YouTube Comment on Krystal Ball’s Home Movie

Your husband has some seriously freaky energy. I had no idea. Love is cool! I’m on mushrooms. I have been eating them like crazy this whole effing genocide.

My life is falling apart. Nobody want to be around me because all I talk about is this. I can’t even say “fine” at the checkout counter.

I really listened to every phrase in this video and it disturbed me, yet again, to my very core. It’s like, I wake up already knowing the news is going to be worse than I could ever imagine. It’s like some sort of terrible, horrendous game they are playing with us in which they spend all their time greasing rails of despair and horror, sliding out, with ease, a never-ending televised bloodbath of organs and trembling children with their eyes blown out, 3 year old limbs flying everywhere on shiny new platters made of my money, holding guns that say, Proudly made by Seth and Krystal and Laurel and that Cigar guy with the invisible braces, when are they coming off and am i just imaging it? but the most horrible things that could possible happen are happening and NOBODY AROUND ME CARES.

I live in Yachats, OR and just met a woman that works at the grocery store that not only had no idea the CIA overthrew all the governments that it did, but she also did not believe me when I told her it is established fact, that the CIA has admitted it and everyone has known for decades. She’s like, “No, that didn’t happen. It’s fake news.” I’m like, “Ask anyone. Here, this person. I’ll ask: Excuse me sir, you look smart, can you confirm that everyone knows about CIA foreign government overthrows?” He’s like, “No, we would never do something like that.” They’re looking at me like I’m a raving lunatic, which I am slowly becoming so I don’t blame ’em.

And people are like, why does that crying man have lipstick on? I’m like, because, #1 I want to upset stupid people floating through life trying to avoid men wearing lipstick and crying in public and #2, Our leaders are bankrolling genocide, which is a war crime, and since we still cling to the demonstrably false notion that we live in a representative government, that means we are all war criminals. We bought the thousands of non-guided gigantic bombs that were then given to an almost comically villainous sadistic ethno-state havin’ colonist apartheid MIT educated Pennsylvania raised douchebag, and he gave them to his propagandized millennial hitler youth clones with express written orders to please drop on those lousy jerks that complained all the time about having no food and no home. They will be in a refugee camp, so just bomb that and then bomb the hospitals. Lather rinse repeat. Try not to hit the hostages or we might not have a pretext to keep going.

I’m occasionally happy to have you as my hero during the age of the net, so all I have to do to see you is type in your name and up you pop, guided by truth and in a slightly provocative, kookily delightful blouse. It’s like, I think to myself, “Is she prettier or smarter?” and then, “Oh, I just felt the psychic trauma of a terrified infant being cut in two while their sister watched. They don’t have parents anymore.” Then I’m like, “Yeah, but… Krystal gets better looking as she gets older. What’s up with that?”

Then I’m like, “Honey, can we marry Krystal and live in a commune”? And she says, “Enough, Seth! We all know how you feel. And of course we can do that, but she’s gotta be just as into it as we are. Now, I gotta go to work or we’re going to die sooner than we’d prefer and in a much less pleasant manner.”

And I’m like, I’ll be here sweeping and washing the walls to keep things sanitary so that I can keep growing these shrooms that are the only things keeping me slightly sane, my bins and bins of mushrooms growing all over the place