When You’re Too Tired And Sleepy It’s No Point Waking Up Early

MENTAL HEALTH | MORNING ROUTINE | SINGAPORE

When You’re Too Tired And Sleepy It’s No Point Waking Up Early

This feels like torture honestly

photo by author: I couldn’t enjoy the pretty sunrise as I was just too sleepy and also nausea hit me

I’m writing this story, as life happens, so my perspectives may change by the end of the story.

I’ve been having nightmares. And it usually happens in the hours around 6am. Today since I automatically awoke at 3am I decided to not try to return to sleep and have a shower and head out instead.

I’ve been extremely sad, fearful and anxious and have been plagued by nightmares lately.

A thought came to me that one of the side effects of my psoriasis drug is depression but I knew all the logical reasons why I’m sad so I don’t think it’s that. It’s situational rather than biological I feel.

After taking the bus and subway (MRT) I reached the Botanic Gardens before sunrise.

Photo by author

Unfortunately a wave of nausea hit me. And I couldn’t continue. I felt like I may pass out. I made my way to a tiny mall called Cluny Court nearby but no cafe was open.

The only thing open was the supermarket which was freezing. Earlier the bus and MRT felt like fridges as well. A chilly kind of cold that caused goosebumps on your arms.

I decided to call it quits and head home but as I was walking out of the mall, a lady from a new pet friendly cafe walked up to me and asked if I wanted to order. I realise it’s the same cafe I wanted to patronise but they now have this tiny outlet downstairs. But this tiny outlet with only outdoor seating is called Brill. So I just got a sparkling water. It helped quell my nausea. It’s 7.43am now.

photos by author: Singapore can look rather pretty with our lush greenery

I wonder if I can last another 15 minutes and make it for the breakfast I came for. That cafe upstairs only opens at 8am.

Well at least I started on Medium and did a bit of Duolingo on the train. So the morning is not wasted even if I do crash out later.

I really hope to end this story with what I had for breakfast.

Also it is sweet to not have the sunlight and blazing heat for a change. I can still see my floaters but at least the light is not hurting my eyes and causing a migraine. At this time the light is relatively gentler which is why I attempted to wake up early in the first place. I just wish I could do this and not be so tired.

My sleep is just so erratic. I can’t seem to turn off my mind. I have been listening to audiobooks as a shut off for my racing thoughts but the books I pick are usually award winners, and why oh why do award winners always turn out to be so disturbing and bleak. It seems like happy books or happy movies can’t win awards. They want us to experience the pain of the human condition.

Recently I have been so disturbed by The Vegetarian. It was by a Korean author Han Kang, and it won the Booker as well as the Nobel. I can see why it won. It made me angry. It’s a feminist novel and it perfectly revealed how abusive the patriarchal society the character and most probably the author herself lives in can be.

I was waiting to hear the voice of the main character but instead her story is mostly told through her abusive husband. I thought I couldn’t be more riled up and then her abusive father entered the scene which explained why she settled for such a horrible husband.

Both the husband and father are vile violent characters. I hated the way they disrespected and tried to control her. I hated their sexist bullying ways.

The society itself is extremely toxic where everyone especially women are made to abide by social norms. A place where wealth and status rule.

I couldn’t read on after part 1. It seems in the other parts she gets taken advantage of by her brother in law as well. Just makes me so disgusted and perhaps that’s the effect the author intended.

But I so need a reprieve from all of this even though it is reality. In parts of the world women are still being treated in a deplorable fashion. I can see why there is the fight for equality. Still. After all these years.

My partner mentioned that in Korean dramas even the workplace is depicted as very toxic and there is terrible bullying. I wonder why people love these K-dramas but he also mention there is the element of revenge. So I guess that would be satisfying. I don’t want to see bullying though. Had enough in my life. And there was no justice or karma for the perpetrators.

screenshot by author from her Libby app

Let’s change the topic to something more pleasant. Food.

Finally got my breakfast or more like brunch because it’s pretty heavy. A tuna melt. And the much needed latte.

photos by author

The nausea is gone and the coffee has made me less sleepy. I am feeling grateful for good food.

Singapore is not too shabby. We have nice parks and cafes. Also great public transport. I could check the app for the arrival time of the bus. And if you miss one train the next one arrives in 5 minutes.

Photos by author: noticed that a new French cafe as replaced an old local one

I actually observed a rooster crossing the street at the zebra crossing and it was nice to see a car slow down for it.

In the end I don’t regret soldiering through but whether I can do this again I’m not sure.

I wanted to present a very real day in the life today.

This is truly my online diary. I don’t write articles. I write entries.

The publication is now open to everyone who follows it (as Medium prefers it), but please still read the guidelines and the stories our writers contribute to get an idea of what we accept.

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And this one was the most popular one by someone highly respected by us all, Adrienne Beaumont

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