Lesson Twelve: Your goals aren’t gods, they’re guides.

Divorce Expectations.

Date: 22/11/2025

Location: Here and there.

Noticeboard:

I’m sitting at the rooftop of some hotel, waiting to jump into the pool as I write this.

Life is really for the living.

Today’s special guest is Alan Mugenyi. Alan has this easy, witty style that feels light at first, but the more you read him, the more you realize how much depth he brings.

I hope you enjoy his piece just as much as I did reading it.

Let’s proceed..

Lesson Twelve: Your goals aren’t gods, they’re guides.

It’s midnight

31st December.

The new year is here, and you’re reviewing all the goals you had for the previous year.

Ticking off which ones you did and which ones get to be carried over to the next year. The latter being the majority.

Gain weight. Journal more. Run on the weekends.

Put that pen down.

And discard that templated title, “how to make 202…your best year.”

This year, or the next year, I want you to do something different instead.

I want you to take each day as it comes, instead of trying to calculate your next 90 days.

Do something spontaneous each day. You live for the spontaneity of life.

Have a lot of side quests; those make for the best stories.

If at the end of the year you’ve found that you’ve had the worst year possible, dig that planner up and have your goals written down….stat.

But I have a feeling you’ll have one of the best years you’ve had yet.

Message from Alan:

A funny thing happens when you pursue a better, happier life: you make goals and they become your gods. I think this is felt mostly by people who want to go to the gym and get in better shape. Hundreds of reels are thrown into your face with fitness influencers who have been in the game for ten years nonstop. You want to look like them by next Saturday because you’re going to the beach with some friends. “Try this diet.” “Don’t do this workout because you’ll get injured.” “Run twice a day to burn fat faster.” The tyranny of advice never ends.

Before you know it, you’ve become this slave to the “dream” body. I don’t know how much I can accuse social media for it, but all I can say is it’s not helping. I guess you have to do what you love about getting in shape and letting time do its thing.

This is how I fight my body dysmorphia.

I unsubscribed from the chaos of it because my inner critic is harsh enough about more serious things than belly fat. The version of me who tries to work out twice a day on a strict protein diet, burning out his will to live for 18% body fat needed to check with himself first. I asked myself: Am I training for a UFC fight? Do I plan to become a Calvin Klein model in the foreseeable future?

I calmed down and decided to enjoy the process.

I think we all lose the gist of life when we look at the destination more than the journey. I may sound corny, but it’s freeing. You can simply do things. You can just flirt for fun without the social anxiety. You can put on the cologne and nice shoes just to walk out and do normal errands. You can go to the cinema alone and look up the reviews online after. There’s no end in mind; we are just existing.

We betray ourselves when we marry the outcome.

Trevor Noah, on the Smartless podcast, when asked about the success of his biography Born A Crime and how it made him feel selling record numbers, said, “If you live by the numbers, you die by the numbers,” and that stayed with me. You’ll get what you want and feel that rush of adrenaline at the top of the rollercoaster, but you still have to come down for the next rush. Life is more bearable with structure, I agree. But your internal voice doesn’t shame you for being ignored or missing a job placement or not following through with “2025 Resolutions.” Your insecurities start to bore you, and you give yourself much more grace for what you’ve survived and endured — you’ve divorced from the expectations.

I recently watched a video on YouTube about body fat percentages from 50% up to 10% and I cured my dysmorphia on the spot. Life loses too much joy when we pursue the body standards influencers market to us. I don’t know about you, but giving up Snickers chocolate for good is where I draw the line. I am happy to do the runs and sit-ups for the feel-good endorphins as opposed to what my For You page demands that I may not necessarily want. I just enjoy the process.

Your goals aren’t gods; they are guides.

Find more of Alan’s articles here:

https://medium.com/@alanmugenyi