Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer- Tribulations of a Young Reindeer

Prologue

I am going home, where the sky and land are forgotten and peace reigns. The sun burns against my fur, and the air crystallizes in my lungs as I cry. My first home-the North Pole — was sacred to me. I have met countless souls there: great elves, devoted to their craft and their kin; reindeer like myself, wild and free in spirit.

But now, I must travel. No one must see my face — not even my friends — for I cannot bear to watch them weep. My final message to them would be this: do not mourn that I am gone. Pray that my journey is kind, and that your own lives will continue for many seasons more.

I look above me, the sky closing in, and I wonder if, in my fall, the angels will catch me. Though not now. Not yet. I still have words left before my voice is silenced by the wilderness.

The North Pole is vast and wondrous, and I have always found a quiet charm in what Santa does. The jolly man taught me to cherish the few friends I made — souls of great faith who once lost themselves but found comfort through kindness. I never said goodbye to them; it would have broken their hearts. Yet I know their good nature will reward them in time.

Still, I regret not spending more days by their side. I prayed for more seasons to live among them, but such prayers went unanswered. And yet, not all is lost. I hope the North Pole endures, growing stronger with each generation. For though we are a great people, we are not without our faults.

Traditions once sacred — crafting toys with love, sending the sleigh team into the stars — have turned to mere parties and carelessness. Few elves now see their work as a gift of joy; they see only duty, something to fulfill so they may keep their place. I remember the tales told to me as a child — how the ancient reindeer once gathered to greet the sleigh team with true celebration, their songs carrying meaning that warmed the coldest nights. In my time, we only gather to dance and drink, while the sleigh team stands as spectacle.

And what of our ideals? The elves and reindeer of today must look and act the same — healthy, holy, and without blemish. We have forgotten what made us pure in the first place. But I believe someone will remind them, one day, of why the North was ever special at all.

I wish I could see that day. Yet I can barely keep my eyelids open; my legs tremble and cramp, my heart fighting to stay just a little longer. But I cannot. My journey calls me onward — to another home, beyond this frozen world.

My light fades. I can no longer shine. Still, I pray that one day, a new light shall rise — one brighter than mine, eternal for all to see. If heaven hears my wish, let it be so.

My heart races, then falters. I hear whispers — soft, distant, from a place I cannot name. Tick Tick. The clock ticks down. A voice calls above the storm: “Come now Randolph. Welcome home.”

Chapter 1: Reindeer of the North

The reindeer of the North are bringers of hope. Every hoof they place, every inch of ground they touch, serves as a reminder that love endures through all adversity. But it isn’t always easy. Some forget the past. Many lose sight of their mission.

The reindeer of the North are like any creature on Earth — only exalted for a noble deed that occurs each year — exalted by whom? Ask them, and they will recount the story passed down by their fathers and their fathers before them.

They’ll tell of a day when Saint Nicholas sang a prayer — beginning on a perfect chord, building from unison to fifths. Each note called forth names of old: Solomon and his wisdom, Moses who led the people from slavery, Adam to Noah, Abraham and Isaac, Job and John, and the Lord Christ himself.

Saint Nicholas walked through the snow in light garments, seemingly untouched by the cold. He found the reindeer, placed his hands upon their brows, and prayed for them to become servants of the world and God. When the prayer ended, each reindeer’s face glowed brighter than sunlight on snow.

That is how the reindeer of the North became exalted, chosen to serve each year and carry hope across the world. With their new blessing, they gained the gift of speech and understanding denied to every other creature. And with it, they pledged their service freely.

Every generation tells this story anew. As Christmas draws near, the reindeer gather in the center of the North Pole village to celebrate Saint Nick’s journey. They bring offerings: slices of red watermelon dripping juice, crisp apples, sauce-covered pineapple, and baby carrots for elves and reindeer alike. Candy canes and gingerbread cookies served on green plates that rotate along a conveyor belt — crafted from old, malfunctioning factory parts, now ingeniously repurposed by elf engineers.

At the heart of the village, a dance floor comes alive. The reindeer take turns spinning and leaping, their hearts a metronomic pulse. They sing praises to the One who gave them human gifts.

“Blessed be the Highest, Who has saved the children from death’s hand? They rise and see the world still theirs, as promised in lullabies.

Blessed be the Highest, Who freed the man from his addiction? Once a slave to himself, he walks again in recovery.

Blessed be the Highest, Who gave strength to the sick. They now breathe again and praise the Giver of life.

Blessed, oh blessed be He, For every life is precious, even when brief. A promise of new beginnings dwells in every breath.

Ashira L’Adonai I will sing to my Lord. Ashira L’Adonai Blessed be forever and ever.

I will cherish my life

because he made every inch of me, and so I cheer. Thank the heavens. I give my life to the almighty, for his promise is true and strong.

Praise, glory, honor, and power, we shall be the figs that bring forth fruit during times like these. Let’s celebrate the names of our brothers who fly upon this day to bring happiness: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen.

Blessed be their voyage. Blessed be forever and ever. They work diligently to bring hope to a world that has already forgotten to cherish the life they have within themselves.

May we never forget, like they have, that it may not be allowed. For the day we do, we will be servants of our hypocrisy. Praise the Lord who gives us strength.

Blessed be forever and ever.”

They chant and sing as the sun crawls up their faces as it begins to rise. Then, silence falls as a path clears in the center. Reindeer and elves move side by side in a scattering and hurrying manner. Bells ring. A sleigh appears above them, circling in descent. Many reindeer look up and give many gasps and stomps of their hooves. “Look, look, there he is. He is here, he is here, look, look, here he comes. Make way, make way, for he is coming down.” Santa looked pleased when he saw below the crowd that awaited to receive him and his team, and he gave out a couple of waves here and there to imply that everything was a success per usual.

“Merry Christmas, be of great joy. Our flight was successful, and the team returns to be with you all again. We have successfully given each present. Be cheerful, for mornings such as these should be the time to give love and kindness.” Santa looks over to his team. “ Blitzen, Donner, to the right a bit. Now head over straight and gently trot. Don’t try sprinting to the floor like last time, Blitzen. It was quite a thrill but a difficult time to land.” Blitzen looked over in a playfully puzzled way. “You’ve got to admit I put a fun little twist on the usual.”

“Of course, no one doubts that. Maybe we can save that for the off-season training. If you could perfect it with a smooth landing, then I will reconsider it.”

“You got it!” Blitzen laughs a bit, and Donner intrudes to poke fun at Blitzen. “Maybe, just be careful not to fling us over.”

“When have I ever? “

“Well, you must recall a millennium ago that yo-”

“I get the point.”

“Well, there was that incident where you collapsed an entire roof. Luckily, everyone inside had some sort of cover. How abou-”

“Drop it,” Blitzen begged. Donner simply chuckled.

Blitzen and Donner land on their front hooves to halt as the sleigh reaches impact. The reindeer of the North welcomed them. “How was the journey? Did the humans change at all this year compared to last year? Good news, bad news? “ The whole North Pole was ravaged by thunder. Reindeer and elves are coming in waves, and some elves are climbing on top of the reindeer to get a better look.

Meanwhile, Santa stepped out of the sleigh and looked at the crowd. He only gave them a few words, not wanting to keep them longer. “Blessed be God, who helped complete our mission. Merry Christmas to all. Now go, rest. You’ve all earned it.” The village wished him farewell, and Santa walked towards Mountain Bote, located north of the town, providing the highest point and a lovely view. As Santa reached the top, a bright light descended in the sky and carried him away. It spoke to him gently, its voice singing in harmonies.

“Look and see — For God will do new things. Make a list. Watch the people. Deliver what they truly seek.”

And so Santa disappeared until the season began anew.

A doe lay weak the next day after Christmas as she drew every breath in labor. She ensured every push was strong, but the room was full of flying hay and furniture. “Please, baby, please, you can make it. We can make it. We must try, I must try. One two…. Ugh…. Nope, this is very painful. Nurse, more of that caramel candy, please.” The elf scrambled to her feet, searching every jar she could find. Once she found the caramel, she looked behind and saw a chair flung at her. She ducked and quickly got back to the doe’s side.

“You are doing great. With just a little faith and a lot of screaming and thrashing, your fawn will be here.” The doe looked up. “Minutes? Are you serious!” The doe kicked harshly, the elf jumping before she became caught. The doe snapped her head quickly, her antlers grabbing the elf’s fabric and sending her on flight. The elf jolted upwards, leaving the stall. “Maybe I need to give you the whole jar.”

Minutes went by, and Urla gave one final push. A healthy fawn came out, and the new mother cleaned her son briefly. A healthy son indeed, with a heart symbol on his left front leg and an ornament on his cheek. A tall buck came in from the front door. His head was high and clean, and the spots on top were the antlers during the season. “Urla? Urla! Oh, it’s good to see you, Urla. How are you feeling, darling? I brought you some water and treats for you to enjoy.” Urla looked at her husband and licked his cheek as he sat. “Vaterson, glad you have returned. Our boy has finally been born. What shall we call him?”

“Michael.”

“Eh- too common”

“Nathaniel?”

“Nope. Great, but not feeling it. How about Han?.”

“I can see Hans, but maybe another time. Randolph?”

“Our friend?”

“Yeah. Randolph was supportive of us in our hardships.”

“I love the name, but I don’t want our son to be named directly after him. A variation would be fine. How about Rudolph? Sounds similar, and it seems like quite the pleasant name for such a young buck that will grow up strong and handsome like his father.”

“How about nice and beautiful alikehis mother?”

“No, he will have courage and be brave like you!”

“No, he will definitely be very empathetic and respectful.”

“N-no, he-”

“Enough now,” interrupted the nurse. He will be a great addition to your family. Believe me, you will see in time. Rudolph it is, Rudolph it shall be.”

Time passed, and Vaterson, a devoted husband, did his best to bathe and feed her. As an apology to the elf, he even helped clean the stall and paid for any damages. Meanwhile, Urla played with Rudolph and encouraged him to stand as the tiny fawn pushed himself.

“You are adorable, Rudolph. Yes, you are!” Rudolph smiled brightly, chuckling. Vaterson laid down with them both and rolled over on his stomach. He lifted Rudolph, using his legs to balance him as if he were flying. Rudolph’s eyes sparked as any other, with a sudden flash. Vaterson rolled over, dropping Rudolph as he covered his eyes, and Urla placed a hoof in front of hers. A light not one from a lamp, not from a hole in the walls to reveal concentrated rays of the sun, but a red light. They stared and could not look away at their son as they saw his nose glow bright red. Rudolph, a reindeer of the North, holds a nose that differs from the rest. Rudolph, a reindeer of the North, embarking on a lifetime path he never asked for as his parents prepared to return home…..

Chapter 2: Life Sings Above

Being in a state without consciousness — without knowing — baffles all creatures. How can something that spent most of eternity in non-existence suddenly awaken, aware of itself?

And when this life ends, where does that awareness go? Is that a question to fear? Or is it one to marvel at, full of awe and beauty?

When one enters the world, a journey awaits. But is that journey kind and fair to everyone? Or is it a challenge meant only for the brave?

The reindeer are taught from childhood that God will never tempt a soul beyond what it can bear. But how true is that promise for them if reindeer are not men — creatures apart? How much can they endure before temptation overcomes even the purest of hearts?

Rudolph didn’t know much, or if anything, what he was. Being born, drenched in some fluid, in a world full of lights and strangers was very unfamiliar to him. The world he knew, or what he understood, was the one he could not see or feel for so long. The world he knew seemed to provide him warmth at all hours, food in demand, and protection from foreigners. Rudolph didn’t know what to call that world, yet he knew he missed it, and from this feeling, he held tight to a memory.

One night, a voice came from above, sweet and light and angelic in its own right. It sang a straightforward tune.

“Oh, my little one, that grows inside me, you shall soon see the world above you.

It holds much cheer, laughter, games, friends, and love that empower all. You will know it soon.

Oh, my dear, you will know it soon.

The world awaits you, the angels sing of you, your father prays for you, and I carry you until you are ready. You shall soon see the world above you, my little one.

The life above you sings in a simple motif, a theme of songs, for there is much to sing. You soon will sing many things with us — songs of joy, play, and fun. You will understand songs of sorrow, sadness, and anger when you grow. You will see.

You will understand your voice will not be alone in the wilderness, for more reindeer and elves will sing with you. You will realize that it is not just about being a soloist but also about being a duet with friends or a whole ensemble of voices. You will know which voices do not harmonize with yours and appreciate those that do not always come from yourself.

My little buck, you will know it well, when you come to the world above…….”

Then another voice chimes in, one firm, yet understanding and delightful.

“My little buck, listen, and you will love. Love is understanding in all, kind, and unboastful. You will love it as we have loved it. It takes many forms, my son, from observing your mother and me to the reindeer that walk each street. You will learn that love. Do not worry; we will ensure you are what we love most until you are ready.

My little buck…

My little buck….

My little….

Our buck, you shall see, that life above awaits you. You will matter to us, and you will learn to matter to everyone and to have faith. Love is a thing with wings that flies and soars to those who know where to find it. We know you will find it; when you don’t, shout to the wilderness. Sometimes a solo is required for people to be inspired to form an ensemble. You will find it, our little one; we will never leave you.

I love you

I love you

We love you.”

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Rudolph felt a sensation of licking and looked above. “Hello, little one, Momma is here with you.” Rudolph was afraid and confused, but when he heard that voice, he nuzzled tightly to it. He looked around and saw hay with water and many machines and tools he knew not of. Rudolph sniffed a little, catching what the smells of everything were. Then something colorful hit his nose; it was firm, sweet, but warm. So warm it contrasted the cold air that surrounded it. “Here you go, Urla, you did an amazing job delivering. Now drink this hot chocolate and relax. Your husband has been urgently waiting to see you, yet it will take us a couple more minutes before everything is ready.”

“I understand.”

Rudolph snuggled more to his mother, but he realized he felt something. Something? What is this something? What is this? What was that? What do these holes in my nose do? Do these long things in every corner of my body do anything? Let me try something.

Rudolph placed one front leg up, then the other, and he attempted to push himself to balance but failed. No problem. One front, then the other, then…. Whoa let’s try it once more. Attempt after attempt, Rudolph could not understand what these things were supposed to do. Then a chime echoed, and he looked upon a big reindeer. The reindeer was quite like his mother, but the first difference he spotted was the lack of pointy things on top. His mother had them; why did this one not? The reindeer seemed stronger and taller and headed straight toward him and his mother.

“Oh, Vaterson, you are here. Look at our son, isn’t he amazing?”

“He looks beautiful, Urla.”

The nurse returned, and Rudolph tried to follow along and understand the voices that sang to him, but he did not know what they said. The only word he could remember was when his parents looked at him, “Rudolph.” After a while, Rudolph was in a battle with his mother. She kept tickling and encouraging him to stand as he attempted to use his legs. One after the other, he managed to gain balance, and it was only a matter of falling and taking a couple of steps; he could use them. His movements weren’t swift or flexible, but he didn’t care. He discovered the art of walking, and he loved it. It brought him joy. Yes, it brought him so much pleasure.

Urla encouraged Rudolph to run around, and when he could do just that, he seemed to do so well. Now, it wasn’t just Urla playing with him; his father, Vaterson, entered the room with a couple of bags and joined in to have a few moments with him. Whatever this was, he loved it. He felt something. What was this something? It surely didn’t come from the outside like the rest; it came from something more profound. He wanted more of it.

“Look, Urla, look how happy our boy Rudolph is.”

“Aw. Our little buck is having fun.”

Fun, joy, was that it? Could simple words really encapsulate what he truly felt? Rudolph ran around for a bit, and the more joy he felt, the more he noticed a light inside him grow. It was powerful, just as the feelings within. Vaterson began to play with him, and Rudolph felt joy that it sparkled around him. From one moment to the next, Rudolph giggled and cheered. Vaterson hoisted him in the air, and that feeling of freedom sparked the first glow — a red, vibrant light from the nose. At first, Rudolph didn’t seem to mind; he was amused by it, making it shine brighter.

Meanwhile, Vaterson and Urla gasped in shock. Could you blame them if your child did something you knew no one else could? They were very worried; they quickly got the nurse to check on him, bombarding her with question after question about what this light could be.

“ Ok, I need one thing straight.” Urla stomped anxiously. “This nose of his isn’t some cancer or tumor?”

No, it isn’t.

“Well, is it some malformation I should be worried about?”

Well, yes, but it doesn’t seem to hurt him, and when it stops glowing, it looks exactly like any nose.

“Can you do something about it? Is my boy gonna be ok?”

I have done all I can. The staff and I can’t do anything about it, but everything is ok.

“Well, what ab-”

Urla, I know you are confused and worried. The entire staff has zero experience with whatever this is. A glowing nose isn’t something we are familiar with or told about from any book, current text, or ancient text. Since nothing seems wrong, we will send you everything home. Get Rudolph back here if he exhibits anything concerning, but other than that, he should be cleared.

Urla nods and gestures toward Vaterson to pack everything he could so they could head home. The door opened and revealed the North Pole in all its entirety. The candle lights above flicker in the rainbow colors, illuminating the streets, providing warmth, and reflecting off the white snow covering every inch. The world above seems to descend toward Rudolph. The very world is untouched now at the hooves. Rudolph gently places the first step and retracts it in an instant. Too cold, way too cold. Understanding Rudolph’s hesitation, his father allows Rudolph to climb his back and rest. From up high, Rudolph now looks at life, which sings below.

From afar, a red-hatted elf approaches. “ Good morning, Urla, Vaterson. I see that you have a new member. Congratulations to you, too.”

A reindeer eavesdropping chimes in. “Aww, look at him, you should be very proud.”

Yes, yes, proud indeed.

“He seems healthy and fine. I have nothing to say other than congratulations.”

Welcome Rudolph. Welcome home.

“Look, Mom, that reindeer over there. Can I pet him?”

We want to adore you.

“Urla, Vaterson, what is the name of this fellow?”

Rudolph

“Don’t be alarmed, little one. Here, have this teddy bear as a gift.”

Life is great, one big gift.

“Hello Vaterson. Glad to see you taking the day off and bringing home this little guy.”

Rudolph we…

“Urla, how nice of you to stop by. How cute is he? He resembles you very much.”

Love

“Look at him, Dad, I want to play with him.” — — “ When he is old enough, you can.”

You.

At the center of the village, Rudolph is now down and about, playfully walking across the snow. He stops when he spots a couple of peculiar reindeer. They appeared firm like his father, yet they had those pointy things- antlers, unlike the other males he saw. Their faces glowed, their steps in harmony, and the bells around their necks sang cheerful tunes. They all took one look at him, and Rudolph could only assume they adored him, but they then went off and disappeared into the horizon.

A couple of blocks forward, Rudolph and his parents arrived at some of the busier parts of the North Pole. However, after every Christmas, the usual busy feeling is replaced with celebration. Rudolph, at the contagious excitement, began to feel overwhelmed and cheered. The streets glowed red. His nose was glowing for all eyes to see.

Will we adore you?

“Hey, Urla, is your kid ok?”

What is that odd thing

“Does his nose always do that?”

Are you truly….

Vaaterson eases uncomfortably to his wife. “Umm Urla, we should speed up a bit. Everyone seems focused.”

One of us?

Urla flares her antlers high in authority. “We are all good, everyone, he is fine.”

What does this mean?

“Can we see that again? Let us see it again.”

He’s different.

“Mom, why is his nose red? It’s kind of creepy,” the mother scolds her boy. Don’t say things that no buck should say.”

What can we honestly say

“Should we feel sorry for them?”

Will Rudolph be among us

“He doesn’t seem so fine. Is that kid truly ok?”

Or will he always be in our eyes

“Vaterson, Urla, wait…”

seem to be below?

Rudolph felt a new feeling. Something he didn’t quite like. It came from eyes that he thought adored moments ago. Now it was replaced by a world that seemed to look beneath him. To Rudolph, it seemed he was never truly born into the world now. The world would agree he was part of it unanimously if he were. Now he was unsure. Everything seemed silent for a while and then became very unpleasant — no resolution, just constant chatter that carried baggage. Rudolph didn’t want to be there anymore, so he ran to his parents and stood by them the rest of the way home. It was called fear. Rudolph felt no love and almost winced at the thought of it lingering any longer.

Urla and Vaterson arrived at a bit of home. It was red, easier to spot amidst a storm than blue. The entrance held a little welcome doormat and a plastic bird that flew from the entrance ceiling. “Welcome home, Rudolph,” said both his parents unanimously. Inside was very warm with a brick fireplace just about to the front of the living room. Going to the right led to a kitchen, and to the left a tiny gym. Then, upstairs, was the bedroom of Vaterson and Urla that had only one bathroom, but it also held a guest room that was now Rudolph’s. The sign read room of____. Vaterson placed a marker in his mouth, and with careful precision, he wrote Rudolph’s name on it.

For the first time, Rudolph had a new home, a new world, located above.

Chapter 3: The Godparent

A few days had gone by, and Rudolph had been learning to walk and talk more fluently with ease. His parents decided it was time for him to be taken to the church and receive blessings and prayers from the elf priest. They had found a friend willing to witness the baptism of Rudolph. Meanwhile, days before he visited the church, Rudolph had a recurring dream.

On a mountain, Rudolph stood underneath a fig tree. For Rudolph, the tree was an anomaly because it was tall and overlooked the North Pole in a place where it didn’t naturally belong. However, Rudolph took shelter under it and searched for any fruit. No matter how long he looked in between the leaves, no fruit was present; the soil it was rooted in didn’t seem to provide the tree enough to grow some of its own. Why? Even in his short time in the world, Rudolph observed that every green thing bears some fruit. How come this tree that overlooked everything did not? Rudolph then felt something fall upon him, and it was a branch. An empty, barren branch. Then another, and the tree came tumbling down upon him.

Rudolph woke up and pondered a little while what this meant.

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One morning, Vaterson awoke Rudolph. “It’s morning, Rudolph. Come on, get up. We must not be late.” Rudolph looked at his father with droopy eyes. “Coming, Dad.”

On their way there, Rudolph, like many other fawns, kept asking his parents many questions. “Father, how come some reindeer have antlers and others do not? You don’t have them, but Mom does.”

Vaterson looked at Urla’s antlers as he became self-aware.” Well, son, it comes down to seasons and age. You won’t have antlers until you are around 1 year old. Then, males and females have different cycles of when we grow and lose them. Bucks start to develop them about April, fully grown by August, and off around November. Do they grow them around May, fully grown about September, and lose them around Spring?”

Rudolph nodded, satisfied for only a couple of seconds. “But the bucks I saw a couple of days ago. They had antlers.”

Vaterson looked around, making sure the streets were clear for crossing. “Oh, you must mean the reindeer team. Oh, that’s a fun legend. Apparently, when Saint Nick blessed them to join him in going around the world to deliver gifts, the reindeer were promised a long life to serve Santa and antlers that never fall. Each of their everlasting antlers is a representation of heavenly crowns and a promise to carry their duty.”

Rudolph awed and jumped in bolts. “Will I ever see them again?”

Vaterson laughed at his son’s energy. “ Definitely. They are around yearly, so you have almost your whole life to see them. You may even get the chance to talk to a couple of them. “

Rudolph continued chatting with his father about the reindeer, and they soon made a reasonable distance.

The family arrives at the church’s gates, and the elf priest joyously welcomes them. “It’s been a while, Vaterson, Urla, welcome back. Ever since I heard of your pregnancy, I have been praying for hours on end to the Lord in hopes that your baby and the mother are alive and healthy. By the looks of it, it seems you both are doing great, praise the Lord. I must bring you to the altar and commence our prayers for Rudolph’s faith and good health. We also need the chosen Godparents to be present and be ready to baptize the little fawn.”

Vaterson bows and lowers his head, presenting his entire family. “ Thank you very much, Father. I hope everything will turn out just fine.”

The elf priest takes the family to the altar. The elves from long ago painted the walls in red and green, containing multiple stained windows that illustrated the different stories and lessons of the holy scriptures. On the left side, one window contained the paintings of Adam and Eve holding their newborn child, Cain. At first glance, they look happy and overjoyed. However, the angel stood guarding the Garden of Eden, and the eyes contained a sense of pain and denial. In another window, Moses was parting the sea with the holy spirit represented as a dove standing on his shoulders. The ancient people of Israel ran with fear into the parted sea as the Egyptians ran straight towards them.

The other paintings included depictions of Job, the prophets, the ark of the covenant, and a map of the promised land. Then, on the right side, some windows contained the stories and events of the life of Christ. One window depicted the birth of Christ. It resembled a lot like the one of Adam and Eve, but there was a sense of reassurance and hope in the eyes of Mary and Joseph. In another, there was the baptism of Christ, and both the Father and Spirit were watching over the Son.

Then another depicted Christ cursing a fig tree for its deceptive leaves. The rest contained Christ’s many miracles, like healing the blind, curing the ill, and resurrecting the dead. In the center stood the altar filled with depictions of angels and Christ crucified. Behind the altar stood flowing warm waters, in which the baptism would occur.

Rudolph looked left and noticed a reindeer he had not seen before. The reindeer appeared grey primarily and old, but there seemed to be a sense of confidence that one couldn’t help but admire.

Vaterson approached the buck and pressed neck and neck in formality. “Thank you for coming, Zyir. Where is your wife, Emora? I heard she was also expecting around this time.”

Zyir approached Veterson and whispered in Veterson’s ear. Vaterson stood saddened and shocked. “Are you sure you want to do this? I am so sorry to hear,” replied Vaterson. Zyir nodded, and soon the ceremony commenced.

The Elf Priest rang a couple of bells, the passage of time echoing through the halls. “I will give the first prayer for the heavens to hear. Then the parents and guests present, although I see it is just y’all, shall pray for what they desire Rudolph’s life to become. Then the Godparents must announce their wishes while reciting a pledge to forever look after Rudolph. Then I will end with a final prayer and submerge Rudolph in the water.”

Silence stood in the room for about a minute. The elf raised his hands.

“Father in heaven, we give thanks today because you gave way for new life to flourish and bless the household of Vaterson and Urla. As heaven mourns the body that returns to dust, it also celebrates when something new and wonderful now stands in place of what once was. Just as the Earth changes, so shall today’s new generation change it for the better or worse. I ask that the spirit be present and witness the prayers of these people today, and that the saints watch over and testify to what they hear. Urla, you may begin.”Urla closed her eyes and focused on the words that needed to be said.

“ Father, thank you for giving me many opportunities and surprises. My biggest being my husband and working as a ranger alongside him. As winter goes on, I will be going out to provide for my family and going on various missions that require my antlers, while my husband stays home and cares for Rudolph. I pray that the time spent between Rudolph and my husband gives Rudolph a chance to learn from a great role model, so one day he can call back on his youth to understand his morals and values. Then I would love to see Rudolph go out, make many friends, and even one day start his own family with someone he loves, just as I have. That is all I wish to say, amen.”

The Elf Priest opened his eyes and looked toward Vaterson. “Vaterson, you may begin.”

Vaterson looks over at his son, smiling deep in thought. “ Father, thank you for giving me an understanding wife who cherishes me. My wife has mostly said everything I wanted to say for Rudolph, but I also wish that Rudolph would grow up to realize he alone is responsible for his actions and happiness. Although many people will come and go in his life, I want him to understand that he is enough, that we believe he is enough, and that the people who love him believe so. Amen.”

“Now it is time for the chosen Godparents to make their way and present their speech. Is it gonna be just you?”

Zyir nods. “Yes…..I guess it is my time then. I don’t want to keep holding you too long here. Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing me to become Rudolph’s godparent. I have known both Vaterson and Urla a great while, and I know they will be excellent parents. I suppose all I wish is that whatever Rudolph decides to do for the community, he will give it his all from his heart. May he understand that he should think within, not in a place of shallowness. Finally, I desire that he find peace with who he is and will become. Amen.”

The Elf Priest gives his hand toward Zyir. “ Zyir, do you, as Rudolph’s Godparent, forever care and look after Rudolph whenever he is in need, when his parents need help and resources, or when Rudolph needs help strengthening his faith?”

Zyir observes how the water moves as if its sacredness would provide the right words. “For as long as I live, I will promise everyone I will always be there for Rudolph. He will be like a son to me, and I will treat him like a promise to his parents. I say this upon all of heaven, it is now my duty to be there for him, and I will in no way betray or distance myself from him. “

“The parents and Godparent have spoken, may all the saints and all the things that reside in heaven observe Rudolph be completed by the spirit, in the name of Christ, amen.”

The elf priest submerges Rudolph in the water for a few seconds and pulls him out. He then pulls out a towel and dries Rudolph. Finally, he sends Rudolph and his family on their way home.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -

Just a few days go by when Rudolph is out and about playing with other reindeer while being supervised by Zyir. Urla was at work while Vaterson was busy at the market trying to buy supplies for the week. Everything was fine until Rudolph accidentally tripped in a game of tag, making him feel embarrassed. Rudolph felt many eyes on him, and his feelings multiplied and caused his nose to glow. All the reindeer parents began to call for their kids, some even picking them up and hastily moving them away from Rudolph. The other kids got closer to Rudolph and began to make fun of him. “Whoever heard of a red-nosed reindeer? I bet it’s flu season, Rudolph must have the plague.”

“No way, I could have sworn it made a sound. Was it more like a clown horn or an unchecked smoke detector?”

“Rudolph, Rudolph, I bet there is a job offer for a Christmas ornament if we ever break one.”

As they teased him increasingly, Rudolph became more self-conscious, and his nose began to glow even brighter. Sure, it made no noise, and sure, Rudolph was fine and healthy, but no one seemed to care. Zyir stepped in and scolded the fawns. “ You must be ashamed of yourselves. I bet your parents raised you to be respectful and kind. Stand back and return to your folks, all of you.” All the fawns left the space, and Rudolph visibly cried, tainting his soft brown fur.

Zyir looked down at Rudolph and thought to himself ‘What was that? I had never seen such a thing before, and I am considered the 11th most ancient thing in the North Pole besides the eight and Mr. and Mrs. His nose is odd, he is still healthy, and behaves more lively than most fawns his age. It’s saddening that this is how others treat him. No one shall mess with my son.’ Zyir nudges Rudolph and wraps himself around him. Rudolph sobs quietly. “Why don’t they like me? Is it just the nose that’s wrong?” Zyir looked at Rudolph in the eye. “I wish I understood Rudolph. Reindeer can be cruel like that. Nothing is wrong with you; people haven’t learned to be used to new things. “

After a while, Zyir takes Rudolph back home.

Chapter 4: Design

The best time for the reindeer of the North to start making friendships is during their schooling years. They learn all the basics of mathematics, language, and science at school, with some theology and history. Such schooling is necessary to raise the reindeer to be skilled enough for adulthood and help around the North Pole, wherever they can. However, Rudolph doesn’t seem to be quite overjoyed at the thought of school. It isn’t that he thought the subjects would be complicated or tedious. On the contrary, his parents taught him a little at home, and he became a fast-paced learner. No. It was the other fans who had the problem. Rudolph attempted to avoid all the fawns and adults. The fawns will always come up with something nasty to say, and the adults kept silent, but Rudolph felt they also had some remarks. That is what scared him. That is what kept him from ever trying to come out.

Whenever Vaterson and Urla urged Rudolph to go with them while shopping or for a simple stroll, he would always refuse any offer. Vaterson didn’t take no for an answer; he believed it wouldn’t be healthy in the long run. Urla wanted to say something, to tell Vaterson he should let their son be, but she knows all too well he is right. Rudolph cannot continue alone, especially in the North Pole, where all thrive in community. It would just be cruel. The first time they tried forcing Rudolph out of the house, Rudolph locked both his parents outside, got on top of the roof to look them in the eyes, and stated his demands not to go. Next, Rudolph simply sat and forced his parents to drag him along. When they were tired, Vaterson lifted Rudolph and placed him on his back.

The third time it happened, Vaterson lowered his head and looked eye to eye at Rudolph, scolding him. “Son, look. It seems scary to go out. I know reindeer have certain judgements about you, but you cannot let them hold you back.” Vaterson looked at Rudolph, and noticing his sad look, he sighed. “There will just be reindeer and elves that will take one look at you and decide not to like you. No matter what you do or who you are, you cannot change their opinion. However, you must be responsible for your happiness and the people you choose to keep as friends. Do what makes you happy, even if it means giving everyone the antlers. Just do everything, go everywhere, because you want to, not because people expect of you.”

Rudolph looks at his father and then away because of how intimidating he seems by his size. Rudolph mutters a bit, and only a few ‘uh’s could be heard. “They, they scare me. They all do.” Urla crouches down to Rudolph’s level. “Son, I wish the world worked that way, being able to expect a friendly face and run from the bad ones. You must learn to live among both; you must be outside. Your father and I will protect you, we promise. We need you to be brave and take a couple of steps. Just a couple, and I promise it will make a difference.”

The family heads over to the supermarket. Urla pulls out a list containing items they need or want, such as carrots, roots, herbs, or treats like candy canes and hot chocolate for the mornings. As they walked around, Rudolph would casually look slightly at the other reindeer and elves that roamed. One doe, covered primarily in white fur, admires Rudolph and hands him chocolates. Then an elf, wearing all green, hands him a toy train. Vaterson observes how kind these strangers were to Rudolph. “You see, son, not everyone is bad and mean; most are like them. You will meet people like them, I promise.” Being very grateful for his gifts, Rudolph began to act more cheerfully. He walked and pranced around his father and mother, and quickly went to other sections of the market without his parents. “Rudolph, wait!”

“Wait, wait, wait. Rudolph waited. Rudolph? Rudolph?! Where are you?” Rudolph wondered where he was. He was in the middle of two aisles. To his left was oil, and to his right sodas. It was all very crowded, and Rudolph felt panic taking over him. He took a few steps back, and one loose oil bottle spilled on several individuals. Rudolph became embarrassed, and his nose began to glow once more. He heard talking, angry talking, yelling talking, all directed toward him. He passed out ‘sorry’ left and right, but he cautiously took steps backwards as he did. Then there was a thump, a splash, and a fizz — the sodas. The sodas were over dozens of elves and reindeer. Now they were outraged. “Oh, I’ll put some manners on you, fawn. Then maybe we can fix that ugly nose of yours.”

“Were you trying to blind me! After you set those sodas off, I tried to get up, but your light prevented me from seeing. You are one rude buck for your age. I would like to talk with your parents.”

“Give me that toy. That seems dangerous.” An elf grabbed Rudolph’s nose. He yelped in pain and fell back. Everybody seemed to surround him. “Rudolph, Rudolph, come here!” yelled his father. Urla and Vaterson pull Rudolph back, shielding him from the crowd. “We are so sorry, everyone. He probably just panicked after getting himself lost.” From behind, only the simple “I am sorry” was heard repeatedly. The world blurted for Rudolph. He could only remember his parents talking with the crowd a bit, but his quiet sobs dimmed their voices and the mob. After a short while, Rudolph saw the crowd disperse. His father looked at him, seeming very angry. “Rudolph.” He said harshly. “Don’t you ever-” Vaterson paused, lowered his head, looked at Rudolph, and spoke firm yet quietly, “Don’t you ever lose focus of us and get lost. Second, don’t let the crowd scare you. Are — Are you ok?”

I-I’m fine

I am ok. I am ok. Ok.

A new day has begun, and Urla has prepared Rudolph a little pouch. “Happy first day of school, Rudolph. Remember to pay attention to your teachers, ask questions when lost, and give your best. You will do great, son. Your father and I believe in you so much.” Rudolph looks around a bit. “Where is my father?” “Just headed out for work a couple of minutes ago. He really wished to see this. Come on now, I have breakfast prepared for you.” Rudolph sat himself at the table and looked at the bowl of cereal and pieces of toast in front of him. “Dig in, son, a new day requires you to have food in your stomach.” Rudolph started with the toast and worked until there was only an empty plate and bowl. Then, with his backpack, Rudolph waited outside with Urla.

“Mom, how will I get there anyway, to school?” Urla had one answer in mind. To gain and maintain the trust of the coming and going reindeer population, the sleigh team must make sure they are involved in helping the North Pole. During the off-season, the reindeer of the team take on many new responsibilities. “Well, Rudolph, a sleigh is ready to pick you up now.” Rudolph saw how the sleigh approached. It wasn’t a typical sleigh, oh no. This sleigh had multiple rows and seats to accommodate all the fawns that lived in the North. The rider of the sleigh is no other than Blitzen.

Blitzen: “Good morning. Who may you be?”

Rudolph only looked at him. “No need to be afraid of me, I am here for you and other fawns. I am Blitzen. Maybe you have or haven’t heard of me, but I can tell you I am very, very fast. If you dare me, I will take you anywhere in less than a second.” Then a voice chimed in. “No, he can’t. I’ve seen him run; he has gotten slower. Maybe getting a little soft with the food.” Prancer. “Hey, I won that race against you.”

“Sure, sure. Still, I didn’t know you had the slowest run yet. No wonder you took up this position this year.”

“Hey, you know I’ve always offered to do this position for many years. I have older adults who remember me taking them around. Where are you supposed to be?” Prancer gestured to his back. “Well, I have a bunch of packages I need to deliver. Well, I suppose we will have a chat later. Maybe be careful with your promises. I give you two seconds max, judging by your progress.” Prancer left. “Sorry about that. Well, may I have your name?”

“Rudolph. I am Rudolph.”

“What a nice name you have. Wait, I think that sounds familiar. Randolph, oh, I remember him. Randolph sure was very wise but clumsy. It makes sense. I know your mother here and your father were close friends of his. Well, Rudolph, on board.” Rudolph looks around at all the seats and takes an empty one up front. The sleigh rumbled, and Rudolph was at reindeer school in a second. “Well, everyone, we have arrived safe and sound. Remember to be kind to each other and to do your best. I believe in every single one of you.”

Rudolph gets off and hesitantly walks toward the school. He froze and placed a hoof back, but Blitzen looked at him and smiled. Rudolph gained a slight boost of confidence to continue inside. Seeing everyone inside, Blitzen took off once more and checked up on Prancer. “So, how many packages have you delivered so far?”

“For your information, a lot. Secondly, I knew how many stops you had left and counted. 2, 2 seconds average. Alright, grandpa, still have it in you, do we?”

“Hey, you know you wished you had this speed.”

“We will have another race soon.” Suddenly, the wind was knocked out of both of them, and a note was left in Prancer’s hand.

Dear Prancer and Blitzen,

You guys make me laugh. I will already be waiting at the lounge when you read this sentence. See you later.

Signed, Dasher.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Rudolph walked around the school for a bit and found his classroom. The teacher greeted him. “Hello, I am Mrs. Night. Who may you be?”

“Um, I am Rudolph.”

“Nice to meet you, Rudolph. Take a seat somewhere. You may sit wherever you like.” Rudolph walks toward the back. By the sound of the bell, class has begun. “Hello everyone, I am gonna repeat it, I am Mrs. Night. I will be your teacher this school year. I always like to start with introductions. I was born in the southern part of the village and worked my first job at the factory, delivering presents from the factory line. I went to college and got my degree as a teacher for y’all. There I met this very handsome buck, Mr. Night. So very handsome….. Anyway, enough about me. Look around you. There are many reindeer who are just like you, and I want you to get to know them. Let’s get started. You, let’s choose you to start us off.” A doe stands from her desk.

“Hello, my name is…. um…. Milly. I am from the East, and many elves are there. My parents take me there to look out for me as they work.” Mrs. Night then asks the rest of the class the same question.

“I am Michael. I was born in the South. I like to play hide-and-seek.”

“I am Amara. I was born in the North. I like seeing the reindeer team train at the stadium and love writing.”

“I am Hailey, I was born….”

“I am Daniel….”

“I am — “

I am

I am

I am

I am

‘I am,’ recited Rudolph. Rudolph glanced at all his classmates. He didn’t want their attention; he didn’t want them to know he was there. What if, what if, what if? It is all that rang in his head. Rudolph begged and pleaded, imploring that no one knew he existed.

“You”

Rudolph stands up. “I-uh — I am Rudolph.” He looks around, everyone staring. “ I am. I am from the South. My parents work in environmental protection and evacuating people in hazardous places.” Mrs. Night smiles. “Oh, so they are outdoor rangers, then? I have a couple of family members in that field. Well, class, that is the end of introductions. It is time to get started on what we will be learning throughout the year.”

As lessons continued, Rudolph only stared outside. He saw how the wind would pick up the snow and let it drift. Free, free was what it was. Those snowflakes were able to drift wherever they liked. They didn’t have to abide by expectations or rules; they could live with moles of other snowflakes and wouldn’t be bound by opinions or thoughts.

Rudolph imagined he was like one of those snowflakes. How, at first, he would be drifting around in the clouds, overlooking the world below. When the time came, he would choose to join it and become a snowflake ready to be unleashed. During the storm, he would just drift, drift, drift as he decided where he would be most willing to land. Nothing mattered; there was no right or wrong spot he could choose, and his home would be where the mole was. Then, when he lands, he would notice how not one single snowflake is the same as the other. Rudolph could be entirely different, but that wouldn’t matter. A snowflake right next to him would be entirely different, as would the one above or below him. Through such differences, every snowflake would feel they belonged to each other. Rudolph would feel like he belonged somewhere. No, but he has an ugly red nose. When someone sees it, they stop thinking of him like any other. Rudolph hated that.

The bell rang; it was time for recess. Rudolph took his first step outdoors and observed the snow drift below his feet. When he looked above him, a group of reindeer walked towards him. “Rudolph, want to join us in a hide-and-seek tag game?” asked Michael. Rudolph’s ears perked; he gave a shy smile. “Sure, I would love to.” The other reindeer of the North began to huddle with one another. Chatter was heard left and right, groups were formed, and people were planning where to hide. Everyone was looking for the perfect candidate for who was ‘it.’ “Hey, Amara. Why don’t you become ‘it’ this round? You seem to be very good at keeping pace.”

“Oh, you bet I am. I will count to 50. Everyone is ready to hide. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6…..”

Everyone scattered. Rudolph took to the trees, climbing upon them, along with two other kids. Rudolph recognized one as Daniel, and the other came from a different class. “Hello, I am Xander.”

Daniel

Rudolph

“Nice to meet you. Do you think Amara has any chance of catching us up here?” Daniel looked below. “Maybe, but she can’t catch all of us if we scatter if she finds us early on. However, we must be careful if she finds many people beforehand. This tree really isn’t great at escaping. Unless you know how to fly?”

“Fly? I wish. I wonder what it’s like being one of the reindeer in the sleigh team, being the only ones able to fly? I bet it’s cool, but how I wish we could fly and win the whole round.” Rudolph turned to both of them. “I have an idea for distractions. We have a bunch of branches; let’s use them to get the seekers away from this place. It would make sense to use them to trick them into searching other places if they are far away, but up close, they will easily know we are up here. If we need to run, let’s climb down quickly and kick some snow to lose sight.”

Very clever

The round continues. Reindeers are being found one after the other. “I got you both at the same time,” pranced Amara. “You know dens are hard to spot when the opening isn’t so exposed,” she chuckled. Rudolph, Xander, and Daniel look below. Suddenly, a snap. They looked below. Rudolph realized there were no twigs in the snow. The sound didn’t come from below. Rudolph slowly turned back and looked at the other two. “Run!” Each reindeer took off in different directions. Rudolph saw Daniel being tagged by Amara. Farther down, he saw Hailey block Xander’s path. Rudolph reached the bottom and saw behind him a whole flock of reindeer coming straight for him. With his hind legs, Rudolph used his entire strength to kick a lot of snow up high. Daniel looked at him, “Run, Rudolph!”

Rudolph didn’t look back. The one thing he knew was that a whole bunch of reindeer were screaming and trying to catch him. He searched for any spot to lose everyone and saw a tree and a ditch. If Rudolph can jump and land on one of the thick branches, he may lose some of the reindeer who fail the jump and slow down the ones that do. Rudolph could feel the cold air circulating in his every breath. It was painful; his lungs felt like they were pumping quickly, and his legs felt like they were working, but it was a good pain. He felt alive. Something inside him loved that he could run and not stop for anything. Liberty was in his legs, and freedom was just a jump away.

Run Rudolph, run Rudolph, run Rudolph, run.

“You can’t escape me,” screamed Amara. I will catch you; just wait.”

Jump Rudolph’s legs soared. Then, by a precise thud, Rudolph made it on the branch. He quickly started breaking chunks of it and climbed. Amara leaped, and she made it as well. The branch started to let loose, but she quickly got herself on a new one right on time. The other reindeer circled the tree, many climbing it. “You are very quick, Rudolph, but where will you run now?” Rudolph climbed higher and higher. He got onto a second branch, looked behind him, and jumped to the other tree. Then another, and it seemed no one knew where he was. Rudolph quietly jumped down and jogged gleefully back to the school. tap “I got yah.” Rudolph was startled. He jumped back and landed on the snow; his nose glowed brightly. The other reindeer got to the spot and circled him. “You are weird.”

“Is that a clown nose?”

“No, I think he may be the reindeer version of the Operation game patient.”

“I didn’t know anyone was able to blush this badly.”

“Is that a lamp?”

“At least he ain’t limp.”

“Reindeers don’t have glowing noses. Are you truly a reindeer?”

Are you truly like us?

No, no, he isn’t.

After a while, Rudolph got up and ran off into a small ditch. He spent minutes crying, his nose glowing dimly. ‘Why do people hate me? I am no reindeer, I am nobody. Nobody ever seems to like me. Nobody is what I will always be.’ A voice was heard. “Rudolph, Rudolph, are you over here?” Rudolph perked his head up. “It’s me, Amara.”

“And me, Xander.”

“Daniel.”

“Hailey.”

And a few others. Amara looked down at the snow. “Sorry, I startled you. I was having so much fun playing. That nose is weird, but very cool. That was very rude of others.”

“And Xander was glad to have talked a lot with you. You seem very cool. Mind if we can be your friends?”

Rudolph looked up, his tears reflecting the red light. “You, you wouldn’t mind being seen with a red nose like me?”

“Why would we mind?”

“Because I am no reindeer. I just have a red nose.”

“No, you aren’t. You are Rudolph.”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Days later, Rudolph was walking with his godfather Zyir. They were hiking on one of the few mountains that looked upon the North Pole. “Why do I have a red nose and nobody else does?” Zyir turned sad. “I don’t know. Sometimes simple questions don’t always have clear answers. You just do Rudolph, you are just you. Why do you ask?”

“I hate it. I don’t want it anymore. I want to take it off and be a normal reindeer. Be a reindeer. That’s it, that’s all.”

“Rudolph, you are a reindeer, you are our reindeer.”

“Most people don’t seem to like me so much. They see my nose, and they are so mean. I don’t want people to be mean to me anymore. I want to be like mom, dad, and you. Your nose doesn’t shine, and people respect you. You guys seem to have an easy time with the crowd. Everyone does. Why can’t I? I try so hard. I, I r-really — “ Rudolph balls his eyes. Zyir places a hoof in front of Rudolph and pulls him in close. “Walk with me, Rudolph.” Rudolph slowly followed behind. The farther he got up, the steeper and heavier the snow was. Once they reached the peak, Rudolph looked up and saw from a cliff the entirety of the North Pole. It was amazing. It was vibrant with many colors other than just white snow. The lights from the homes gave the color of firewood yellow, and the busy streets had colors of green pine trees, blue mailboxes, red signs, and purple boxes shipped inside big trucks.

To the South, Rudolph saw the multitude of reindeer communicating with one another. To the North, he observed the northern lights encompassing the horizon and the many workshops. Only a couple of extravagant houses were there, housing elves and reindeer, and at the center, a big stadium. To the East, the elves hosted many parties and events. To the West, there was just a single house. Santa. Santa has not returned to the North Pole; only time can tell when he returns for the start of a new season. The North Pole was busy, lively, and beautiful. Zyir approached Rudolph. “You are among us here. When we are below, we see how our lives work from our perspective. Everyone below is like that; they just see their own. Rarely do they have a chance to see this.”

“How am I important?”

“Every year, the North Pole can deliver the spirit of Christmas. However, it isn’t just Santa who runs it. He may have started it all, but he could never do this. Do you see the reindeer down there? They help out in the factory, and they are part of Christmas. Those elves that make the toys? Their hands are what make the multitude of toys possible. The sleigh team practices in that small, secluded stadium, yet their voyage is necessary to finish delivering the spirit of Christmas. How can a reindeer or elf judge his worth by what people say or do? Look at Rudolph. Look above.”

“It’s like — — a grand design. Everything looks almost intentional.”

“How can you judge your worth or let others do it for you? Look above Rudolph, the one that looks below us all. Look at heaven, and whose eyes judge us all.”

“How can I be part of this when I am so different?”

“Look above Rudolph. We can never have these answers, but we know we matter because we are here. I am grateful Rudolph is alive. Don’t question your worth; that can only be defined by what you do. As you walk down there, don’t ever let yourself be discouraged. You are in a place, part of a grand design. You may not know how you fit in it, but that shouldn’t matter. The fact is, Rudolph, you matter just the way you are.”

Rudolph stepped back and turned towards the cave behind. Inside, multiple paintings are scattered across the cave walls. “What is all this?” Zyir hugs Rudolph. “I like to paint how I see or feel. It is amazing how prettier the world can be when we reflect on it. Like this one, Zyir points at one side of the cave with his antlers. Rudolph studies it. “It looks like….. You and a couple of other reindeer. A small family. Small, yet giant.”

“It is. I made it when my wife was pregnant. I was really excited to become a family.”

“Where are they now?” Zyir looks toward Rudolph. He seems to grow a bit saddened. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No. No Rudolph. You asked nothing wrong. Sometimes, real life isn’t as colorful as these paintings, but I know they look down from above. When my wife was about to give birth, she came up to me and kissed me. She said, ‘I am glad my time was spent with you. I will always love and cherish you for as long as I live.’ I told her the same thing, and I nuzzled her neck and gave her a goodbye before the elves took her in.”

Rudolph stares, understanding what Zyir told him, and is saddened. “Rudolph, whenever you are with others, always cherish them. Not everyone will wish to be your friend. Everyone will judge you. However, the people who decide you should be part of their life will cherish you, and you will find that you are not alone. You are a reindeer like me, like us. Look down from this mountain and understand how important you are. Understand you are enough.”

I am. I am, aren’t I?

Chapter 5: Dreams and Nightmares

A dream has many meanings. It could be the one thing you experience every night. It may be the things you wish for, or the very thing you have a goal for. It brings about faith and light during the night. A dream is a beautiful thing. It is something that renews your faith. However, not all nights are full of dreams. Sometimes the light in front dims in the dark, and the tears in the eyes are our only comfort. A dream may be as real as one makes it, or it may be something that is let go.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -

Vaterson enters Rudolph’s room. “Alright, son. Get a good night’s rest. Tomorrow is a Monday.” Rudolph nods at his father. Vaterson turns off the lights, and Rudolph is left alone in the darkness of his room. Little by little, Rudolph feels his breathing slowing down. His front and hind legs are losing feeling. His head attracted to the warmth of the pillow, and his body was covered with blankets. Little by little, Rudolph loses control of himself. His eyes become heavy, and the only visible thing is the emergence of a red light.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap

Rudolph trots to his left, then right, the clouds underneath him supporting his weight. Then, with a leap and a tuck, Rudolph falls from the sky. From his back, he opens his wings and observes the Earth below. How grand and magnificent the Earth is. Why should he just be limited to this height? Can he not go any higher? Rudolph spreads his wings and ascends. The heavens seem to be chanting.

Higher. Higher. Let the burdens of Earth leave your spirit. You are a free little one. Home calls you to look above life. The family you seek lies within here. Search and find it from the space between realism and spiritualism. Look, look, fly Rudolph. Fly high, higher. Not one single soul is between you and life.

Rudolph’s wings glow, and so does his face. The energy surrounding Rudolph comforts him and pushes him to fly higher.

You are running out of time, Rudolph. Time awaits no one. Come closer. You can make it, Rudolph. You can make it. Try, try Rudolph. Our choir implores you to understand the life we see.

The Earth seems to resist Rudolph. The higher he goes, the harder gravity pulls him. He grunts and kicks higher and higher. His wings give their all to push against the Earth. Then, with one more push, he reaches space. From below, he sees the entire planet.

Look at Rudolph. All the green and blue that you see. There is life. Look hard, and you will marvel that life can thrive in the strangest of places. It is nothing but design, so grand that not even we comprehend it. However, we still praise how glorious it is. Imagine it, Rudolph, how the Earth is a canvas full of faith.

Rudolph blinks momentarily, and he is back in the North Pole. Something feels different, but he cannot put it into words. His parents didn’t hesitate to let him go to school when he walked downstairs. At the bus stop, he saw a couple of reindeer coming up to him, talking in a very friendly manner. Then, at school, he grew more confident speaking out loud, and everyone seemed content with his presence. During recess, Rudolph was being searched out to be part of everyone’s team, except he would brush them off and ask to be in Daniels ‘ team. Then, as he walked back home, the adults never seemed to mind him, and the other reindeer just seemed to chatter about the trivial things that occurred that day. It was peaceful. Then the next day came. This time, Rudolph was walking with Amara, and a few reindeer he recognized as bullies approached. He prepared for the worst, but Amara just looked at him wildly.

“Are you ok, Rudolph? They won’t hurt you; they are our friends. Don’t you remember?” Rudolph shook his head ‘no.’ One of them spoke to Rudolph. “Rudolph, why are you so worried? Did you see an alien fly by? Just kidding with you, we just wanted to tell you thanks for helping us study. That exam was a bit difficult, but you surely know a lot. You have our respects.” Rudolph seems confused, but he doesn’t seem to deny anything. Why should he? The world was great! No fear, no anxiety, just simply walking down a street for once without trouble. Was that too much to ask for?

Time waits for no one, Rudolph. It ticks and strikes 12 every time.

Rudolph blinks and sees himself. He is older, more defined, and with pointy and strong antlers. A doe approaches him. Her face is unclear, but there is something so splendid in its mystery. “May I have this dance?” asked the figure. They circled one another, Rudolph guiding the doe in her every step. Up, left, right, down, forward. There was something so divine and sweeter than any caramel in the moment. Rudolph wasn’t just dreaming of love; he felt it. It was a sway left, then right, but it was fluid and forgiving. The more Rudolph looked at this doe, the more trust he had in her, and the more this put her trust in him. Now that was sweet. No one has ever put that much faith in him as his parents or close friends. It bloomed like a flower placed on his head.

Tick

Rudolph is in a hospital. He peers into a room and sees the same doe, holding a newborn fawn. It was a doe, and when it looked up at Rudolph, it didn’t judge him; it just smiled in adoration. “I love you,” whispered Rudolph. “You are perfect just the way you are. You are home, this is family. Everyone will love you, I promise.”

Tick

“Rudolph, you have been such a great member of the community. The things you did were memorable and revolutionary for the spirit of Christmas. You will forever be part of our history.” Rudolph looks at the crowd. “But, what did I even do?” The crowd laughs. “What didn’t you do? You are a hero to us, Rudolph. If your parents were alive, they would be so proud to see how their buck has become.” The crowd cheered. “Thank you, Rudolph!”

Thank you. No one has ever thanked me like that before, not this many people. Is this what it feels like to be a reindeer? I never want to let this go if I can help it. I won’t ever let this go! I have no stupid nose. When I look, I don’t see it. It doesn’t exist, it never existed. It was never part of me. It was never me.

Tick

Rudolph feels tired. He doesn’t understand why. One step, two steps, three steps, and then a thud. His legs give out, his breathing heavy. He loses feeling in them, and his head rests on the gravestone. His body is hugging the dirt that opens to the coffin within. Rudolph feels himself decay, but there was something so comforting in it. He lived a life in which he was without a stupid nose. Everything was perfect. He looked up into the sky, feathers falling upon him.

Higher. Higher. Let the burdens of Earth leave your spirit.

Tick….. snap!

Rudolph notices the room change. He had lost the wings on his back. Everything seemed dark like his room. No light to guide him, no noise to awake him. It was all a dream. None of that actually happened. He remembers what truly happened. When he would always walk downstairs, he always remembered his parents having a bit of an anxious face. At the bus stop, the same group of bullies would always play with his nose and leave him with a bruised side where they kicked him. At school, he would always avoid participating in and playing during recess. Even when his friends were around, he would always try to hide. He knew everyone wouldn’t hesitate to tell him he never belonged. Amara would always ask him to walk with her on his way home, but he never did. He was too afraid of all the beating he would get from the bullies. It left him with scratches and bite marks every time. The adults would never care about him; they would look at him less. Rudolph saw how dark everything was and without sound.

Tick

Rudolph was at recess once more. “I’ll get you, Rudolph,” shouted Amara. Rudolph looked back happily but saw a mob of angry reindeer after him. Not just the fawns, but even the adults and elves participated. Rudolph ran and ran, but he could only watch as they got closer and closer.

Reject. You are just a reject. No one loves you; we never cared. You stick out like a sore thumb, a mistake upon this Earth. You stick out from everyone in our lives. Why did you have to exist? None of us ever asked for you to be born. We would certainly give you back to the Earth. Yes, back to the Earth you go.

Rudolph attempts to jump toward the same tree. However, when he prepares to jump, his legs are pulled on, and he falls into the ditch. With every hand he feels, Rudolph feels himself sink into the snow.

Tick

Rudolph was in the ocean. It was very dark except for the sun’s light thousands of miles away, and it was very heavy. The waters uttered the same thing the reindeer had told Rudolph up above.

Reject. Reject. Reject.

Rudolph gasped. He was drowning. No one was there to save him, and there was not enough time to go to the surface. Rudolph was left to die. He thrashed and thrashed. ‘Help.’ Then, with his many failed attempts, Rudolph let himself go.

I am nobody. I hate it here. Nobody loves me. I am afraid to go; I never wanted to go. Each step I take is an abomination. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I love you, Zyir. I love you, Mom. I love you, Dad. I love you, Daniel. I love you, Amara. I love you, Xander. I wish more loved me the same. Can nobody like me ever be accepted?

Look, look, fly Rudolph.

No! I can’t. Everyone keeps pulling me down. No matter how much I tell myself I can, I can’t. The truth is, I am a mistake. Here is where I belong. I don’t have time; I always feel like someone is pulling me under. I can’t, I won’t anymore. This is where I belong now. Where all the nobodies and what could be somebody reside. Here is the home I know I can only be accepted in.

Rudolph tried so hard to cry. Every tear shed was consumed by the waters. He hated it. Rudolph tried harder and harder to cry. He just wanted to leave one trace of his pain that was remotely visible. Even if he felt he didn’t matter, he just wanted one person to see it. Rudolph looked at the waters and saw that his eyes bled red — finally, at least something that could be seen from the waters.

Tick

Rudolph now stands on top of a giant mountain. It not only overlooked the North Pole, but also the Earth. At the peak stood a fig tree. Rudolph looked within its lushest green leaves but found no fruit. He felt lied to and betrayed, but he had no idea why. Suddenly, the roots began to consume him. Rudolph didn’t fight it; he just accepted it. Suddenly, a light appeared from high. A figure in white clothing descended, his face too bright to see. It touched the fig tree, and it withered away. Then it looked at Rudolph and brought him closer to it.

“Who are you?” asked Rudolph. Rudolph appeared on its face and saw a light smile. The figure simply touched Rudolph’s forehead. The figure spoke in a choir. Ain’t it sad that there are deceitful people who give a cold shoulder in the name of love? Rudolph nodded and simply let himself be embraced by the figure. “I wanna go home.” The figure looked at him. The village is your home; there was never any mistake. Look below and see that your tears may one day inspire the world not to be so harsh upon people like us. Let your light shine, Rudolph. You are home. Rudolph felt his bloodied eyes slowly become dry as he felt loved.

Tick tick tick

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Vaterson was preparing to sleep until he heard a couple of sounds coming from the house. He decided to investigate. He peered inside Rudolph’s room and saw his son crying. The room was illuminated by his red nose, and the red light reflected so deeply in the tears. He went in and kissed Rudolph on the cheek. “I wish I could help you. I am trying my best. You can do this. You are a free little one.”

tick tick tick

Vaterson looked at Rudolph’s clock. “Twelve. I’d better get to bed. Urla must be waiting for me. Goodnight, Rudolph. May God protect you. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.” Vaterson left the room. Slowly, Rudolph’s light began to dim, and his breathing became more fluent again.

This is your home; there was never any mistake.

Chapter 6: Childhood March

Tick tick tick 1:00

Rudolph and his family walk along a carved path in the Pine forest. The trees are decorated with candy canes and gingerbread men on each side. “Mom, Dad, I see the rink. Come on, I want to skate.” Urla extends one hoof in front of Rudolph. “Don’t you forget the safety equipment we brought. Just because you have experience skating doesn’t mean you aren’t immune to danger. Let me tie this pillow on your back and these skates on each hoof.” Rudolph stood still, but every time Urla got near, he jumped to his left, right, and behind. Urla places the pillow in her mouth and makes quick movements. Left. Nope. Right. Nope. “Hold still. You won’t even realize it’s there when you are having fun.” Rudolph shakes his head side to side. “No. Do I have to?”

“Yes!”

“Why?” Urla looks down upon Rudolph. “Oh, don’t get me started, young ma-”

“Why?” Urla gives him the mom stare. “You know why. Don’t fool around with me-”

“Why?” Vaterson bursts out laughing. “Don’t try it, hun. I tried catching him myself. Got a scar right on my forehead. You’d have better luck catching a cold.” Urla gives a stare right at Vaterson. He jumps back slightly. “That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. Even a needle can be found in the -”

“Help me!” Both parents try holding Rudolph still, but he always manages to slip away. “You can’t catch me,” Rudolph chuckles. “Oh yes, I can, young buck. I prepared this time.” “Dad, even with time, you still manage to be outmatched by the mighty Rudolph.”

“Mighty? I don’t remember you being mighty. I might call you mighty if you manage not to be caught.”

“Don’t encourage him!”

“Don’t worry, Urla. We have plenty of time.”

Tick 2:00

Rudolph darted to his room and dropped the box in his mouth. “Ok, we are playing Chimney’s and Pulleys. The goal is to get to square 100 at the top. Try to avoid rolling into a chimney that just resets you back. Pulleys help you climb quickly. Xander, you are up.” Xander rolls a four. “Looks like I am taking this pulley to fourteen.” Daniel approaches the board. He rolls a 6. “I guess nothing will happen.” Next up is Amara. She rolls one. “Hey, looks like the pulley takes me to box thirty-eight. I guess I am destined to win this rou-”

“Hello, Amara!” chimes in Rudolph. “What do you mean by hell-” Rudolph rolled one and moved his character to the same spot. “I guess you aren’t the clear winner, Amara.” Lucky shot. “Yeah, we will see who the luckier one is.” Everyone begins to chant. “Race race race race race!” The game continues counterclockwise between each player. Rudolph and Amara are still in the lead. The dice clash on the board as pieces are moved all over. “ Box 71 going up to 91. Now, who has the lead, Rudolph?” Rudolph rolls his dice. He moves to box 74. “I guess you missed the pulley. Better luck next round.” The other players continue their moves. Daniel rolls to box 62. “Wait, I have to go back to 19! Is that even-”

“Loser,” teased the reindeer. When it was Amara’s turn again, she rolled 5. “Box 96, I am gonna win!” Rudolph rolls and gets a 6. He goes to box 80, and the pulley takes him to box 100. “Oh, come on now, that must be rigged,” said Amara. “Better luck next round,” teased Rudolph, trying to mimic her voice. Everyone chuckles. Daniel resets the game. “Alright, you two, we have plenty more rounds to play. There is still plenty of time.”

Tick 3:00

Rudolph runs faster across the streets of the busy market. A couple of reindeer are chasing after him from behind. “Come on, Rudolph. Aren’t you happy to see us? It’s routine at this point.” The reindeer split up. Rudolph turns one corner to a bakery, another across a laundry mat, right towards a theater, and left at an alley. As Rudolph approached the end, one reindeer stood in his way. He stopped and turned himself around. Another reindeer. He was trapped. Shadows ran across his vision, the brick walls coming closer. Rudolph could hardly react when the first blow went to his left side. Then another on his right.

Rudolph kicked and jumped, but it seemed nothing could be done. Rudolph was haunted by an unstoppable force that wanted to get a single message through his skull. “You don’t belong.” He knew he didn’t. Why must they always make it a point to remind him if he already knew? “I just wanna go home.” The reindeer looked at each other and mocked his cry. “Go home, back to the forest or cave you came from. Home isn’t here.” Rudolph didn’t fight it. He let one kid stab him a bit with his antler, and the other kicked him behind. A full moon ago, he would have fought, but no victory came. In the end, Rudolph could only see himself from a puddle of his own tears. A weak, undeserving creature that had new bruises and open marks. Rudolph limped his way back to him. His parents anxiously checked up on him. “What do we do, Vaterson? This can’t go on; we must do something.”

“I am thinking of Urla. I Don’t Know. I don’t know. We will think it through like always, like old times. It will be alright.”

Tick 4:00

Rudolph takes a few licks from his ice cream. “Thank you, Zyir. You are the best!” Zyir bows slightly. “You’re welcome, Rudolph. It’s great that we got here in time, too — half price, best price. I always say,” Rudolph stops midlick and only peers upward. “Since when have you ever said that?” Zyir stands proud for a moment. He looks left, right, and squats forward to Rudolph’s height. “Ever since you started to consume almost everything,” Rudolph smirks. “You know I don’t eat everything. Looking at you, I can tell this cone wasn’t your first.” Zyir pretends to be offended and offers his antlers for a duel. “I know you are a growing boy, but even you surprise me with how much you need to be fed.” Rudolph playfully places his antlers out. “I won’t let you say such things. I challenge you.” Rudolph charges and gives the first strike. Zyir ‘struggles’ and pushes back slightly.

“Who is worthy to challenge me?” Another clash. “I am!” Zyir moves his head left, breaking the lock. “WHO are you?” Rudolph runs back a little and charges full force. “Me! Rudolph the great and mighty reindeer.” Zyir smiles a bit. ‘Yeah, you are.’ Then, with one final tackle, Rudolph takes Zyir down and pinned. Both laughed hysterically on the floor, and Rudolph’s light shone. Reindeer and elves murmured. Rudolph backed away little by little from the crowd. Zyir walked toward Rudolph and smiled at him. “Why are you smiling?” Asked Rudolph. “I enjoy spending time with you. That light of yours truly is beautiful.” Rudolph hides the dim light with one of his legs. “Who would ever love this light?” Zyir sits next to Rudolph. “Because that light shows me the parts I love about you. Ever realized how deeply the light shines from yourself?” Rudolph relaxes. “It’s terrifying.”

“It’s honest…….It’s you. With all the many things I love, one of them is you.”

Zyir takes out a bit of money from a compartment in his bag. “You still seem hungry. I could always pay for another. You know what everyone says: growing boys are told to eat up anything.” Rudolph tackles Zyir and starts another game.

Tick 5:00

November has arrived, and all the inhabitants of the North Pole gathered around the base of the mountain Bote. “He is coming!” shouted some elves and reindeer elders. New and old, great and small, cause the Earth beneath them to shake and quiver. Rudolph is up on Vaterson’s back. The reindeer sings many praises.

“Oh, heaven, bring back good words. May we know that God has brought world peace. We await the messenger who was sent up the mountain. Bring him back and let him sing many songs like always. In the Lord’s name, we sing and praise because he sanctified us.

Broch Hael asher kidash

Blessed be God who sanctified. We await to serve as our fathers have. Open heaven, and see us from above. We await you, and you shall see the fruit we bear plainly. We bring the joys of Christmas to all, and you will see we will do so again. Send us our messenger. Send us the one we seek. In the name of Christ, we all say amen.”

By the night’s turn, the sky is void of light and sound, all is silent, but then a jingle is heard. A shake of a bell, then another, then a third. Up at the peak of Bote, the darkness shatters. A small light descends upon it and illuminates as powerfully as the face of the sun. All the reindeer look away. A man steps from the light, and a soft voice speaks. “Illuminate the path, and I promise you that you shall see wonders that only come from love.” The man descends from the mountain and arrives at the base. The light has vanished, and in place is the illuminated face and flesh of Santa Claus. “Good to see everyone again.” The crowd roars in cheer.

“Speech, speech, speech!” Santa laughs, rubbing the back of his head. “The Lord our God has shown me the many new faces we have this year. Our production this year will be plenty bountiful. I am also glad to announce that the Earth is at peace, considering the great global economic crisis that has existed for a few years. During these hard times, we must exemplify why Christmas is still around. It’s not about these toys, it’s not about the power we have been given and how we have become symbols, but about how we teach men that the spirit of Christmas lives through love. What is love? Let’s all be like children and be willing to learn and remember. It is selfless and patient. It is a deep trust. Look to your left, look to your right. See the face of your fellow reindeer and elves. Show them service and respect like you would yourself. Your neighbors are different from you in many ways, and in such ways they are the same.” The reindeer talk amongst each other. Santa looks at every single face and smiles. With a step, Santa walks amongst the crowd.

A march ensues, and each fellow reindeer joins behind the others as they follow Santa. They arrive outside the workshop, and Santa opens the gates and turns to them. “I have faith in every single one of you. Be sanctified, and bear the fruits of love.”

Tick 6:00

Rudolph runs and kicks up chunks of snow. The reindeer behind him were gaining on him. “You aren’t allowed to play with us.” Rudolph doesn’t answer. “You know you are a party pooper. First game, red light green light, not one of us could move.” The reindeer chuckle. “How about hide and seek? That nose doesn’t help you hide; it surely makes it easy for us to know you are near when you seek. Maybe get a blue nose and we can maybe think about cops and robbers.” Rudolph kicks more snow up with grander force.

Rudolph turns to an alley, but no exit is found this time. Rudolph stepped as far back as he could and crossed his legs in front of his entire body. The kids bit and kicked him. Some even pulled on his nose and antlers. Rudolph yelped, but not one had sympathy to stop. His pain didn’t matter; he wasn’t a reindeer. After everything was said and done, he was just a red nose with bruises. He roamed the street in an attempt to find a place to escape and relax. Rudolph decided to wander outside the village into the pine forest. Rudolph stared at the lake, his nose blurring the visibility of the ice. “That is all I am.” Rudolph stomps a bit on the ice and rolls in the snow. He kicks his legs up in rapid movement and yells. Rudolph sees a patch of dirt, stuffs his face, and rubs it all over his nose. A voice calls from afar.

“Rudolph, Rudolph, where are you?” Rudolph cowers and hides behind a bush. Santa Claus is near. His boots stomp on the ground and land right where he hid. “Rudolph, why are you hiding?” Rudolph looks up at Santa. He doesn’t respond. Santa kneels and wipes a couple of his tears. “I-I,” Rudolph says, nothing else; his ears flop back. Santa sits down. “Don’t be ashamed, Rudolph.” Rudolph backs away. “Who says I am ashamed?” Santa offers his arm, and Rudolph comes close. He hugs Rudolph tightly. “I haven’t met a reindeer like you before. That red nose is really remarkable. “ Rudolph pays no attention. Santa looks around and places a hand on Rudolph’s head. “All year I would check up on every elf and reindeer, and the thing that amazes me is right before me.”

“I know, my nose.”

“You, Rudolph. I have seen you every night and the others in the world. I love that you remain kind, hopeful, and imaginative no matter what the odds. Your artistic talents and imagination would get you far. Rudolph peers up and smiles genuinely, although vaguely. A sigh slips from his lips, and the cold air separates the two. “I don’t matter. I- I try. No matter who I am or what I do, no one seems to appreciate anything. I’m always wrong.” Santa pats Rudolph’s back. “Rudolph, look up into the sky and listen to how the angels sing. They say every soul is like a tree planted in the soil by a gardener. Although the tree may be asked to grow many fruits, it shall grow only what it can. Whatever fruits you bring Rudolph, let them be your own. You shall see how bountiful life may be through your love and faith. You matter, Rudolph, because I notice one glaring thing when I look at you.”

Something extraordinary. The reindeer I see in you.

Tick 7:00

The reindeer team ran all around the North, helping any way they could. Dasher was responsible for delivering all the mail sent by all the boys and girls worldwide to Santa. The dancer coordinated where the sleigh should fly. Prancer helped make sweets and baked goods for the winter. Vixen volunteered to run a daycare after school was out on break. Comet directed traffic among the commercial areas. Cupid gave free therapy and relationship advice. Donner became an officer of the law. Finally, Blitzen worked alongside Santa in the toy shop during the day to supervise the elves.

One morning, Rudolph was sent to buy bread. On his way, he ran into Dasher. Having not seen him coming, Rudolph got in his way and both crashed. Everything blurred for a second. Hundreds of papers suspended in the air, then time seemed to regain its rhythm. Dasher grunted and quickly got up to help aid Rudolph with a face full of dirt and snow. Rudolph felt a couple of tugs but still couldn’t process what had just occurred. All he knew was that he was guilty of neglecting his surroundings. Dasher opened his mouth but stopped himself from uttering a single word. He just smiled and jolted Rudolph up on his back. He tossed one letter with his antlers, and Rudolph caught it and tossed it in a sack. The cycle repeated. One letter was thrown, the next was caught, but the pace became faster and quicker. It felt almost like being on the back of a roller coaster. Rudolph was terrified, but the thrill felt great. After all was done, Dasher set Rudolph on the floor and waved goodbye as he ran off.

Rudolph entered the bakery and spotted Prancer. Unlike the other reindeer, he was the most handsome of them all. It had been rumored that during his early life, before Prancer was given his name in honor of joining the sleigh team, he had fathered many fawns with multiple different does. The doe watches him from outside as they peered in the window. Rudolph is tough to get inside. Once he arrived, Prancer gave a nice wave. He tossed a piece of bread and knocked it with his antlers toward a table next to the entrance. With a successful landing, Rudolph grabbed the bread and went straight home, but he ran into Cupid along the way. “I am sorry. That was rude of me, sir.” Cupid patted Rudolph’s back and handed him a fruit-flavored candy cane. “Who may you be?” Rudolph got himself up. “I am Rudolph, sir.” Cupid gave his hooves to him. “Hello, Rudolph. I have heard about you. “

Rudolph just wanted to leave in embarrassment. “You seem very cool. I don’t have time to chat, but having someone walking around is nice. It surely is lonely. Thank you for being here, and I hope we can talk soon.”

Something inside of Rudolph healed only momentarily. Cupid didn’t say much or do anything, but Rudolph felt at home when he said he liked how he was just there.

Tick 8:00

Rudolph knocked on the front door three times, and it did not open. From his little bag, he reached inside, grabbed the key, and unlocked his home. Silence greeted him, but it wasn’t anything known. After all, Rudolph knew his parents were probably working more than usual due to the Christmas season. With how busy elves and reindeer are, there are bound to be accidents or trouble that they must resolve immediately to keep operations going.

Rudolph shut the front door and headed directly toward his room. He looked within his closet and found his colors and an empty canvas. He had no clue what to draw. He had been expecting a miracle to take his brush and paint, and nothing came. Rudolph thought of his day for inspiration, and he remembers this girl who had chocolate, so he drew that. Then he felt the chocolate was spicy and made a second panel with the girl breathing fire. The next panel illustrated the girl’s fire being so hot that it melted the North Pole. What once was a snow blizzard was now a beach paradise. Finally, he drew a painting of a shirtless Santa surfing all over town.

Rudolph set his brush down and called it a day. The front door creaked. “Hello, sweetie. How was school?” his mom gently asked. Well, it was like any other. I mostly sat in class listening to what the teacher had in store. Then I went to recess and played tag skating with my friends.”

“Have you tried befriending others?” Rudolph quickly gave a cold stare. “No…”

“Figured. Have you tried….” Rudolph interrupted his mother. “I have. Monday, I made a hopscotch course and invited everyone to play. The amount of stomping that day was through the roof. Tuesday, I wanted to play soccer, but no one picked me. Then they decided to choose me to be the ball. I got my exercise. I-I promise you I will try, Mom.” Urla sat down with Rudolph. She leaned in and kissed his forehead and wrapped her arms around him. Rudolph embraced his mother’s arms and felt her love for him. Bit by bit, his nose glowed red, yet the moment was not broken or forsaken. Rudolph wasn’t afraid to show his glow in front of his mother; she was one of the few who understood his glow.

By evening, Rudolph had a guest over at his house. “H-hey, Amara. I am glad you came today.” Amara greeted Rudolph and his folk with a simple hug and kiss on the cheek. They both went upstairs and entered his room. Amara was greeted with an array of paintings stored in Rudolph’s closet. She picked the one he drew today. “I suppose it wouldn’t be bad if we had a beach day. Too much snow around these parts. It would always be a dream to go around the world.” Rudolph nodded. He reached into a drawer and pulled out an ornament that resembled the one imprinted in his fur. He handed it to Amara and allowed her to explore its design. “A gift for you.” Amara’s eyes glowed brighter. She reached out and examined it on her hoof. “Whoa. Thank you, Rudolph. I wish I could have also brought a gift over-” Rudolph interrupted her. “No, thank yo,u Amara. You and all my other friends have always been there. I never thank you guys enough. I feel guilty when I can’t. Accept this as my way of, well, saying thanks.” Amara rushed in to hug Rudolph. “You are an amazing friend. No need to say more. Thank you.” Rudolph smiled shyly. The rest of the night was spent painting between the two. Both their brushes tell their tales.

Tick 9:00

Rudolph went up Zyir’s mountain to enter the cave. Rudolph held his head high and proud, apathetic of the world around him. When he stepped one hoof in the halls, his whole demeanor fell apart. Rudolph was getting smaller, and his eyes were watery. His red nose glowed once more. “It’s always because of you. It’s always because of you.” No matter how many tears Rudolph wanted to shed, he didn’t allow himself to do so. Not one single soul was there to witness. His nose began to glow brighter and darker the more he resisted himself. “I deserve this. You — you are a mistake. My mistake.” Rudolph’s world turned red as the tears reflected the light before him. Rudolph grabbed any dirt to cover every inch of his nose. All the dirt and mucus build up, preventing Rudolph from properly breathing. Rudolph dared not open his mouth to let even an ounce of air. What did Rudolph ever do to grant pardon to himself? Nothing, and he accepted this fate for himself. No one was around, and there was no mentor or light to guide him. Just his light that he desperately dimmed.

No matter how much struggle Rudolph put up, his body would force him to breathe. “I always manage to mess up because I am always there. Even now, I manage to mess up.” Rudolph walked toward Zyir’s family portrait and noticed an addition had been made. The little fawn had a heart on its leg and an ornament on its cheek just like him. Rudolph shed a tear. He didn’t want to, he didn’t deserve to. He went outside and peered from the edge of the cliff. He saw the entire North Pole with anger. “Where do I go? Why can’t I just be there?” Rudolph looked up to the sky. After a few seconds, he walked away from the North Pole to reach the mountain’s base again.

Tick 10:00

The reindeer of the North have all gathered to wish the sleigh team luck on their journey. Among the crowd was Rudolph and his parents. “Are you excited about your first Christmas?” asked Vaterson. Rudolph gave a nod and looked as the clock struck midnight. The jingles of bells rung throughout the streets. “Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen. On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen. Let’s fly.” Then, as quick as the blink of an eye, Rudolph observed the sleigh team no longer on the ground. All left behind were hoofprints from where they stood and the Northern lights that mapped their flight. The reindeer of the North spent the rest of their night partying and dancing. Rudolph was young and didn’t know how to dance, so he observed his parents. He saw how face-to-face they were as they circled each other.

Urla took one step with her right, and Vaterson did the same. Both were lost in each other. Then Vaterson kissed Urla and invited her to reciprocate, which she did. They even brushed up on each other and twisted their necks to rest upon each other. Then, like the other reindeer, they began to sing their songs.

“Praise be to the Lord our God who has brought us together. Take me with you to your lands, where I will seek you. You have brought me food and water, and I wish to bring you the smallest crumb if it is all I have left to give. Promise you will love me and tell me you do. My heart will ache if you don’t love me the same. That is why I pray you do and will take me with you, my love. I love you.”

Rudolph decided to explore around and enjoy himself in the festivities. Suddenly, he bumped into another reindeer who appeared halfway toward the tomb. “Watch it! The young these days. No respect.” Rudolph desired to apologize. “Sorry, I-I wasn’t looking. Is there something I can do for you?” The elder looked at him from above. “Aren’t you that red-nose kid I keep hearing about?” The elder inspected his nose and saw how her touch removed bits of dust. “Filthy child. Though I couldn’t blame you, it must be very hideous.” Rudolph snapped back at her. “No, it isn’t!” The elder grabbed Rudolph’s cheek. “You are a devil child with a hideous feature. Give me some respect, will you?” Rudolph pulled away and ran. Fortunately, he ran into Xander. “You alright, Rudolph?”

“Old pant people pant are scary.”

“Say no more. “ The rest of the night was spent roaming around the party. It seemed that everyone was focused on the festivities, and no one paid any attention to Rudolph. Vaterson and Urla finished dancing, and the family went back home. Both parents kissed Rudolph’s forehead, and the house became silent once more.

Rudolph was awakened the next morning. “Merry Christmas, Rudolph!” exclaimed his parents. Rudolph yawned and slowly made his way downstairs. He saw the sun’s light touch his face and marveled at the view outside: multiple families exchanging gifts and many cheering and partying through the night. The whole world seemed to stop at this wholesome moment between neighbors. Rudolph just wanted to hold the world in its place and cherish this moment forever. At the foot of the tree, multiple presents were lined up, each coming from a different person. Vaterson gave Rudolph his gift tied up in a bow. Inside was a whole new set of colors and canvases. “I love observing what you make. I think it’s beautiful, and I want you to continue enjoying making whatever you dream.”

Urla then gave her present to Rudolph. He unwrapped the spotted design and found a necklace with a glowing ornament. “I think it would suit you nicely whenever you go out. The darker the room, the brighter it will shine.” Rudolph looks deeply into every crevice of the necklace and asks his mother to help put it on. “Thank you, Mom…. It’s great. I can’t wait to wear it sometime. Both of you, thank you. I cannot ask God for better people to spend my time today than with you.” Urla hugs Rudolph and kisses his cheek. “I still remember when you were little. You were so eager to explore and move around. “ Urla tightens her grip. “I love you, Rudolph. I can’t wait to see you become a young man. You will always be my baby boy.” A drop falls to the floor, then another. Urla wipes her face.

Vaterson places a hand on Rudolph’s shoulder and embraces him and Urla. “I am proud of you, son. You have always been the best thing for both of us. I-I couldn’t ask for a better son. Wait, we have another gift for you.” Vaterson brings another present. The wrapper reads “To Rudolph from Mom and Dad!” Rudolph tears the wrapper and finds a bell. Vaterson holds it and places it on top of his necklace. “This belonged to a great friend of mine. He was the kindest and bravest reindeer in the North Pole. I-” Vaterson looked over to Urla.

“We can never thank him enough for helping your mother and me become who we are. His name was Randolph. Named him after you….. I think you deserve to have his bell.” Rudolph hugged his parents even tighter. His nose glowed, but neither he nor his parents realized it. Their eyes were deeply closed, trying to savor the moment. Rudolph felt no shame or guilt. He didn’t feel like he had to ask for a reason; he was just able to be home. Vaterson and Urla allowed their son to open more presents from each friend. Xander and Daniel combined their money to get Rudolph a new pair of skates. Zyir invited Rudolph to the New Year’s outdoor party on the Southern mountain, which had fireworks for him and his parents to use. Finally, Amara gave Rudolph a custom teddy bear with a message on the tag.

“I wanted to repay you for the last gift. You are a great friend, Rudolph. I hope to see you more often. Merry Christmas! See you soon….”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The reindeer of the North were dispersed from the party. Once more, Santa got up into the mountain. He looked at the border of the North Pole and saw the reindeer and elves move up and about. “Merry Christmas to all. My wish is for all of you to find comfort. You make the magic happen…. I hope y’all realize one day. Someday.” Then a bright light appeared and took Santa from the face of the Earth. He will return once more when the world needs him again for the season.

Tick 11:00

The New Year was at hand. All the reindeer were celebrating with mashed potatoes and hot chocolate. Rudolph was walking around the party with his parents and Zyir. It wasn’t as eventful as he had hoped for. The incoming snowstorm forced the party to be held indoors. As his parents were busy commuting, Rudolph reflected on his time alive. He had many first experiences, made many mistakes, and experienced friendship and hardship. He remembers the first time he walked amongst the large crowd of reindeer. He slightly remembers their kind faces as they looked at him in awe. He remembered when he first met his friends and how much they hung out almost every week. Rudolph then thought about all the great things he had done with his parents, such as skating for the first time or ordering food at the counter by himself. He remembered it all, except he refused to acknowledge any other details. He refused to remember the faces of the crowds of reindeer turning from awe to disgust. He refused to remember how he was daily shamed. Sure, it wasn’t all physical or verbal; sometimes, he remembered seeing a face and how it looked upon him with pity. Rudolph refused those.

Rudolph noticed the party move around him. It was vibrant, extravagant, and inviting. No signs of trouble or hostility appeared on the faces of the reindeer. Rudolph felt welcomed. He understood the feeling the other reindeer had. Maybe tonight, he could have fun and enjoy this moment longer. Maybe then, he could understand what it meant to be a reindeer — a reindeer who is loved, understood, and wanted. It was all he wanted tonight.

Moments later, the storm hit hard. Creaks and snaps rang throughout the building. Vaterson and Urla immediately started taking over the situation as part of their duty. A few other reindeer in the crowd appeared, following their lead. “Stay calm, everyone! Find cover underneath and wait for the clear!” The weight of the storm made the mountain collapse little by little. Chunks of snow hit the roof one after the other. The doors flung open, and the sleigh team appeared before everyone. “Get on board! This place isn’t steady enough to withstand the pressure. Evacuate!” Dasher and Blitzen entered and allowed people to board their sleigh. One by one, groups of 20 were sent to the emergency center in the blink of an eye.

Amidst the chaos, Rudolph was trying to find his parents and Zyir, who had left him to take control of the crowd. “Rudolph! Over here!” Zyir grabbed Rudolph’s hoof and pulled him aside. “Go now! And your parents will meet once everyone has been cleared. You must go with everyone now, understood!” Rudolph shook his head. “But but y’all are the only ones who care. I cannot leave you. Please don’t send me away alone.” Rudolph’s nose glowed for a second before he covered it up again. “Come on, Rudolph. You have to — -” Part of the building collapsed with a new wave of snow and debris raining down. The rubble caught up to Zyir, and a large plank hit him. Rudolph moved the plank aside and tried his best to move Zyir. “Z-Zyir….” No response was given. Rudolph shook his body once more. Nothing.

Everyone has almost been evacuated. Vaterson and Urla spotted Rudolph and pulled him aside. They found Zyir’s body and tried to find a pulse. “He-he is…..” Urla turned to Vaterson. Vaterson looked away and sighed. “We must go. We cannot wait!” Vaterson dragged Rudolph toward the main entrance. Everyone was gone. They were the only ones left. “Faster, faster. We cannot wait another second.” The entrance collapsed. The whole building seemed to fall all at once. Vaterson and Urla covered Rudolph in a ball and looked at him. “We love you. Always remember how much we love you.” Snow hit their faces. Then a large piece of wood fell above them, going in their direction.

thud 12:00

Rudolph woke up with a bit of a headache. He looked around, trying to find someone, but to no avail. Rudolph checked the rubble and saw the empty faces of his parents. “Mom. Dad. Wake up….. wake up please! Please, I need you. Don’t go.” Rudolph attempted to move their bodies awake. He then reached out for their hooves and placed them near his face. “Please! You feel me, right? I am here! Take me home. Promise to take me home! I — I can’t — I can” Rudolph didn’t move by his parents’ side. His tears flowed into a stream. His nose glowed a bright dark red that cut through the falling snow. Rudolph gave up. Nothing expected him home, no one wanted him anymore. He believed it. Was it true? Maybe not all. He didn’t care. “L-Let me join you. I want to…… I wanna be with you. Please don’t go. Take me… take….. take!” Rudolph dug his face deeper into the snow between his parents. He tried looking for their warmth but found only coldness.

Rudolph closed his eyes in the sharp pain of the cold. He didn’t care if it was his last. He accepted this day as his last. No matter who may come, he knows love won’t be there. Was this his fault? He sure didn’t believe it was. It was all dumb luck after all. However, it didn’t explain why they had to die. Rudolph thought it was life reminding him he should remain a nobody. That is what everyone has constantly reminded him of. Not everyone said it, but the way people had fun during the party without remembering he was within confirmed, no reindeer were truly accepting around him. Rudolph gave up.

Suddenly, multiple hooves approached the site, and there were whispers and murmurs between each reindeer. Rudolph looked up and saw that it was Santa’s sleigh team. Rudolph hid his nose and dove his face deeper into his parents’ embrace. Blitzen came up to Rudolph. “Are you okay, little one? Rudolph…. Rudolph, how are you feeling?” No response. “Do you have anyone else to take care of you?”

“I. I have no one. No one will want me. I will never be wanted….”

The reindeer team circled Rudolph and comforted him with hugs and blankets. Cupid spoke up. “I think he should stay with us. I don’t think leaving him with anyone else will be safe. Grab anyone trapped or dead, make sure this never happens again…..”

Rudolph rode on the back of Cupid. His red nose cut through the deep snow as he shed every single tear.

Chapter 7: Shattered

Rudolph looked up at the sky. It moved and slithered like a snake’s scales, with dark shades of night. None of it was truly real. However, he felt trapped inside. Compelled to move, Rudolph approached a light ahead of him. From one distance to another, he saw that the light was a giant wall. No, Rudolph looked above and around; it was a dome.

Rudolph touched it and heard many voices come from it. “I love you, Rudolph,” cried his mother’s voice. “You are the only thing that matters,” whispered his father. “You are family,” wept Zyir. It was a cry of affirmation after affirmation. Then the sky was covered in humongous clouds. They poured heavy rain, debris, and then wood. Rudolph was terrified and tried to seek shelter. The dome began to crack under the pressure, the light parting. With nothing to hide under, Rudolph digs his hooves under the snow to try to build a small tunnel. Then he felt something significant fall on top of him. He looked behind and saw how the wooden block pinned his back and how the glass that fell carved into his body. He tried to move but felt a shock coming from his entire body.

“I-it hurts…. it burns! It burns! Help me,” Rudolph cried. He was losing himself fast. The blood in his body painted the white snow red. Rudolph twisted free, but his body was in half. None of this was real, so why did it seem like it was? Rudolph dragged his body along. He felt like moving his hind legs, but they weren’t there. He couldn’t run, he struggled to walk, and then… crash a knife fell and pierced his neck. He tried to yell, but nothing came out. He didn’t have a voice.

Rudolph saw that the darkness was lost and now replaced by the New Year’s Party scene. Around him echoed the cries of his parents and Zyir as they died. Rudolph didn’t remember any screams; they died quickly. Why are they dying so slowly here? “Rudolph, Rudolph!” cried his mother. Then Thud and her voice was silenced. Rudolph dragged himself further. He heard the voices of Zyir and his father say, “It burns!” slice the voices stopped. Rudolph dragged himself further, then further, and stopped. Why must he continue at all? He is broken and vulnerable. A perfect pick to die. So why prolong it? Everyone else he cared about was dead. No one else wants him. Not the reindeer, not the elves, and the sleigh team? He doesn’t see them around. He doesn’t see anyone around. None of his friends are there; it’s just him inside.

The floor broke, and Rudolph felt himself fall, hitting his head against a rock. When he gains consciousness, he sees he is back to health but not at the party. He is back home, and his parents call for him to eat breakfast. He looked at himself in the mirror and screamed in shock. It was him, but the nose was gone. Rudolph reached out and felt he still had his. “I am still dreaming.” He approached downstairs and saw a massive mob with fire — the entirety of the North Pole at his door. “Burn the freak”, they shouted. “All rejects are left to die.” Rudolph got back upstairs and locked the door in his room.

Then a hoof came from the closet and pounded on his body. It was the fawns his age, but they all seemed older and colder. “You will die tonight.” Rudolph smacked himself up against his window to try to break it. The glass shattered at his third attempt. He ran and ran as fast as he could as he saw the entire North Pole ready to kill him. He went to Zyir’s mountain to hide, but couldn’t escape. Rudolph felt the torches caress his skin and leave burn marks. He yelped in pain as the fire consumed him. “You are alone! We hate you, Rudolph, we hate you.”

“You will die alone.”

“No one will love you.”

“Give up”

Accept

No one

will

love

you

………Rudolph jumped from the mountain and smacked upon impact on the sharp floor. The scene changed, and he was in a casket with the bodies of the most important people in his life. He saw a dark figure approaching him with a horse. “Who are you?”

“Death” offered Rudolph a hand. Rudolph nuzzled the bodies around him and then reached his hoof forward. However, Vaterson’s body stood up and shook its head no. It horrified Rudolph to see his father decaying and without his eyes, but he understood what he wanted. “I love you,” whispered Rudolph. “No, not today,” and death went away.

The floor opened, and Rudolph landed amidst the feet of the North Pole. They burned him as they picked left and right. Rudolph bit into his lip and bled. “Go away. You are a curse upon this sacred ground.” One elf swung his torch, and Rudolph blacked out. Rudolph sat by himself as the world around him disappeared. “Does anyone love me?” No answer. One tear, then another. “Let me die…” A tune began to sing. It was his mother’s lullaby. He hummed to it as he had forgotten the words. He looked up at the sky in hope. “I wish to know what it means to be alive here… and there, and anywhere.”

A white tunnel appeared at the end. A voice came from above. “You are far from the end.” Rudolph cautiously approached. He felt his body being torn, his heart aching, and the burns, but he still pushed. He knew he was part of something, but what? What end? Rudolph only wished to be alone and forgotten, but he felt a new horizon call from the depths of despair. Where he thought himself dead was now a call of resurrection and renewal. Life was a pain, but Rudolph understood it continued to move with or without him. He didn’t like it but knew he had to wake up.

One step into the light and the dream came to an end.

Chapter 8: A Goodbye

Rudolph wakes up and inspects his surroundings with caution. The room is welcoming with many colors, from light pink to dark blue. The wall had a few photos of the sleigh team over the centuries, with many reindeer and elves now gone. A desk with books and pens stood in a corner, and a calendar was towards the door. Rudolph sat back on the bed and covered his face with his pillow. He didn’t want to wake up again. What should he even look forward to or believe? He isn’t home, and none of those who loved him are around anymore. He doesn’t even know where his friends are or exactly where he is. All Rudolph could do was explore, but doesn’t feel like it. He could only remember what once was. As tears formed in his eye, Rudolph’s nose glowed slightly. He stared at it in anger. “I never wanted you.” Rudolph didn’t try to hide it anymore. It was pointless. His light grew in response. He let out a sigh and sat up on his bed. “I don’t understand it. All of it. Why do I glow? Why does everyone despise it?” Silence. “Why can’t anyone understand how I feel? Why?” Rudolph opened the door to the room and saw a note outside.

Dear Rudolph,

Today, the sleigh team has many duties to account for the accident. Make yourself at home as best as you can. We promise to return. Just hang tight, and we will be there soon.

Sincerely, everyone.

Rudolph went outside for the first time. A forest and a little green road greeted him. Following the road were the busy markets of the village’s north side. Rudolph looked around as many elves and reindeer walked by stores and restaurants. Despite his loneliness, Rudolph felt the world watching him, calling him.

Is that the reindeer whose parents died? Yes, it seems.

Rudolph sat on a bench and watched as reindeer lived without him.

He is the one with the glowing nose, right? I wanna see it glow! Is he staring?

Rudolph stared up at the sky. “Why did they have to go? Can’t you see I need them?”

Don’t get too close. We may only pity but not approach. He was never one of us, really. I only give him a short time left. What a poor thing.

Rudolph suddenly felt a tap. “Hello, Rudolph.” Rudolph turned slowly and saw that it was Amara. He moved one hoof forward and looked at her with big eyes that wanted to ask so much. He enjoyed it but understood he couldn’t ask so big when he felt so small. He backed off and sighed. He tried his best to find the right words, yet nothing formed except shallowness.

“Hey, Amara! What are you doing here?” Amara stared Rudolph up and down. She quickly approached him and wrapped her hooves around him in a warm embrace. “I live up here. I suppose I never showed you my home. I…. I am sorry to hear what happened. I can’t think what it’s like to lose someone.”

Rudolph repeated “It’s ok” to reassure Amara that he is fine, but his light glowed slightly. Rudolph stared down and opened his mouth a little as shame was written on his face. Amara watched and touched his nose to feel the light. She looked directly at Rudolph’s eyes. “I can see you’re not, and that’s fine. I am here if you need me.” Rudolph dug deeper into Amara’s fur and shed a couple of tears. “ I-I don’t know what to say. I-I’m sorry that you have to see me like this.” Amara extended her legs to wipe a bit around his eyes. “Don’t apologize. You never did anything wrong. Let’s not say anything if you can’t say anything at all. Silence will do.”

Amara dragged Rudolph outside the busy streets and into the forest under a tree. She then took out a couple of apples and shared some with Rudolph. Rudolph felt at home a little, and the tranquility warmed his heart and nose. Rudolph observed how the light was almost the same as the fruit’s skin, and when he looked, he saw Amara smile a bit. “Glad you are enjoying them.” Amara stared out into the wilderness and noticed the light dim. She looked as Rudolph rubbed the dirt under the snow upon his nose. She went up to Rudolph and wiped it clean again. Rudolph shed a tear and collapsed onto her hoof.

Amara placed Rudolph against the trunk and hummed peacefully as the forest stood calmly. Rudolph spoke after he felt a bit comfortable. “How long should we stay?” Amara turns. “However long we want. We have time to wait. We will be back eventually when the world needs us.” After a long while, Rudolph and Amara returned to the busy streets and parted ways.

In the evening, Rudolph walked back onto the green road. “It’s alright not to be ok.” He wanted to feel that way. The more he said it, the more his nose glowed and guided him against the dark. It’s ok to shine when no one wants you to. It could be alright to ask. Rudolph knew his path wasn’t clear anymore. He doesn’t know if he will find a family, return home, or return to the mountain to see the painting again. Who is to stop him? He turned back around and ran as fast as he could. He traversed the entire North Pole till he was at the South.

Rudolph roamed the street and remembered how strangers would look at him when they saw his nose glow. Now he just lets them see it plainly. He wasn’t ok or proud, but what does he have left other than this? Rudolph reached the entrance to his home and unlocked the front door. All through the house was silence. Not even a creature or mouse was heard. It all seemed preserved. It was like his family never left. It was uncanny to think his house was once alive and used, such as the empty chairs. Rudolph walked upstairs and checked his parents’ room. Not one sheet of the bed moved. The only thing alive was ghosts that called him to stay. “This is your home. Stay with us. Don’t leave.”

Rudolph looked inside their closet and found a box of pictures. The most recent featured their first Christmas together, while the oldest featured most of Vaterson and Urla’s life when they were younger. Two photos stood out to him. One was when Vaterson and Urla kissed, while the other was when Rudolph was with his mother at the stable when he was born. The back of the kissing card reads “Till death do us part,” while the other reads “Together forever.” Rudolph found a little bag his mother used to carry groceries and placed the photos in, except for another that fell. He saw it was a little picture of him while his parents brought him home.

Welcome home, our little buck, Rudolph!

May God forever bless our family and you, our little buck.

You will see soon what awaits you in the North Pole-

The best place in the world and your love.

Loved by your mother and father.

Rudolph went inside his room and took out some of his art supplies, written stories, and other essential things he owned. He looked under his bed and saw a book of songs he used to sing at church. It opened to one he used to love singing all the time.

Oh, hear our cries, our father who art in heaven, for we sing as one.

May we find out what life is like above, and may Christ reveal the journey

The journey of a reindeer.

For the light we must share is never clear until we accept it

Lord, please reveal our eyes to the light so we can ascend above

That the elves and reindeer share the light of the world and of you

We thank you for always giving us grace when we fall short, because I remember the days when darkness consumed all

Praise the one who sanctifies

Praise the one who sacrificed

For he showed us what it means to love

Let us show our love to one another and make it a promise

That we are all family

We are all one

And none are excluded or shamed.

Sanctify us, God, and reveal when we are in the wrong when we have lost the light.

Don’t let us be alone in the wilderness; let us sing with our brothers and sisters.

Carry us like a mother, teach us like a father, and help us find our voice with the angels.

Let us come to understand the love that all people deserve.

Let this be our journey as a reindeer.

Rudolph looked back at his room and closed his eyes. “Oh Father who art in heaven, I-I don’t know what to do. What am I missing? Why do I feel alone when no one else has to walk like me? This whole place haunts me. What can I do when I am alone? Help me. Help me, God. Show me my light, please….” Rudolph slowly pulled on the door handle. “In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.” He closed it and looked at the sign: “Room of Rudolph.” Rudolph held the sign and traced his hooves at each letter. “Goodbye forever.”

Rudolph left his home and went to Zyir’s mountain. He went inside and saw the painting of Zyir’s family once more. He took a moment of silence and wept. His cheeks red and looking bruised, “Thank you for being the best reindeer I’ve ever known. I…. I am so sorry. I was so close, and I should have left quicker. Maybe you would have lived….. if you didn’t have to worry about me.” Rudolph found a space in the cave’s walls and took out a brush. He made multiple traces and shades, with each stroke heavier than the last. Three reindeer silhouettes are in the cave. “I know you are all looking at me from above.” Rudolph’s glow illuminated the picture he made. It was of Zyir, Vaterson, and Urla flying above the world with wings. Each eye seemed to stare directly at Rudolph. He smiled and inspected every single detail. “Farewell.” Rudolph stepped outside and saw the North Pole and how it didn’t move so much in the cover of darkness. Rudolph looked back at the cave, “I love y’all.” Rudolph left the mountain and made his journey back North. It was morning all over again when he reached the door. He entered and saw the sleigh team eating breakfast.

They all rushed Rudolph, but with a bit of distance so as not to disturb him. Prancer got a blanket and offered it to Rudolph. “We don’t know how long you have been gone, but you must be cold.” Rudolph nodded a bit. Dasher and Dancer ushered Rudolph inside, offering him carrots as a light breakfast snack. A timer then rang, and Cupid offered some cookies to Rudolph. “Do you wish to tell me where you had been, Rudolph?” Rudolph didn’t know who to stare at. Every single reindeer was awaiting his answer. “I- Well, I was saying goodbye.” Vixen placed his hoof to comfort Rudolph. Everyone else nodded and went about making the place more inviting for Rudolph. “Did you manage to say goodbye?” Rudolph’s ears perked up. “Y-yes, but I wish they could have heard,” Vixen observed as Rudolph’s light dimmed through his sorrow. “Yeah, not everything ends with a clear end or goodbye. The end, however, should never replace the moments you’ve had.” Vixen fixed Rudolph’s blanket. “They lived a great life with you, always remember that, and they would be happy to know you are ok if they were here too. It is great to hear that you managed to say goodbye.” Rudolph nodded vacantly. “You are right. This is the best I can do, and maybe for now, I will be happy that I got to spend that time with them, too.”

Chapter 9: A Reindeer’s Mind

What does it mean to be a reindeer? They are just normal creatures that roam the Earth. However, the reindeer of the North don’t just believe they are like any other. They believe themselves to be exalted to serve. What does it mean to be a reindeer for those in the North? Be a symbol for humanity during the Christmas season. What are they symbolic of? What is the true meaning of why they have been chosen in this small world? Rudolph has been constantly asking himself this question for a long time.

Rudolph never felt like the other reindeer. He was like them in many ways, but not all treated him as such. Sometimes, he believed he wasn’t a reindeer, not like them. They never welcomed him. Then what was he? Who was he? What do those up high see in him? Can he truly ever find out?

He thought back when he was with Zyir upon the mountain, talking about looking through eyes above. What do they understand that he doesn’t? What do those who have walked the Earth for so long know that makes them content when the young struggle to enjoy the breath they have been given? Rudolph desired to know. Even when he slept, the world’s weight never stopped crushing him. He could see everyone around him worried. One night, Vixen entered the guest room he stayed in and saw how, in his sleep, the tears were illuminated by a dark redness that showed Rudolph’s sorrow. Rudolph understood he had to change to break the cycle that binds him. What must he learn?

Take care of and train the body.

On a bright sunny day, Rudolph went up to Blitzen to accompany him so he wouldn’t be alone. Blitzen invited Rudolph to stretch every limb, relax his body, and run. “Is this what you do every day?” asked Rudolph. Blitzen nodded. “Yes, mostly as a warm-up.” They went on to a track, and Blitzen gave a short countdown before they were off. Rudolph felt a wave of tiredness consume him as his limbs attempted to keep pushing while a cold fire in his lungs bit his chest. Blitzen noticed and stopped a bit to rest up as well. He gave Rudolph a bit of water. Once rested, Rudolph stopped panting and focused on Blitzen. “How do you run so fast. I couldn’t keep up.” Blitzen stopped drinking and focused his attention on Rudolph. “By pushing my body a lot to keep getting stronger and eating the right things.”

“Like what?”

“Having lots of variety. Food replenishes energy, and different types help give your body different things you need.” Rudolph nods. He looks at the ground and back at Blitzen. “Why do you and the others train so much anyway?” Blitzen chuckles a bit. “Well, we need to be fit to fly the sleigh, but I suppose I do it because I feel good doing it. Moving and pushing my limits helps my body keep in shape. It’s fun to know you can do many things when boundaries expand. Want to test yours?”

Rudolph readies himself once more and takes off with Blitzen. At first, he felt quick and agile, but then he felt the North Pole bite at every place in his body. It was painful. “Come on, Rudolph, you can do this. Have fun. Allow yourself to be tested, and you will find it. Run Rudolph!” Rudolph pushed forward and forward. He felt something through the pain he never knew he could feel with joy. He wanted to make longer and faster. He didn’t want anyone to stop him and didn’t care how he looked. He just wanted the feeling of running to guide him. After a mile, Rudolph walked to Blitzen, panting. “That, that was great. I- wow.” Blitzen smiled. “Let me show you something tomorrow.” Rudolph’s ears perked up. “What is it?”

“You will see, come see me in the morning.”

The next day, Rudolph and Blitzen went to the sleigh team’s headquarters and showed him all the equipment and simulators the reindeer use. “I figured since you will be with us, you might want to get to know this place.” In no time, Rudolph began to feel around the weights and bars on the training saddles. Blitzen showed Rudolph how to use the equipment and take it off. He then took Rudolph inside a simulator to run. “You don’t know how to fly, so I decided to train you here.” Rudolph admired the grandness of the room. Every inch of the wall had tiny mirrors, and the whole floor was a conveyor belt with a strap that held whoever in place. Rudolph carefully planted his hooves onto the floor and took careful steps. He had the straps over himself and admired them before he placed them on.

Blitzen activated the simulation. The room was filled with a mist, and the mirrors changed to reflect something new and incredible. It simulated Rudolph as if he were in front of the sleigh team. The path was illuminated for a takeoff, and Santa yelled for each reindeer. “ On Rudolph.” The floor moved, and Rudolph started to pace once more like yesterday. The pain returned, but he enjoyed every second of it. The visuals helped give purpose to his run, and he didn’t want to end till he saw the finish. The setting would change to show other places in the world, and he would float above it to see how blue it all is. There would sometimes even be air pushing against his face to mimic how it would be up high. However, in the later stage of the run, Rudolph’s legs gave out, and Blitzen immediately stopped the simulation. “Why? I don’t want to stop, I want to keep going. I want to keep it.”

Blitzen came in with a med kit and entered the room to inspect Rudolph. “Do you feel any sort of pain?” Rudolph turned his head sideways to indicate no. “I wanted to continue.” Blitzen bandaged some areas of Rudolph’s legs that had scratches. “Sometimes the body tells you when it can’t go on. That’s alright. It’s part of growth, but something you cannot ignore. Taking care means allowing time also to give you strength.” Rudolph wondered to himself a bit. “Why must I do this? Won’t people just mock me for it?”

“It’s to do this for yourself and understand that accomplishment can only come from the progress we make.” Rudolph looks before him and sees his reflection through the mirror. He didn’t notice just the nose but his entire form. How his body seems to feel strong, and how, in its weakened state, it reveals how he is. “I never loved doing these things. At first, I did it for everyone and Santa. The reindeer never thought I would be a strong flyer. I was just a one-sled reindeer for Santa back then. I learned to ignore it because I decided that maybe the price for joy is found when we earn it for ourselves.”

Love comes from wanting to believe.

Cupid stacks a couple of crates onto a mini sleigh. Rudolph, being curious, asks Cupid what is inside. “Well, these are ingredients and pre-packaged meals for the elves. It’s just gonna be a short stop.” Cupid continues to load each one using his antlers as handles. Rudolph decides to use his legs to push them toward Cupid. “May I go with you?” Cupid loads the last of the crates. “Sure.” Cupid offers Rudolph a place in the sleigh and runs off. Little by little, Cupid gains flight, and Rudolph sees how the world is from above. He feels the wind hitting his face, and Cupid maneuvers through the air. He notices how the people change below from the reindeer he knew to the elves. Rudolph then braces for landing as Cupid descends downward.

“Welcome, Rudolph, to the East of the village. Have you been here before?” Rudolph shakes his head no. Rudolph is amazed by the elves that roam around. They looked uniform in size but wildly diverse in color and style. One had polka dots with lime green cloth, another black and zig zags, another of yellow and black stripes. An elf appeared before Cupid, wearing multiple precious stones around its neck, carved with small prayers. “Praise to the Lord! Thank you for bringing our food here. Come, come, let’s get these goods to the Essen center.” Rudolph stepped outside the sleigh and approached Cupid. “What exactly is the Essen Center? A restaurant of sorts?” Cupid nodded. “Sort of. It’s this giant building that contains multiple restaurants. You will love the inside of it, I am sure.”

After a while, they approached the Essen center, and the elf opened the doors. Rudolph observed the imagery held within. The ceiling was made of many windows painted over with elves and reindeer alike. One image showed humanity seeking to starve to the heavens. Much further from it, a hand descending from up high, planting a grown fig tree for humanity to eat out of. However, the following image showed how the tree began to die from neglect, so the hand bestowed the elves and reindeer to guide man to take care of it and sanctify it. At the center of the building’s ceiling was a stone dome with the inscription “When man forgets, we remind.” Rudolph was puzzled a bit. Remind them of what exactly? Rudolph lost focus when he felt many feet rushing towards them. “Hello, father!” “Welcome, Father.” The elf looked at them all. “May the Lord bless this food. May it sustain us well. You know I am not the only one to thank.” The elves looked over at Cupid. “Thank you, Cupid!” Cupid slightly waved his hoof and bowed a bit. “No need. I am glad to help.”

The elf looked over at everyone. “Now let’s help our guests put these crates away.” The Essen Center roared alive with each elf coming and going. Cupid tapped Rudolph lightly. “Let’s go help them out, shall we?” Rudolph agreed, and they both carried what they could. On his way to deliver bread, Rudolph bumped into one of the owners. “Move it, red nose!” Rudolph looked stunned. “Huh?” The shop owner scoffed. “Fine, whatever. I guess they let just about anyone help.” Rudolph felt deeply offended and frowned. “You need my help! I am not just some.” The elf shushed him up. “Now go along, young buck. Return to your parents or something.” Rudolph was about to jump at the elf, but Cupid intervened. Cupid scolded the owner. “That is no way to talk to someone. This is a fawn you are talking to. Go on and move now; remember, he is your neighbor who deserves some of your respect!” The elf jumped and held his crate in front of his face. “Y-yes, sir Cupid.”

Rudolph got closer to Cupid and looked up at him. “Thank you. Really, thank you!” Cupid smiled warmly. “Are you okay?” Rudolph beamed a bit. Yes, I am okay!” Cupid laughed, relieved. “Glad to hear. However, I had to stop you from reacting so harshly. Remember to have a bit more patience before starting anything.” Rudolph nodded.

Rudolph continued to help cautiously. It took ten minutes for the crates to be gone. The elves went about restocking for another thirty. During that time, Rudolph observed how Cupid revisited the elf that had been rude to him and offered his hooves to move. The elf wasn’t so happy, but didn’t deny his request. Once Rudolph and Cupid left the Essen Center, he asked him why he had helped. “Well, I have faith that people will learn and understand.”

“Why? He was vulgar to me!” Cupid turned his body around to face Rudolph. “Yes, he was, and he was ignorant and a fool, but he is like any of us. Everyone deserves a chance. Though I am not saying to be stupid and trust them fully. A thief can steal again if tempted. Have their backs and be patient.”

“Why exactly should I do that? No one has ever done anything for me except throw me out or laugh at my form.”

“Because everyone deserves to have faith and grace. Not everyone’s wrong always remains the same. It’s believing you can be better and reminding your neighbor to be better, too.” Rudolph goes inside the sleigh. Cupid pushes the snow below him and allows the air to become the road. Off they flew and returned to the North. Rudolph keeps looking at Cupid and asks himself the same question: Why do you believe that? “Rudolph, are you okay there?”

“Why do you put so much faith into everyone?”

Cupid sighed and stared deep into Rudolph’s eyes without blinking. “The North Pole….. was never this well run like before. Back then, Blitzen was the only reindeer who flew the sleigh. Nobody else really knew what to do all year, especially the reindeer. We didn’t respect rules, and I might have pulled a heist on Santa and stolen a whole bag of presents.”

Silence stood. “W-well, I was caught eventually. Santa scolded me, to put it lightly, and I ran from the village. I was not doing a great job surviving, and I might have been brought back almost dead. Santa stood by and watched. He offered me much-needed support, and I continued to be on his side so much that it sort of. Well, it led me here on the team.”

“I. Wow. I cannot believe it. I thought you would be more…. noble.”

“No, I was terrible. I did so much when I was young. Almost burnt the entire village.”

“How-”

“No need to explain. I realized if someone like Santa, whom the entire village didn’t fully respect at first, could put so much faith in me, then maybe I could be like that. The love we choose to give can come from faith that there is such a thing as a light at the end of a bleak, unknown. That is why I do everything.”

That could be what Rudolph needed to understand regarding elves and reindeer. They are cruel and unjust, but should Rudolph ever be the same? No, Rudolph wanted to be better than anything. He wasn’t a reindeer, but he believed he could at least be better than the ones he knew were. Could he offer them grace like that, even if they don’t deserve it?

One day, Rudolph was chased off a rink by a buck named Lulup. He wasn’t big or strong but ran his mouth a lot. Lulup decided he wanted some fun. “Get away, freak. I wouldn’t want you blinding me now!” Rudolph scoffed. Moments later, he heard a big crack. Rudolph checked inside and saw Lulup’s body bruised and bleeding from crashing into the edge. Rudolph put on his safety equipment and carried Lulup out of the rink to a warm area to rest. He then got ointments and band aids to help stop any infection. “Uh. I don’t need your help.”

Rudolph continued to bandage Lulup. “Go visit the nurse all the way down the street. Be careful next time.” Lulup scoffed. “Whatever. Why should I listen?” Rudolph barked at his face. He felt compelled just to leave him and spit on his face. He stopped and saw how his reflection through the ice demanded more from him. “You should be careful next time. All you need now is to get that checked out. Now go.” Lulup left. Rudolph felt offended by the interaction. How can one person be so stubborn? That didn’t matter; he proved something. Maybe victory was never said, but it was present. For Rudolph, that was enough.

Courage doesn’t mean being strong all the time

The reindeer and elves of the North had taught Rudolph to be in constant fear of everything. One head turn and he could be face-to-face with someone who would call him a disgrace. It wasn’t always like that. Most of the time, people would look away, trying not to offend Vaterson or Urla. Now that they were gone, everyone began to be bolder. Rudolph returned to the Essen Center to help volunteer and open new shops. One of the vendors Rudolph was working with simply stared at him coldly and unspoken. Rudolph didn’t mind and moved all the produce first to the walk-in fridge.

When he finished, the vendor stood before Rudolph, cutting him off from retrieving other items. “I think your work is done here. I appreciate your time helping, you may go.” Rudolph was puzzled. “We still have a lot of utensils and beverages to move. You sure you-” The elf clapped at his face. “ I can handle it! You really don’t know when to stop. Would have guessed your nose served as a stop sign.” Rudolph scoffed at her words. “I wasn’t talking that much. You clearly need the help-” The elf pushed Rudolph. He fell to the floor on his side. The elf rubbed her hands on her clothes to wash them. “I don’t care. Get out of my store. I hate the look of you.”

Rudolph stood up and confronted her. “ What is the deal? I have a normal nose that glows red a couple of times. How do you all find that disgusting?” The vendor pushed Rudolph to the entrance of her store. Well, I have heard my friends say how bright your nose glows. They said they almost crashed a vehicle because of you.”

“I haven’t even walked by this area-”

“And what even is the deal with that nose? Out of everything we have seen before, I am surprised that not even a doctor wanted to examine you to find out why you glow. The fact that no one knows why it glows concerns us. Will it explode if it gets too bright?”

“Is that really it? I can assure you nothing is wrong with it because I am fine-”

“Well, what do you know about it?”

“I mean, well, it’s a glowing-”

“Stop! You don’t know either. You might kill us all.” She snatched a broom from the storage closet and aimed at Rudolph. He decided to take it as a loss and ran off. He never returned to the Essen Center after. Then, a week later, Rudolph tried to look for more opportunities elsewhere. He helped a family dig out snow on their front lawn to pave a way for the entrance. Every time the fawns went near Rudolph when they played, the mother would reach over and grab them closer to her as she watched Rudolph. The father came out and thanked him. Once he caught his money for helping, the buck slammed the door hard in his face.

Then, when Rudolph was walking in the park, he spotted a few of his schoolmates jogging around. As they approached him, they lightly stabbed him with their antlers and ditched him. Rudolph couldn’t go to his parents, he couldn’t go to Zyir, and all he could do was rely on his friends. Rudolph knocked on Hailey’s door and asked her to enter the tree house. “I was thinking of never showing my face again.”

“Why Rudolph?”

“Everybody seems to think I am a hazard or a funny-looking buck. Maybe I could have a face mask that looks like a reindeer next Christmas. Maybe that’s what I should put on my wish list-”

“Jeez. Maybe for now you should just rest up a bit.”

“I can’t go out in public. I feel like the North Pole has started becoming hotter with every eye looking at me. I think at some point, everyone may have a death wish for me just because I turn my head. I started to wonder if they were right. No, I cannot do this!”

“You shouldn’t have to live like this.” Hailey and Rudolph sit in silence, the cold air brushing by the room. “I think there has to be a way to prove them wrong, but there isn’t any.”

“They are all scared of my nose. Maybe if it can become useful, I can gain”

“No. I don’t think that’s what will happen. Even if you do figure out what to do. I don’t think anyone will change. If they are this cruel to you when you are alone, then it won’t be a big change after.” Hailey looks outside her treehouse to catch any ideas. “I know, get a bodyguard. I can be one. You don’t have to walk or do things alone. Me Xavier, Daniel, and I bet Amara would be glad. I heard she even-”

“Great idea! You know, maybe I should hang around Donner. He is strong and is an officer. He is perfect. Thank you so much, Hailey!” In a flash, Rudolph said goodbye and jolted back home. The next morning, he approached Donner. “Could I join you today?” Donner took a bite of his donut and swallowed it. “I suppose. It won’t be a very thrilling day. I could send you over to Vixen. He could use your help with the fawns and children.”

“No. I want to be with you today. Is that ok?” Donner finished gulping his hot chocolate. “Very well. Hop on my back and hang tight.” Rudolph awkwardly climbs Donner’s back and tries positioning himself on him. “Is this ok?”

“That will be fine.” Donner put all his might into his leg and leaped across the green road. He then looked at the building that stood in front and judged its height. He leaped once more and sprinted until he reached the busiest street in the North Pole; the Isuk intersection. The first few hours were boring. It was just Rudolph watching on the sidelines as Donner observed that traffic flow remained steady and that all traffic lights were functioning. In a place like the North Pole, nothing bad happens rarely. However, when something bad does happen, it isn’t anything small. A new elf on the job forgot to look to his left again before making a right, and he crashed into another younger driver.

Everyone stopped. Not a single vehicle honked, not one elf got out to intervene, as they knew Donner would be the one to inspect. So he did. Donner jumped from the roof and landed a couple of inches from the site. No one knew what was inside the elf’s vehicle, but it quickly caught fire. Rudolph observed how the flames almost touched Donner’s face and how Donner winced back. Donner seemed like he didn’t want to go ahead. However, Donner calculated where the driver was amidst the fire and found the driver’s side. Donner went to the opposite side, kicked down the door, and quickly moved the elf outside onto the concrete. He located the other elf and got him out as well. Donner quickly examined both elves. He deemed the elf that caused the crash safe with minor injuries that he will need checked out. The other. No. There was nothing to indicate he was alive.

Before anything else, Donner quickly jumped to the roof and told Rudolph to stay put. He carried both elves to the hospital. There, they required the first elf to stay put and rest. The other elf they confirmed was dead. The last thing Donner saw was the elf placed in a bag as the parents approached the nurse. He looked to check on the other room and saw the other elf in shame.

When he returned to Rudolph, Donner offered to sit quietly by a lake. The forest Rudolph remembered was when he was taken to skate, and where he could pick candy canes. Rudolph didn’t know what to say initially, but felt he needed to do something. “Were they ok?” Donner sighed. “Only one was fine. The other.” A heavy pause, “Is at rest with the Lord.” Rudolph looked down. “I really hoped they were both gonna be ok.”

“Me too. I really did wish it were so.” Another pause between each other. “How- how can you do what you do daily without fear?” Donner’s ear twitched. “Well, it isn’t easy. I am scared.”

“Is it less scary because you’re immortal?”

“No. Not really. I am immortal, but that never stopped my senses. I can feel pain, you know.”

“Is that why you flinched at the fire?”

“Pretty much. What’s worse than being cooked alive is doing so without dying. I always hated the fact I could never-” He paused. “Sorry. What I mean to say is, yeah, I get scared. I get scared I won’t be able to do my job and help. I never wanted to see a body, and I never wanted to see the parents’ approach to deliver the news to them.” Rudolph and Donner chucked a couple of stones to slide them against the lake. Rudolph chucked another. “I wanted to hang out with you today because I wanted someone who wouldn’t call me hideous. I tried going around the village alone, but I always get a bad eye one way or another. I quit helping at the Essen Center because of how bad it got-” Donner played in the snow below.

“I am not as brave as you. I am scared to go back and see the faces of elves and reindeer. I try to brush off what they say and take on whatever they throw, but now I don’t want to. I am scared, and I don’t want to go back. “ Rudolph’s nose glowed a bit. Rudolph observed the fearful expression illuminated by the nose and ice.

“Being brave is a rare thing. Bravery is not having fear. I am not brave; I am scared all the time. Scared I am not doing enough, scared I will fail, and scared of being in agonizing pain. However, I chose this duty because I felt a calling to it. I wanted to help. I am scared, and that’s ok as long as I want to go ahead and face whatever challenge lies ahead. That is called courage, and it’s a price to pay in life if we want peace.”

Rudolph relaxed, and his nose stopped glowing. “How can I be courageous?” Donner placed a hoof on Rudolph’s shoulder and looked into his eyes. “ You did the first thing. You admitted you weren’t ok. The second is redefining why things matter to you. You worked at the Essen center because…”

“I wanted to help the elves there. I know some of them were nice people. I never talk about them much, but they can be so sweet.”

“Do it for them and for your needs. Sometimes being courageous means knowing that some battles are lost. It is getting dangerous to walk alone. Don’t feel ashamed to ask us or your friends. Have someone have your back when you need it, not when it’s bleeding. I won’t let that injustice stand, but no one will change for you. You will find that courage is a guiding light when you understand there isn’t any shame in being in the dark. It means knowing why you want to continue doing something or facing something when the stakes are high because you feel that call to want it. That is true courage.”

After the conversation, Rudolph went back to volunteer at the Essen Center. He brought along Amara, and they both went store to store. Most of the vendors offered them both treats like dripping fresh caramel apples or fruit stacks of watermelon, cantaloupe, and pineapple. One of the elves wasn’t as kind to Rudolph. He did the same thing and kicked Rudolph and Amara out of the store. Rudolph didn’t feel deterred by it anymore. Somehow, the other elves in the store that loved him made it worth the fact that he wanted to return. He looked at Amara and helped her get up. “Are you sure you want to do this? If you are seen with me, I don’t think anyone will be kind to you either?”

“Well, they’d better meet my antlers first, then. It’s ride or die with you. I don’t care as long as we both end up ok.” Back home up North, Rudolph felt a mixture of pride and joy being able to face his fear. He didn’t mind anything when he felt like everyone reminded him why he deserved to feel happy. His nose glowed and appeared lighter, like a pink of sorts. He felt pleased and curious. What else can he do with it? What else could he learn?

It’s ok being lonely even when you aren’t alone.

The one thing that Rudolph was always bothered by was his thoughts on those around him. He loved his friend, his parents, and godfather Zyir, and he grew to love and respect the sleigh team even more than just figures and protectors. It hurt him to admit that even with them, he felt lonely. Even when he passed by the streets or hung out, it would sometimes be a simple “Hello, how are you doing?” or just complete silence. It wasn’t that it was their fault that he felt that way. Rudolph believed it was the others who made him turn out as such. There was something so enticing when the world forgot him that he began to crave and fantasize about what it was to be forever alone.

When the sleigh team went to work or took a mini vacation, they would invite Rudolph. Some days, he would agree and spend the time with them, observing. He appreciated the moments where he felt his mind and soul could connect with them, but it wasn’t frequent. Rudolph felt a sense of boredom or detachment a lot of times, so he brushed off their requests. “I am too tired from yesterday, I am hanging out with my friends, painting, I’m, exploring! Learning!” Then, alone, he sat in a chair facing the window. He would reach for the music box next to it, and the box’s magic would allow him to hear music anywhere without anyone else listening or requiring a phonograph. Then he felt something. His thoughts would run around and steal his attention on command. Rudolph felt the world leave him while his own replaced it.

Rudolph stood and paced back and forth like a pendulum. From inside his mind, discs of many kinds would play many scenes. In one, he would stand in front of many reindeer that he knew from his classroom. Rudolph would see how they silently waited for him as he stood in front. “I always felt like no one knew me, and maybe that’s ok! Every reindeer has a world as vast as the Earth’s oceans. And as a reindeer like you.” Rudolph stopped. Something about that didn’t sit right with him. He wasn’t a reindeer like them. He was. Creak, Rudolph’s hooves paced back and forth. He imagined what it would be like to be a real flyer. He didn’t just want to know the world from some simulator; he tried to understand why humans celebrated the globe. Rudolph walked increasingly with the tips of his hooves as he imagined Santa’s magic launching him into the air like a lightning bolt. People in the streets would call out, “Look at that, there is a new reindeer! Look, children, here they come and Santa’s helper.”

Rudolph would look below and shout, “Thank you all. My name is Rudolph, and I am here to help!” thump Rudolph kicked his leg at a table. He grabbed it with his other leg and jumped around in pain as he yelped. Rudolph looked at the clock — 9:30 AM. Rudolph went back to flying all around the world. He imagined every scene he had seen in the simulator and flew toward the sun in every one. Why? Cause when he looked at Rudolph, he couldn’t see the marks on his fur. He only saw the reindeer masked by the sun’s perfect glow and majesty. With every majestic dive or ascension, Rudolph felt his body act with a mighty leap or jump. Then, by a dive to a chair, he snapped back and read the time — 11:00 AM.

Rudolph felt guilt. He had lost time, he had lost himself, and he didn’t feel lonely. Then he heard the door creak. “Who is there?” Hooves approached. “Don’t be alarmed,” said a soft voice. “It’s a Comet.” Rudolph sighed in relief. Then a voice spoke to Rudolph. “But I wanted this house by myself. Why is he back?” He felt it was a rude question for him to ask, but he wanted to be alone. He doesn’t want a constant reminder of what’s outside. He’s done with such things. He just wanted a moment to be a reindeer. The reindeer people appreciated it without question — the one where he was the glowing reindeer.

The comet approached the window and sat, staring without a muscle. Rudolph looked at his gentle form as if he were a statue. “Are you ok? Thinking about something, I assume?” Comet gave a little nod. “And you?” asked Comet. “Yeah. Same. It feels easy just being alone.”

“Is there a reason why?”

“I don’t know. I think because I get to enjoy being free. More than being out there.” Comet walked over to the pantry and gave himself and Rudolph a salted chocolate chip cookie. “You have been pulling away lately.”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Sure.”

“Is it wrong that whenever I am with someone, I feel alone.”

“No, but does that affect you in any way?”

“I just feel the need to be alone. When I am, I forget everything. And that feels good.” Silence. Rudolph moves to his room and closes the door. One hoof, then another, and he was right back in his pacing. He then heard the stairs creak. He went to investigate and saw Comet once more. “Going to my room, Rudolph.”

“Oh.”

“Everything going all right up there?”

“Y-yes.” Comet inspected Rudolph. “I heard a lot of pacing.” Silence. “You always seem deep in thought. I can tell by how far you stare, not into nowhere, maybe everywhere. You know what.” Rudolph tilts his head.

“I think the world you have is beautiful compared to the world you live in. From what I can tell, you need time for yourself when you have spent so much on others. That could be why you feel alone; you feel unheard. Your mind acts like your companion that gives you a voice. Let me warn you, by being alone, it’s important not to lose yourself.”

Comet led Rudolph outside as they stared at the sunny sky. “Reflect and understand what your mind wants. Maybe meditate a bit. Then every moment alone, when you aren’t around others or doing anything, isn’t wasted.”

Rudolph looked at the sky, glaring at the sun as it reflected off his growing antlers. “So, it’s not bad that I disappear sometimes.”

“As long as you return.”

He imagined a reindeer standing in front of the sun. It looked down upon him and asked “can we become the reindeer we want to be?”

Chapter 10: A Reindeer’s Heart

Who can remind the missionary when they have forgotten the purpose and authority they were given? Only those who know their mind and heart. They will be allowed to influence the world. Saddened will be those who don’t understand and follow the path of tradition for the sake of the past.

Speaking your truth requires action.

“Who am I?” cried Rudolph to the frozen lake. He waited for an answer. Rudolph didn’t care if it was a reindeer or an elf. The wind might as well chime in and whisper at him with sweet passiveness or violent thrashes. ‘Oh, Rudolph, you are here to serve. Serve this community!’ said the heavens to him. ‘You are a reindeer, that is what you do.’ Rudolph looked above at the empty sky. “Reindeer? I hate reindeer. I hate the elves. I hate how little they seem to notice.” Rudolph was content, but then he heard another within. “I really do want to love. I want to feel loved and to have someone to love. Not all of them are reindeer or elves in a manner.”

When Rudolph saw the nature of elves and reindeer, he couldn’t help but find fascination with them, but not without some harsh sentiments. “I want to be a light. A reindeer people could look up to because I wanted someone like that.” The whole forest laughed in his head. “Rudolph, you are crazy. We treat you better than those lousy things, yet here we are doing nothing.” Rudolph snapped. “That’s the thing, I feel nothing. I feel something when I watch everyone around me be themselves; a part of me feels envy, sorrow, love, hate, madness, and a desire to understand. This is pointless. All I want is to be looked upon and bring hope.” The wind borrows deep within Rudolph’s face. The trees taunt their needles before Rudolph, and the snow throws itself at him mockingly.

“So tell me, reject, why haven’t you done anything?” The lake’s reflection transforms to show the face of one of Rudolph’s classmates. “I have! I have done so many great things.” The face laughed, then another appeared, then another, and Rudolph turned to confront them. The silence of the forest confirmed no one was behind him. The lake spoke in a female’s voice. “You don’t truly love us. You just want us to love you. Then FINE! Have our pathetic love. “ The ice cracked, and splashes of cold, stabbing waters splashed Rudolph’s face.”

Rudolph looked at the cracked reflection of himself. “I never did this for myself. All I wanted to do was-”

“Liar.” The reflections changed. The elves stood in front. “You only helped after the sleigh team asked you to help. Then, when you came back by yourself, you did it to continue looking good for us and only cared for their praise. Never did you help other than for exchange, except once.” Rudolph got annoyed and spat at the ice. Then he heard a whisper. Rudolph rolled his eyes and yelled at the frozen lake. “What?!” The land became quiet for a moment. Then, in retaliation, the crack that was present expanded, allowing the waters to grab onto Rudolph’s hooves and drag him under.

As Rudolph was drowning, the lake offered its words. “You preach to become a savior, and yet you hate these people in your heart. Instead of feeling sorrow for their ignorance, you bask in it and pretend their blood has damned you. Find within you that same hope you have that the good exists in all, and learn that love is something earned. It is not a reward. Now go!”

The water cradled violently. In an instant, Rudolph was forced up with a cold stickiness. The water dripped from his coat. The forest became hypnotic and left Rudolph in a deep sleep. From the crack in the lake emerged Dasher with a smile. “You speak so much of how you want the world to love you. You know not all will wish to hear you. Nor will they ever change.” In a flash, Dasher carried Rudolph back to their home. He placed Rudolph in bed with a warm blanket. “If you want to find love and help, you must act more from the place of your own love.” Dasher laid Rudolph down and left.

The next morning, Rudolph was awakened by the smell of chocolate chips and oranges. He consumed everything like a vacuum and went out and about in the streets. He felt a new sense of accomplishment from his daily mail delivery routine. Before, he had always avoided the neighbors and left the papers and packages in the front yard. He feared what they would say to him. He thought that getting it done would just be him doing a good thing that comes with praise from the sleigh team. Now, he personally went door to door saying hello and checking up on everyone’s health. One day, an elderly doe greeted him kindly and gave him candy. Rudolph refused, but she insisted. The old doe said her thanks and hugged him goodbye. Rudolph felt a change. He felt like he personally made someone’s day, and he loved it.

On his way to a hangout with his friends, Rudolph stumbled upon a wallet and found the picture of an elf with an address. He followed it and knocked on the door. He felt conflicted at first. ‘Why should I help if they might chase me away? What good comes from that?’ The door opened, and the elf appeared. The elf took the wallet, thanked Rudolph, and cheered that the wallet had finally returned. However, when it realized it was the red-nosed reindeer, the elf chased him off. ‘I told you. Why did you even try?’ Rudolph, before, would have never had an answer, but now he knew exactly what he wanted to say. “I made someone’s day because I wanted to, and now I have made my own.” Rudolph understood he may have days when he hated the world in absolute terms, but he would always be constantly reminded that he went far beyond that voice of idealism.

He had a vision, a goal of being a good Samaritan, but now he took responsibility for it. As a result, he had a new mission, a new reward, that comes from holding himself accountable amongst the world that has tossed him aside.

Growth takes time and discipline.

Santa’s reindeer are warriors of faith and hope. However, with how long they serve, there are many moments they themselves forget. That is why the sleigh team invites competition between themselves. It isn’t that they do it for sport or a clear answer of who is superior, they do it because it pushes them to work hard. When they work hard, they collapse and face the sky, reminding them why they fly.

The most memorable of the reindeer is Vixen. He was the last of the reindeer to join, but he was the most respected out of the modern residents of the North. He was the commoner who rose to power. He wasn’t like Blitzen, who was called to divinity as the first sacred reindeer. He was never raised to join a team such as Comet. What about the others, like Cupid, who followed a path like his? Out with the old and in with the new. It is nothing personal to the other reindeer; Vixen is younger and his life more well-documented.

In reality, Vixen was the mediator between the people of the North and the exalted, such as Santa. Whenever the elves approach Blitzen, they would always give a little bow toward him. The reindeer cheer for him and timidly approach for an autograph or a soft touch. He is treated as one of the founders of the North and as a grand elder demanding respect. The one thing the residents of the North Pole won’t do is carry on a long conversation with him. Whenever the sleigh team wants a representative to speak to the reindeer and elves, the job is handed directly to Vixen.

But if you ask the residents of the North why they trust Vixen so much, they would say it was because he was always charismatic. “He also talks to us the most.” Another reason was his strong figure, pointy horns, and a low, kind voice. Some does would even rub against him and chuckle. “Oh, he is quite a handsome one.” No doe minded that he was about 500 years old; he looked more charming than the average buck. This rubbed the wrong way with Vixen. One day, Rudolph went to train in the reindeer stadium and spotted Vixen in one of the simulators going through a canyon with tons of obstacles in the flight.

To Rudolph, all of Vixen’s maneuvers seemed effortless. It was mesmerizing how fast Vixen reacted to boulders falling at lightning-fast speeds that one blink met a different scenery entirely. Rudolph awed a bit. That was what it meant to be one of Santa’s reindeer- training when no one else is watching. It felt sacred to him, and he felt unworthy. “Was he always this naturally good?” It almost seemed to make Rudolph angry with envy. He was happy for him, but he felt like the other reindeer. He was just a charmer who was granted the position because he was already good. Maybe even grander. “I wanna be just like him.” Rudolph got into a simulator and pushed himself harder and harder. His legs were burning, his breathing was irregular, his chest was hurting, and his nose was glowing in anger. “I want to be just as good. So why can’t I be like that?”

Rudolph gritted his teeth with every push, but one at a time, his body gave way. He was breaking previous records he had held, but his own mind conflicted. “I must be better,” with “you can never be better like this.” Rudolph collapsed and flung toward the back of the simulator room. The simulation ended, and the lights returned. “I am not good enough. It’s my fault again. It always is. I must be better.” For Rudolph, the only way to grow is to become better than he ever was.

Rudolph did the same thing for a couple more days. He observed Vixen, pushed himself hard, and told himself he was absolute garbage and must be better. When he came out of the simulator again, Vixen walked by and saw the scars that decorated Rudolph’s body, such as on the sides and the forehead. “Stop!” Vixen attended to Rudolph’s wounds and sat him down. “You are pushing yourself too hard. I can see your body shaking in agony.” Rudolph chuckled nervously. “Y-yeah. I was trying to be better.”

“For?”

“Myself. I want to be better.” Vixen observed Rudolph closely, then the world disappeared, and a few voices echoed. “I am not good enough. I must be better because I am weak; I cannot continue to be weak. I am not good enough like this. I am not.” Rudolph felt compelled to run, and he ran and ran with no change in the intensity of the voices. Rudolph pushed too hard on one leap and pulled a muscle. He fell and rocked in pain. “I am right, I hate you.” Then another voice came from Vixen. “ I am not where I am at because I was given such gifts of agility, nor because of my charm. If you continue with such talks, you will never be anywhere near my level. Discipline is not about pain or desire to improve with such words.” The scene changed. Rudolph felt the snow under his hooves and heard the livelihood of the North, but also a younger voice.

The reindeer in front was slow and fragile, but he pushed and kicked at the snow. The reindeer gained speed and avoided obstacles by jumping over large rocks or going through logs to continue momentum. Rudolph looked at him for hours. He is no special reindeer — just a tired buck who was lonely without anyone knowing his name. When the reindeer couldn’t run any longer, it looked at Santa’s workshop and promised itself many things. Rudolph recognized the sound of his voice and the kindness in it. “I got faster than last time, I actually made the long jump, and I-I ran longer!”

Vixen. Then the world became dark. “Discipline is the desire to become better out of a place of love. It is a path full of reward where hate becomes a repetitive cycle to follow. Not everything is handed; it is earned.” Then the world returned to normal and gleamed. The journey altered his vision temporarily. “It will wear off, the illusions do that sometimes. Enjoy how the light stretches and expands like stars for a little bit.”

“So, when will I become like you?” Rudolph asked. “Like how am I? Half a millennium, but you aren’t me, do what you can and prove to yourself by maintaining the purpose of your work. Why, Rudolph, do you continue wanting to be better? What’s your story?” Rudolph was puzzled. “I suppose I just wanna find peace with myself. Maybe find a life I enjoy living.”

Vixen smiled and patted Rudolph on the back. “You will see a young buck. You shall see how rewarding the journey will be if you find it out of a place of love, the way you chose to find love for others.”

From then on, every moment Rudolph practiced, he focused on his story. “Finding peace with myself.” Why? “Because I must be a reindeer.”

It’s ok not to know because life is an adventure.

Rudolph stood alone, staring in front of the bathroom mirror. Before, Rudolph would deny that he had any future, was a worthy reindeer, had a title, or even was granted space to exist. However, the more he grew, the more he began to ponder what life meant to him. Some elves and reindeer told him he wouldn’t live long enough to care; others were more discreet and told him he shouldn’t expect much. The rest, who were kind and respectful, told him he would grow to understand what his gifts and interests would be. The time was now, or later, or whatever time would be.

Rudolph had learned much more about life itself from the sleigh team. Approximately two Christmases and a couple of months. His antlers were taller, and his ornaments marked the shiniest part of his grey fur, but curiosity was always on his nose. What if the nose was never some mistake? The other reindeer has magic, so is his nose a part of some magic? Is it so weird for a bunch of reindeer and elves, even the elders to a lesser extent, to make his existence a huge deal? However, if it is weird, why do they make up much of his lack of belief? Whether he believes it or not, he has plenty of people who have given him much respect. Some neighbors now greeted him kindly when he knocked on their doors. He even gets asked to babysit Reindeer. People greeted him with kisses and hugs; he has known many more acquaintances, whom he sees as potential friends.

Rudolph found it to be his truth; he has always held the words of his enemies over his entire life. Now, being farther away from the village and spending time with Santa’s reindeer, he noticed that his mind had started asking more about life. He has done so much for the town, yet doesn’t know what to do. ‘Should I become a ranger like my parents? I could rescue a lot of people, still a bit scary with possibly dying in extreme cases… Anyway, could I deliver mail? Maybe, but I would have to move East to the elves’ residence and deliver mail across the West to Santa. I don’t like the aspect of having to move. Maybe, just maybe, I could make toys or operate the factory by being a manager. Sadly, that is mostly the work of elves. Nothing discriminatory for reindeer working in a factory, it’s the reality of not having any hands.’

Any other job Rudolph could think of involved working for a nearby business, ranging from serving food to sanitizing public areas. None of the jobs were bad to Rudolph; he saw they could please him, but he didn’t feel like settling down. He felt a calling for more, actively participating in his village. He is still young, and his uncertainty burns within him like a bonfire. The more he looked at himself, the more he saw parts of himself, such as his nose, and found the missing pieces he still had within himself.

The next few days, he looked at the North Pole around him as he passed by every elf and reindeer. This time, he decided he needed more than exposure; he needed to be exposed to himself. Rudolph secretly packed a couple of bags filled with food and left the North Pole for the wilds. The wilds in itself isn’t a bad place. It is the equivalent of any wild place on Earth. For the elves and reindeer, it is a confusing place to return to. Creatures such as other groups of reindeer roam, yet they don’t speak or eat the same kinds of food, nor are they as intelligent. It is a lost and forgotten world. Heading towards the bright star in the wilds leads to the lost civilization of humans. These are where the elves originated — humans whose homes were stacked with firewood and who farmed the special plants that grew in the area. Not much history is known about the area except by Santa Claus and Blitzen.

Rudolph knew he needed to go there. If he were ever to figure out anything, he must surround himself in the strangest and remotest places outside the North Pole. He looked upon the stars each night and counted one hundred at a time. After every hundred, he stopped, took a bite from his dinner, and gave thanks up high. Then, he let his thoughts slip from his mind. “What must I become?” When he didn’t get a clear enough answer, he counted again, and again. In the morning, he would recite who he was. “I am Rudolph, the son….. the proud son of my father and mother, Vaterson and Urla. I am a reindeer people care for and love, and I love many of them, and some closer to my heart.” Rudolph’s nose glowed a shade of pink. “My nose is something I don’t know, but it’s mine.” Rudolph let his nose shine more and smiled at the light’s response to his words.

Rudolph attempted many things to find what he could do. He paced back and forth, pretending he was helping with deliveries as he pulled large boulders like cargo. He served food to a reindeer couple who were on a date. He tried entertainment and playfully fought the other reindeer head-on with his antlers, ramming at tree antlers as he envisioned his opponent. That is, until he stumbled upon the star he followed in the wild. It was a fire that stood upon a pine tree, illuminated. But… no one has been there in a while. Rudolph felt called by it, and he let his curiosity light the way. Rudolph’s nose shone straight forward proudly at the object. He looked at the date written: “345, the covenant.” 345? When was this fire last lit? The next night was not met with questions or food, but with considerable uncertainty. What world did Rudolph live in? He lived on Earth, he was certain, but this was not the world he understood. This could be connected to the North Pole’s magic, and this fire has some symbolic purpose, but what? This told Rudolph nothing of who he was or who anyone was supposed to be. The message has been forgotten by the ones who had last remembered it.

Rudolph explored more of the area, and he decided he needed to be in the wilds. That is when he ran into a herd of wild reindeer. An uncanny feeling came over him as he observed them. They were like him, yet they acted nothing like he did. They were the same, but separated eternally by choice. When he could shake the feeling, he tried to communicate somehow. He gave a couple of hellos, gestured at plants or water, and even bowed his head to show respect, but it seemed no reindeer cared about him. Even if they did, they would just stare at him. They were reindeer, and he had always wondered what it meant to be one, but they acted nothing like him in mannerisms or presentability. All this time, did Rudolph honestly ask the real question to himself? If this were a reindeer, then what was he looking to answer?

Rudolph decided to bring food, yet nothing was left for him to feed on. He chose to make flames, and he only scared the wildlings. Rudolph cared for the health and hygiene of the others, and they did help clean Rudolph as well, but it was not the same cleanliness as in the North. Rudolph felt he couldn’t provide much, and he wondered where his heart truly belonged if he couldn’t even offer much in the real world. “I don’t know what to do!” In week two, he heard bells jingle far into the distance.

“Good morning, Rudolph!” shouted Dancer. Rudolph looked surprised. “I thought it would take you a little while to find me. I forgot to leave a note, so I thought I would be found soon.” Dancer shook the snow from his hooves. “Well, we have noticed you were acting a bit more strangely than usual, but Vixen was the one who overheard you talking about the plan you had in mind. We thought to give you time; these areas aren’t dangerous.” Rudolph nodded. “So, did you guys wait a couple of days to find me?” The dancer laughed. “A whole week. You know Kringle is the one who sees everything. Not even I know where he goes after he ascends. “ Rudolph awkwardly chuckled. He looked around at the wild and the star above.

“I ask myself what I should be when I grow up, and it bothers me that I have no clue.” Then Dancer hugged Rudolph and whispered in his ear. “Follow me.” One step after the other, Rudolph followed Dancer’s every move from setting one hoof in front to leaping in front of fallen trees and rocks. The dancer picked his pace up and jumped and weaved around. “W-wait. I can’t predict where you are going.” The dancer didn’t stop. He kicked hard at the ground, and dust fell upon Rudolph. Rudolph felt the ground escape him. “A-am I flying?! Dancer? The dancer helped me!” Nothing. “This isn’t funny. Put me down, put me down.” One kick propelled Rudolph forward. Easy. Then an accidental kick back sent him flying backwards. “Dancer, I don’t know what to do!” The dancer chuckled. “It’s ok not to know. Not everything has or needs an explanation. You make up the steps.” So it was, Rudolph explored every movement of flight. His very beliefs propelled him in any direction he desired. It was his current adventure, and nothing else was important.

“You know, Rudolph, when I grew up, I always thought I would be a dentist. I realized I didn’t have hands. Then I thought that maybe I should be a professor, and I studied loads of Chemistry just to realize math beats significant figures, oh, and that life is hard and random. “ Dancer motioned Rudolph to approach him, and he started dancing in front of him. Rudolph decided to join and attempt to move just as fast and fluidly as he. “Life is heavy when you believe you can only follow one path. There is a plan above, but you must realize that potential and uncertainty come from many opportunities. Instead of running away, maybe just run towards everything little by little at a time. How does that sound, Rudolph?” Rudolph struggled to fly downwards. With one kick, he crashed into the white snow. “Uh- yeah, maybe life is too confusing. I wish it were simple loads of times, but maybe it’s an adventure to find out true potential.” Dancer picked Rudolph up by locking onto their antlers. “Come on now, let’s head home.”

As such, Rudolph returned to the sleigh team. Many of them were concerned, but they gave him enough space and were relieved he made it back. Rudolph went to his room and observed the night sky. “Who must I become?” The flame from the wilds was visible to him. Rudolph extended his hooves out toward it. “I don’t know, but I know it will be something greater than I, or maybe multiple great things. Whatever you are, you mean something to someone, and maybe you will mean something to me.” Out of the corner of the window, he saw Blitzen approach outside. Blitzen saw the flame and smiled. Blitzen gave a slight bow and muttered to himself. Rudolph didn’t know what, but that was a tale he would one day be ready to explore.

Acceptance is knowing you are enough to give.

What does Rudolph owe the world? Nothing, but to him, he feels burdened to owe everything. This feeling compels him to shut the world out either after a long day or an opportunity to relax for a full day. It wasn’t that big of a problem when he was much younger. He had the heart of a child that still had fire to understand, but the lack of answers bit at him, and the world seemed cruel. What irony that Rudolph must hide from the people of the North Pole. It isn’t his fault that the people there have forgotten what their ancestors knew from the heart.

Now, the lonely reindeer hides away, not knowing why the world is such. He had always thought that to get something, he must give his love to others. No matter what he did, people never seemed to love him, at least not everyone. Rudolph had learned that he doesn’t have to please everyone, but a part of him still feels a pain that he isn’t doing enough. Not even to the people he loved. As most reindeer of the village know, Rudolph always faced many kinds of trials and tribulations. It was old, repetitive news at this point. People seemed to despise the nose. As for why? Everyone kept quiet or used a lousy excuse — never a proper answer or any solutions.

What the reindeer and elves don’t always realize is how they affect the people around Rudolph. For example, reindeer that attend Rudolph’s school refuse to acknowledge or associate themselves with his friends. Once, the biology teacher assigned a group project on genetics, and Xavier was tasked to work with three other reindeer. Xavier tried contacting the other reindeer to talk about what they would discuss. After no clear response, he did the project himself, only to later show up and see the other three having a project all on their own. Now, why is it that way? They don’t want to ruin their reputation. Rudolph is infamous even when no one speaks about it.

Amara would also deal with similar behaviors, if not worse. Every day, a classmate or two would steal something from her locker. Bucks and does swing antlers at her face. It didn’t take long for three or more does to surround her. The teachers were too afraid to say anything. Nothing of this magnitude was ever seen before, and they swept it under the rug despite Amara’s protest. Rudolph knew all of this, and Rudolph did his best to hide. When Amara, Daniel, Xavier, or Hailey would arrange to meet anywhere, Rudolph would decline. “Oh sorry, I have ____ to do” was the script. He grew even more anxious when it came to Amara. He didn’t want to reject any of her requests to see him alone, but he believed he was hurting her.

Rudolph felt he had taken the happiness from his friends. To repay the debt he owes, Rudolph thought leaving them alone and becoming forgotten would be the best. Why would anybody need him? When he is there, it is bound that someone gets hurt. Recently, he and Amara had bickered over his behavior. “Now that’s absurd, Rudy, you know how much I care about you. I will not just walk away and leave you because some reindeer think I should.” Rudolph ignored her protests. “I hate seeing you like this. I am sorry, Amara, but it’s just some time off. I am sure I will be available soon.” Rudolph led them both outside.

“When? You say that all the time and are gone for weeks, maybe months. I know you better, Rudolph, more than anyone, and this isn’t a problem you can solve yourself. You aren’t just something I can get rid of. You are, you are-” At that moment, Rudolph pulled away inside, standing on both ends of the door. Rudolph becomes smaller as he tries to control the situation. “I don’t do that. I still see you often. It’s just….. I don’t like seeing you or anyone hurt. It’s my fault, and I hope you understand.” Rudolph tries to shut the door before Amara stops it with her growing antlers. “You don’t get it. Let us talk this out. You aren’t as guilty as you believe, if at all. Rudolph, come on, I lo-” Rudolph slightly moves her antlers aside and closes the door, placing the lock on and going upstairs to avoid anything else she would say. He sits in his room and thinks about what else she wanted to say. “I messed up.”

For an entire month, Rudolph has only remained inside the house of the sleigh team without ever visiting the North Pole. Prancer took notice. Everyone else had believed that Rudolph, with some mentorship, would be allowed to teach himself what it meant to become the greater version despite the world. However, Prancer lost faith that the issue Rudolph was dealing with could be resolved just by wise words. Rudolph needed reality to hit him like a whole tsunami. Prancer approached Rudolph’s quarters and sat down with the hunchbacked reindeer. “Hey, Prancer, how are you-” Prancer only looked him straight in the eye. “Do you realize the mistake you are making, young buck? You do realize that everyone around here is getting worried about you?” Rudolph looked at him in shock. “I didn’t know they were worried. I am just in my room, just-”

“Yes, we know, for a long time. Rudolph, I know something’s up. I want to help you, but you gotta understand we have been trying so long and you just go away.” Rudolph gets more uncomfortable with Prancer. “It’s just that….. do you guys have anywhere else to b-” Prancer’s eyes glow a dark blue, and the world changes. Rudolph falls and feels his weight dragging him quickly to the void below. That’s when he sees a fire. Rudolph tries to stand, but he feels too heavy to get up. That is when a giant lady of stone picks him up and places him on her palm. Prancer appears on her forehead. “Rudolph, before all the divine, you will be assessed.” A courtroom appears before him. Awaiting to give testimony are multiple versions of himself and some of his friends and family. One of the Rudolphs approaches Lady Justice.

“Hear and you will see. I am Rudolph, a selfish friend. In my life, I have been grateful for being surrounded by people who love me, but I have done a terrible thing. I have hurt them, your honor, Prancer. It is because they were my friends that the reindeer targeted them. They were perfectly fine off before I got to them. Because of me, I have ruined their future, and I owe them their happiness.” The courtroom roared with the voices of many Rudolphs. The Lady nodded. “Silence all of you, who dares approach?” Then another Rudolph approaches with fear. “My whole life, I have been the embarrassment of the North. I went by many names: the clown, the reject, weirdo, stoplight, the blinder, and whatever anyone else can think of. Everyone seemed to be minding their business and having fun, and I showed up like a wrecking ball. Elves and reindeer pushed their fawns and children behind, some even went about to stop whatever they were doing and approached me to make fun of me.”

Lady Judge felt that Rudolph rambled on too much. She yelled for silence, and the entire void shook and vibrated. “Get to the point. What does this one owe?” The fearful Rudolph yelped. “He owes everyone their time and patience. The village would be happier if it weren’t for us.” Another Rudolph bolted on stage. “Sit and speak who you are?” This Rudolph obediently sat down as he struggled to get on the chair. Unlike the others, this version was much younger. “I have wasted the time of my parents and mentors. They have invested so much time in me, cared for me, and loved me when no one did. However, look at me, us. Does it look like we have accomplished much? Not much of the world has changed. I haven’t made new friends, I am still the same reindeer as before, and I hide myself more and more. I owe them their investment in me. Their deaths don’t justify why I am still here. This Rudolph is useless.”

The lady nodded. Prancer stepped onto the stage himself. “It seems you are guilty, at least that’s what I see from you, Rudolph. However, self-testament isn’t always accurate. That’s why I ask the Lady to summon these so-called people you claim you owe.” The Lady roared and shook the world. From her crown came the people whom Rudolph had known in his life. “Behold, observe and witness the testimony of those you hold in your heart.” Vaterson approached Rudolph. “I am Vaterson, father of Rudolph. All my life, I have lived broken and without care. That is, until I met Randolph and my current wife. Both served as my inspiration to change.” Vaterson nudged Urla to stand by his side, and she spoke. “When Rudolph was about to be born, Vaterson was ready to become someone better for the fawn we would raise for life. In honor of Randolph, we have named our son Rudolph and promised we would love him. The red nose was strange, but ultimately, we wanted to love our son. When death came to take us, we protected Rudolph because we loved him enough to trust he was worth it.”

Zyir approached slowly but firmly. “Rudolph gave me a son, someone to love and protect. I felt whole and like family to Rudolph. My time as a Godfather was never met with an endgame of having Rudolph be the best reindeer in history, I just wanted to give him a life and have the something I was missing when my wife left the world with our fawn. I am thankful and always will be because of Rudolph. “ Zyir, Vaterson, and Urla looked at Prancer and the lady. “Rudolph owed us nothing, but he gave us everything.”

The following person who appeared was Amara. “I am a representative of myself and the friends of Rudolph. When I met Rudolph, I thought he was the coolest reindeer I had met. He was fun to play with and was able to compete with me. When we discovered the thing about the nose, we were mostly confused. It never seemed terrifying, just extremely odd. The more time I spent with him, the more I looked past it and loved spending time with him. He is this incredible and creative reindeer.” Hailey, Daniel, Xavier, and Rudolph’s other friends appeared before the court and spoke in unison. “He was someone worth our own time. Even the words and threats of the others couldn’t deter what our minds have made up about Rudolph. He was a friend worth fighting for.” Amara approached Rudolph. “You make us happy, and you are the reason I can smile. You owe us nothing, but you gave us someone like family.”

The room roared. A cursed creature came to the court. It seemed as majestic as an angel but filled with ugliness. It was as if the creature wore a costume of multiple skins stitched together. The crown it wore had dried blood, and its hands twisted to form a hoof shape. “I am the North. I hold testimony against this behemoth reindeer. Lady of stone, I curse Rudolph and bestow.” The Lady frowned and furrowed her eyebrows in anger. “Fowl creature, you are a blow to the Earth. You wish to be held on high, but look now how you fall. “ The Lady of stone cast the creature down the void toward the fire that almost consumed Rudolph. A grand cry was heard, and the creature withered like burning wood. Prancer restored silence once more after the room erupted in chaos. The Lady looked at Rudolph. “Look, see, and be open to process what has been said. Now that you understand the hearts of everyone, what do you believe?”

“I was wrong. I have been stupid. I am enough, and I owe a lot of apologies.” The Lady looked at Rudolph once more and smiled kindly. “This won’t be your final trial, but I am glad that this one is done.” Prancer’s eyes turned blue again, and they both appeared in Rudolph’s room. “Now you see, young buck, you matter very much to us, to me, and all your friends.” Rudolph understood and went outside toward the North Pole. He approached Amara’s door, and she opened it hesitantly. “So, are you done hiding?” Rudolph nodded, and Amara looked out to the outside where Rudolph stood. “I have made a mistake and was wrong to have assumed everything. Amara, Amara I-” Rudolph didn’t know what else to say, but he entered Amara’s home and rubbed neck-on-neck as his way to hug her. Amara sighed and tightened their touch. “You are forgiven, Rudy. Now come inside, you missed out on a bit.” Rudolph was content and happy.

As a result of this resolve, his nose glowed bright red. Rudolph didn’t shy away from it; he actually admired it, and the more he admired it, the more he wondered what else it could do. After spending time with Amara, he closed the door, thought of that moment again, and watched as his nose glowed in response to himself.

Chapter 11: The Nose

When the clock struck 12 midnight, Rudolph snuck out of his house to experiment. He wanted to get to know the thing that has haunted him since the beginning: the nose. It was a usual nose like any reindeer, but time and time again, it would spark and demand attention. To Rudolph, the nose had always been some sort of curse that acted against him. He had spent the majority of his childhood hiding it. The most popular tactic used was any dirt and mud he could find. Now everything was different. Could everyone have been wrong about it? Rudolph barely knows anything about how it can be controlled or why, in some moments, it shines above others, so how can anyone who isn’t him be the expert?

Rudolph felt a sense of anger. It was as if the ignorant and accusing North Pole had planned his demise. Before, he would justify that they were scared or that it was just a slip of the tongue, but none of their actions can be justified. The reasons are valid, but the elves and reindeer are sacred and true. They are what the humans recognize as bringers of light, and when that light is neglected such as their choices toward Rudolph, how true are these elves and reindeer? Rudolph didn’t want to continue living without first understanding how valid the worries and ridicule of others had been about his nose. Not himself, for he knew better now, but the very thing people point to in the first place.

Rudolph gave multiple trials to ignite the nose — his first involved repetition of words. “Let there be light!” and nothing really came. “Ignite, fire, red glow! Red nose? Red-nosed reindeer!” Nothing, just an ordinary nose. His second trial focused on senses. Rudolph believed that stimulation or flight responses could trigger it. He pulled out the hot chocolate he had been saving and took a major whiff. It was sweet to the lungs and warm for the heart, but nothing happened. Rudolph then ran around and allowed himself to almost crash into multiple trees to see if his nose was some sort of danger sense. Nope, not one warning, and he slammed his whole body onto a massive root and trunk. He was missing something, but what?

Rudolph sat in disappointment, pondering what he could do next time. That’s when it happened. The nose glowed dimly against the cheek and was barely strong enough to reflect anywhere else. That’s when an idea clicked. His own emotions fuel his nose. The more he thought, the more it made sense. Every time his nose glowed, it was always in the middle of tense moments whenever Rudolph felt unsafe or ashamed. If this were a fact, are there any other moments it could shine? It was surely the same story every night. Rudolph went off to sleep, the nose glowing across his face because he felt tense, scared. There had never been a night since his childhood that it didn’t glow. Then he thought of recently with Amara. It glowed there too, and he felt happy. Not some generic thing either, it was personal for him, and his nose was a gateway to show the things he couldn’t say.

Not like he had much to say. When he entered the door, he planned to apologize and only stay for a while, but that night, he spent 8 hours just at her place. When he was about to leave, Rudolph thought of giving her a high five or a firm handshake as a thank you, but when he saw Amara, his nose glowed a bit saddened. Amara took notice of his extended hoof, and she ignored it completely. Instead, she hugged him like he did when he arrived, and the nose glowed brighter, friendlier, like it understood Rudolph.

Every moment, when Rudolph felt he was alone, the nose acted like the soul he refused to show others. He had always tried hiding, but the glow had always kept appearing. Maybe, Rudolph thought, it was never trying to hurt him. It was his way of saying the unsaid. That is why it shone every night and allowed others to see it when Rudolph resisted. Rudolph tested his theory and allowed himself to reflect on every moment since childhood. He would think of the warmth from Vaterson and Urla, and the nose glowed maroon. When he thought about the people who had hurt or teased him, the glow became more violent and uncontrolled. When he thought of his friends, his nose was so light and warm that not even the cold air of the North could be felt.

Now, after his experimentation, he went to bed and rested. The cycle repeated for a month until the 1st day of the following month. On that night, Rudolph dreamed that the whole North Pole had gathered around him, awaiting what he had to say. In the center was another version of himself. Rudolph was scared of it and was just about to turn around when he heard its voice. “Stay, Rudolph! Hear and you shall see.” It sounded exactly like Rudolph, but with multiple ranges. The lower range sounded like an older man, the middle range like a young adult, and the higher range like a child’s. Above the voices sounded the cry of a newborn. “What are you?” asked Rudolph. The dream, Rudolph smiled and transformed before the North Pole, and gasps were heard. Four beings came into existence: the newborn, the child, the young adult, and the elder. Rudolph took his time, carefully studying each individual. “Is that supposed to be what I used to look like, and what I will look like? Cool, and I look good old, almost like I stopped in time as an adult.” The elder chuckled. “Why, thank you. I suppose you are right about that.”

Rudolph had no idea what was happening. A part of him put two and two together, that he was in a dream, but he was curious to know what his mind would tell him. As he tried speaking, the North Pole threw snowballs directly toward him. No matter what he did, he couldn’t leave the circle; a few reindeer or elves would catch him and throw him back inside. Rudolph couldn’t reason with them; it was as if he talked to an iron wall. “Uh, this is a nightmare. I hate it here, I hate it!” The sun above stopped being yellow. Replacing its light was a red giant, and the louder Rudolph and the village grew, the angrier the light became. However, the other versions of Rudolph surrounded himself and yelled. “Stop!” and the world changed. When Rudolph opened his eyes, he couldn’t see anything. He just felt something attached to him as he floated in currents.

“Hear and you shall see, “ said the old man. What do you know?” questioned Rudolph. “Hope is like an angel. It is a messenger and a siren of what could be. It is a reminder that heralds love. Look and see. The more faith you put in love, the stronger your light becomes.” The world inside Rudolph shakes, now vibrating a bit with more visibility. The young adult Rudolph appears in front of him.

“Hear and you shall see. You will find your duty above the words of man.” The young adult bowed in front of him. “What do you know?” repeated Rudolph. “Love guides us all. It is through love that all come to the world and understand. You will find that it is the essential key to preservation. Hoarding with apathy leads to an unholy version of loneliness, and giving everything without loving oneself is a sacrifice in vain. Let it be your source.”

The world shook again, this time a familiar voice and tune were heard as if life was singing above him. Rudolph sees that he is preserved inside a capsule, an egg. The child version of himself appears before him. “Hear and you shall see. I will clarify what we have tried to forget.” Rudolph approached it and sat eye to eye. “What do you know?” The young Rudolph jumped delightedly. “The world was a cruel place. It was a promise of fun and delight, yet it was terrifying. But look and see, whenever I thought of the people I cared about, the brighter everything was. What would have been another day of being the reject was now being a loved son, a playful friend, or just a Rudolph.”

Rudolph looked around and saw the world appear fully. Around him, he heard a male and female voice singing. “Our buck, you shall see, that life above awaits you. You will matter to us, and you will learn to matter to everyone and to have faith. Love is a thing with wings. Sometimes a solo is required for people to be inspired to form an ensemble. You will find it, our little one, we will never leave you.” Rudolph looked in front of him and saw the newborn fawn of himself playing within the space. It knew nothing about the world, no words at all, but it tried mimicking the voices above. The nose of the fawn glowed and danced in perfect control, the hope and love of this fawn guiding its every step. “Hear and I shall see. Maybe the world wasn’t always what I thought it’d be.”

Rudolph jolted awake and saw the clock strike twelve. He got up and went outside for a bit. “Hope is like an angel, love guides all, I am Rudolph, and the young me….” Rudolph paused for a moment. He concentrated his energy, and when all else failed to make his nose glow, he thought of the world he knew. That world has people he cares for and admires, and he knew he wanted it to continue for the better. Whether the days get shinier or darker, Rudolph wanted to give like the stars in the sky. Then it happened. His nose glowed, but it was never spontaneous or random; it was under his control. Rudolph thought of spreading his love everywhere, and it came to be that the whole forest shone. Rudolph thought about lighting the way only in front, so his light focused on the spot in front of him. The more profound hope and faith he had, the more the light glowed noticeably.

Rudolph stared in awe. “You are wonderful.”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

So it was, Rudolph had grown much under the house of Santa’s sleigh team. Carrying the lessons he has learned, Rudolph did his best to be more involved in the lives of his friends and to support the village despite their mixed feelings toward him. In the arena, Rudolph stretched and pushed his body to his limits and continuously tracked his growth. With a bit of help from Donner, he was given enough magic to understand how to fly and how everything worked in the air. Rudolph continued experimenting with what his nose could do and became a lot happier with who he was and what it meant to be a reindeer.

When Rudolph reached the age of four years, he devoted more time to the eight reindeer. They spent hours weekly training him and providing any wisdom they had accumulated during their time on Earth. By the age of six, Rudolph was now a grown adult. He was much bigger and faster as he held himself tall and proud. His antlers became his crown, and his grey and golden white fur a mark of his maturity. Rudolph peered beyond the horizon upon a hill, looking toward the North Pole. It was time. Rudolph knew he was ready to come back home.

Chapter 12: Community

“To become reborn is to leave the Earthly things behind. It is a transformation where the soul finds hope above and seeks to change out of pure love. Not for riches, not for acceptance, nor vengeance. It’s a change that seeks to understand and destroy foundations that disguise themselves as righteousness.” The audience says amen as the elf priest watches over all of them. In his hand, he flings holy water. “Praise the Lord, for he is the one who sees the heart of man. Let every one of you understand that nothing is hidden under the sun. Those with a pure heart to serve will be remembered, and those with a heart that acts falsely will be revealed. As you all leave, let this be a lesson you remember. A pure heart won’t be protected from Earthly harm but will be sanctified as judgment is carried to those with lying tongues.” The elves and reindeer stand and walk out from the door.

Chattering is heard left and right. Most talks are about what they learned from the priest and how deeply the message resonated. Others speak about getting lunch and hosting family gatherings. Rudolph didn’t know what to say or do. He was there alone, unaware of how the world in the South of the village had changed. For him, it was like traveling back in time. Ever since he left it, it has moved on without him.

The elf priest approached with an outstretched hand and a broad smile. Rudolph extended his hooves and allowed the priest to shake them. “Hello, father. It is an honor to hear your words. They were true and wise.” The priest laughed warmly. “Oh, I am glad you enjoyed it. No need to be so formal, just call me Lorik.” His smile lingered, just a bit too long, as if upholding his image more than to provide warmth. “ Now then,” he said, “Let’s get you settled into your home, Rudolph.” Rudolph followed Lorik cautiously. He seemed very pleasant but way too eager. As they walked, Lorik silently sang a couple of tunes.

“Lift every voice and sing

Till Earth and heaven ring

Ring with the harmonies of liberty.

Come and rejoice from high

As clear as the diamond sky.

May low and small find our new day begun.”

Rudolph felt more at ease the more Lorik sang. He worshiped and waddled like a penguin. His chubby face made it impossible for him to be seen as a danger; he was, as he claimed, an ally. Rudolph felt compelled to chatter with him. “What are you singing?” Lorik only turned his eyes. “It’s an Earthly hymn I love. It gives off a sense of community, doesn’t it? I took the song and made it my own version. “ Lorik positioned his eyes forward and loosened his appearance more than it already was.

“Let us all come now

Till we take our vow

A promise to be one, and all the same.

When the whole town turns right,

In the cleansing light,

Pure hearts will rise, open, and change in the sun.”

Something felt off. He couldn’t place why, but felt Lorik’s telling was conflicting. Was it the way he sang it? Rudolph couldn’t figure out why. A while later, Lorik and Rudolph arrive at the town center. Inside a courtroom and a reindeer judge.” Greetings Solenn. I have brought our new arrival!” Solenn leaves his hay seat and bows to Lorik. When he turns to Rudolph, he just sizes him up and coughs. “My, welcome, Rudolph. Having you in this part of the village again is quite a pleasant surprise. I am so sorry about your parents; they were wonderful people. You should be extremely proud of them.”

Rudolph quietly nods. “Yes, I am very much so.” Silence fills the corridors. Lorik jitters quickly and grabs a key. “This is for your new home. We have made sure everything was ready for your arrival. If anything troubles you or you need us to help, just ask, and we can enter. After all, we have access to a spare if needed entry.” Rudolph tenses up. “You all have a spare?” Solenn coughs louder. “Why? It’s only a precaution. Nothing new. It’s just what we do around here. I don’t think you would remember, considering how little you were. Now you are as tall as us. A bit too tall.”

Lorik grabs a map. “You see, right here, in between the church and the center, we have opened a home for you. Just follow along, and you will see it in no time. We have signs and everything, so you know where to go.” Rudolph awkwardly starred. “Well, thank you, but do you realize not many people like me? Wouldn’t that be a potential danger if people knew where I lived before I arrived?” Solenn laughed hysterically, Lorik hesitantly. “Of course not, we wouldn’t dream of it. We have just been waiting for you all this time. Is it a crime if I just wanted to parade your welcome? Why, I hope not, I am an enforcer of the law.”

Rudolph grabbed the key and slowly walked backwards to the door. Lorik ran towards him. “Hey, wait, do you need anything else? I am here for you and only you after all.” Solenn pushes Lorik aside. “Oh, come on now, he is all set. Right Rudy? You wouldn’t be our shining guest if you couldn’t care for yourself. I heard you trained under the eyes of the sleigh team. That’s big news. They must be the ones who trust you the most out of everyone. That’s the minimum when you get a shiny nose like that. Speaking of the nose, why don’t you show it off for us?”

“Oh, I don’t really like to show off. It’s a part of me that I use to help or express. Not really for any show like stuff.” Solenn nods, keeping his chin above the others. “Well, what good is it then? I am just kidding. You know I like to have a lot of laughs. Come on, we just want to know if you still have it in you. Just in case.” Lorik scoffed at Solenn. Rudolph is concerned. “In case of what? Why do you need me?” Lorik intervened. “It’s just to make sure you are well. People get sick or tired after a long trip on foot. The North Pole is a giant beast for being a small world.” Rudolph raised an eyebrow. “Ah, well, don’t you worry about me. I actually flew here, so I had no energy trouble.” Lorik and Solenn looked at each other. Solenn stomped both his front hooves. “Well, that’s splendid. Welcome home, Rudolph. I am sure you will remember it like before.”

Rudolph left, strangely puzzled. He thought they acted strangely, but he just brushed it off. Maybe they were scared or didn’t know how to talk to him. After all, they are in charge of the place where people picked on him. Maybe they felt a sense of guilt? Either way, they couldn’t have any other intentions. They just seemed very cautious to make Rudolph feel right at home. They were very thoughtful. Weren’t they? Rudolph saw all the signs at the front of his house. ‘Welcome home, Rudolph!’ ‘Let your faith shine.’ ‘New member of the neighborhood.’ Rudolph smiled with his eyes. His mouth was a bit apathetic. An elf approached him as he placed the key into his mouth and toward the door. Nothing was exceptional about the elf, but he had a hat with two stiff tails like antennas. “Welcome, neighbor. I am so glad to meet you.”

Rudolph bowed in respect. “It is nice to meet you as well. My name’s-”

“Rudolph. I am so excited to see a legend up close. Your nose is so unique, and you look super strong.” The elf explored Rudolph a bit. “ Um, who are-” The elf froze. “Oh, please forgive me — the name’s Brask. I know my way around this place. I am in charge of the news around here. It gets pretty overstimulating, but you get used to it. I hope you liked the signs. I made sure the entire town knew of your arrival. People are even spreading rumors that you might be the next biggest reindeer of the century.” Rudolph tried dismissing it. His head was dizzy from how much the elf spewed. “Oh, I don’t think I am a big deal. I am exactly like everyone else.” Brask opened the front door and allowed Rudolph inside. “What nonsense. You are exceptional compared to everyone. You are not just one of us. You have a story that I am waiting to tell. But what can that be?”

Rudolph looked down at the trail of snow. “Um, you kind of just barged into my home.” Brask apologized and shook his boots clean. “I just got too caught up. You are a star waiting to be born. A celebrity even.” Rudolph noticed Brask writing furiously in his notebook. “Why are you looking around so much?” Brask looked up, annoyed at being interrupted. “I just want people to remember who you were before. I believe you will give this town a nice lesson. It’s just to share a story after all.” Rudolph questioned Brask. “What lesson are you talking about?” Brask wrote a couple more things down. “You know, you are gonna be the town example to be a bit on the nose.” After a couple more seconds, Brask waved goodbye and walked out the door. Rudolph was left alone, except for a tiny present sitting below him. A note from the bottom read “For your face to protect you against the cold.” Inside was a large scarf, covering the base of his chin and nose. It was thick, large, and it fit him too well. Rudolph was conflicted about whether it was truly about the cold and whether this was a sincere gift.

After just a couple of weeks, Rudolph began his job training to deliver Santa’s mail. The elves have shown him the flight path from the post office to Santa’s workshop and warned him it might take a couple of trips throughout an entire day to meet the daily quota, but Rudolph was up for the challenge and was promised two days of rest after each shift. Rudolph practiced pulling weighted sleighs to the sky and timed himself. This was his way of training when he didn’t have time to travel to the arena. Then one night, while Rudolph landed a sleigh, Blitzen visited and saw Rudolph’s progress. “Why do you continue to amaze me? If I were told we would get another reindeer like you this soon, I would have called it crazy.”

Rudolph smiled. “Thanks, but I am still learning.” Blitzen inspected the condition of the vehicle. “This is very heavy, and you took it up in the air, which is incredible. Even I would have struggled if I were your age. Maybe you should be recruited as the newest flyer in the sleigh team.” Rudolph shook his head quickly. “I couldn’t possibly. Eight is already a working number. I am far more content where I am right now without thinking of becoming a permanent member.” Rudolph took off his harness and clocked out. “Either way, it is something special to have seen you grow. How is home life here in the South? Anything new?”

“It’s strange to tell you. I don’t remember the people here being so reserved with me. I am not complaining, but it seems they are doing more than they let on.” Blitzen was puzzled. “How so?”

“Well, the first day I met the preacher and judge. They were kind enough to show me where my home was, but it felt extremely uncomfortable. Then I met this elf who seems to be a crazy fan that wants to ‘write my story’ so to speak.”

“Well, when you hang around us, I suppose that could be”

“And you should see what this guy writes. In one article, he made me front and center as a celebrity with the title of ‘Santa’s newest reindeer?’ The next article was made was when I bumped into this reindeer at the park. He asked for my routine, and I gave him some details; the hat on his head was familiar to the elf. It read ‘recommended workouts by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!’ Really? I never recommended these to anyone. And ‘red-nosed reindeer’? Come on! Is that really all they see of me?”

Blitzen sees how upset Rudolph is. “Oh. Yeah, that is extremely strange. We will allow you to return if you ever want to get back.” Rudolph looks up to think. “I will give them the benefit. I suppose it’s hard to describe me any other way, but I just want to be known as Rudolph. People know you as Blitzen, so why do I need anything after my name?” Blitzen grunts to acknowledge Rudolph. Quiet follows, and Rudolph nudges Blitzen to follow. “Let me give you a tour around my house then.”

They took to the air. They made it to Rudolph’s home in the blink of an eye. In front was a large crowd. Everyone began to cheer and move in ways as they pushed on another. “Look, the red-nosed reindeer is back.” Rudolph and Blitzen take a step back.

“Can we get an autograph? / Show us your red nose! / Does it hurt or blind you?”

Rudolph laughs a bit awkwardly. “Yes, no, I won’t show it, and no, it doesn’t harm me at all.” Rudolph signs a piece of paper, hands it to the crowd, and motions Blitzen to follow him to the door. Rudolph took his key out and placed it in the door, but he realized it was slightly open. Rudolph’s eyes were wide, and his heart was accelerating. “I think someone broke in!” Blitzen enters and shuts the door behind them, ready to attack. They explore the house inch by inch until they arrive at the bathroom. It was written in the mirror in red: “Get lost, red nose!” Rudolph was afraid, and he knew he had to visit Solenn. Rudolph remembered leaving the door nice and shut, only he had access on the way in. Nothing was broken, nor was the door tampered with as far as he knew. Solenn had the key.

On their way out, the crowd greeted him loudly. “Do the thing!” Quiet. Rudolph wanted them to be quiet. “You forgive us, don’t you? It’s all in the past. We love you.” Quiet. “We wanna see how cool you are! Are you gonna be the next flyer of our generation?” Rudolph snapped. “Questions I will answer in time!” His nose started to glow. All the elves began snapping photos, the reindeer coming closer to feel his nose. Blitzen created some space, and they both lifted off to the Center court.

Meanwhile, Solenn was busy telling some of the elves in the office to move some paperwork over to the file. Suddenly, the door flung open. Rudolph made no introductions; he only wanted to get a point across. “You are the only one with the spare key! Answer me why the front door of my home was wide open? Also, what’s with the crowd?” Solenn stood and kept himself calm and collected on script. “ We had someone head over to ensure your home was in order — a form of neighborhood room service. As for why it was open, it must have been one of the staff. I will make sure they are dealt with and expelled immediately.” Blitzen didn’t feel satisfied. “Do you have the person who came in on record? This is punishable.” Solenn placed a hoof down. “Hey, this is my establishment. Don’t worry at all, I will make sure it is handled. It’s just classified information that I cannot share without endangering staff.”

“Endangering staff? You know we aren’t just any type of reindeer. We built a foundation of trust, you know we wouldn’t hurt or use the infor-” Solenn interrupted Blitzen. “It isn’t you, it’s Rudolph. Overall, I barely know him or what he represents. He hasn’t lived here in a long time and is no reindeer like yourself. I am sorry, but this is an issue between me and Rudolph that we will all agree to resolve together. I am acting to the best of my ability, and you know full well I have the credentials to give and withhold any information as I please.”

Everyone remained silent as they saw Brask enter. In his left hand, he held a camera, and in his right, he had a journal. “Oh, I hope I am not interrupting anything. I will drop this off here and be on my way.” Solenn motions Brask to enter the other room. He looked at Blitzen and Rudolph. “I need a minute. I will be back, I promise, I will get this resolved.” Minutes go by, and Blitzen and Rudolph are unaware of what is occurring in the other room. Once the door opened, Solenn returned to his seat, and Brask’s pockets were bigger than before.

“I can always offer compensation. Maybe money will do you good.” Rudolph scowls. “More than money will be needed to make me feel safer. Someone left a threat on the mirror, and people are crowding around me. How do you expect me to work and live if I am always constantly being watched!” Solenn pulls a couple of documents from his desk and examines them. He doesn’t seem to notice Rudolph finished speaking until he coughs loudly. “I can always arrange another house for you, but it will be much closer to this area. I will think of other ways to repay you. I am sure you will be fancied one way or another.” Rudolph and Blitzen leave angrily. The next few days, Rudolph stayed home back North. A newspaper arrived at the front step one week after the incident.

“Breaking News: Rudolph left fans upset after leaving hastily. His glowing nose blinded a couple of individuals in the front.” The photo used was the exact moment he leapt into flight. Who caught him? Rudolph read deeper into the pages. One of the texts read, “Is this really a reindeer worthy of attention? Or is it a disaster in disguise?”

Rudolph couldn’t handle another second. He just wanted to relax and enjoy his time away from the South. The other flyers understood and checked how Rudolph felt every moment they got. In the third week, Rudolph decided he must return. No one understood why, but it could be that he just didn’t want to give up on his home, and his decision led him straight to Solenn. However, Rudolph decided to visit the church first.

It was exactly like how Rudolph remembered it. The hallways were long, the windows painted, and many inspiring symbols. Rudolph sat down on the hay and lowered his head. “Forgive them, Lord. They knew not what they were doing. This time, sanctify my stay here. Lead me to my home in this land where I was born. Don’t lead me into temptation, deliver me from evil. Deliver us. In the name of the Father, Son, and the holy spirit, amen.” Rudolph’s nose glowed dimly, illuminating the dark space. Then, from behind, a large creak was heard, and the silhouette of an elf appeared. “Hello, Rudolph!”

“Oh, greetings, Father. How is the vi-”

“No need for Father. You can call me Lorik, remember? I just so happened to walk by and noticed your light invading the church.” Rudolph nodded. “Yeah, I was deep in prayer. I was hoping my time here would be better. Maybe I have gotten off on the wrong hoof.”

“Perhaps. Accidents happen after all. Who can blame you? You haven’t been part of this community very long; who can blame you for not being as blameless as a member like the rest of us? I hear you, Rudolph. You don’t have to hide anything. It is terrible against the eyes of the Lord to hold any sense of difference that can threaten the balance he has established. I am here, allow me to fix it.”

Rudolph barked back. “Fix what? I have nothing to fix. I just need to be and have faith in the community. I lack experience, but I have been taught well. I hold no difference that holds a threat.”

“Then what about when you blinded-”

“It was NEVER my intention! I didn’t know, I was…. I was overstimulated, worried, and angry. I had so many things that I had no focus on what was happening. I was a blind man with Blitzen being my only guide.” Lorik extends his hand toward Rudolph to comfort him, his touch lacking real intention. Rudolph stepped back. “It’s ok. You just need to take a vow. We will all be one and the same. It’s ok to feel ashamed. I would be too, but that’s why I am he-”

“Who said anything about shame? I hold no shame. Shame was when I ran away and cared nothing less than the dirt, pushing aside people around me or feeling entitled to more. I am now ashamed of it. This is not one of them. You read me wrong, Father-”

“It’s LORIK, it is-” the elf priest pauses. “Pardon me, it’s just a bit tense, that’s all. I am offering help. If it’s not the one you seek, then it will be fine until it’s not. If that moment arrives, I am always here. You know that, right?” Rudolph nods forcibly. “Ok. I will hold you to your word, and I’ll hold myself to mine.” Rudolph walks out, leaving Lorik inside by himself. As he exited, Rudolph snuffed his light out.

At the center, Rudolph opened the door and approached Solenn. “Ah, Rudolph, the reindeer I was expecting to see!” Rudolph panted a bit, still worked up by the situation at the church. “I have taken the liberty of moving all your stuff and legally granting you the necessary paperwork to move into your new home. I must say this warning, though: your light can be dangerous. It is very tempting to show off occasionally, but you must keep it down. “ Rudolph sighed.

“Now I have actually planned out a surprise for you. You will get your very own party dedicated to you and the rest. November is here, our antlers will shed, the doe will grow theirs, and this party will be the right thing to kick off the season when it gets busy. How does that sound?” Rudolph shook his head. “I couldn’t accept, I think-” Solenn looked him dead in the eye. “Looks like you already made the calls. Then yes, I will accept.”

“Very well. I am glad to hear you agreed.”

Rudolph had barely settled into his new home when a newspaper flung through the door. He grabbed it before anyone else could see, just in case. A small article section reads, “Come one, come all! A party for Rudolph and you most of all.” Rudolph read deeper into the text. “Maybe we were all wrong about the red-nosed reindeer,” teased the article. “ He could be delivering a speech, possibly an apology for everyone. After all, it’s just something he will learn he owes us most.” Oh no….

Rudolph pushed the party to the back of his mind, but when November came in the blink of an eye, Rudolph started on the speech. He believed his experience there would be miserable, but he had a bit of hope. Amara had sent him a letter.

Dear Rudy,

I would like to be your guest at the party. I have missed your company and would like to get to know you better. Say yes and be my gentleman.

Signed, Amara.

Chapter 13: Whispers

Rudolph knocked at the front door of Amara’s home, located West of the North Pole. She had recently moved there to assist in toy production, being one of the few reindeer to manage operations there. When Amara opened the door, Rudolph couldn’t help but shy away from her presence. She was taller, her fur whiter with traces of gold, and her crown more pointier and firm. The morning sunlight was firmly touching her cheeks. He hadn’t realized how much time had passed or how much she had changed. He once knew her, but now he wanted to understand her better. “Hi, Amara. I uh, I wanted to say…” Amara tilted her head and smiled. Rudolph tried to speak, but his mind had no room for focus. “You know, Rudolph, you never cease to make me adore you.” Rudolph chuckled nervously. “Well, if you want to see this face more, I may have to say yes to your invitation. Amara, I want you to come to the party with me.”

Amara motioned Rudolph to enter her home. “Before you go, I just wanted to see you a bit longer.” Amara’s eyes wandered for a second to her room. “I don’t have much to say, but you have been away so long. I just missed you.” Rudolph nodded. “I have been very busy with training. Now that I’m here, I wouldn’t mind making up some lost time.” Amara motioned to a couple of drawings on her wall. “I saved up some of the ones we made together. I didn’t dare throw them out, and I thought this home needed a bit more color. I look forward to it when I wake up or come back. “ Rudolph approached one of the drawings. The picture had Amara chasing Rudolph in the trees, and the snow and loose branches reflect a sense of adventure and danger. “I remember this moment. My first impression of you then was that you were fast and terrifying. It was a thrilling chase. Though maybe we were a bit awful at shading.”

“We were brilliant at dreaming,” Amara replied. “You know, I have something on my mind right now. The one thing I always wanted to ask you.” Rudolph’s eyes shot a bit. “I have been thinking the same thing.” Amara approaches Rudolph, looking him face-to-face. “I was thinking of saving it for the after-party. Maybe a dance before I give it a shot.” Rudolph’s eyes lowered, his expression turning softer. “We can wait until them. I promise to be with you every second.” Amara chuckled. “You always do.” Amara rubbed her shoulder against Rudolph’s. “See you tonight then.”

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In the South of the village, the church, full of openness and prayer, has become a house of whispers. The streets are empty, the doors shut, and the only people inside are entering with hoods and blankets covering their identities. The only light available comes from windows or corridors. Among the anonymous are two elves patiently waiting and sitting on a bench; the other is a reindeer standing before them. No introductions were made, no other noise squeaked, and they all looked at each other with different canvases: one stern, one worried, the other with glee.

“No one must speak a word outside these walls.” Announced Solenn. “Who knows what the village will do if our cover is blown?” Lorik tensed up a bit from the sound of those words. “May I speak Solenn within my own walls-” Solenn looked down upon Lorik. “Not now. All comments will be made after I share the plan. Will you not spare these walls of your home?” Lorik struggled to make any argument to defend himself. “Good. The plan here will be simple. We want to protect the village. Our peace here depends on our unity. For the good of the North, we must guide the village to see Rudolph for who he is, a threat to the harmony we have protected for a long time. We will make him the enemy. Lorik, you are essential to this operation.” The other elf to Lorik’s side spoke up with a question. “Why am I involved again?”

“Brask, the stories you write have worked wonders. You will be the one to sell the story.”

“Will I get my payment soon?”

“Of course you will, but not without holding your end of the deal. Anyway, my best idea is to make Rudolph a thief and an enemy of God. Lorik, you will take Rudolph somewhere private and secluded, ensuring people notice you and that red nose walking. Once alone, you get under his skin and make him walk away from his own party, then cover yourself up with this red ink.” Solenn hands Lorik a capsule. “I have entered Rudolph’s home and placed inside a box with the church’s diamond cross.” Lorik stood up hastily.

“Isn’t this a bit too extreme? I have never seen Rudolph try to start a revolt or rally the reindeer against us. I sense he is a kindred spirit. After all, he is a lost soul; he still has time.” Solenn stomped his hooves harshly on the ground. “He is an enemy of this village, remember? He is a threat to our unity. You preach unity, don’t you? You know then that Rudolph is one spark away from starting chaos. I believe his soul holds no repentance. Don’t consider it an exaggeration, just doing the Lord’s work to cleanse what was once working.”

Lorik’s gaze dropped to the floor, the words leaving his mouth feeling hollow and weightless. “Of course. May the Lord’s will be done upon here as in heaven.”

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A word of caution, everyone must know; when the whole forest goes silent, it is never a good omen. Neither men nor creatures have the programming always to speak what comes to mind, but they always exhibit patterns. Listen with your eyes, and you will find what truly hides. A few days before the party, Rudolph noticed fewer newspapers had been delivered to his door. Inside each newspaper was the usual talk of weather or new trends, but there were never any stories about him. Newspapers, before, always had a story to tell: “The red-nosed reindeer has been seen flying around the neighborhood. Potential for a new member around Christmas?” Now, even on days when he didn’t receive any news, he would always notice the other reindeer around getting them.

Rudolph had noticed that he had gotten less attention. Something he would have loved if it were not so sudden and forced. Crowds that used to wait for him are now gone, like they never existed. The welcoming or curious stares of before now came from windows that treated him like a warning. Rudolph got to steal a paper from the trash cans outside the neighborhood. “ A Friend or Foe? A Word by Lorik the Elf Priest,” read the title. Rudolph tilted his head in confusion. “Why do they even need to ask that question, and what did Lorik say about me? I haven’t even talked to him since-” Rudolph read word for word. “Rudolph is a shining new member in this community without a doubt, but the extent of his magic is unclear. If the magic itself doesn’t come from anything divine, then who is Rudolph’s master?”

Rudolph threw the paper away. Master? He doesn’t serve any master. Why does Lorik think a master must send him? What has Lorik been saying about him? Why has everyone kept him in the dark? So many questions, so little time. He has seen that Lorik hasn’t been showing up at church as often as he had seen prior. Rudolph knew that if he wanted answers, he had to find them at the party where Lorik was. Rudolph needed to make this party count, to stop all of this frustration and hysteria barely beginning to accumulate at the village’s core from the roots before it starts to be set in stone. That night, lying down in his hay bed, Rudolph spent imagining how the party would go.

He thought of the different interactions people would have with him. “Do you mind if I pass by you?” a guest could say, or maybe they would be more shy, like an elf with a small stature. “Oh, I am so sorry for bumping into you! Please don’t be angry.” Maybe they would be friendly folk, “Would you like me to pay for a drink, darling? I simply cannot let a handsome buck like you not have a drink of cinnamon.” Handsome? No way is Amara gonna let someone — Then like that, his racing mind stopped for a moment. His world, full of scripts and non-stop chaos, became a single entity without worrying about his past lives. He wasn’t the baby naive reindeer when he was adore, the child who grew alone in a crowd, the orphan, or the teenage buck training to return to a world he didn’t know would ever accept him, but he was the buck he had become. He was never anything; that was always the thing he told himself.

Now, he is the son of Vaterson and Urla. He is the Godchild of Zyir, a friend of Xavier, Hailey, and Daniel, and a training reindeer under the eight who had loved him so much. He is now an inhabitant of the North Pole and will become part of its people. Rudolph looked at a picture he had hung up on his wall. It showed him and Amara as kids, standing and leaning toward each other as someone took the photo. He had always promised to be her friend. He wants that more than ever, to be by her, but more than that. He had always wanted this in his life, and now he sees someone he adores because even the silence between them feels golden.

“I-” The way they both smile and interact is open and fair. Rudolph never slouches or feels the need to react without caution. Amara seems to want to be close to him and leans in the direction he leaves the room. “I really l-” Even when they fought, it was always civil and without demand. Rudolph waits to understand why she is upset or what she offers, and Amara points out when Rudolph refuses to say. Despite their rough patches, they knew resolving through effort and compassion was best. Not one thought the other was above nor below. “I promise, Amara, I will forever lo- maybe this isn’t the place to say. I should save my tongue for you.” To his left on the table were two notes. Rudolph had spent time making an apology letter for the party; the other was the open letter of Amara’s inquiry. Rudolph’s head kept high as he stared at Amara’s letter. The more he fought, the harder his head shook, and the world won him over as he slept at peace for the last time.

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Rudolph arrived at the party and noticed the signs on the maroon floor. “‘Come one and come all to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’s Party of the Year!’ ‘Masquerade! Go up front for your mask. ‘ Talk of the North.’” Masquerade? What theme could it be? Rudolph was lured into going to the front. Every step he took, he appeared tall, his antlers pointing up if they were still around, and his smile crooked with uncertainty. Multiple masks were lying around with all the colors and shades of a rainbow. The theme, however, was the same: reindeer antlers with a red-nosed ornament. Glitter shining on top of every nose. An elf, the greeter of the party, came up to Rudolph holding something in her right hand. “The host wanted you to wear this specific mask as a gift. It was all crafted just for you, but he said some things may not be correct. However, he wants you to forgive him and enjoy your party wearing it.” The host placed the mask upon Rudolph.

The mask had a normal-looking nose that was brown and gray. The color of the mask was purple, a shade unlike the rest. It was as if the color was muted and repulsive. Rudolph didn’t fight it, but he wasn’t fond of it. The crowds kept getting bigger, yet they all looked the same. Rudolph was in a room full of mimics. Everyone around him wasn’t who they were. They spoke and talked like themselves, while others chose to talk like him. Rudolph slouched a bit more, his smile frowned, and his fur turned grayer. His steps weren’t jumpy like a child; they had shackles that pulled from somewhere he didn’t know. No matter how much Rudolph wanted to hide, people always found him by the purple.

“‘Oh, Rudolph might be my favorite reindeer. He is — — Oh, there he is!’ ‘That red nose always made me nervous. The fact that he has gotten close to those reindeer is a mystery to…” and they would stop and wave forcefully. Some were even close to dislodging their bones. An adolescent buck talked hushly amongst a few female does, “They say Rudolph may become the next reindeer. However, rumor has it he stole something using that red nose.”

One of the does stood quickly. “Absurd. How can a red nose ever help with stealing?” The buck motioned its hoof to lower its head. “Lorik hasn’t been seen lately. You know it’s serious if he doesn’t attend his own church.” The buck left hastily. Rudolph pretended not to know what they had said. The doe ran as they saw Rudolph.

On the other side of the party, near the snacking table full of cotton candy and candy canes, a blind elf chattered along her sorrows to any ear that could hear. “I was there when everyone was gathered outside to cheer for Rudolph. Look what he did to me. “ The elf wept, and tears came down in bunches. She grabbed the nose of the mask and tightened her grip around it until it broke. “Look at me… look at me! Look at what he’s DONE!”

“ ‘Yeah, that red nose of his isn’t exactly controllable, I don’t think.’ ‘I mean, it was a one-time thing, surely we give him the benefit of the doubt.’ ‘Benefit of the doubt? Absurd. He had his chances.’ “ Like the buck, the elf left the group hastily. Something isn’t right. Rudolph walks around a bit, feeling burning sensations in every part of his body. His ears flung back, his tail upwards. Rudolph’s teeth gritted between each other. He moved quicker and quicker, feeling like the clown in his court. Then he stumbled upon the drinks bin.

It had lots of hot chocolate, water, apple and orange juices, and drinks of stronger varieties. There he met a doe that bumped into him. “Oh, is that you, A-” The doe poked Rudolph with her antlers. “Thief. After all we have done for you. Ungrateful.” Rudolph was stunned. He turned around and saw that the doe was gone. Standing where she should have been was a familiar elf. “Hey, sir, can you tell me what’s happening?” The elf turned around but hid his face deep within himself. It was not just any elf. By the second, it unveiled itself. Rudolph stood back, one hoof at a time. It was Lorik. “Don’t touch me. Stay back, stay back by God’s name. You filthy creature!”

Rudolph snapped and stomped his front right hoof. “ We haven’t exactly gotten off on good terms. There is no excuse. Tell me what is going on! We can talk this out.” The elf snapped back and ran towards the dance floor. “Don’t you follow me here. Solenn will deal with you.” Rudolph scoffed, turned to the drink bin, and noticed Lorik approaching the scene. “Wait, what?! Lorik, how did you?” Lorik noticed Rudolph staring at him and got into a defensive position. “Lorik, wait. Lorik!” Lorik ran off. Rudolph stood paralyzed, fumes coming from his nose. Confusion, anger, fear, disappointment, it was all getting to him.

This entire party was bizarre for Rudolph. He thought it wouldn’t hurt if he just left entirely. The village seems to conspire against him, as if they would puncture his heart. “Hello, Rudy.” Rudolph’s soul jumped. He turned around to see who it was. Amara giggled. “It’s nice to see you too. You look handsome.” Rudolph blushed at her words. His smile slowly appeared. His demeanor is taller. “ You look dazzling yourself. You never cease to surprise me.”

“Well, it’s easy to surprise you.”

“I didn’t recognize you with the mask.” Amara took off her mask to reveal her face to Rudolph only. “Well, they wouldn’t let me in without one. They are hideous. How they arranged the party doesn’t sit right with me.” Rudolph approached her face. “No, everything seems under the nose. No one wants to say anything, but they have much to share.” Amara leaned in, tilting her head and whispering into Rudolph’s ear. “How about we help you relax a little. I would like the chance to dance with my choice of buck.” Rudolph chuckled at her persistence. “Anything for a doe like you. I accept.” Amara licked Rudolph’s cheek. “Come on, never leave a pretty doe unattended.”

They both reach the dance floor. A flutist stood in the center and played a hymn. Everyone on the floor had two jobs: to provide the dance and the song. An elf appeared amongst the crowd. “Hello, everyone. I hope y’all are enjoying the party! To start the dance, we want our special guest of honor, Rudolph, to start us off.” Everyone immediately looks at him, his purple mask indicating where he was. Rudolph grew tense, arching slightly, his eyes looking almost 360 degrees around him. Amara noticed his despair. She placed her hoof on his.

Rudolph prepared his voice.

“Hear me, God. I cry out when the world seems so cold.

When the biting fears leave me alone.

Don’t leave me in despair to roam.”

Amara stands side by side with him, the crowd moving side to side, and murmurs and laughter in the background.

“Hear us, God! Let our unity be one and the same.

Let our hearts shine through all the rain

And together we shall hear our names.”

Rudolph smiles at Amara. Amara leans toward him.

“Stay with me.

For heaven has asked us to be

Roaming the desert for all to see

Our fruits that we have learned to give

For a future that we must all live in!”

A tambourine taps in metronomically. The flutist plays her siren melodies. The crowds elevate their voices, too.

“Praise all above, for our love has won

From when we left the wild, to give all our while

Together in hands, forever as we stand

Being one and one, together with you!

Ashira L’Adonai

You are the one

I am searching for

Never let me part

Never let me stray

For the day we do, love will go away.

Let us take our hands and make our stance.

Announce to the heavens our lasting grace.

Simple creatures once, now in sacred space.

Always one and all bearing fruits with our pace.”

The elves grabbed onto each other, the reindeer bumping foreheads. Some females urged the bucks to dance alongside them. Even a couple of the bucks urged their buddies to ask out. The circle was one big wheel of emotion, churning and mixing the sentiments of each verse. The party burned at Rudolph’s core. People looked at him with anger or disgust when he wanted moments of peace. Some of the doe approached Rudolph and interrupted their dance with Amara.

“Would a handsome buck like you give me the time of day?” Amara would fume and chase them off with an antler. “Watch it, you!”

“Stay off my back, then.” And like that, they would run off. More whispering. “Lorik was seen with him. He must have stolen the diamond cross. “ Gasps were heard. “No way. It makes sense why Lorik is upset, but Rudolph… would he?” The whispers were the same volume as the music, countering the perfect tempo and liveliness of the party. Rudolph stared down to see Amara, her warmth comforting him.

“I only want to focus on you tonight. You are the best feeling at this party.” Amara looks up in slight shock. “Something the matter?” Rudolph nods. “Something feels off, you already know that. We don’t know what exactly, so I just want to focus on you.” Amara giggles and wags her stubby tail a bit. “Why must you be so adorable. Every word you say is thought out so much and yet comes off effortlessly.” Amara double-takes. “Sometimes effortlessly. You do struggle sometimes.”

Rudolph blushes and thinks, “L-like when exactly, beautiful.” Amara laughs. “Like that just now. Beautiful? You struggled just to say that?” Rudolph keeps staring. “Well, I don’t know any other words that are perfect enough to say what I feel. I wanna show you, though.”

“Oh, really? Now we’re talking. What exactly would you like to show me, Rudolph?” Amara approaches closer to Rudolph, their breaths being exchanged. “Maybe a place to watch the Northern Lights tonight, watching amongst the dark sky. Hoping you remain by me forever.” Amara leans further. Rudolph had no time to react, and both lips touched one another with their masks colliding. The kiss brings warmth to the chaos around. “You already have me forever. I wish to never part from you, Rudolph. I need you like you need me. I want to be your queen and have you as my king. Rudolph, I-” The party is interrupted. “May Rudolph come up front!”

Rudolph steps onto the stage. “Is everything all right?” The announcer shakes his head. “Everything is fine, but many individuals have been hurt or shaken by the incident a couple of weeks ago. You promised an apology?” Rudolph sank. “Y-yes, yes I have.” The chatter grew louder. No respect or willingness to hear him, everyone is just making their voices louder and louder as they have given up their secrets and whispers. “I am deeply sorry for what has happened. I was scared and confused as to why my home was invaded. I acted out of fear, and my light has surely frightened many of you.” More nonsense chatter below.

“That is why I will do a better job with my light. I am here for y’all, you can trust me. This is my home, and you are all my people. Enjoy the party, be merry, this is my gift to you, thanks to those who arranged it. Please forgive me, for I don’t know what I always do.” The party goes silent. Some elves and reindeer look pleased, while others have nasty, scornful looks. Be warned.

Rudolph notices a tiny glow and an elf seeming to transform into…. Lorik! “Thank you, everyone. Enjoy the party and have a great night!” Rudolph rushes down and approaches Amara. I have to deal with something. Stay put and wait for me to return.” Amara nods. A couple of seconds later, another buck approaches her. “A pretty doe like you can’t be left alone without a buck by her side.” Amara steps her hooves on his, “Quiet you!”

Rudolph chases down Lorik, hoof by hoof, desperately trying to reach him. He sees Lorik leaving the party, the area quiet and alone as the party continued to occur behind them. Then, from a janitor closet by his side, Lorik pulls him in. Wait, Lorik pulls him in, so who was……? “Ah, explain yourself. Who was I chasing? Why are you? What are you doing here?”

“Calm down. Don’t worry about anything. Look, I just want to…” Lorik reaches his hand to calm Rudolph down, but Rudolph stomps his hoof and gives a false charge. “Enough games. I can’t take any more of these whispers that I keep hearing. I know you must be involved.” Lorik reaches for the door on his end and twists the handle; it’s shut. “I know we were angry with each other after I stormed off, but now I want to talk it over like actual people.”

Lorik lowered his hand from the door. He reached out again but hesitated. “Rudolph, I have to tell you something. You are in. They will. “ Lorik grunts in frustration at his lack of speech. “Rudolph, if you were to train under me, be under my supervision, and even be the public image, would you be alright?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Look, not everyone trusts you or the nose, but they all trust me. I can give you the life you want, a fair life you deserve. I believe in you, and I think you have been misunderstood. Let me fix that, let me-” Rudolph growled. “Again with fixing. I don’t need fixing, I need you all to trust and understand me.”

“We do. We see. It isn’t perfect; we are not all perfect. For example, I have never been….”

Rudolph shuts the door behind him. “You are right; no one is perfect, but you don’t know anything. Everything you say seems to hold no meaning to you. You want perfect? Fix yourself first. You look tense, scared, and with a lying tongue. You tear us apart.”

“I tried to help you. Don’t you get it? If you don’t let me, I can’t save you.” Rudolph laughs at Lorik’s face. “Save who? You haven’t even saved anyone, and look at how everyone is out there; it’s a mess. You call yourself a priest, but the only voice you hear is what Solenn tells you to do. He set you up, didn’t he? I am not some stupid red-nosed reindeer, you hear!”

Lorik throws a broom at Rudolph. “Solenn doesn’t control anything, not me, nor my house. You don’t know that. Stay back, you monster. You are the most hideous reindeer I have ever seen. Oh God, please help me.” Lorik cries into himself as he shields his head. “You have no home here, Rudolph. I hope you rot.” Rudolph storms off, and crowds of people observe him leaving the closet. The once quiet place is now a house of whispers and worry. He rushes toward Amara, and they both leave the party. Amara doesn’t press on but follows, trusting in her partner.

Still inside, Lorik contemplates if he wants to stop Rudolph, say sorry for the things he never meant, and prevent him from his faith, but it was all too late. Lorik took the capsule, opened it, and poured the fake blood over his right arm. “No one will believe this.” Lorik quickly thought of something else. He looked at the door Rudolph escaped from, placed his right arm on top of the frame, and slammed it shut. He yelped in pain, the whole world hearing his cry.

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Rudolph takes Amara to sit on the soft, patchy grass below. In front of them, the Northern Lights shine brightly in harmony. Rudolph walks over to a little patch of Marigolds guarded by the magic of the sacred space. He plucks one up and heads on over to Amara. By a tickle of the ear, he places it on her head. “You are… You are very,” Amara giggles. “Oh dear, I suppose today isn’t your day with words after that speech?” Rudolph stands still without a thought. Amara leaned into him, took both their masks off, and kissed. “These things were in the way, I thought it would be better to see those vibrant colors on your face.”

Without notice, Rudolph nudges Amara and licks her cheek. They both stand. Rudolph moves left, then right, and goes around Amara. “Would the lady care for a dance?” Amara squealed. “I would be a fool to say no.” Rudolph looked fondly at Amara, taking in the sight of her, trying to find the right words to sing.

“You are the foundation of my faith

The reason I believe

In something greater than I alone

For with you, I’m hoping more.

Won’t you lead me far till we reach the sky

And find the place where the heavens lie.

Won’t you feel my voice, hear how it shakes for you

Don’t you shy away, we will be anew.”

Amara bumps heads with Rudolph, their hearts in sync.

“I never knew how love felt

When it was accurate and free.

When expectation is out the window

And my own heart in glee.

You have guided me

And shown what love is

It’s something strengthening

That could move mountains.

Don’t leave me alone

To sing loud below

Feel my heart bear fruit

From the truth of your roots.”

Rudolph and Amara circle each other, each light by the northern lights glowing to the melody of their voices as they sing as a choir. The snow below was a pure white of innocence, and the dark sky filled with compassion. Rudolph and Amara looked upon each other and knew it was time. They had to tell the truth, together.

“I know that life is full of troubles

No one ever doubts.

But when we come together

I see you for what we are.

For good or bad, my life will be yours

And I wish to say more than words can name

But you are here right now

And that’s all I need

Will you say it now

That you’ve always loved me?”

Amara and Rudolph nuzzled against each other as the heavens cooled. Rudolph’s nose shone as bright as a flame all around. The forest was loud, and they cheered as they knew. Then they read the words that the other wanted to say: “I love you.”

Chapter 14: Tension

There once was a little reindeer who hid in his room. The shadows on his walls crawled around. The floors creaked, the door shuttered. The little reindeer only knew how to call his father. “Dad! Dad!!” The father of this child sat beside his bed, the open door allowing a bit of light. “Is everything okay, Rudolph?” The boy shook in fright.

“No… No. I had a dream that monsters were chasing me,” Vaterson nudged his son closer to him. Sometimes, the best way to scare off monsters is to face them yourself. You will find that they aren’t so scary.” Rudolph lifted his face from the hay of his bed. But what if I am not strong enough!”

Vaterson laughed. “Well, we can only know that if we fight it.” Vaterson lunges at Rudolph, showing off his antlers in all glory. Rudolph gets a laugh out of it and pretends to show off his. Rudolph charges and pounces on Vaterson, using his weight to flip the tall buck around. Having him on his side, Rudolph gets on top of Vaterson in a pin. “You really are a brave and strong buck.” Rudolph chuckled and was pleased. His red nose glowed and startled both of them. Rudolph burrowed himself in.

“What’s wrong, Rudy?” Asked his father. “All the children make fun of my nose when it glows. It scares them like I’m the monster.” Vaterson pulls Rudolph underneath him for comfort. “I don’t think it’s scary. I think it’s what makes you….. the Rudy I love.” Rudolph doesn’t move an inch. “Maybe you can scare the monsters off with that nose. With how much it glows, I bet you can scare all of them off.”

Rudolph’s smile returns. “I will, Dad. Goodnight.” Vaterson returns the smile and kisses his son on his forehead, “Goodnight, son.”

The little fawn fell asleep, his dreams coming to life. He dreamt he was standing in the middle of the south side of the village, no reindeer or elf in sight. The ground opened, and many monsters appeared — wings of angels yet with many hideous faces. They chased after the little fawn, laughing and mocking, but he thought he could beat them in a hitch. The little fawn allowed his nose to glow for the whole world to see, which made the monsters angrier.

They all rushed and clawed at him, mercy gone, and the little fawn was left alone to fight off solo. He woke up, his tears enveloping his eyes. He only sees the glow from the nose, which he was ashamed of.

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After the party and declaration to each other, Rudolph dropped Amara off at her home. Rudolph went to his place and collapsed on his bed. A sense of tiredness came over him that he had never felt before. He dreamed of their future and kids and whatnot. It was a bit soon, yes, but he didn’t care. All he knew was that he wanted to love her for all the days of his life.

To be able to hold on to someone and cherish them. Yes, all was good until the clock struck 6 in the morning. A knock was heard, a heavy pounding came, and the door opened, and many elves came. “What is going on?” Asked Rudolph. “You are under arrest for the possession of the church’s diamond cross and for assault.” Rudolph was too stunned to say anything.

“We got special orders to deliver you to the courts today. The judge wants a word with you.” Rudolph got up from his bed. “I stole nothing of sorts, and I never harmed anyone. Who sent you here?” The elves took a box hidden in a vent and opened it. The box of lies revealed the diamond cross. “You are a thief, sir. This is the most shameful thing I have ever seen.” Rudolph tried his best to advocate for himself, but everything blurred quickly. One minute, he was in the back of a car, and the next, he was facing Judge Solenn.

“What is the meaning of this?” asked Rudolph. Solenn looked at him coldly, waving his hoof up. “Everyone is dismissed. I wish to speak with this reindeer alone.” Everyone left, and Rudolph went into a corner, looking at Judge Solenn like a carnivorous beast. “Don’t worry; they are almost here.”

“They? Who’s they? Do you know what’s going on, Solenn?” Solenn approaches Rudolph and kicks him. “Never speak my name again, you dishonorable creature. I will damn you if I so please.” Rudolph looks up to the ceiling and faces Solenn. Solenn’s only response to his pain is to spit at him. The door creaks, and Lorik enters. “Explain yourselves, both of you. What is going on? You have to know Lorik?” Lorik moves slowly as he walks, clutching his right arm with his left. “You don’t get it. Chance after chance, I gave you to repent and be by me. That strange red nose should never exist. Your nose is an abomination.”

Rudolph rolled his eyes. His expression is getting more unserious. “You aren’t the first to say-” Lorik kicked Rudolph. “You don’t get it at all. I wanted to save you. I don’t want to throw you out, but that nose is demonic to my understanding. Magic is given by the good Lord’s hand or by those with his approval. Any of the famous reindeer got their magic from the Almighty. But you, you got it because you were born? Absurd!”

Rudolph knocked Lorik to the floor as he jumped. “You don’t understand anything. My nose is just the nose I got. How dare you shove your own beliefs, Lorik! You, all of you, are lying.” Solenn pulled Rudolph to the center of the courtroom. “Well, if you really want to know, I guess there is no harm now in sharing. Some people had good and bad beliefs about you before, but as you hung around the sleigh team, more people formed wild opinions about you. I just wanted you out of here as I feared you would be a problem for our public image and way of life.”

Rudolph scoffed and walked to the door. “That’s lame, you could have just said you didn’t want me…” Solenn blocked the door. “Well, people would have started asking why the red-nosed reindeer got a house here and why he wasn’t being allowed. As you can see, crowds formed around you, and people from all over flocked, causing traffic and straining the local businesses here. I don’t have anything personal with you, but I don’t like you, so I will do anything to keep you under my power as long as I feel. Now I have ‘evidence’ for assault and robbery, and we also have Lorik’s word.”

Rudolph turned toward Lorik. “What word?” Lorik got a knife out with his left hand. “I told everyone you were a lying, stealing reindeer conspiring with demons. They heard my screams, saw my blood, and believed my story. We will kill you, Rudolph. We will all make sure of it!” Lorik lunges at Rudolph, but is stopped by Solenn’s hand. The jolt gave pain in the arm, and Lorik jumped around toward the dark corners. “Silence, you fool. You will ruin the surprise. From here on out, Rudolph, you are condemned to be exiled.” A knock is heard at the door. Solenn opens it and finds Brask leading an army of elves and reindeer. “Come in and lock the door, Brask.” Brask enters quietly and shuts the door in front of everyone. Solenn hands him a bag of coins, and he jumps in glee. Rudolph scowled at the bribery. “What part has he had in this?” The room fell silent. Solenn and Lorik moved out of Brask’s way. In a flash of light, Brask transformed into a reindeer, into a blind elf, and into a doe. Brask looked over at Lorik and transformed slowly. His appearance slowly unveils the truth of Rudolph’s confusion.

In front of him stood Lorik, but now Rudolph knew the person he was chasing throughout his party was Brask. “But how? I thought elves could only-” Lorik shuts Rudolph off. “As a priest of God, I also have the authority to give magic. You should know demon.” Brask jumps in glee, “Thank you all very much. It was an honor serving you both. Do I just give the word to let them in?” Solenn nodded. Brask opened the door and allowed people to enter the courtroom. “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, as of today, is sentenced to permanent banishment or death.” The crowd rushed by the snap of Solenn’s hooves, aiming their pitchforks and torches at Rudolph.

Rudolph kicked one of the windows open and jumped out — his legs on the ready. The crowd was an ugly entity. No cooperation, no sense of reasoning, nor any moment of quiet. They all yelled and roared curses of death and condemnation at Rudolph, fueled by the hate they feel about him. Someone throws their flame at Rudolph, and it nearly misses. However, a group of elves up front were in the way and thrashed and cried for someone to put out the flames. The crowd was so scrunched together that pitchforks and knives rubbed against the skin of each individual, leaving trails of blood to follow them.

Rudolph knew his best action was to find high ground for lift off. He remembered that there was a small hill near where they hosted the party, so with a blinding light of his nose, he bought time to find a direction. “He is going there now, kill him!” An elf riding a reindeer threw a couple of pitchforks in the air. All of them were nowhere near where he was. Rudolph kicked forward and forward, his heart and mind racing without much rational thinking other than needing to survive. By the time he saw the hill, crowds had gathered around all sides of it. “You’ve got nowhere to run now. Give up, and we will make it quick.” Rudolph reached the top, and with a swift kick, he was midair. Multitudes of torches were thrown at him, but all failed. The snow melted, the ground underneath burnt, and mobs ensued.

They punched, screamed, and yelled, but Rudolph was already in the air, thinking of leaving the North Pole for good. He flew straight out, ignoring the cries below, and went to the Wilds and inside a cave near where he last saw the wild reindeer herd. Rudolph thought long and hard about what to do. He was glad he got out quickly with how big and grand the mob was. With no idea in mind of what to do, Rudolph sat still. He decided to spend the rest of his days inside the cave to determine what to do.

Chapter 15: The Trial

Rudolph huddled close to the cave walls; once dry and now dripping with layers of pain. The once strong figure now diminishes as the body eats within itself. Cracks were present where they hadn’t been, and wounds opened with dry blood. The world had won him over. The perfect and holy people of the North banished him with death. He was kicked from the promised land, exiled from the place his very parents and ancestors lived for centuries, and the only place he called home. Rudolph felt numb. The once powerful presence of his nose could no longer shine. It never revealed itself, no matter how much Rudolph had tried commanding his nose to glow like before.

The only thing Rudolph ever did inside the cave was draw within the ground or pretend to scratch the surface with stones meant as brushes. Rudolph was unsure if he had truly won or lost when he confronted Lorik, Brask, and Solenn. He managed to escape their cage and assured himself that he wouldn’t change or comply with any of them, but he was no longer welcome. That was their goal, and in their own war, they came out victorious. One carving after the other, Rudolph wandered off into the state of both the past and present without the pressure of time. Although mostly faded and non-existent, Rudolph drew himself as he imagined himself to be a tiny fawn.

Vaterson and Urla, for how hard he tried remembering their faces, looked down upon him with love and adoration, as a child looking at her favorite toy. The nurses and doctors declared Rudolph for the world to see as they held him high, and the nose was never there. Everyone else had a nose as a distinct feature in every drawing, like any creature, but Rudolph never drew one for himself. Illustrating the day he met Zyir, Rudolph pulled himself embraced by his godfather’s warmth. Besides him being Zyir’s wife and their own fawn. On the playground, where Rudolph usually spent time swinging and sliding under supervision, he was met with multitudes of kids playing with him and Zyir’s smile touching ear to ear, a smile he never once saw. Why? This Rudolph never had a nose. He was Rudolph the regular reindeer, someone who people loved and admired.

The Rudolph standing in front of him lived up to his own name. Rudolph imagined and pounded the rocks with his own mouth, how the elves and reindeer would have treated him, where there was a slight change in himself. They would give him a treat and pat him on the back. Call him ‘Vaterson’s boy’ or ‘Urla’s joy.’ He would have so many friends to play with that he would need his calendar to schedule many games. This version of Rudolph smiled because no one had ever decided to define who he was. This Rudolph had the joy of being a reindeer by birth and a fine buck when old.

Rudolph remembered every moment he cried in bed, and his light reflected every tear like blood dripping from his veins. Rudolph tried so hard to make this version feel his pain, but instead the rocks clanked the cave’s surface and drew Rudolph peacefully sleeping away with people by his side. In this alternate reality where Rudolph’s parents never died, they were saved on time as they evacuated every single soul. This Rudolph never moved; he was well known, well liked, and had someone to love without consequence. He loved Amara and all she was, and she loved him and looked at him like he was her diamond. However, Rudolph knows the pain she has gone through when she was his friend.

Rudolph understood he owed nothing; he had promised to be by her side, but now he couldn’t. The world was twisted, the reindeer divided, the elves ruthless, and all of the North lying. If he were someone else, the elves and reindeer of the North wouldn’t have done horrible things; he would still be with his friends and Amara and live the life his parents had wanted for him from the start. But he can’t, he can’t live it. He was stuck seeing the true nature of the North. Rudolph realized that no matter if he was normal or had a red nose, the people he saw would be the same. He was disgusted, and a part of him wished someone else could take his place to expose the ugly faces of the North.

Throughout the cave, as the minutes pass, Rudolph carves his entire life out if he were another reindeer. Rudolph the reindeer, born with perfect parents named Vaterson and Urla, was named after a friend of his father. Rudolph spent his early years learning what it meant living up North, understanding why Christmas even existed. When he went to school, he loved to play with all the reindeer and was very competitive when he played reindeer games. His closest friends were Xavier, Daniel, Hailey, and Amara, and together they were the most adored fawns of the bunch. Inside the Rudolph home, his parents greeted him with a kiss and a smile. None of their faces held any worry or fear for the young buck. When he got older, he had many reindeer that he loved. However, as he became a more mature buck, he realized that his heart belonged only to Amara.

This version of Rudolph would have dreamed as a fawn of becoming the following flyer of the sleigh team after Vixen centuries ago, and the sleigh team would only be idols to him. He would have never known them, but that would be alright, not many do. This Rudolph instead grew up to draw art and carry the mail and any presents with his strength to Santa’s workshop and back to the office. It would be a simple life. Amara would have his fawns, maybe two bucks named Amandus and Osian, and a doe named Fay. They would play and grow up as Rudolph and Amara worried about parenthood, and later relax as their fawns become fine reindeer who know how to love.

Rudolph carved every single one of their details and designs. Then, a clank and he realized he had given this version of Rudolph on the walls a nose. He imagined how his children and family looked at him in shock. Then one of his fawns, Amandus, had a glowing nose like him. In an instant, Rudolph saw past Osian, Amandus, and Fay, observing his descendants who would come after him through them. He doesn’t know if his magic can be passed down or if it is just limited to him, but he cannot deny it. This version of Rudolph does not exist.

The wind howled a bit. The star of the North Pole dwindled for a bit under the pressure. The sky was dark and twisted. The moon’s light and the gentle blush of the clouds were replaced with dark storms and crashing trees. Rudolph observed a snake enter the cave by the entrance for no reason or logic. Rudolph had only ever seen them in toys or tales, but never did he ever think to come face to face in his life. Rudolph didn’t know what to do but stood paralyzed as the snake slithered up his body and around his neck. It spoke, silently and cunningly. “Hello there, reindeer, are you lost?” Rudolph backed himself into a corner away from the light. “No, I’m not lost, I am right where I need to be now.”

“What is wrong? This is no home for you; you can speak, so you must be from the North Pole.” The snake touched Rudolph’s nose, and it glowed on his command. “What the?” The snake shushed Rudolph, sniffing around him with its tongue. “You must be Rudolph! That nose of yours is unmistakable. I have seen you around, watching, waiting, hoping.” Rudolph used his hooves to scratch the snake off himself. “Hoping for what?”

“To meet you. You are no reindeer. You have a shiny, glowing red nose that has been yours since birth. You are far better than the commoners.” Rudolph blinked a bit as dirt from the cave entered his eyes. The next time he opened them, a reindeer stood in front. “ You see, I’m not so common either. I look a tad strange, but I have never been a reindeer. Though if I were to assume anything, I would predict that the village would regard me as their own more than you. Am I correct?” Rudolph jolted to the cave door. The creature pounded at the floor, and the entrance collapsed. A moment of darkness was presumed until a large light appeared behind Rudolph. In front of him is an angelic creature with wings covering every part of its body and four faces of different creatures. The one facing Rudolph was a man.

Something unholy lurked within the lights masking. “Be not afraid, Rudolph, for I am an angel of the Lord. I have heard of your suffering, so I was sent to aid you.” Rudolph was caught in a trance. The angel, looking uncanny with the world around it, has a sense of beauty that demands admiration. As it flies toward Rudolph, it reaches a hand out and pets Rudolph’s forehead and body. “What is it that your soul desires?” Rudolph felt compelled to say something, and his mouth spoke as if a force possessed him. “I want a normal nose. One in which I can have my life back and live without judgment.” The angel smiled. It touched the walls of the caves with all its drawings, and the world changed. Rudolph looked around him. He was in the stable where he was born. The angel pointed to a baby fawn, and as Rudolph came closer to figure out why this baby was significant, the nose grew, the parents all in shock, and so was the nurse. With a snap of a finger, the angel froze time and came up to the little fawn’s nose. It placed its hands upon it and took the energy from it, dimming the light permanently. With another snap, it was as if the fawn never glowed. “Look and see, for all things can be made new.”

Ticks were sounded across the universe, and time shifted once more. The angel showed how this fawn, Rudolph, now fully realizing it was him, was friends with everyone. Not one fawn called him names or stopped him from playing, nor were any grown folk worried about their own as he played around them; everyone was at peace. “Look, Rudolph, how they treat you with love and playfulness. This fawn never had to worry about showing his face in public.” Rudolph flinched as dirt patches flew in the air as the reindeer rolled around on the exposed ground,”…. nor did he ever think that this dirt would be necessary to hide his flaw. He never had one.”

“What did you do to him? What did you do to me?” The angel shushed him,” I gave him a life as a reindeer, one without a nose. People love this Rudolph, admire him, even bless him. With his parents’ help and the community’s support, people regarded him significantly, and he matured quite nicely. I thought you would enjoy seeing this?” Rudolph shook his head. “This feels wrong somehow. This is me, but this is not truly me. This Rudolph…”

“This Rudolph is something I can give you. I have seen how everyone treats you. For a village that tries to be the holiest creatures on all the Earth, is it fair that most have ignored your pain? Not once did they think that embracing you was the better response. They threw you away, and now look at yourself. Is this a life worthy of living?”

Rudolph began to cry like his tears were forced out of him by the angel’s command. “No, it’s not. I see the logic in the words you say, but…” The angel flapped its wings, and the world morphed. It showed a young Amara and Rudolph going on a date, courting her with a song and a journey inside the forest. “This Rudolph here has been seeing Amara for a while. Though still an adolescent, he has been unwilling to go for another. You have known Amara and haven’t done much until what? Your adult years? Rudolph, you could have lived a life of love as young as you see this lad before you. Why haven’t you?”

“I-I didn’t want to see her hurt. She was already struggling with a couple of elves and reindeer judging her friendship with me, all I wanted was for her to focus on becoming the beautiful doe she was. I was occupied as well with learning under the sleigh team.” The angel picked Rudolph up and flew him to the sky. “You see that stadium? You already know what it is, but this version of Rudolph never knew it like you did. Why? He had people to support, love, and care for for him at home. It never mattered if his parents died or didn’t die; someone else was willing to care for you. He had time for himself; he didn’t need to learn lessons that only failed him later.” Rudolph kicked in the air, trying to fly away, but to no avail. “They didn’t fail me, they made me better, see life for what it was and what it could be. They taught me what it means to be a reindeer. This Rudolph never understood what a reindeer was; he was told he would be important to everyone on Earth every Christmas, just like everyone else. He never questioned how he would want to define what that meant.” The angel flapped its wings, and another tick roared through time.

Rudolph now stood on the roof of a house. He peered and smiled at the innocence in front of him. Amara played with the youngest son, Osian, while Rudolph took the twins, Amandus and Fay, to a park. The kids gathered around the square, the young child’s mind beyond comparison. The adults all come to chatter about Rudolph stringing his heart out. It was all beautiful and too tempting to ignore, yet it was all scripted. As Rudolph observed himself, he lost sight of where he was. This Rudolph was just like any other reindeer of the North, and he remembered how they treated those. Rudolph came up to Amandus. Amandus didn’t know Rudolph was in front of him, nor did he see him, but a touch on the nose to nose made his nose glow. Everyone judged him on the spot. The adults ran away, taking their children home. The remaining fawns called it a clown nose or simply ran off alone. The other Rudolph hid Amandus under his body and shamefully brought him back home, profusely apologizing to anyone who looked upon them with fear.

“Why on Earth would you do that, Rudolph? Look at this, look at yourself, isn’t this quite wonderful? Didn’t you see how perfectly and naturally your other self behaved when he was normal, like the rest? I can give you this. I am the angel of the Lord, and he has called me to relieve you of your sorrows. You have already battled enough. I think you deserve this offer.” The angel held its hand toward Rudolph as it levitated in front of the sun, glowing even brighter than the morning star. “No. I don’t know this Rudolph. He is just like the rest. I bet he would act shamefully and self-righteously. I won’t, I will not act like I am all fine and high or as if I belong in worlds where I don’t fit. They treated my other’s son like garbage, yet he acted hastily and apologized out of shame. At least my father did so to get me away from others who meant harm, not to hide me away.”

The angel snapped with his wings, and the ticking of time commenced. Rudolph now stood upon Zyir’s mountain, overlooking the North Pole. “I am trying to help you, make you see what can be. No need to change identity or deny yourself. I will give you an easy life, and everyone will be pleased. Look at how this village moves freely. I can give you authority to be regarded by all and be known across all of Earth. People will tell tales of you! You can finally fit into this design, into this society that functions without thought. I can give it to you in the name of the Lord!”

Rudolph attempted to ram the angel, but the creature of light dodged. “Stop it! This nose is a part of me. For so long, I tried to hide. I covered it with dirt, hid behind my parents, and ignored the truth that the world kept spinning as I spent my days away. I was ashamed of it and tried pretending it was never there. When someone got upset, I always thought it was my fault. I never deserved to be a reindeer, and I was no reindeer. All my life, I felt divided; my dream and real world collided in forbidden hopes that were only illusions.” Rudolph approached the edge of the mountain, pushing back the angel. “Now I understand that I was never at fault, that I had let my fears drive me away from the ones who truly love me. When I was growing up, a part of me wished I were in a story where I was the most righteous and was the biggest hero of all, but now I realize how much of a coward I was.”

“No, you were never a coward. If you provide your hoof, I can give you the light you always dreamed of, the star you always looked to, the fruit you always sought.” Rudolph gritted his teeth. “I am no hero. I have thought ill of people. I allowed the dark parts of myself, the ones that always tried to convince others I never existed, to control my life every waking day. Now hear my cries, see how my shame shines. This Rudolph you see before you doesn’t hold any hidden shame. In fact, look and see every part of me. I am a dreamer who took no action. I am a soldier who left his post, but never will I abandon who I am. This is the only nose I got, the fruit I share as my truth.”

The angel grabbed onto Rudolph. Time ticked furiously, and the world was morphing in strange dimensions. Rudolph and the angel return to the cave, and the entrance opens before the angel seals it. “You are a fool, Rudolph. Anyone can see how foolish this is. This is not your home, you don’t belong, and never will. I can help you. I am the only one who can help you. Give me your hoof and I shall sign it in stone!” Rudolph looked at his nose and closed his eyes. His whole face became illuminated in light. The angel rushes to slice Rudolph apart with its lion, revealing its ugly nature. Then a sudden flash of light burst, Rudolph’s nose shining brighter than ever. “Go away, you are no holy messenger. You seek to stray me away. Well, here is the truth: I am Rudolph the reindeer. I have hidden and become angry all my life, but I should have let myself shine for all to see.”

The more Rudolph approached the angel, the more demonic it looked. “ This is my home, I have people waiting for me who love and appreciate me for who I am. From the day I arrived, I was met with love, and this nose is a testament to the love of my parents and their parents and their grandparents. This nose now is my voice that sings all about with love for anyone approaching. I am who I am. Now go!” The angel disappeared. Rudolph walked toward the sky’s light, spotting the flame that forever shines. He admires it for a bit, turns away from it, and walks all the way forward toward the village. This Rudolph was who he was. His face and body were glowing from both his light and golden aurora. Through this light, Rudolph’s body began to heal all the scars and wounds that had opened.

Rudolph’s body gained the mass he had lost, his head held high, and his nose glowed as bright as the sun. For miles and miles, he ventured until he stood outside the village. He marched through and walked every corner of the North Pole, allowing all to see from their windows that he had returned, and he walked from the South up to the North to the home of the eight famous reindeer. At the sight of him, everyone surrounds Rudolph in comfort. “What happened, Rudolph? We heard word that you were banished, and we tried finding Solenn to no avail.” Rudolph smiled and nudged each of them. “They banished me, orchestrated a plot against me, but now I return. I am here.” Blitzen approaches Rudolph and offers him a deep hug and a promise. “We will find them and bring them justice. We just need to search.” Then a light appeared on Mt. Bote. The eight and Rudolph run toward it, slowly elevating to the peak. Santa Claus has returned once more for the next season. “I have seen and witnessed the Earth, and I have seen the atrocities committed here.”

Santa hugs Rudolph and cradles him as his tongue runs off in prayers. “I know where they are. I will gather them up for you. Just rest for tomorrow, I have something everyone needs to see and hear.” Time ticks by, and the reindeer implore Rudolph not to go out anywhere and stay within their walls, but Rudolph heads to the west and knocks on Amara’s door. Amara opened the door and saw Rudolph, and without a single word or hesitation, kissed him. Nothing else was exchanged momentarily, just their embrace, sharing their emotions. “What happened, Rudolph?”

“The whole party was a lie. I was set up. I am so sorry for not coming back for a little while. I will always love-” Amara nuzzled on Rudolph’s neck. “I love you too. I believe you, Rudolph, and I am glad you are safe and sound. Everyone down South has proclaimed you dead or gone. I am thrilled that none of that was true.” Rudolph looks behind him and sees the whole North for what it is and looks back toward Amara. He thinks of the future they will bring together, and gives her another kiss. “I must go back to the North side. Be aware of any news, Santa has something for us tomorrow.” Rudolph flies away. The clock strikes and the morning arises. An announcement is made that all elves and reindeer must attend the event at noon.

“I wonder what is happening?” roared the town. Santa Claus approached everyone before him and motioned for Rudolph to be beside him. The sleigh team, all but Prancer, stood behind. Santa brought up Lorik, Brask, and Solenn upon a podium without saying a word and pointed to Prancer. Prancer’s eyes turned blue, and the town fell toward the courts. The Lady of Stone stood above them all. Santa asked the Lady of Stone to pick her up, and she obeyed out of respect. “I have called this meeting today to put these three individuals on trial for conspiracy, not just for their attempt to banish Rudolph, but their manipulation and abuse of the powers of the Christmas spirit that comes from the love and mission we each have from our Lord above.”

The lady of Stone looks into each individual, reading their hearts and putting ointment on their lips. “You shall only speak the truth and reveal secrets kept hidden.” The first one on trial was Brask. “Speak!”

“I-” The Lady of Stone gave him a look of disgust. “I wanted money. That’s all, I just wanted someone to recognize my talents and write a story people are compelled to read. I mean no harm and meant none. I don’t have anything for the Red Nosed Reindeer, Solenn paid me good money, and I did so.” Santa looked unpleasant. “I swear to you all. I don’t care if Rudolph was real or if he held any meaningful power or authority; I wanted to sell a story and sell what I did. I made so much more in writing him a villain than ever when I was tossed around for being like everyone else. Lorik helped me blend in. I never did anything wrong.” Santa stands in front of him. “The North Pole is all about encouragement and truth. You willingly chose to confuse your brethren and sell them fear and riot when you have been raised to offer honesty as a book. The fact that Lorik even granted you your power has made you into a liar far worse than a serpent’s tongue.”

The Lady of Stone looked down upon Brask. “For your conspiracy, I take away your powers. No power on Earth or in heaven shall ever be granted to you for your disposal. Your right eye shall be marked as a wound, and the people will remember it for the rest of your days.” Brask felt a sensation of weakness overcome him, and he fell to the floor, weeping. Looking up, he noticed he was blind on his right side. He found a mirror and saw that a dry wound had replaced his eye. Santa motioned for Lorik to stand on stage. “Speak.”

“I tried to save him, I really did. Santa, you understand God gives us authority to have the powers in heaven; he gave you yours. Rudolph here was born with them; he has no divine right and no right to even be alive. You should thank me for giving him a chance; he would have torn this village in half if no one had tried converting him to serve the Lord’s side. The devil would have been very close if no one had intervened. I preach-”

The Lady in Stone silenced Lorik with a roar. Santa strolls toward him. “You preach like a hypocrite. You have always given your sermons with the idea that all must be one if everyone is to be saved and given grace. Now look at you, you decided someone’s nose was too different and that it’s the work of an enemy. You pushed someone away from faith and condemned them for what they were. There is no salvation in that, and there is no salvation in those who fall under you. I despise people like you. I would rather you be a sinner who has a chance for grace than someone who pretends to understand it and teach their own.” The Lady of Stone lifts Lorik up.

“For your conspiracy, you shall no longer serve your days in the priesthood. As punishment, you will never be able to talk again and are bound to serve every single day for your community until the third generation. You will live a normal life and work like the people around you. Maybe in your silence you shall learn what it means to grant honest salvation.” Santa walks over to Solenn.

“You are the worst one of all. I appointed you to protect everyone in the South in my absence and carry out fair and unbiased justice. You disobeyed me, disobeyed God for lying while taking an oath to him, and even hurt and banished the one whom you were meant to protect. Your reason is faulty and selfish.” Solenn sneers his teeth. Lorik and Brask turned to Santa and wept, “Please forgive us. Oh, please forgive us, oh! Lord, Lord, please, please.” The Lady of Stone silences them. “I have read your hearts and offered you this forgiveness, yet now you must earn the right from others. You have caused pain, and now you beg others to spare what you have knowingly caused. This is enough mercy.” The Lady of Stone motions for Solenn to speak.

“I regret nothing. I don’t care who or what he is; I just want him gone. I wouldn’t bat an eye if he were eaten by the wolves that reside within the wild.” The whole North Pole gasped at the words of Solenn. The lady of Stone grabs on to him with a grip tighter than that which comes from anger. “For your cold heart, I will strip away every fiber of life given to you. Not even the dust of your skin will remain for the Earth to remember. You are marked to die.” Then, with a raising of one hand and lowering of the other, she causes Solenn to be caught in the middle of both her hands and floating in the air. Energy starts to drain from him.

Then a voice from the wilderness calls, and Rudolph stands in front of Lady Justice with full authority. “Lady Justice, I want to stand in front of the entire village for a moment.” Intrigued by his approach, Lady Justice stops the execution and commands the light of heaven to fall on him. “I, Rudolph, a fellow brother like all of you, speak to the cosmos without a mask in my face or a representative to hide behind. Ever since birth, I have wondered who I was meant to be and if this was my place. Now that I stand here, I know everyone has some feeling towards me that is neither good nor bad, but a mix of emotions as to who I am.” Rudolph looks toward Santa for reassurance.

“But I do know this. The events that have conspired are not the village’s fault, but are also not without blame. Lorik, Brask, and Solenn acted ignorantly and tried to push me away, but this is my home. The land that awaits me is here, and I know justice must be served. But I plead for every single one of you, for even those who sought no wrong can be persuaded to go against their heart. Blood should not be shed for ignorance and blind hate. I plead, oh I plead.” Rudolph pauses, his mouth open as he assesses the room around him. He turns to Lady Justice, facing eye to eye.

“Do not allow Solenn to die for what he has done. What he has done deserves justice, and I pray there may be other means other than death. I pray for the village as well. Spare their hearts and pray for their minds.” Lady Justice considers the proposal. The light of heaven envelops the room, Lady Justice holding Solenn like a serpent.

“For conspiracy and the nature of your heart, I banish you to the Wilds to live for the rest of your life. The reindeer of the North have been granted the ability to speak, act human, and have their own original thoughts outside of instinct to serve the mission that comes from the Spirit. For defying and even abusing it, you will no longer serve as a reindeer. You shall speak no more, all of your thoughts will be dumb, and your only concern will be survival as you walk in the cold to face the natural world. Depart!”

In an instant, Prancer’s eyes turn blue again, and the world shifts back to the state it was. The only remnant of the trial that ever happened was in everyone’s mind: Brask’s scar, Lorik’s inability to speak, and Solenn’s inability to be spotted amongst the crowd. Santa stands upon the podium, and Amara approaches Rudolph and nudges their bodies together. “I left for the mountain to observe the world from above, and this was the state I left the North Pole in?! To be a pack of wolves to ravage and destroy each other? I should leave you to be judged as they were and have your hearts be opened in trial, but I know not all hearts are pure. I dealt with the perpetrators, but you are as guilty as the least of them that you saw judged. Have y’all forgotten that your ancestors fought and strived to build a society where the whole world can have even a moment to have faith and believe? God is furious because of how quickly you were to forget, and I pray you feel convicted.”

Silence spoke. All reindeer are looking away with huddled backs. “Go home and repent yourselves. We have much work these couple of weeks before the next flight. The whole world counts on you to represent what true faith is, remember and act like it!” The whole town disperses. For a couple of weeks, all elves and reindeer alike helped make toys, produce wrappers, make presents, or make any delivery. Rudolph spent his days delivering mail, and hope was again found in the North Pole.

Chapter 16: Rudolph the Reindeer

Rudolph worked hard to deliver the mail, attempting speeds no others could and ensuring all letters arrived. The reindeer who worked on deliveries are given specific quantities per hour, and Rudolph got his done within twenty minutes from the South to the far West. The elves rallied to Rudolph and began sorting them in chunks. Rudolph looked up and toward a window that displayed Santa’s office. Looking dead ahead, Rudolph couldn’t help but smile. “You really have gotten quicker,” cheered Blitzen. “Come inside, I believe you deserve a little tour.” Rudolph followed behind Blitzen. The factory’s clanks, clatters, and static sounds are on full power to get every toy ready and wrapped. Despite such a hectic environment, something about the inside felt calming. An elf could work tirelessly and still feel at ease.

Elves talked amongst each other through magic headpieces, and the reindeer waited for orders to take a case of assembled toys outside to the main sleigh to load Santa’s sack. At the very top of the factory was Santa’s office. “Welcome, Blitzen. Oh, and you brought in Rudolph, such a pleasure to see you again.” Rudolph slightly bowed. He looked at all the opened letters that sat on his desk. Santa notices and ushers him to come and read with him, “These letters come from all sorts of parts of the Earth. This one is from a little girl named Amy, all the way in North America.”

Dear Santa Claus

All I want for Cristmas is a doll for me and my sister. We have both been good girls this yeer and mommy and daddy are proud of us too.

Signed, Amy.

Rudolph found it adorable.

Dear Santa,

I have always wanted a toy car for Christmas. All of my friends have them and are having so much fun. I want to play with them. I will be the happiest boy ever if I get one!

From Jack.

Santa laughs in delight. “I am sure we have tons of cars to get him. I simply love reading every letter. What’s better than the Christmas Spirit is observing how influential it is. Do you know what they have in common, Rudolph?” Rudolph’s mouth opens. He is unsure of what to answer. Santa opens more letters from all over.

Beste Sinterklaas,

Mijn moeder heeft het moeilijk met tuinieren. Ze lijkt echt blij te zijn als het lukt, maar nu is al haar gereedschap kapot door een ongelukje. Mag ik een speelgoedschepje waarmee ik mijn moeder kan helpen?

Mpendwa Santa Claus,

Ninapenda treni. Je, ninaweza kupata treni ya kuchezea chezea yenye muundo maalum ambao nimekuwa nikitaka kwa miezi kadhaa?

Para o Papai Noel,

Posso ganhar alguns lápis de Natal? Meus pais sempre têm dificuldade para me pagar e choram quando ouvem que tenho dificuldade para escrever sem eles.

Gửi Ông già Noel,

Con muốn một hộp đồ chơi xếp hình để con có thể xây lâu đài và chơi bài cho bạn bè sau giờ học. Thậm chí có thể là một đôi giày mới đẹp và không bị bẩn nữa.

Para Papá Noel:

Quiero un oso de peluche y una bicicleta para participar en carreras ciclistas en la próxima competición.

“So, what do you think now?” Rudolph was left more clueless than ever. “I suppose they really want things and are hopeful they will get them?” Santa stands up and hugs both Rudolph and Blitzen. “That’s right. Every single child here hopes that Christmas will come. The day gives them something to believe in when they try to be good all year, despite who they are or what they face. Not all challenges can be won through strength alone; the heart and mind must be victorious also.”

Santa looks over at Blitzen. “So, why is Rudolph here? Isn’t he working?”

“Well, he was, but he got everything done, and I couldn’t help but greet him. He is very skilled and a hard worker.” Santa was filled with glee. “After everything said and done, you are truly the most remarkable reindeer I have ever seen. I refuse to believe you were the same reindeer years before. You are a better character and wiser being than I ever was. There is so much I can say, but for now I can give you thanks and maybe have these two teddy bears!” Rudolph observes both teddy bears, waiting for Santa to explain. “If you ever decide to have fawns, these two will be a gift to your life and theirs. If the fawn life isn’t meant to be, then I want this for you. Thank you for all that you do, Rudolph. God bless you.”

As the hour finishes, Rudolph leaves to go and supply another round. Santa watches over the horizon and sees a giant storm approaching. No worries; they have dealt with storms before. Santa had installed a headlight for this reason, and they may easily breeze through this storm.

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It was Christmas Eve, the sleigh was prepared, and everyone huddled inside to watch the liftoff. This storm was something no one had ever seen. The snow piled in multitudes that not even the best of scouts could identify a single object, such as a pebble. The storm howled and violently shook with a strong wind, making the whole infrastructure creak under pressure. Santa paced back and forth. “I have memorized the entire flight. I have no doubt we will find our way as long as we have the headlights ready. This seems a bit dangerous, though. We may lose multiple presents or damage the sleigh before getting the sack to the people. We may have to cancel Christmas this year.”

The whole North Pole booed. After all of the hard work they put in? Not a chance. Santa got an idea and calmly approached Rudolph like a friendly giant. “Rudolph, I have observed how you have grown from a little fawn to a grown buck. You have matured in character and strength beyond anyone I have seen these past centuries. Rudolph, I trust you fully and only ask if you are ready. Can you help me guide the sleigh tonight? You are just the person I need to help me pull this off.”

Rudolph looked at the faces of everyone around them, all mixed with different expressions. He then focused on his friends, love, and the sleigh team. To them, they were all that mattered, and Rudolph felt ready to push through. “I accept!” Santa approaches Rudolph and touches his head where his antlers grow. “May God bear witness to heaven and Earth. To symbolize the death of oneself and the resurrection of love, I give this young reindeer the crown of heaven, immortal life, and permission to guide my sleigh as long as he swears under oath to follow forever where the spirit may take him.”

“I swear.” A glowing light similar to when he returned to the North Pole from the wilds appeared on his face. Rudolph felt a force push upwards in his head and felt with his hooves the new set of permanent antlers that crowned him. Amara approached Rudolph and locked antlers with him. “Be safe and remember how much I love you, Rudolph. Come back home safely.” Rudolph pulled away and gave a nodding smile.

“On Dasher! On Dancer! On Prancer! On Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen.” Santa looked ahead of the line,” And on Rudolph.” Like a drum beat, each hoof stomped louder and louder against the storm, each reindeer a metronomic beat as the bells around the sleigh rang in cheer. They flew higher, and Santa gave as many commands as possible. “There is an opening a little to the left. Avoid right. Remember to steer left, right, left on the curvy path.” It all went smoothly until a sharp turn had to be taken. “LEFT NOW!” They all turned left, but it was too late. The sleigh crashed into the side of the mountain, and the reindeer fell and crashed. Bruises and marks were embedded onto all the reindeer, but a magic glow appeared over all and healed them in seconds. The headlights of the sleigh were broken, and now they had zero vision. The sleigh team helped bring the sleigh, sack, and Santa upright. Blitzen’s mind is circuiting. “How are we supposed to deliver presents now?”

Rudolph looked down at himself, staring at the nose before him. ‘To make the night right and choose you on my own. May our light shine through.’ He breathed in the air, taking the moment in with its majesty, and the sun’s light displayed in dazzling shades of red. Then, with a snap, the light concentrated before him, and visibility was almost certain now. “Allow me to use my nose for this flight.” Santa nodded and gave him a slight pat. The sleigh team prepared for a second lift off. Blitzen and Cupid looked at Rudolph with pride as if they knew something. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen stomped the ground in a drum roll. Comet and Cupid cheering. “And away we go!” The sky kept roaring, but that didn’t stop any of the reindeer. Their voices are louder. The higher the reindeer went, the harder it was for them to see again. Rudolph’s anxieties crept in to question him, but a light washed over him in reassurance. “Have faith and will, remember.” The light grew twice as big and twice as bright.

They dodged and weaved through the mountain, fought the air, and kept the sack secured. With one last push, they made it to the storm’s end. In front of him, Rudolph could see the world, the very place he once dreamt of seeing for himself. Now he was high up above in the heavens observing everyone sleep below. He was no longer tied to promises of his life with a chance of singing in harmony with the angels and saints; he could do so now, just as his parents said. A voice echoes in the air, howling their voices, “well done.” The sleigh began to burn, smoke coming from each of its hooves. “Alright, time to start delivering!” In hours, Rudolph went to the Americas, Eurasia, Australia, and all corners of the Earth. The nose guided and decreed where the next house was, and this was the team’s strategy until the last present was delivered to the last kid.

Once done, the sleigh team slowed their flight and enjoyed the peace of mind that they had successfully finished another Christmas. The once powerful storm was gone, and the entire North Pole awaited them at the entrance. In a few seconds, the sleigh lands, and the harnesses placed upon the reindeer are removed. Rudolph stares at the crowd that has witnessed his debut flight. Whispers are heard everywhere. “He is no monster, he is a hero!/ No, he isn’t like any of us; we don’t want him./ Rudolph is back, everyone! Rudolph is finally home./ No matter what anyone says, I won’t ever respect him. He deserves none.”

Rudolph’s thoughts twisted within himself. Is this the village he truly wants to return to? The same town that has called him a mistake and is now too stubborn to change? Rudolph saw his fawn self playing alone, watching as the world went by. The village was never kind to him, but it isn’t about them. He had taken the offer to fly the sleigh because he wanted to bring the only happiness and joy that some people only ever get to feel around this time. Rudolph knows of strangers who have welcomed him, friends who have helped him, and the promise with Amara. No matter what they say or do, Rudolph has a home waiting for him that he knows he belongs in.

The crowd cheers and spews fireworks. No matter how drowned out the voices were, Rudolph could hear the village talking. “We will gladly/never accept him.” Rudolph took a step forward, one after the other, toward the people confused about how they felt about him. He carried a humble yet strong demeanor as he walked without knowing what to expect from the reindeer and elves that waited for him. Why continue walking at all? Why push forward to a bunch who seem confused about who or what you are? Rudolph smiled, bowed to the people in a friendly way, and thought to himself the answer he now knew. ‘I am the son of Vaterson, son of Urla, and a young buck adored by Zyir and the sleigh team. I have a few friends, yet they mean so much, and I have someone waiting for me at the other end. My answer is this to one and all. I am who I am. That is all.’

THE END

Message From the Author:

Hey everyone, this is Rvey.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has always been one of the most special stories from my childhood. I’ve watched the movies, read the books, and now I wanted to tell his story in my own way. No matter what time of year it is — whether things are going great or life feels heavy — I hope something in this story stays with you.

To me, Rudolph has always been about more than just a glowing nose or saving Christmas. It’s about learning to accept who you are, even when the world doesn’t understand you right away. Everyone has potential and deserves to be seen for who they are. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone — just live honestly, take care of yourself, and let your light shine in the way only you can.

Thank you so much for all the support. Seriously — it means a lot. You can always ask me questions about the characters, the story, or even share your own thoughts. Rudolph’s story might have ended here, but his journey doesn’t really stop. It lives on through every person who remembers him, and through anyone who keeps believing in what he stands for.

I hope you carry this story with you, not just during the holidays, but anytime you need a reminder that being different is something to be proud of. And of course, I still want to thank Robert L. May and everyone who helped bring Rudolph to life all those years ago. None of this would exist without them — and without readers like you.

Happy Holidays — and until the next journey.