Beowulf in Pseudo-Limerick

The timeless classic of Norse Mythology retold in a little under 500 darkly funny words.

The Death of Beowulf by George Timothy

A couple of months ago, I wrote a somewhat humorous rewriting of The Iliad using AABBA in my best uneducated approximation of Lear-style limericks. The clash of high culture (epic poetry) and low culture (limericks) was too funny to pass up.

However, Norse mythology is much more melancholy than most Greek epics, and so while the first part is funny, the closing brought a friend of mine to tears, as should be expected by the source material. The Anglo-Saxons, much like their Celtic neighbors, loved a good lament.

The spear Danes were super great But Grendel did them hate And at their wondrous castle Did the monster endlessly hassle So to be the ultimate mate

Did Beowulf from Sweden come The the man who swam a ton Out-swimming sea monsters nine And having a right good time Yes he came to have some fun

And help out his fathers friend The king who would not bend Hrothgar the great was sad The murders had about driven him mad And to his land he did not tend

But Beowulf boasted of power And while some did glower Beowulf said they were weak Said Honor they didn’t seek Said no man called Beowulf coward

late at night after the feast was through Came Grendel angry and hungry too But Beowulf fought with arms of steel And denied the monster a meal Armless Grendel was left to rue

As he ran to his mama To complain about the trauma Of dying like a nitwit Against a Geat who was super fit That started even more drama

Cause Grendel’s mom was smart She wanted to strike the heart Of poor Hrothgar’s joy So she offed his ancient homeboy She was well versed in magic arts

And fled under the ranging sea Taunting come and get me Beowulf took one breath And decided again to cheat death He’d make the witch die

He fought her day after day His sword swinging away Until her head was cut off clean And he returned face lean And told Hrothgar the news gay

They sang and ate a bunch It was the biggest celebratory lunch And the bards sang many a tale While Beowulf drank his ale Waiting for fate to sucker punch

Life went on and on Beowulf saw many a dawn While friends died here and there And he was left alone to stare At his castle lawn

An aging king of Sweden old He was told of a dragon bold Whose treasure was taken away Just the other sunny day It wanted back its gold

Beowulf called his warriors around To stand to die on the ground But they all ran and hid To scared to do as he bid Beowulf took up shield round

And marched out to fight He had seen many a scary sight The dragons poison was vile And he was no longer that agile It was a bad deal alright

But one man ran to help He did shout and yelp Allowed Beowulf time to attack To hit like a raging wolf pack And turn the dragon into a whelp

He stood dying and told his man That he would not see him again And to Valhalla he left so fast To drink with Hrothgar again at last Dying honorable was always the plan

The funeral was big and bold It was the end of the era old They wailed and they did cry To know that Beowulf could die That’s how the story is told