[embed]I survived the bread of affliction and all I got was this silly post.

Top Reasons Matzah Is Called The Bread of Affliction

I’m Not Kidding When I Say It’s A Pain In The Butt.

Long before there were burger chain drive throughs, there was Matzah. TeePublic.

Hey everybody, it’s Passover, the holiday where we Jews celebrate our being freed from slavery in Egypt. And how do we do this? Do we dance and have food festivals like people who recall Juneteenth and the Emancipation Proclamation? Do we recall it modestly with two minutes of silence like Europeans recall Armistice Day? No, we do it by having a long dinner that celebrates our freedom and spend the rest of the week eating matzah and matzah-based products while excluding celebratory foods like beer and cake.

For those of you who didn’t know, we Jews eat the flat, unleavened, unflavored breads that look like particle board or a failed attempt at braille because our ancient forefathers (and mothers) were ejected from Egypt during prime bread baking time and didn’t have enough time for their bread to rise and had to take it with them. Probably because there weren’t any AM/PMs or WaWas in the desert. In the years since, those flat cracker-like cakes have become known as The Bread of Affliction and not just because of its affiliation with slavery.

Oh no. There are other reasons it’s called the bread of affliction including:

It Shortens Our Lunch Hours.

This happens when people see us eating matzah and keep asking what the hell it is that we’re actually eating. Once we explain, they call over their friends to show it to them and ask us to tell the story again. This can go on for hours.

It’s Tasteless.

And most of the good stuff you would prefer to put on it is not kosher for Passover. You know, like regular cold cuts, bread….and ham.

It’s Expensive.

A pack of five boxes can easily cost upwards of $25. This isn’t Dave’s Killer Bread we’re talking about, either. Come to think of it, even kosher for passover food is expensive. Kosher for passover mustard, mayo or ketchup can go for about $7, little yogurts sell for around $8 and we considered ourselves lucky to get a pound of butter for $9.99. And we can’t exactly call it highway robbery since the sale usually occurs in a grocery store.

You Always Run Out.

It’s something I’ve never really understood. Even though I don’t really like Matzah all that much, I always end up running out before the holiday is over. Go figure. ebay. (Why people would buy this on ebay is beyond me.)

No matter how many boxes you get, you always end up running out around the fifth day when you can’t really say you’re going to tough it out because it’s part of everything you eat during the holiday. So, you have to go out and buy it on the open market when it’s at its most expensive — think Ticketmaster dynamic ticket pricing — rather than the bargain rate you can get on day seven or eight.

And Then There’s All That Affliction Stuff….

The bread of affliction fights back. MyFunnySign

As if all that weren’t bad enough, if you eat too much of it, you end up getting constipation…unless you eat lots of prunes. So, given the combination of bland food and dried fruit, it’s basically a preview of old age. All of which has led me to wonder if the so-called “binding of Isaac” wasn’t so much a reference to Abraham’s tieing up his son on an altar as it was a referral to his difficulty going to the bathroom during Passover.

Regardless, I hope all of you Red Sea Pedestrians out there have an easy bread fast.

I think this says it all, really. I think this says it all. Kveller.

[embed]Join Medium with my referral link - David Volk Read all of my stories (and those of thousands of other writers on Medium). Your membership fee not only supports me…davidvolk1.medium.com