Masculinity: The Choice of the Shield or the Sword

Anam Cara and the Geis: Choosing the Shield over the Sword

Masculinity: The Choice of the Shield or the Sword

Some months ago, I answered a note on Substack asking, “How do you define masculinity?” My answer is the same as it was then:

Masculinity is a shield, not a sword.

It is the choice to collaborate, to protect, and to walk alongside a partner rather than ahead of or above them. I hold this belief because of a mother who fiercely and lovingly taught me the value of others. That lesson became my lifeline when I found myself raising four daughters who depended on me to keep the darkness at bay.

My daughters are grown with children of their own, my wife is beside me, and I still can’t guarantee there’s nothing scary hiding under the bed. I can stand guard and never leave them till they have a sweet dream.

To be a shield for four daughters and seven grandchildren is a heavy thing. It is a geis — a sacred obligation — that I carry gladly. It is the oath that holds my soul to theirs.

The Concept of the “Anam Cara” (Soul Friend)

In my stories, I often write of the geis — the sacred oath or taboo that binds a soul to a specific path. For me, the role of the Anam Cara is not just a soft friendship; it is a geis I have accepted. It is an oath that holds me by the soul to be the shield for my family. To lower that shield would not just be a failure of duty; it would be a breaking of my own spirit.

My perspective is rooted in my lifelong fascination with Celtic Mythology. In that tradition, the Anam Cara represents a bond that transcends the physical. For me, this frames masculinity not as a hierarchy of power, but as a commitment to being a “safe space” for another’s soul. A shield isn’t just for battle; it’s a roof in a storm.

To be an Anam Cara is to be the steady hand on the shield — a promise of a safe place for my wife, my daughters, and the grandchildren who follow. It is my way of standing watch.

Nuada and the Strength of Restoration

This is mirrored in the story of Nuada, once the King of the Tuatha Dé Danann. He lost his hand in battle and was removed as King because of the belief that a leader had to be “whole.”

His story focuses on his “silver hand” and his collaboration with the healer Dian Cecht. It shows that strength isn’t about being an unbreakable, lone sword; it’s about restoring function through support and community. For me, a leader’s strength is in his ability to be “mended” and continue shielding his people.

In a world of “swords,” I have chosen the “shield.”

Who is your Anam Cara?

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