Why Are Brown Women Expected to “Prove” Our Womanhood Through Bindis, or Jewelry?

Why are brown people so obsessed with criticizing women who don’t wear a bindi or any jewelry… even when we’re literally just at home minding our business?

I’m a brown woman. My mom reminds me every single day that I “should” wear a bindi. According to her, not wearing one somehow makes me less of a woman. What level of patriarchal conditioning is that? I don’t hate bindis. I just don’t see why I should wear one inside my own house. And jewelry? I don’t like feeling uncomfortable at home, simple as that.

My relatives have repeated the same lines a million times: “You’re a woman, you should wear this.” “You shouldn’t wear that.” “Girls don’t look good without ornaments.”

Every time my grandmother visits, she takes one look at me and goes:

“Pombala pilla kazhuthula onnu illa, kai la onnu illa, kaal la onnu illa, nethi la pottu illa. Pombala pilla ipdi mottaiya irukka koodathu ma.” (“The girl has nothing on her neck, hands, legs, and no bindi. Girls shouldn’t be this plain.”)

And look, I don’t hate her. She was raised with those beliefs. She even bought me silver anklets, a bracelet, and a necklace so I’d wear them daily instead of keeping them locked up. I do wear them when I go out. I wear the anklets especially around her because it makes her happy.

But the question is… why should I feel obligated? I love wearing jewelry when I feel like it, when the mood is right, when the occasion fits. Not because I’m a woman and therefore required to decorate myself like a festival lamp.

Even jasmine garlands, the malli poo we wear to temples. Sometimes I wear them, sometimes I don’t. They tangle in my hair and yank strands out. But every time I skip it, I have to explain myself like I’m breaking tradition. And the same old lecture comes back:

“Girls shouldn’t skip jasmine. Women these days are too arrogant to listen.”

Or my aunts go, “Nee dha Lakshmi un veetukku. Neeye ipdi irundha epdi ma?” (“You’re the Lakshmi of the house, how can you be like this?”)

Trust me, I listened for years. I adjusted. I obeyed. Until one day I just stopped and asked myself: why?

Why is it always women who must carry culture? Why do only women have to uphold tradition? Why do men get the freedom to just exist without judgment?

I’m not asking for men to follow what women do. I’m asking for women to be given the same freedom men already have.

If men can live the way they want, why can’t women?

All I’m saying is: live and let live. If people simply did what they genuinely love and let others do the same, we’d all be living happier, healthier, and honestly, far more peaceful lives.