There’s No Tomorrow

There’s No Tomorrow

College to many is like the Heian period to the Japanese Literature — A golden age. It is deemed as the most crucial part of your pre-professional years; and here I am, an incoming freshman with absolutely no clue as to what I really want and what my heart desires to pursue. I don’t want to waste your time so if you’re in a rush, I just want to tell you that there is no tomorrow.

I lived my childhood and my early school years trying to meet everyone’s expectation. I was never at the tip of the iceberg but as far as I know, I am one of the clump of ice near it. I was never the best but I always found myself around “top” students. I have disregarded my passion for anything and dedicated my life to living up to the label of “smart”, “obedient”, and “nice” and here I am now, pondering if it was all worth it.

Well the answer is “No”. But the thing is I realized that too late. I am now a generic boring loser who listens to Mac Demarco all day whose highest perception of himself is “smart”. It’s embarrassing for me to even call myself smart because I genuinely know that I am not but I am spoon-fed such identity and ambition throughout my life so I can’t help myself but call myself that. Besides, if not for my academic achievements, if not for the blood and sweat shed throughout my childhood, who am I?

No one, like any other normal person to any other normal person. Believe me, it is not that bad and fulfilling everyone else’s prophecy for you is the most soul-exhausting act you could do to yourself; A great sin to you and your life to me.

Now when my relatives ask me what I’m going to take up on college, I would mutter something along the lines of medicine, engineering, or something noble. But if I’m being honest to myself, I just want to drive bus and have people thanking me as they get off my company-given vehicle. But now I don’t even know what to do, what to take, and what to be.

The average human life spans from 72 to 73 years old, and let me tell you this. It only takes a few presidential term to lose yourself.

Follow what your heart desires, as trivial as it sounds, do it before it’s late. If you keep clinging to the idea of “I can always do those things in the future, when I’m old and rich.”, you will soon find fragments of your passion on your palms and you will realize that you have evolved to something else. Not you with the same deep love for your interests, but a new you with shallow wants for you can’t grasp the feeling of having real passion for anything.

I am not saying to throw your life away to be free and stupid, to do everything you want and disregard your responsibilities as a child, a student, and a member of society. But don’t sacrifice your passion for other people’s expectation and your thought that there will always be some time in the future.

If your hand feels like painting, pick up a paintbrush; if your ears feel like embracing the harmony of music, pick up an instrument; if your body longs for training and intense exhaustion; play a sport; and if your heart desires to meet new people, go out and socialize. But by all means, follow your passion and walk the path your soul truly wishes to take.

I have not given up on myself and I know there is some hope for me to restore that same burning feeling I had when I was a kid before it was gradually extinguished. But I don’t want anyone else to feel the same emptiness as I am feeling whenever passion and future is the talk of the table.

I lied, there is always tomorrow — or at least I think for it would suck if I actually never reclaim my passion for anything. Life shouldn’t be “suffer now, enjoy later”. It ought to be a struggling forces of both from your first breath to last blink. What matters in the end is you did everything for you and you had no regret of giving up something for something else that you never chose for yourself. Touch the deepest depths of your soul, for once that ability fades — There will be truly no tomorrow.