names — Ishtar, Inanna, Hathor, Venus — different faces of Love incarnate. One of her most powerful symbols is a “door” or threshold without walls, a passage that holds holographic instructions for living: that true aliveness exists only in the present moment. She draws timelessness into form, anchoring the eternal now within the physical world.

At least this is how this revelation was shown to me this last month: a map to Reality, as creation itself. It took hearing the doctor’s words for this truth not only to make sense in my mind, but to land fully in my mind and body as gnosis. In that instant, a veil lifted — a great remembering of what has always been before it was distorted and covered up.

The alchemist’s journey is to enter our own darkness and transform it into light, trusting that when we commit to Truth, it will find us. I’ve been walking this path my whole life, long before I understood it had a name. Imagine my relief when I discovered that I wasn’t alone — that I belonged to a lineage of others who share this sacred practice–sacred because it reminds us of our integrity–our wholeness as a birthright. We all have our unique talents and roles in this world, but as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to observe that alchemy underlies everything. Every moment, every being, carries light beneath the surface.

This path — my path — now requires a blending of life’s waters: emotions, fires of creation, and the inspiration that drives our actions and experiences. And here’s the truth: We are experiencing something akin to Noah’s flood, an internal cleansing of the soul. The waters that rise are the torrents of life’s currency — repressed, unexpressed, unlived life, crying out to be seen, heard, and loved. Righteous rage stirs in this loss, a rage too profound to be spoken, only felt and witnessed in its immensity. All of this is happening as an inner fire quickens, stoking the flames of my reclamation. It’s all coming together — merging within me — bringing me back to my body. And in doing so, I’ve learned to feel and attune to it in ways that our tightly curated culture has long denied. I’ve come to realize that my body is a portal to the cosmos, a doorway to the quantum reality beneath it all.

And yet, there are still very practical steps to healing I must take. When I let go, I found the right healing practitioner, just the right remedies but was crying out for. And I am still a bit unnerved, awestruck by the wisdom nature has been communicating to me thru my body — this goes against the main currents of the medical model, the recovery model, and moves straight to what a new colleague of mind calls the wellness model. And of course, they all have a place for us, in different stages of development.

When this realization hit me — it came in waves: the framework of my being isn’t big enough for this transformation. The categories that others insist I live in can no longer contain me. The social niceties — the obligations to keep up the farce — are suffocating, and I can’t play along anymore. The consequences of continuing the illusion are deadly — not only to me — but to us all. It’s as though I’ve been struck by lightning, my entire being vibrating with the thunder of urgency. The luxury of dwelling in an imagined past or future is no longer available. It’s “now o’clock” — and this moment demands my full presence. Everyone is required for this part of the journey, as I am squeezed beyond recognition.

I think Creator has been trying to tell me all along. I just had no idea how it would feel, until now.

So, what does this mean? We are being asked to reconnect with an intelligence so ancient, so vast, that the only appropriate response is to bow in awe. The kind of awe that splits our mind wide open through the splendor of it. I call this intelligence Her — the force that the entire human experience was built upon, then forgotten as we slowly drifted too far from Her. She slumbers beneath us, silently breathing, waiting for our cells to vibrate in remembrance. We are Her. She is us. And as Her awakening stirs within me, I realize that She is not here to lull us into complacency, to distract us with fleeting pleasures as we’ve been led to believe. These are merely the surface-level, booby prizes for those that are distracted by appearances. We are about to see beyond this if we are courageous and trust, to look behind these glossy screens that have kept many in a manufactured, dopamine stupor.

The invitation is here, my friends: to step into our embodied experience. A level of being that has been indoctrinated to desecrate, silence, and suppress itself, upholding a predatory consciousness that we’ve internalized against ourselves. A consciousness that has told us that authentic being is unwelcome here — that self-love is not allowed.

The time has come to reclaim our bodies, as our sacred homes on this planet. They’ve paid the price for too long, living in this curated fishpond. This awakening is perhaps the most difficult because it requires us to question everything: the structures, the stories, the self-referencing mechanisms that have shaped this world and its false sense of belonging. It calls for dismantling all of it — not in fear, but curiousity, inspiration, and the light of our knowing what is emerging will carry us where we need to go.

Remembering how to love, allow, ourselves and all that entails — is the very core truth of our existence — is the most radical act we can engage. In a world built on duality, we’re taught to choose sides, to fight, to oppose — to separate, within ourselves, and reject, instead of accept what is in us. Yet this is the delusion we live in, the illusion we suffer under. Transformation comes not through opposition but through integration — by becoming the still point between the two, the space where they unite. We’ve built a mythology around other people’s importance, where power is equated with force, authority with demanding, and authenticity with acquiescence. We are being invited to realize that we’ve been living under an illusion — a world where disregard was mistaken for care, where self-rejection was seen as noble, and where self-betrayal became the price of belonging.

But this truth cannot be merely an abstraction or a concept. It must be lived, felt, and embodied in every corner of our being. And as I write this, I’m reminded that the impact of such a journey isn’t just intellectual — it is visceral, felt in every layer of our experience — flickering, pulsing, twitching. It changes how we inhabit our bodies, how we understand safety, and how we move through the world.

There is a dimension of this journey that I can’t fully explain, but only feel into. I’ve been carrying it for years — shaped by it — and I still struggle to grasp the depths of its effect. But I know this: living with the aftermath of sexual violation alters everything. Those who haven’t walked this path, or repressed it, may not fully understand the profound reach it has. Yet, paradoxically, it this very experience that has also opened up a well of compassion within me — of awareness that allows me to recognize boundaries with a level of sensitivity that many in today’s world don’t recognize. This heightened awareness, often mistaken by others for shyness or lack of confidence, is the mark of a guardian — a protector of the sacred lines that must never be crossed without consent, offered by the will. However, this implies we have possession and mastery over our own will.

The more insidious and deeply wounding aspect of sexual violation is that it becomes entangled with arousal — how my young body is groomed to associate boundary-crossing with love, with attention, with affection, when it was nothing more than a distorted desire for dominance and control. This is the distortion we’re all born into, especially women — taught to objectify ourselves, to become instruments of someone else’s pleasure, never questioning the harm done in the process. Of course men suffer from a different kind of reification — another form of disconnection from authentic power, which justifies a felt sense of entitlement to HER.

This conditioning runs deep. It’s a system that relegates our desires to second place — an afterthought in a world that demands we sacrifice ourselves for the supposed “greater good.” Hardwired to feel aroused by this dynamic is to betray oneself again and again — unable to stop the predilection — a reflection of how profoundly our sexuality is shaped by a culture that desecrates what should be our most sacred, most liberated expression. And HER body — my body — has paid the price. We all have — and now, SHE is calling us to re-member the living convenant.

Heart disease is the leading cause of death for women in the U.S. A sick heart. The second is cancer of the breast and womb — where the body begins to turn on itself. It’s a distortion acted out on the most fundamental level. To speak these truths is one thing. But to receive a diagnosis — that changes everything. May we all remember our highest knowing, our truest essence, and authentic power as step through this next threshold of BE-ing with the gold of grace; to hold one another with it as well.