The Joy of Saying No

By Bernard Michael Rochford

There was a time in my life when I said yes to everything.

Need someone to squeeze in a last-minute osteo appointment on a public holiday? “Sure, no worries.” Hosting Christmas even though I did it last year? “Of course, happy to!” Helping a neighbour move a lounge up a staircase built in 1957 with no bannister? “Just let me grab my shoes.”

I was the man who said yes by default. Yes to being helpful. Yes to being liked. Yes to being needed.

But these days?

Bernard Michael Rochford says no. No drama. No fuss. No guilt.

Saying No Is a Skill

I didn’t learn how to say no overnight. It crept in slowly, sometime around retirement. It wasn’t a dramatic shift — it was more like a gentle realisation. A whisper in the back of my mind that said: “You don’t have to do that, you know.”

And so I tried it.

The first time I said no to something — politely, warmly, and without providing a long-winded explanation — I braced myself for backlash. But nothing happened. No one exploded. The world continued spinning. And I felt… fantastic.

Saying no didn’t make me less kind. It made me more honest.

The Modern Nos

Now that I’ve had some practice, I’ve gotten quite good at saying no. I’ve got a few go-to lines, depending on the occasion.

“No thanks, I’m off the grid today.” “I’m honouring my horizontal commitments.” (That’s code for napping.) And my personal favourite: “I love that for you.”

Let me be clear: I don’t say no to everything. I still say yes to meaningful things. To coffee with old friends. To spontaneous conversations at the bakery. To watching my grandkids’ school plays, even when they go for two and a half hours and include an interpretive dance version of The Tempest.

But I say no to things that drain me. And oh, what a gift that’s been.

A Few Nos I’ve Said Recently

• No, I won’t join your WhatsApp group about “ongoing bin night alerts.”
• No, I don’t want to go on a group cruise where I have to wear themed costumes and eat dinner at 4:30.
• No, I won’t eat vegan cheese again. I gave it a go. It gave back… nothing.
• No, I’m not interested in cryptocurrency. Or NFTs. Or apps that “track your chakras.”
• No, I do not want to attend a silent yoga retreat. I already talk to myself too much as it is.
• No, I won’t be the one to organise the family group calendar this year. I believe in chaos. Let it breathe.

The Guilt-Free Revolution

The funny thing is, the people who used to expect a yes from me? They don’t seem to mind the no. In fact, some of them have started saying it more often themselves. It’s contagious, in the best way.

Saying no opens doors. It gives you time, clarity, and boundaries. You stop performing for others, and start listening to yourself. And the voice inside you often says, “You don’t want to go to that dinner party, do you?” And for the first time in decades, you answer, “No. I really don’t.”

That voice, I’ve discovered, is wise. That voice is Bernard Michael Rochford with a bit more self-respect.

The Joy Part

So what’s the joy, really?

It’s the joy of protecting your peace. Of watching a Sunday afternoon unfold exactly how you wanted it to: cup of tea, warm sun, a good book, no obligation. It’s the joy of watching others take ownership of things you used to overextend yourself for. It’s the joy of feeling like your time is your own — and treating it that way.

Saying no, for me, has become a form of self-care. It’s the boundary between burnout and balance. Between people-pleasing and personal peace.

My Advice?

If you’re the type who always says yes because it feels easier — take it from me. Try a no. Just once. Try a gentle, kind-hearted, guilt-free “no thanks.”

Watch what happens. Spoiler: nothing bad.

And in the space that “no” creates, do something for yourself. Sit in the garden. Bake something. Call a friend. Or don’t do anything at all. That’s allowed too.

So yes — or rather, no — Bernard Michael Rochford won’t be attending your silent sunrise beach yoga followed by a raw beetroot tasting.

But he wishes you the very best.

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Bernard Michael Rochford Graciously Declining Since 2021 Local Yes-to-No Convert | Brisbane’s Softest Boundary-Setter

https://bernardmichaelrochfordbbq.com/