How I Tried to Improve the Unimprovable — or, The Odido Project

Tired of the old-school European mobile providers — almost all of which have dismal Google Maps ratings (rarely above 3/5) — I decided to try something that looked a bit more promising. Enter: Odido.

I won’t say it was a complete disaster, but let’s just say the number of quirks in their service is impressive. It’s honestly a mystery how they’re still operating — maybe simply because the competition is somehow even worse. Take Youfone, for example, which once blatantly overcharged me (and even sent a “correction” letter after I called them out). Or Vodafone, which has also been known to mysteriously apply “accidental” charges. If other telecoms tend to manipulate things in their favor, Odido took a whole different route: they just forgot.

Specifically, they sold me a smartphone with a contract in November — and then failed to activate the contract at all. That meant no bills, not even for the phone itself, for nearly six months. I had to chase them down to start paying, which is a bizarre twist on the usual telecom relationship. It took four visits to their store before they could even locate my contract. And honestly, had I kept quiet, it seems no one would have ever noticed.

But even that odd episode didn’t push me over the edge. What finally did was their legendary attempt to install home internet.

This was a true comedy of errors. The installation team came to my apartment three times, yet never managed to connect it to what was supposedly a standard cable line. And they often let me know about their arrival on the same day. Now imagine coordinating this when you have two neighbors downstairs also depending on the outcome.

One day, after another last-minute visit alert, I couldn’t take it anymore and wrote directly to the CEO of Odido, politely asking when I should actually expect the installers to show up. That, it seems, set off a firestorm. Everyone from C-level executives to field engineers reached out. The next day, yes — they came again. And once again, achieved absolutely nothing.

Eventually, I solved the issue myself. Nobody offered it as an official option, but I just switched to their reasonably decent wireless solution, Klik & Klar. Problem solved. By me.

But I digress.

After all these adventures, I naturally offered to help Odido improve their customer journey, product strategy, and internal processes. To my surprise, they enthusiastically agreed and even started negotiations. I presented them with a comprehensive action plan, and… they said thank you, then quietly started implementing it — on their own.

Here’s a brief overview of what I proposed:

Key Strategic Development Proposals for Odido:

1. API Ecosystem for Contractors Development of API-based tools to synchronize service schedules, appointments, and installations with external contractors, improving operational transparency and reducing missed connections.
2. Unified Customer Support Platform Introduction of an integrated ticketing system and expansion of support channels (chat, messaging apps, social media) to improve customer satisfaction and issue resolution tracking.
3. eSIM Distribution Strategy Strategic partnerships to distribute eSIMs via vending networks, airports, airlines, transit hubs, and tourist card operators — with a focus on international visitors to the Netherlands.
4. Banking Co-Branding & Wholesale Launch of white-label and co-branded offerings with banks, including B2B resale of telecom services through financial institutions.
5. Retail Point Optimization Enable Odido retail stores to act as local hubs for device pick-up/drop-off, replacements, and returns — reducing friction for logistics and improving the in-store value proposition.
6. Affiliate Fiber Expansion Program Fiber network expansion via a partner-driven model, especially targeting building management and real estate firms through commissions and affiliate structures.
7. Offer Personalization via Unified Calculator A centralized pricing and offer calculator for both B2B and B2C segments (e.g., families and small businesses), simplifying onboarding and making value clearer at a glance.
8. Academic Market Penetration Deepened cooperation with universities and student networks to foster early brand loyalty and support young professional segments.
9. Cloud & Digital Memory Services Expansion into personal cloud storage, offering Odido-branded alternatives to iCloud or Google Photos, focused on secure long-term photo and memory preservation.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see your advice being taken seriously. But it would also be nice to understand why I wasn’t paid for this consulting work — or why the job offer I received was rescinded on the basis that I don’t speak Dutch. (Come on, in digital transformation, who really needs Dutch when AI can translate anything, better than any non-native speaker?)

So here’s my question to Odido:

Where’s my €100,000 for the work I did? And if you weren’t planning to hire me, why did you ask me to do the job in the first place?

Disclaimer: of course, any suggestions about commercial collaborations or hiring are part of the joke. I hope everyone understands the humorous intent of this part.

What next?

Well, they developed so enthusiastically based on borrowed ideas that by May and June, their mobile network was down for hours — sometimes nearly entire days. Apparently, that’s what happens when you try to “optimize” too hard.

…And to think, what I proposed was something entirely different. Well, we’ll wait and see. The MVNO market, eSIM adoption, and eventually 3GPP advancements will wipe out all these legacy-style providers anyway.