IAD 2024

This is technically (and boy do I love technical details!) my third IAD. I passed the deadline, but yes, I thought about it all day.

This week a blogger friend asked me, “Why don’t you start a(n ace -related) Substack? You already write on Medium, couldn’t you assign yourself something weekly?”

First of all, all my blood sweat and nostralgic (combo word up for debate, sounds like a sinus problem) tears are going into the memoir I am writing, about trying to navigate all these relationships while not really knowing I was Ace. Yes, you’re probably in it. And it probably makes you look good. And for those of you whom it DOES not cast in a favorable light — I am taking a Memoir and Consent Seminar.

Second, of course I could develop opinions and share perspectives on things, but would anyone but .1 percent of my 1 percent read it? I don’t write for readers, I write to learn what I think. It’s SELFISH. Would assigning myself an ace-related blog weekly make me have to think about sex more than I want to? Because it’s not something that even drifts across my consciousness daily. Would it be WORK? Should it be WORK? Is it the kind of work I WANT to do?

That was something I always heard peripherally, about marriage. And then I heard it about sex, too. You have to WORK on it. But, do I? And do you have any idea the way it drains MY SOUL when I TRY TO?

Of course it’s still pervasive in our culture, but now, I can AVOID IT. Or at least experience it in a silo and then cleanse myself by watching Bluey. I don’t have to pretend it MEANS something.

I wish it was more acceptable to embrace the ephemeral. I think marriages should be more like car leases. I think maybe next were going to find out home ownership is a scam, too. Why do we have to tie everything to forever? Why do we have to set things in stone? We’re always nudging everyone to be IN THE MOMENT but all the rewards systems are set up for longevity.

What I was this IAD was honest.

It’s not the easiest thing in the world.