Junior Divorce (chapter 3)

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Chapter 3:

“Do you think we need to make some friends?” I ask my boyfriend while slurping down ramen at our favorite ramen joint. We come here every Sunday for lunch and sit at the same table outside while we people watch. It’s nice, like we’re already some old married couple at our table in our place. I like it.

“We have friends Wally.” I used to hate his nickname for me. He started calling me Ringwald after Molly Ringwald, year one into us dating. Over time it turned into WalIy, and I would tell him I hated it and to stop, while eventually I grew to love it and would smile whenever he said it.

“Not really. You have your work buddies and I have their girlfriends.”

“Exactly. Friends.” He smirked.

“I mean friends that we each met organically, that have the same interests as us.”

“What interests do we have?”

“We have interests.” I answer defensively.

“Like?”

“TV, movies, music … ramen.”

“Those things we do with the friends we already have …” I roll my eyes. Yes, I guess we have friends, but I always felt like they were more his than ours. It’s hard to meet friends when you’re not a kid, I guess.

“Forget it.”

“What’s wrong?” He stopped joking and got serious when he could tell that I was starting to get upset. He would always joke around, but when he could sense that I was actually upset, he never took it too far.

“I just wish that I had friends of my own.”

“You do have friends, what do you mean? You girls have wine nights all the time.”

“Yeah, but they’re only my friends because our boyfriends are dating. We have nothing in common except you guys. I doubt I would even be friends with them otherwise.”

“Okay, so make new friends.”

“Oh, okay.” I sarcastically say to him, as if it were that easy. It’s not like I can just put a wanted ad up for a friend. Thirty-four-year-old girl looking for another girl to be friends with? No one would even answer that and if they did, I doubt I would want to be friends with them anyways.

“It’s not that hard, find something you’re interested in, join a club, and bam, friends.” He was always so much more outgoing than me.

“Besides you, the only other thing I do is make jewelry and headbands for my store.”

“Etsy?” He asks like it’s the first time he’s hearing about it.

“Yes, Etsy, my store.” I tease back.

“You’re still interested in that?”

“What do you mean, still interested? I work on pieces all the time.”

“Huh.” He seems confused, and that confuses me.

“I just uploaded a headband I made. That red one with the pearls? Remember I showed you and you said you liked it.”

“The red one? Molly that was like a month ago.”

“It wasn’t that long ago.”

“Have you made anything since then?”

“It wasn’t that long ago.”

“Okay …”

“It wasn’t.” It wasn’t. It couldn’t have been. My Etsy store is my passion. My reason for still working at a coffee shop and not going back to school. I want to own my own business and sell my artwork. It couldn’t have been that long since I made anything. The more I think of it though, I realize that I honestly don’t remember the last time I had my usual hot glue gun, 80s music, and wine while I locked myself in my craft room and design session. Why has it been so long?

Getting back into jewelry making is putting me into a headspace that I didn’t think I would be in again. Content. I don’t know why I stopped doing this, but now that I’m back at it, I won’t be stopping again. B-52s playing in the background, a chilled glass of Pinot Grigio next to me, as I continue carefully stringing the small iridescent beads I bought from a wholesaler a few months back, onto a little piece of wire. I think the reason I started making things like headwear and jewelry is because I could never find anything in the store that I liked more than my imagination. Also, it always got me outside of my head. As it was doing for me right now, until I heard the front door open and shut from inside the house. I’m sitting on the back porch table with my back facing the screen door, listening to footsteps getting closer and closer.

“Oh good, you’re home. How was it?” Annabelle asks from behind me. My silence has her opening the screen door and coming outside to stand in front of me.

“That’s beautiful, I haven’t seen any of your pieces yet. Gorgeous.” I look briefly up at her, give her my angry stare, before refocusing my attention back at my bracelet. She decides to pull up a chair and sit next to me.

“Okay, scale of one to ten how mad are you at me?”

“You set me up Annabelle.” I answer matter-of-factly.

“Yes.”

“So you admit it?”

“Of course child, who else would have done that?”

“Why would you do that to me? Do you know how humiliating that was?”

“Why did no one show up?”

“Oh no people showed up, there were seven of us. All pouring our sad hearts out, only for me to find out that I’m the last to know that this was supposedly my idea. They looked at me like I was a loser who needed her mommy to set up a playdate for her.”

“Oh stop.”

“Why would you do that to me?”

“Because you needed to do something, and you would have never agreed if I just suggested you start a group.”

“You tricked me.”

“Yes.” I stare at her and shake my head. She’s not even sorry for what she did.

“Look, I know you want to help me, and you think that I should be farther along in the moving on process, but you can’t trick me into getting over my breakup. It doesn’t work like that.”

“I don’t think you should be anywhere that you’re not.”

“Oh really?”

“I just want you to be doing something. You can’t just sit home all day long and cry and drink. It’s not healthy. You are grieving and that’s perfectly normal. But life doesn’t just stop for our pain. You have to take steps to somewhere, wherever that somewhere is.”

“Well, I went.”

“I’m dying to know how it went.” I ponder telling her all about it, but then I decide to let her suffer a little as punishment, and I keep my lips sealed as I move my work upstairs to the bedroom that I’m currently squatting in.

The following week went by like all my weeks post breakup do. Hazy and gray. Although I must admit that it was slightly less gray. I hate to admit it, and I’ll deny it to Annabelle if she ever asks, but I found myself looking forward to this group. Not the rehashing of my inner turmoil part, but the part where I can talk to people, that aren’t my coworkers or Annabelle. It’s weird, but I guess this has become my social life nowadays … something that I’ll never admit to anyone.

Making my way inside our room, I see the familiar faces of all the sad strangers I met last week, although I suppose they’re not strangers anymore.

“Hi Molly!” Susie cheerily says as she’s unpacking a plethora of baked goods that look honestly sinful. Jasmine walks in behind me carrying a bottle of champagne in one hand, and a bottle of orange juice in the other.

“I brought breakfast this time.” She explains as she gets to making herself a mimosa with the little white cups that Susie bought for her own freshly squeezed green juice, that I doubt anyone will be drinking now that Jasmine brought booze. Susie looks offended, but then takes the cup from Jasmine before taking a small sip. We all take our seats, as Denise walks in, with her very own bottle of champagne and orange juice before setting it on the table next to Jasmine’s.

“Looks like I wasn’t the only one with a great idea.” Denise concludes.

“Nope.” Jasmine cheekily grins as Denise realizes that her and Jasmine have more in common than she would like to admit. To my surprise, and to Jasmine’s I think as well, Denise goes over to sit next to Jasmine. Susie sits next to me again, as does Kate. The two men in the group continue to stick together.

“How was everyone’s week?” Susie asks like a girl scout. For someone so positively happy it’s almost unbelievable that she too is suffering from having her heart ripped out.

“ Let’s see, work, home, work home, work home, that about sums it up.” Denise offers, and Susie nods as if it’s the most fascinating thing she’s ever heard.

“Pretty much my week as well.” Jasmine agrees to which we all laugh. Now she’s just messing with Denise with how similar they are, when last week Denise almost murdered her.

“Don’t make me switch seats again.” Denise teases back, and I take a large sip from my mimosa. I don’t know why I didn’t think to bring alcohol, that’s usually my thing.

“Okay, let’s get started. I know we said that we would use a hat, but I had some free time on my hands so I made this instead.” From out of nowhere, Susie brings out this large mason jar, that she seemed to have bedazzled herself with jewels and glitter and a furry top as a lid.

“Holy smoke.” Kate said in awe.

“You made that?” It’s not exactly my decorative style, but it seems Susie and I have something in common.

“Uh huh.” She happily replies.

“It’s great Susie. I didn’t know you were into crafts.” I say.

“I didn’t either, but I’ve had more free time on my hands since, well, you know, so I decided to pick up a hobby other than baking.”

“Just as long as you don’t stop baking.” Markus says as he takes another huge bite of his chocolate muffin.

“Seriously Susie, this is amazing, and I don’t even know what it is.” Kate says while taking a bite of her own treat.

“Oh, that’s a lavender and zucchini scone.”

“What?” Kate asks with her mouth open in disgust as some crumbs fall out. As if she wasn’t just orgasming to it a second ago.

“Zucchini is actually really sweet, if you do it right.”

“That’s … great.” Kate replies, staring curiously at her scone that she was just about to marry before learning it’s deep dark secret, and now she isn’t so sure.

“Anyways, I already put mine in, so I can pass around Charlie, and we can all add ours before picking.”

“Charlie?” Jasmine asks as we all share the same confusion.

“Oh, yeah, I named it Charlie. I don’t know why. It’s stupid, we can change it, or not naming it anything at all I guess would be the more appropriate thing.” Susie looks like an embarrassed child learning that Santa Claus isn’t real long after her friends had, and now she has to pretend she always knew he wasn’t real.

“I like Charlie. It’s cool.” Carlos offered up which made Susie smile and blush.

“Okay, Charlie it is.” Denise agrees, although unenthused, as Susie hands Jasmine Charlie. Jasmine takes it, but just stares at it, before looking back at Susie like she’s about to tell her that her dog died.

“So, confession. I’m really sorry but I actually didn’t write anything.”

“You didn’t?” Susie asks, confused.

“I’m sorry hun! I honestly got really busy with work, and well, sort of forgot. Don’t hate me.”

“I don’t hate you. It’s okay, I put a few in there because I kept thinking of ideas, it’s fine.”

“How many did you add?” Carlos asks, and the look on his face makes Susie realize that he too is empty handed. We all look around the room and realize no one is holding anything other than sweets and mimosas. I also didn’t write anything. Not because I forgot, but I just honestly couldn’t think of anything. I have no idea how to move on from a breakup, or what steps to take in order to do so. If I did, I wouldn’t be here. I just figured that I would be the only one so it wouldn’t matter if we were one short. Looking around though, I think everyone besides Susie also thought the same thing.

“Really people? Not one of you came up with anything?” Markus chides.

“I don’t see anything in your hands Markus.” Denise chides right back.

“I was busy with work.”

“We all have jobs.” Denise answered.

“I’m a Doctor, it’s a little more stressful and time consuming than a waitress, no offense.” Looks like Markus woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. He’s never combative, although I’ve only known him for a day I suppose.

“You’re an orthodontist not a brain surgeon.”

“Hey! What are we doing?” Jasmine yells. “Can we never get together and not have it turn into a fight?” She asks.

“Sorry.” Both Denise and Markus answer softly like two little kids that just got yelled at for fighting.

“No, I am sorry Denise.” Markus detailed. “Truth is, it was a rough week.” We all nod in agreement, and Susie speaks up.

“It was career day at your children’s school, wasn’t it?” Shit. Susie remembered that Markus had mentioned that his husband Michael was supposed to go, and that he now had to. I feel like shit for forgetting that, and it seems I’m not the only one. Markus looks to Susie with an expression of thanks for remembering, and also, please don’t make me talk about it.

“Yeah, it was.” He answered, and at that, with the tone in his voice, we all moved on.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Well, all of us except Susie. Markus, being the kind man he was, just smiled at Susie and shook his head. She nodded, accepting his wishes, but I could tell she made a mental note to work on Markus.

“Okay, well lucky for you all, I made more than enough for all of us. Who wants to pick first?”

“I’ll go!” Kate stretches her hand out for Charlie. She seems excited like she’s picking a prize. She takes out a piece of paper, unfolds it, and reads it aloud.

“Go out on the town and find men. Umm, pass.” Kate folds the paper back up as if it bit her.

“Wait a minute, I think that sounds like a fantastic idea!” Denise proclaims while Jasmine looks uninteresting at her nails.

“You would.” She offers.

“What does that mean?” Taking her attention from her nails to look at Denise, Jasmine goes on.

“It means that some of us don’t want to look for men. Some of us are trying to get back with the men we had.” Denise rolls her eyes.

“You’re the only one who wants that, the rest of us want to try to move on. Isn’t that the whole point of this group?”

“I’m not.” Carlos offers.

“Oh, right, Gina. Carlos, honey, she’s not coming back. I think it’s a great idea if you try and get back out there like the rest of us.” Denise tries to sound compassionate, but her overwhelming need at the prospect of a girl’s … and guy’s … night out seems to trump that.

“You don’t know that Denise. Some of us have a harder time moving on and going from one relationship to the next.” Jasmine comes to Carlos’s defense, before she adds, “Although Carlos I agree, I think you’re better off without Gina.”

“Now what is that supposed to mean?” Denise snips back at Jasmine.

“Oh here we go.” Kate quietly says to me before grabbing my empty cup and hers and making her way to the table to get us a refill. She checks Susie’s cup on the way up, but it seems Susie has barely touched her drink. I wonder if this is the first time she’s drank alcohol.

“Just sayin.” Jasmine quips.

“What does that mean, just sayin?” Denise mimics her.

“It means JUST SAYIN!”

“Ladies! Every damn time. Can we please act like adults?” Markus chastises, as Kate sits back next to me and hands me my cup.

“Thanks.” I quietly say, as we both look at the scene as if it’s a movie.

“We don’t all have to be on the same page with the grieving process. Truth is we’re all different and are in different situations, so we’re bound to need different things. Getting back out there, as Denise wants, is normal. Just like not being ready to move on, like Carlos and Jasmine, is also normal. We need to respect that.”

“Fine, I’ll take Susie, Molly and Kate, and we’ll all go out on the town, and the rest of you can sit home and mope and cry about the one that got away. Except you Markus … you have every reason to do that.”

“Gee thanks.” He replies to her.

“Sorry but count me out. I’d rather be on the sit and mope team.” Kate declares.

“Same.” I agree, which causes Denise to sigh, annoyed.

“Are you kidding me? It’s been a year Kate, and he’s having a baby. It’s time.”

“Way to be harsh.” Jasmine scolds.

“I’m just sayin — ” Denise starts to say something legitimate before Jasmine cuts her off.

“Don’t start.” Denise squints her eyes at Jasmine, and then gives up.

“Fine, you bitches. Kate, pick another one, but before this group ends we are going to go out and find some rebounds.”

“Whatever.” Kate said unenthusiastically before she digs for another one. Honestly, I’m relieved. There is no way that I am interested in picking up men. No way at all. Although, knowing me, I’d probably agree to keep the peace and then come down with sudden food sickness the night of.

“Get bikini waxes. Really Susie?” Kate reads her next note.

“Okay Susie.” Jasmine laughs, as Susie blushes.

“Find men, get a bikini wax, what else is on your list of suggestions because I’m starting to see a pattern here.” Denise jokes.

“I wasn’t supposed to be the only one with ideas you guys, it was supposed to be anonymous!” Poor Susie is extremely embarrassed now. It seems I have misjudged little prude Susie. Maybe she was the one with the kink in the relationship that Sam wasn’t down with.

“Okay, I’d much rather go pick up a chick then get a bikini wax if those are our only options.” Carlos states, and although we all laugh, he looks completely serious.

“Okay, how about this, I have a great idea.” Jasmine claims as if a legit lightbulb just went off above her head.

“I’m sure you do.” Denise says sarcastically, only this time Jasmine doesn’t take the bait.

“We set Susie up with someone. We get her a bikini wax, like she wants, do a little makeover, and take her out.”

“A makeover?” Susie asks as if she bet all her chips at poker to realize that she was bluffing the whole time. I pat her knee and give her a reassuring squeeze.

“You don’t need a makeover, you’re gorgeous.” She smiles at me.

“Well of course she’s gorgeous, that’s not what I meant. I mean a makeover from the inside out.” Jasmine explains further.

“We already heard you on the bikini wax.” Denise says with a smile.

“Gross. I mean, Susie, you’re gorgeous and sweet and generous. But you have no real experience with dating. I say we get you out there and help you along the way.

“Well, if we’re doing that why can’t it be a night out for all of us?” Denise asks, annoyed. Seems she’s really itching for a rebound.

“Yeah, I don’t like all the attention on me. I think we should all do something together or not at all. It’s a group after all.”

“No offense, but I’m not looking to meet a guy.” Markus offers.

“Oh no, of course not.” Susie looks upset that she might have upset Markus by being insensitive.

“I just mean that, like I said earlier, not everyone will want to need the same things right now. And that’s okay. Maybe splitting up on some things is okay. Mix us up a little. Pinpoint what exactly we all need and help each other that way.” Markus adds.

“That would have been a lot easier if everybody put their ideas of moving on in Charlie.” Susie sassed, for the first time, back at the group.

“You’re right Susie. Sorry.”

“Okay, well what do we all need?” Kate asked as she looked around. Suddenly we were all at a loss of words. It seems easy to give advice to others, but never to yourself.

“Okay, well let’s see. Susie, you need to discover who you are and what you want out of life. Jasmine, you want Tony back, but also, I think more importantly, you want to absolve yourself of the guilt of what happened between you. Denise, you want to move on from Rick, but I also think that you want your own autonomy aside from your ex-husband or Rick. Markus, I think you need to learn to cope with your grief, find a way to let people in and deal with your emotions, for yourself and also for your kids. Carlos, I think you need to practice self-love and realize the amazing person that I’m sure you are, and know that you can, and do, deserve better than Gina, as lovely as a person I’m sure she is. And Kate, I think that you need to find yourself again, and stop being stuck in a relationship that ended a while ago.” I surprised myself with what I just said. The last part to Kate almost hurt, seeing as I felt like I was talking to myself in the mirror. Everyone looked stunned by my analysis, but no one disagreed. Even stubborn Denise and even more stubborn Jasmine.

“What about you?” Markus asked.

“Me, I need to move on from my ex too.” I offer.

“Duh.” Denise scoffed. “You don’t get off that easy.”

“I, uh, I need to — ”

“You need closure.” Kate offered, as if she was also looking in a mirror. “You need to know why and come to terms with it.” For some reason, I felt my eyes start to sting. Coming to terms. Closure. An ending of a chapter. One I wasn’t ready to end, but knew I had to. If Kate can, then I can too.

“Okay, well since none of us are licensed therapists I’m sure this is going to be quite successful.” Jasmine joked, and we all laughed.

“Oh! I almost forgot, let’s all exchange numbers, start a group chat.”

“Ugh I hate group chats.” Denise sulked.

“Think of it like a buddy system. If we ever need anything or want to meet up during the week. Molly, if you need a ride, I can pick you up too.”

“Thanks Susie.” I was truly thankful. Susie seemed to always notice things that others didn’t, like with Markus’s troubles. She cared about people. I found myself deciding right then and there that I would put my all into this group, and try and help everyone, even if I didn’t fully believe I would get much out of this for myself.

Chapter 4:

One month later …

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