Seeking answers outside of myself is a risky and slippery slope for my sobriety.

I went to the doctor and got prescribed antidepressants out of desperation, craving change and something different. I couldn’t handle the chaos and negativity that filled my home. Even though I have the medication, I haven’t started taking it yet. I’m trying to remain aware of my old habits creeping back in. Seeking answers outside of myself is a risky and slippery slope for my sobriety. Knowing that the pills are there makes me strive harder to understand my situation and explore new techniques instead of taking the easy route. What I truly need is to start going to meetings; I feel a strong pull in that direction, but it feels overwhelming with three children and no free time. They are too young to be quiet and too old to shield from the truth of my struggles. That’s why I’ve put out an ad to find a babysitter, as I recognize the importance of addressing my feelings and want to start taking steps forward. I also aim to find a sponsor. I’ve just reached my 1.5-year sobriety milestone without a formal program, but now I want to be more than just sober; I want to improve, be more mindful, and take responsibility. Additionally, I want to give back and help others. I’ve been reading a lot about how waiting for the perfect moment will prevent you from achieving your goals, so I’m shifting my mindset to just take action — dive in, get started, and take one step at a time. Even if the journey is slow and bumpy, it’s better than never starting at all because, in reality, perfection doesn’t exist. If you can navigate through chaos and keep moving forward, when things eventually settle, you’ll thrive in whatever you pursue because you already know how to handle tough times.