A Phase I Didn’t Understand

There was a time when everything suddenly felt off. I would feel chills for no reason, even when the room was warm. Loneliness hit hard, not the kind where you miss people, but the kind where you feel disconnected from everything, including yourself. I didn’t feel sad all the time, just confused, like life had lost its clear shape.

Nights were the worst. I started experiencing sleep paralysis, waking up unable to move, my mind fully awake while my body refused to respond. Those moments filled me with fear and left a lingering sense of horror even after I could move again. It made me think a lot about death, not because I wanted it, but because it suddenly felt very close and real.

What disturbed me most was not the fear itself, but the uncertainty of why it was happening. I felt stuck between wanting answers and being too tired to search for them. Looking back, it feels like a phase where my mind was overwhelmed, trying to process things I hadn’t faced yet. I didn’t come out with clarity right away, but I survived it, and that itself feels important.