Perfect life fantasy

All my life I had silent fear of rejection. It all made sense because of the way I grew up. What also made sense was the fantasy of perfect life that I created. It’s the recycled story that we see on social media every day: luxury traveling, fast cars, expensive watches, hot woman etc… It was the thing I was chasing like a pig chases a carrot on a stick and to be honest it gave me hope that someday life will be so perfect that I will get all the approval in the world and that noone will reject me anymore.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m growing up and getting wiser. So I started having realistic expectations of life. Suddenly the luxury travel wouldn’t be the escape from all the problems, the fast cars wouldn’t catch so much attention, expensive watches wouldn’t buy me approval and hot woman won’t solve my insecurities. I had been taking almost all these realizations with courage, all but one. The real mental breakdown started during my walk back home from the gym when I realized that people will still reject me even with all the material stuff. 18 hours passed from that painful moment and I’m still a mess. It’s arguably one of the hardest realizsations I’ve had in my life. I can’t calm myself down for the unknown reason, I feel like a kid with ADHD. Maybe it’s better to life in a fantasy sometimes. Or maybe we all need to brake from that bs but we just don’t want to. I know I didn’t want to, but I hope one day it would be worth it.

Do you?