Comedic Story Of Kevin

Short Fiction

Photo by Kevin Snow on Unsplash

After three hours at the Grand Palace Hotel, Kevin’s wheels were starting to come off. With crystal chandeliers all over the place, marble floors so shiny you could check your hair, and gentle piano music wafting through the lobby to maintain the sense of luxury, the place looked like something from a movie. And then there was Kevin.

Nineteen-year-old and anxious, he stood behind the front desk with a brand-new uniform and an upside-down name tag that said KEVIN-GUEST SERVICES.

A businessman wearing a suit that most likely cost more than Kevin’s rust-bucket Honda walked in carrying three suitcases. Instantly, Kevin snapped into action.

“Greetings from the Grand Panic Hotel!” he exclaimed.

The man hesitated. “The Grand Palace Hotel?”

Kevin smiled, pretending to be confident. “Exactly.”

“You mentioned Grand Panic just now.”

He brushed it aside. “Identical management.”

The businessman looked alarmed.

Kevin began pounding on the keyboard. “Have you been raised from the dead?”

The man narrowed his eyes. “A what?”

“A resurrection,” Kevin repeated.

The businessman merely gazed at him.

The man said, “You mean a reservation?”

Kevin gestured. Yes, that’s it! Knew it started with an R.” He started hitting random keys, unintentionally changed the language setting twice, and eventually located the man’s reservation.

“Excellent news, sir. Your room is prepared.

The man seemed to unwind.

Kevin said, “You’ll be in Room 404.”

“Lovely.”

Kevin scowled at the display. “Not so beautiful, actually.”

“Why not?”

“There is no room 404.”

Horrified, the man gazed at him.

“Oh, wait. Wrong room, wrong joke. You’re in 504.

The visitor quickly left after grabbing his key, perhaps in an attempt to get away before things got any stranger.

However, the situation just became more chaotic.

Next up: a family of four came over. Kevin beamed.

“Good afternoon! Are you checking in or checking out?”

“Checking in,” the mom said.

“Great,” Kevin replied, glancing at their little boy. “And is this your luggage?”

Complete quiet. The youngster appeared ecstatic, but the parents were offended.

“Mom! He considers me to be luggage!

The toddler pretended to be a suitcase for the next five minutes as Kevin made an unsuccessful attempt to explain himself.

Then an old woman rolled up. “Where’s the elevator, young man?”

Full of self-assurance, Kevin gestured down a corridor. “Right through those doors, ma’am.”

After thanking him and leaving, she reappeared five minutes later, appearing irritated.

She remarked, “That wasn’t the elevator.”

“What was it?” inquired Kevin.

“The broom closet.”

He looked. Sure enough. He laughed, “Well, at least it goes up to the ceiling.”

She didn’t find it funny.

Kevin was in charge of the phones around midday. His first call came from Room 512.

“Hello,” a guest said, “the air conditioner isn’t working.”

Kevin wrote it down as “mechanic,” or so he believed. The phone rang once again ten minutes later.

“WHY IS A MAGICIAN IN MY ROOM?”

Kevin studied his notes. “Magician” was what he had written.

The visitor continued to yell. “He’s pulling rabbits out of a hat!”

Kevin winced. “So, is he repairing the air conditioner?”

“No!”

“I’ll remember that.”

Soon later, a second visitor called. “My bathroom has a leak.”

Kevin assured me that assistance was on its way. She barged into the lobby twenty minutes later.

“A lifeguard was sent to me!”

He looked at his clipboard, and sure enough, “lifeguard” rather than “plumber.” The lifeguard had arrived with a flotation ring and swim trunks. That cannot be made up.

The strangeness only increased.

Time for room service. Kevin was given a nice tray by the chef. “Go to Room 801 with this.”

“Yes, of course.”

Kevin knocked five minutes later. A female responded. “Room service.”

Grinning, she opened the lid. Nothing was present. She gave Kevin a look.

“Where is the food?”

Kevin gazed at the tray. at the cover. Looking back at the tray. “Oh.”

“Oh, what do you mean?”

“It appears that I delivered the lid.”

The actual lunch? I’m still in the kitchen.

The hotel restaurant was full by nightfall. Kevin was instructed to seat individuals. A couple arrived. “Please have a table for two.”

With assurance, Kevin led them forward inside a wedding celebration. Kevin marched in while the bride was in the middle of her speech. “Your seats are here.”

The couple sat down and the bride stopped talking. Everyone was staring. The groom whispered, “Who are they?” The couple whispered back, “We thought this was the restaurant.” Kevin quietly backed out, trying to disappear.

Right before midnight, his boss asked for one simple task: an announcement over the intercom. “Just remind guests breakfast starts at seven.”

Kevin picked up the mic. “Attention guests. Breakfast is from 7:00 a.m. until…”

He paused. “…until the eggs give up.”

People looked at each other in confusion.

He carried on. “We have bacon, toast, coffee, and several foods that are technically fruit.”

The manager’s eyes got big.

“And remember — the swimming fool — ” He stopped. “Pool.”

The manager buried his face in his hands. Kevin wasn’t done. “If there’s a fire, stay calm and follow the nearest alligator.”

The manager lunged for the mic. “You mean EXIT!”

Kevin nodded. “Yeah, definitely exit. Unless the alligator knows the way.”

Ten minutes later, Kevin was in the manager’s office. Mr. Harrison looked wiped out. His tie was crooked, hair sticking up, and he seemed ten years older since that morning.He opened a notebook. “Kevin, today you greeted people at the Grand Panic Hotel.”

Kevin nodded. “Yep.”

“You asked if customers had resurrections.”

“Correct.”

“You sent a magician to fix an air conditioner.”

“Technically, he fixed morale.”

“You guided an elderly woman into a broom closet.”

“Honest mistake.”

“You delivered a room-service lid.”

Kevin thought. “It was a decent lid.”

Mr. Harrison closed his notebook.

“Kevin.”

“Yes, sir?”

“In one day you’ve confused guests, staff, housekeeping, maintenance, room service, restaurant customers, and probably local wildlife.”

Kevin tried a hopeful smile. “So… am I getting better?”

The manager stared at him for a while. Finally, he sighed.

“Kevin, you’re not one mistake away from disaster anymore.”

“Oh?”

“No. Disaster is now following you around, taking notes.”

Out in the hotel somewhere, that magician was still trying to fix an air conditioner.

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