Our Horrific and Beautiful Time at Turtle Bay, North Shore, O’ahu.

Now that the Ritz-Carlton has taken over, the Aloha sprit is broken.

Photo by Jess Loiterton: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-riding-on-blue-kayak-on-blue-sea-under-blue-and-white-cloudy-sky-4601777/

Neither Expedia nor Trip Advisor would publish my review. I got rid of all profanity, tried to make it sound nicer. So I’m publishing it on Medium.

Review of Ritz-Carlton, Turtle Bay:

Well, if you are a white person who comes from old money thru generations, and your kids are into dressing like little Lord Fauntleroy, well, this is the place for you.

I felt so sorry for the people who work here. Most of them are Hawai’ian locals, and they have to put up with these wealthy, self absorbed types who don’t respect, appreciate, or take the time to understand the Hawaiian culture.

And if you didn’t already know this, the whites conquered Hawai’i, which was once a sovereign island. Many Hawai’ians want to secede. Well, I mean, they don’t talk about it, but when u read between the lines when having a convo, you can tell.

It’s the RITZ-CARLTON. Those owners took over, and bam! No more Surfer bar, where all the island’d come to do bomb-ass karaoke. No more local style. Just plastic stuff. Plastic people, who, if they are total demanding assholes, get the best service. Ritz-Carlton tells the poor locals who work there to cater to the wealthiest people staying there.

When we checked in, I learned that there was a Red Bull Fitness event (whatever the fuck that is), as well as a wedding. The Red Bull people looked like models. I appreciated how beautiful and fancy they were. But when we sat near them in the lobby restaurant, listening to their convos about the money they spend and their attitudes towards the world in general, I knew they were shit-filled diamonds. It’s a metaphor. Think about it. Pretty on the outside, but shit inside.

‘Nuff said.

When we checked in, right at check-in, WE WERE EXHAUSTED AND angry and sad AND traveling WITH CHILDREN AND THEY DID NOT HAVE THE KIDS’ ROOM. WE CHECKED IN EXACTLY AT 4:10 PM. Check in is at 4 or even 3, methinks.

OUR ROOM WAS GETTING CLEANED WHEN WE CHECKED IN. But we got our room. YAY! It’s beautiful here, lots of amenities and activities. We’d just moved from a cozy, family-style VRBO on the beach right near Sunset Beach. But we wanted to give the kids Turtle Bay. The pools, the slides, the horses, etc.

The people who work here, so very nice.

We were like, “OK, the kids and us can all hang in our room.. Um, When will the kids’ room be ready?”

Kids’ room took over 2 hours to be ready. Dinner time. Ugh. Growing tween boys.

Well, our room got ready pretty quickly, and the four of us, who’d moved from a lovely sunset beach Airbnb with lovely people and local vibe all over da place — we had a lotta stuff because I shop like a Japanese tourist, especially when with the kids at ABC store, where they have never been, let alone to Hawai’i. I mean, I shop like a Japanese tourist, but without all that money.

Needless to say, I have a cranky back and my boyfriend has a really, really bad hip, where he limps visibly only because he’s too strong and proud to be laid up on a sofa ’til his surgery in a few weeks.

Dealing with moving all our shit was almost more challenging than when I moved into my new house in March. I didn’t have much stuff; I’d left my abusive husband’s house in the middle of the night with as much as I could gather.

Again, my boyfriend has a bad hip. He can barely walk. He played pro soccer. Jeez, WE WANTED TO WATCH SOCCER AND REST. We were exhausted. We LOVE OUR KIDS BUT please GIVE ME A BREAK. KIDS PLAYED IN ROOM FOR 90 MINUTES. NOW IT’S 6: 40 or ? EVERYONE’S HUNGRY, TIRED, angry. Well, I was the jerk who was angry. Those men/boys can handle anything and make a fun game outta that. Did I mention I’ve stayed at Turtle Bay 5 times in the past 10 years? I don’t throw that shit around, but I was married to a wealthy asshole who likes people to wipe his ass for him. Hence, effing Turtle Bay 5 or 6 times.

Not my boyfriend’s family tho. They had never been here. They ain’t even never been on plane barely and never to Hawai’i.

So anyhow, the kids’ room was finally ready, about 2.5 hours after the hotel’s posted check-in. it took THE RITZ-CARLTON at Turtle Bay 90 more minutes to send up a bellhop.

What ever.

I very much dislike the darn Ritz Carlton and we got treated like trash because there was a Red Bull convention and a wedding. YOU RITZ PEOPLE CATERED TO THE VERY WEALTHY, NOT HARD WORKING KINE PEOPLE AND families. SO THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME MOTIVATED TO BUY A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE ON THE LAVA IN WAIMEA AND PROLLY ANOTHER IN SUNSET, at least in my dreams. I hope u LIKE THAT, Ritz-Carlton, BECAUSE I WILL NEVER COME NEAR your HOTEL AGAIN.

Can’t wait to have my own bomb place and invite your staff to live like they deserve. Oh, and you people can come serve them. You whites who are corporate Ritz-Carlton tools in NY or Paris or Vegas or Dubai or ???

BUT, employees Joshua, My girl Jessie, And GODDESS Erin massage, you all rock. sorry u have to work for such ass fucks. buy bye. And the woman at the front desk who checked us in, and Josh at the shop that sells Maui Jims. and everyone who works there for realz. I sure hope the RITZ pays you more. Shame on them, nonetheless. I can’t handle writing about this anymore…